My dear child...do come in, make yourself at home there. Yes...look, in my crystal ball...there do you see it? the donkey? It is the sign of a traitor! My my, the joyous vegetable...troubled times are ahead! and...what is this? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh!!!!! oh, it's only a labrador. GET OFF MY LEG...stupid creature you little...sorry. Where was I? Oh yes THE GRIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Harry looked at the mad old bag with one eyebrow raised, then he did a double take, it was a bag sitting the chair, it was in fact.......PROFESSOR TRELAWNEY'S SHOPPING! Another completely mad old bag entered at that minute (I'm of course referring to professor Trelawney, not the "Tesco" bags) . She was leading the rest of the Gryffindors with her and she was holding......a TEACUP!!
"We're going to read the Tea Leaves" Squealed Parvati Patil.
"That's what you think!" Said Professor Trelawney in a deep and masculine tone. "But I am.....rather thirsty so we're just going to have a little tea party."
"Ooooohooo!" Squeaked Ron with glee " I love tea and cakes, bagsy I get a fondant fancy!"
Everyone turned to look at him.
"OOOO! FONDANT FANCIES! I want a pink one!" Said Dean "What?" he turned to everyone...."They're Strawberry flavoured!"
Everyone crowded round.
"Professor Trelawney, won't you have one of these delightful madeira and rum slices?" Said Seamus, offering the plate.
"No, Samuel...for I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!!!"
Everybody stopped and stared open-mouthed in disbelief.
"No you're not" said Neville, "You're Gilderoy Lockhart"
"Oh nuts" said Lockhart, "I was hoping you wouldn't notice, I was wearing coloured contacts aswell!"
"Now I must wipe all of your memories" With a swish of his wand all the Gryffindors were reduced to ashes and the fondant fancies were slightly charred if not ruined.
As for Lockhart......who knows?