Title: The Lake Trout, The Whitefish and The Wooden Boat
Rating: T for Language and Sexual Themes
Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Charlie/Billy "friendship"
Spoiler Warning: There's a very slight Breaking Dawn Spoiler in here.
Summary: On one of Charlie and Billy's many fishing trips. The men have ADD. They eat fish fried fish, ramble, eat pudding. Oh yeah and Billy Plagiaries the great works of C.S. Lewis.
For my Baby-O who I promised a Peter/Edmund angstfree story instead I wrote this, hopefully at least you'll find this humorous 'cause I'm guessing must of this jokes will go over everyone else's none Fish Fried head. And I swear I'll get to that fanfiction soonish ;)
Out on a small broke ass wooden boat somewhere up north sat two long time "Friends".
"So my salty darling, where did I leave off yesterday before the "fish" started biting?" Billy Black asked while nursing his sixteenth beer of the mourning disparately trying to rinse his mouth of last nights "catfish".
"Oh... you were at the part were those handsome children had just been thrown back into that awful train tunnel. How you thought up this genius story I'll never know, you should publish it. Then maybe we could get a new less crappy boat." Charlie said as he squinted at the raven haired beauty sitting beside him, he truly didn't know how he could be so blessed to have such a stunning best friend.
Uh Umm Billy chocked on his Bud Light trying to find words "This is a thousand year old family story passed on from Great-Uncle to Uncle."
"You mean your people knew about the War, Hitler for all those years before hand and did nothing to stop it?" Charlie asked stunned.
"Well of course we tired to stop it, but come on my little Walleye who would really believe us?" Billy said trying to cover up his stupidity.
Charlie still shall shocked by the bomb Billy had just drop "I guess I can understand that my little Black Bullhead. You know Bella once wrote a paper on WW2 that got two gold stars, she whined for a week because that nasty pale Cullen didn't give her the topaz fingering ring gift he promised if she got a good mark. I swear I don't see what she sees in that pale fellow when there's a beautifully bronzed beef cake of a boy after her heart." Charlie rambled thinking about what he'd make for dinner tonight completely forgetting the whole "Could have saved Millions of People" thing.
"That boy of mine sure is beefing up, soon he'll be able to open the souse can all on his own hell maybe even the mustered too. But maybe I should tell him to lay off those Fish Fried Banana Twin Cakes for awhile don't want him getting pudgy on me, wouldn't want him looking like a fattie on the milk cartons" Billy laughed.
"Milk Cartons...?"
"Ummm Uhh yeah he's in the handy crafts class at the local Y taught by that cookie Lola Boyland. You know she makes them stick photos on everything! That damn tacky glue she shoves down their throats costs me a damn pretty penny I swear! And the pens my God I don't know what that damn boy does with them damn pens" Billy lied forgetting Charlie wasn't in on the great Running Away/Beef Cakenapping scam that Jacob was cooking up.
"Well my Bella uses up those Dora The Explorer scented boxes of Kleenexes like a sneezey old man. When I asked her if she wanted me to pick something up for her Allergies she just laughed and said all she needs is a Waterproof Thumping Bunny whatever the hell that is I asked the girl at Wallgreens where I could find one, that damn girl must have been crazy 'cause she said she'd pepper spray me if I didn't get ten feet away from her" Charlie laughed
"Them damn crazy teenagers with their damn pepper spray, I can't believe you bought some of that nasty shit for Bella" Billy said disgusted by the seer thought of that god awful spray.
"Well my little Black Marlin I can't help it if she wants to fit in with them damn stone cool cold Cullens can I? All of them keep at least three cans on their belts at all times. Damn rich handsome Cullens I swear I hate 'em! Anytuna weren't you going to finish your story about that Lion and Prince? You got to tell me did those darling kids ever get back to Nar-Ni-A?" Charlie asked on the edge of his splintery seat.
"Your in for a great treat my little Vermilion Snapper. Them damn kids did find a damn way back well most of 'em..." Billy started the story trying his best to remember everything about the third book which he hadn't read in a damn good 15 years.