The disclaimer saying that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters has taken off for Hollywood! Just another fun fic from me!
X-Tra Tainment Tonight
"Hey Lance are we doing a show tonight?" Todd asked as he watched the television.
"No, why?" Lance asked.
"Because we're on local access TV," Todd pointed.
"Welcome to X-Tra Tainment Tonight! The mutant show with the real story on what's going on!" Scott Summers said cheerfully on television. "Tonight we'll tell you what goes on in the Brotherhood House and expose them for the lying degenerates they are!"
"What the…?" Lance blinked.
"Looks like they're trying to rip off of our show," Pietro said. "Hey! Wait a minute! They can't do that!"
"Yeah if anyone is gonna steal something or rip something off it's gonna be us!" Todd snapped. "That's copyright infringement yo!"
"Oh yeah get out the lawyers," Lance rolled his eyes.
"Lance this is totally wrong!" Pietro bristled. "Those geeks trying to act like us is against the laws of nature!"
"What do you mean?" Lance asked.
"Think about it," Pietro said. "We're the Brotherhood. The hoods. The losers. The guys who have no problems getting down and dirty to do whatever it takes. And the X-Men are…Well, not us."
"Duh," Todd groaned.
"No! The X-Men are goody goodies who go out and save the day and help old ladies and rescue kittens in trees!" Pietro snapped. "They don't do this!"
"Here's a video of Quicksilver dancing around in his underwear," Scott said happily.
"Won't you take me to…Funkytown!" Pietro sang and danced around in his underwear in the living room.
"This is so wrong," Pietro groaned. "This is so completely wrong."
"I'll say," Todd blinked. "That picture makes you look fat yo."
"IT DOES NOT!" Pietro snapped. "How did they get that video anyway?"
"Probably the same thing we did and bribed Jamie," Fred waved.
"No, that's an older video," Lance looked at the tape. "Hey that was taken two years ago!"
"How do you know that?" Todd asked.
"Because the living room in the video has fewer holes in it than it does now," Lance pointed around him.
"Oh yeah," Fred noticed. "Now I remember this video! Tabby made it and showed it to us one night when you were out Pietro."
"Yeah you can tell because that was before Pyro set fire to the couch," Todd nodded. "And the ceiling. And the wallpaper and…You get the point."
"Where is Pyro anyway?" Lance looked around. "I haven't smelled smoke in over a week."
"Oh Father borrowed him for some kind of mission," Pietro waved. "I didn't ask. I was just relieved that the house would be free from smoke damage for a while."
"Hey here's that video of when Lance tried to serenade Kitty dressed as a knight and knocked himself out!" Todd laughed.
"Oh look and here's you getting knocked out the last time we tried to attack the X-Mansion!" Lance pointed. "Right in the mud which is an improvement for you."
"Aw man," Todd groaned. "And now they're showing when the Weather Witch tried to fry me!"
"YEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!" A girlish scream was heard from the television.
"And got Pietro instead," Todd grinned.
"Lucky shot," Pietro glared at Todd. "And she only grazed me!"
"What's going on?" Wanda asked as she walked in.
"X-Geeks taking a page outta our book and trying to humiliate us on TV," Lance told her.
"Why? You guys humiliate yourselves better than anyone I know," Wanda scoffed. "Whoa Blob is that your underwear?"
"Oh great! They're rerunning that clip of those scientists checking out my drawers!" Blob groaned. "This is totally humiliating!"
"Oh yeah like the whole world didn't already see them when we got outed a year ago!" Wanda gave him a look.
"If this is the best the X-Geeks can come up with I'm not worried," Pietro snickered. "Video of stupid stuff that we've already seen? Please! There are reality shows that are built on better stunts than that!"
"Yeah the Brotherhood has been humiliated way worse than this," Todd snorted. He then looked at Fred. "You know dude I think you lost weight."
"No, but the camera does add ten pounds," Pietro quipped. "Or in the Blob's case ten thousand pounds."
"Oh look here's some more footage of us looking like idiots," Lance groaned.
"It was one of our puppet shows," Todd said. "How does that make us look like idiots?"
"Yeah how?" Fred asked.
"I can't believe I live with these people," Wanda groaned.
"Hey look at that video of Pietro in a Magneto costume!" Todd snickered. "That's funny!"
"That's a lie! That never happened!" Pietro stood up. "They made that up! I never said or did that! They probably made it up in the Danger Room with one of their simulations!"
"You're saying that now the X-Men are using holographic technology to make us look even dumber than we are?" Lance asked. "Won't Xavier be thrilled that his money is being put to good use."
"This is outrageous!" Pietro snapped. "Why can't we do stuff like this?"
"Because we don't have a Danger Room," Lance counted off. "We don't have holographic technology. We don't have the money for those things…Do I have to continue or can you connect the dots on your own?"
"Pietro's lying," Wanda said. "He pretends he's Father all the time. He did it when we were little."
"How do you know that?" Pietro snapped.
"Because I was the one who made that tape they're showing right now," Wanda said. "Oh now they're showing a tape of Lance making a fool of himself over Kitty again."
"Where did you get that horse and that suit of armor?" Fred asked.
"Don't ask," Lance groaned.
"Hey look at this video of Pyro," Todd snickered. "Remember when you dressed up like a giant pineapple Pietro and chased him around the house?"
"Yeah and remember when he got his lighter and used it on him?" Wanda snickered. "Like that?"
"AAHHHHHHHHH!"
"That was a fun day," Fred grinned. "Hey what's this next one?"
"I don't remember seeing this tape," Lance blinked. "Who's the old guy in the leather outfit?"
"Oh no…" Pietro gasped. "How did they find that tape? I promised Father I'd keep it under wraps!"
"What do you mean?" Wanda asked. "Who's that lizard woman with him? I've never seen that mutant…WHOA!"
"We're certainly seeing a lot of her now," Todd's eyes widened. "Are they…?"
"Yeah," Lance grinned. "Finally this show is getting good!"
"Oh no it's not! It's bad! Really bad!" Pietro groaned.
"So it's an old geezer in a leather costume getting it on with some lizard mutant woman? Keep an open mind," Fred told him. "Back on the farm…"
"Blob not now!" Pietro shouted.
"I didn't know you could…do it like that," Wanda tilted her head.
"You can do it a lot of ways," Todd said. "I once stole this book that described all these positions and…"
"If you complete that sentence I will hex you into next week!" Wanda glared at him.
"Shutting up now," Todd said.
"STOP THE VIDEO!" Scott shouted. The video stopped and the images of shocked X-Men were shown. "What kind of video was that? Which member of the Brotherhood was that?"
"Uh Scott…" Jean blinked. "That wasn't one of the Brotherhood."
"Huh?" Scott blinked. He was still in shock.
"That looks like Senator Grimblegramble," Rogue agreed. "Kurt where did you get this?"
"It was in a group of tapes that we swiped when Tabitha and I teleported to the Brotherhood house," Kurt said.
"Tabitha?" Scott asked.
"Who do you think told me about the video stash the Brotherhood keep hidden and helped me find it?" Kurt gave him a look.
"Oh yeah there's a note I found on that tape," Tabitha showed them. "I just put it in my pocket and forgot about it."
Scott took the note out of an envelope and read it. "Quicksilver I need you to hide this video and the contents for me. It was given to me in a show of good faith by Xavier. He had one of his operatives film this so we can use it against any push for a mutant registration bill. Wait…WHAT?"
"Professor X got this tape and knew about it?" Kitty was stunned.
"Wait a minute then that means…" Kurt realized. "Oh dear…"
"Oh great," Pietro groaned. "Magneto is gonna kill me!"
"Oh well then this isn't a total loss," Wanda said cheerfully.
Three days later…
"It is with a heavy heart that I am resigning from my office in the senate," Senator Grimblegramble spoke in front of a huge crowd of reporters. "I have made a huge, huge mistake and have dishonored my family, my country…and the Senate. And because of that mistake…I have allowed the integrity of our government to be compromised."
"That's not the only thing that was compromised," Hank groaned. Many of the X-Men were sitting in the living room with the Brotherhood.
"Before we leave I would like to make an announcement," The Senator's wife quickly grabbed the microphone. "I am now announcing that I will be divorcing my husband and he will hurt a lot more after I take his cheating behind to the cleaners! In fact the pain he feels in his heart will be nothing compared to the pain he feels after I hit him repeatedly with my purse which is filled with batteries!"
"Finally we're getting to the good part," Todd said cheerfully.
"OW! OW! OW! DARLING! PLEASE!" The Senator cried out in pain.
"DON'T YOU DARLING ME YOU PIG!" His wife screamed. "TAKE THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT!"
"OW! STOP! OW! STOP IT!" The Senator screamed like a girl. "WHY IS NO ONE STOPPING THIS? STOP TAKING PICTURES AND HELP ME HERE!"
"WHY? YOU'RE NOT GETTING OFF ON IT BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT PAYING FOR IT?" His wife shouted.
"Now this is great television," Pietro cackled.
"Yeah, wonderful," Jean groaned.
"And that's the scene on Capitol Hill," A female news anchor spoke. "I'm Diane Chenoski. The shocking revelations of Senator Grimblegramble's sex life and his involvement with mutants have rocked the Senate to the core. Already an emergency recall has been started in his district. And this surprising announcement from former Bayville High School Principal and former mayoral candidate Edward Kelly."
"This country has allowed corruption, sex scandals and the dangerous behavior of mutants to run rampant for far too long!" Kelly said. "Therefore I am announcing my intention to run for Senate and to push the Senate for strong mutant registration and mutant control laws! With your help we can take back this country and make the United States of America great once more!"
A rousing cheer came up from a huge crowd of supporters. "Oh boy…" Scott groaned. "This is not good."
"According to recent polls it seems that Edward Kelly is a shoo in for the Senator's seat," Diane said. "He is running unopposed thanks to the only other competent challenger for the Republicans is currently in the hospital recovering from being poisoned. He ingested some unknown toxin after eating a batch of cookies…"
"Kitty you didn't…" Bobby whined.
"Hey don't blame me for this!" Kitty snapped. She glared at Jean. "Is there something you want to say Jean?"
"I just wanted to lend him our support," Jean winced. "But to be fair I used Kitty's recipe."
"How is shifting the blame to me fair?" Kitty snapped.
"Next time why don't you two support Kelly?" Rogue snapped.
"Oh boy…" Kurt winced. "We really blew this one didn't we?"
"What do you mean we?" Pietro snapped.
"No, I meant we as in the X-Men," Kurt said.
"Oh well in that case yeah you're right," Pietro nodded.
"How did this happen?" Scott asked. "We're the X-Men! We're supposed to make the world a better place to live in and bring humans and mutants together! It's you Brotherhood guys that are supposed to cause chaos!"
"That's what happens when you screw around with the laws of nature yo," Todd shook his head. "Actually mostly because that senator screwed…"
"We get the picture Toad," Jean interrupted.
"Actually you showed everyone all the pictures…" Lance snickered. "And the video. Which your Professor had made!"
"This is definitely not our finest hour…" Hank sighed.
"I dunno I think you guys showed some real potential," Lance smiled. "I mean you guys did bring down a state senator and helped get that nice call girl a recording contract."
"Yeah but we also practically gave Edward Kelly a seat in the Senate where he's going to make his personal attack on mutants go national!" Kitty groaned. "He's going to rally support for laws against mutants and he might actually succeed! He's already calling for a mutant registration law and he's getting major support from both Republicans and Democrats. It could actually pass by next year!"
"Wow, you guys really did blow it didn't you?" Fred blinked.
"You're right," Scott groaned. "We really did mess up. We tampered with the laws of nature and it bit us in the ass. We're not supposed to act like deranged lunatics! You are! By acting like the Brotherhood we became the Brotherhood and now we're paying for it."
"Well to be fair we kind of started the whole thing by acting like you a little," Todd patted Scott on the back. "The Brotherhood acting like X-Men! Hoo! That was a mistake!"
"How exactly did you act like us?" Jean gave him a look. "I kind of missed that part."
"Jean, don't…" Kurt stopped her. "Just give it to them all right?"
"Yeah and Professor X and the other adults are gonna give it to us when they get back from Washington," Bobby groaned.
"Magneto wasn't exactly thrilled with this whole thing either," Pietro rolled his eyes. "I could hear him banging his helmet against a wall and crying 'Why? Why? Why?'. Then again I could also hear Pyro burning things and singing in the background so it probably wasn't a good time to call anyway."
"That's not a bad idea," Hank walked away. "I think I'll do that. Banging my head against the wall sounds like an excellent way to clear out the mental cobwebs. Or knock myself into oblivion. Whichever comes first."
"I am so not looking forward to going to school tomorrow," Kitty moaned.
"Thank goodness we got expelled," Fred said to Todd.
"By the way things are going, we might end up getting expelled too," Kurt groaned. "I am actually looking forward to that."
"If that happens we can always spend our afternoons hanging out," Todd said. "Hey I just got some new games. We can play 'em."
"Why not?" Kurt shrugged. "Come on, I got that new game with the mutant alien bunnies."
"Cool," Todd hopped away with him to go play it.
"Kitty, Jean…You know I picked up a few cooking skills from Freddy," Wanda said. "If you want some help we could teach you a few things."
"Please help," Kitty groaned. "I'm failing home ec. Not that there's any teacher at Bayville High who will teach the class anymore…"
"I can't believe Xavier was a part of this," Scott was still in shock.
"Yeah like he's never kept secrets from you before," Lance rolled his eyes and helped him to the kitchen. "Come on Summers let's see if we can find his liquor stash."
"Okay…" Scott said in a disconcerted voice.
"This is gonna be fun to watch," Pietro grinned.
"You bet," Bobby grinned. "I gotta get my camera!" The two boys went to get it.
"Great we're getting along with the Brotherhood!" Rogue groaned. "If this isn't a sign of the Apocalypse I don't know what is!"