Summary: Yes, James Potter was indeed seduced by a pink sweater with pink, green, and rainbowed cotton balls on it. I never thought I would see the day. Neither did the entire Common Room.

Disclaimer: Jo owns it, but I take credit for the sweater, you all get one for you birthday.

Monsters From the Closet of Hideous Rejected Yarn

a Siriusly Klutzy story.

"That is the ugliest sweater in the history of ugly Christmas sweaters," Alice said, muffling a giggle as I pulled on the repulsive sweater that Petunia had gotten me for Christmas over my head.

Let me get one thing straight. I did not want to wear this sweater. When I got it, I specifically said that, "There is no way in hell I'm ever going to wear this sweater. Ever." This is not by choice.

Okay, it's by choice a little bit. What else is there to do the Saturday after Christmas? No homework to work on, it isn't a Hogsmade weekend, and I don't have prefect duties.

So we decided which of us had the ugliest sweater.

Mine happened to be a nice bright pink. It had, I kid you not, light green lace along the hem and sleeves, and the world's biggest collar. Not only that, but the thing had cotton balls on it. Cotton balls! Some were pink, some were green, and some were rainbow. Rainbow. I'm dead serious.

I out beat Alice's sweater (a light brown, too small with purple and yellow polka dots) by a mile.

"Where in the world did she get that ... that thing?" Alice asked, horrified as I pranced around the dorm.

"She probably made it," I said with a snort. "Petunia never was the creative one."

Alice laughed. "Mine looks halfway decent compared to that. Hell, I'd got out in public in it, if I were standing next to you the entire time."

"You'd want to be seen with me in this thing?" Alice is funny.

That is, until her eyes light up, of course, and I can just tell that she has something evil in her mind. Something horrible. Something that no one on Earth should ever speak of!

With a smirk she says, "You want to embarrass James Potter?" Apparently I was wrong.

Brilliant!

"Brilliant!" I shouted. I jumped up and one of the cotton balls fell off. It was a rainbow one, so who cares? "How?"

"Seduce him," she says with a simple smile.

"That's not fun."

"It is if you're wearing that sweater!" She pointed to my sweater. "Come on, Lily. No guy would ever be able to live down the day that he was seduced by a... a sweater that looks like someone threw up on it."

I pondered this, and she had a very good point.

"Do you want to change out of that hideous thing so that Frank doesn't have a nervous breakdown?" Poor, dear Frank would, too.

Alice quickly pulled off her sweater and threw on a t-shirt before we made our way down to the Common Room.

I was expecting everyone to automatically turn towards the stairway as I made my way through. You know what I mean? It would be like if I had sent out a memo so that they all knew to look at the door at, erm, 7:58.
No one looked up except a rather jumpy third year who jolts at every possible noise. But she immediately went back down to her work after seeing no threat. Alice came up behind me, laughing like mad. I put a finger up to my lips, signaling for her to be quiet. She covered her mouth, but continued laughing.

As gracefully as I could (which was not so graceful, this thing itched!) I made my way into the Common Room. Honestly, how could no one notice this obnoxious, bright pink, cotton ball covered sweater? That and Alice's muffled laughter should be enough to get anyone's attention.

I strode over to James Potter. He was sitting over at a table by the window with his Potions book open. I see the Marauders had nothing better to do tonight either. Trying not to gag, I pushed his book away and tossed it to the floor.

Do you know how hard it is to push James Potter's Potions book without erupting into fits of snorts and unattractive giggles? Because it's really hard. I had to hold my breath for a minute, and you know the risk of that! What if you let go and then some even worse sound comes out? It would ruin the seduction process!

When he saw me getting rid of the book, he looked up and grinned. "Why hello there, love."

I grinned as seductively as I could, and prayed that there wasn't any, I don't know, licorice wand bits in my teeth. We were eating those before we came down.

Sirius was the first to notice the sweater (if you can call it that). "What the bloody hell is that?"

Then James noticed.

He kind of looked like a cat wanting to hack up a hairball, but recovered quickly. Clearing his throat, he said, "That's an interesting sweater, Lily."

I leaned an arm on the back of his chair and maneuvered myself to be facing him. "Isn't it, though?" I grinned. "My sister made it for me."

His eyebrows shot up into his hair, which I found very amusing.

Sirius started laughing. "Are... are you sure she's not a witch, Lily? Because that's the worst bit of accidental magic that I've ever- Ow! Hey!" I laughed to myself as Remus elbowed Sirius in the ribs. There were some giggles from around the Common Room. Most of the attention was on us now.

"That's a very... bright sweater," Remus commented. He was trying to be nice, such a sweetie. "Your sister has... some talent, I see."

"You like it? Would you like me to have her make you one?" I smiled whereas his faded. Quickly. "In fact, I'm sure she'd be happy to make all of you one!"

As if. Petunia wouldn't waste her time, but I thought it was a reasonable threat to make.

"I... I think you're the only person who could make that sweater look that er... smashing," James said in a strangled voice.

"You think so?" I asked, looking over to him with wide eyes. I smiled and sat on the table. "Because I really don't know if I like it."

"Why don't I just take that off for you then?" James asked mischievously. Damn, that boy is too quick-witted. He went from awkward as all hell about the sweater, to a pervy sixteen year old in a matter of milliseconds!

I gaped, realizing that my seduction had worked too well.

"I don't think that will be necessary!" I squeaked, jumping off the table and running over to steal Alice from Frank.

"You sure?" I heard him call as I pulled Alice to the stairs.

"Positive!" I replied, sprinting up the stairs.

When we got to the safety of the dorm, I looked up at Alice, panting. "That was not fun," I pointed out.

"No, not much like I anticipated," Alice said glumly. "Lily!"

I jumped. "What?"

Alice started laughing like a loon. "All of your cotton balls fell off!"

A/n: I'm back! I know, it's been a while. Almost two weeks, I think. Anyway, I told my friend (Spontaneous Insanity) this and she goes, "Am I supposed to find this shocking? Because honestly, you might has well have told me that you were breathing." I believe she's implying that I write a lot of one shots.

I hope you liked this! It was kind of random, and no one was really in character, I spose. But I'm taking dibs of their personalities for this one so they were in character. So ha. (But honestly, when would you ever see Lily seduce James but in one of a random fic I write because I don't want to do homework?)

Alright, enough of an author's rant for today!

Don't forget to review! I have midterms soon and I need the lovin'!

Much love, and your own lovely Lily sweater,

Siriusly Klutzy