And lo and behold! My first satirical comedy begins! No flaming, criticism is appreciated. I don't own Pokemon, If i did then every second word I'd say would be money. Anyway the first chapter is basically introducing you to the whole fic. Rated M for excessive language, sexual references, drug references(not that many in this chapter), themes, violence(not so much here), crude humor and pretty much the whole batch.
The PLAYER gets out his old Gameboy, complete with Hello Kitty stickers and a mysterious gooey solution on it. Slotting in Pokemon Red he turns on the magic box-rectangle-whatever and begins the game.
GAMEBOY: YOU HAVE JUST LOST THE GAME
PLAYER: What?
GAMEBOY: YOU HAVE IMMEDIATLEY MISLAID THE PASTIME
PLAYER: That makes even less sense!
GAMEBOY: THE NEXT WORD YOU SAY AND YOU HAVE PERMANENTLY LOST THE GAME
PLAYER: This is bulls***!
GAMEBOY: You save file has been deleted, congratulations. *beep*
PLAYER: TT_TT
GAMEBOY: Congratulations, son. You have initiated the secret part of Pokémon Red. Now you'll be able to enjoy the full potential of the game!
PLAYER: :D
GAMEBOY: By becoming part of it.
PLAYER: D:
GAMEBOY zaps PLAYER inside game.
GAMEBOY: Men, commence operation Desert Storm.
This tale of negligible triumph over good and evil…waiiiiiiiit. I screwed that up, can we retake? I mean seriously! Hey WAIT! Don't just cut me off like the Sopra-
*Insert teeny bopper theme song here*
SOME OLD MAN appears on a magic circular platform surrounded by random colors. Has someone been taking drugs?
SOME OLD MAN: I have bestowed upon you the gift of life my son. Use it well.
TRAINER: What the hell am I doing here?!?! I was just about to play this on my gameboy!
SOM: …
PLAYER: SERIOUSLY! What the f*** just happened? I have dinner at five!
SOM: You have dinner at five?
TRAINER: That's not the point! Why the f*** am I in this game!?!?!?!
SOM: My son, may you go in peace out into the world and entrap these creatures.
TRAINER: HEY! Are you trying to get rid of me!?
SOME OLD MAN ignores him points to something that looks like the love child of a purple bunny and rhino.
TRAINER: Interesting description author…
AUTHOR: DON'T YOU F***ING BREAK THE FOURTH WLL YOU A***OLE.
SOM: And you must entrap them, in BALLS!
TRAINER: I KNOW THAT! I've been doing it for the past ten years!
SOM glares at TRAINER.
TRAINER: Plus, why the hell are you SOME OLD MAN? Don't you have a name! I'm not calling you SOM…
SOM: TRAINER…I AM YOUR FATHER.
TRAINER: It's the first chapter, do we really need a Star Wars joke?
AUTHOR: He is your father…
TRAINER: Wha? Huh? I'm freaking ten! And he's like *checks Wikipedia* fifty!
SOM: Meh, I started late.
TRAINER is unwittingly teleported into the middle of his room with a massive headache. Wondering what the f*** happened last night.
TRAINER: What the f*** happened last night.
VOICE: Yoohoo.
TRAINER turns around to see…
TRAINER: MOM! I mean the trainer's mom!
MOM: Yes. I'm your mother. Now get out of my room.
TRAINER: I thought this was MY room!
MOM: Not after what you did last night. You naughty little boy
TRAINER: *pukes*
MOM: Oh no dear! You should get that cleaned up! Go to PROFESSOR OAK.
TRAINER: Mom, how can Professor Oak help me? He's a PROFESSOR.
MOM: Just go! Or do you want to stay?*sways hip*
TRAINER jumps out the window.
MOM: Remember! Come home to Poke your mom once in a awhile!
TRAINER smashes face first into the ground.
TRAINER: Ow.
AUTHOR: Why the hell did you jump out the window?
TRAINER: Mom, bed, me, sleep, she-
AUTHOR: STOP. Stop like you did halfway through last night!
TRAINER: O.o
AUTHOR: I wrote this story, didn't I?
TRAINER: May I ask you two questions?
AUTHOR: Shoot. Shoot like you failed to last night.
TRAINER: -_-
AUTHOR: Okay I'll stop. Stop lik-
TRAINER: SHUTTAF***UP!!!
AUTHOR: …
TRAINER: *Calms down*Okay, first. Why are our NAMES in CAPS?
AUTHOR: TO add ORIGINALITY.
TRAINER: How?
AUTHOR: You see caps add more flavor to the text and make it stand out, which in turn when it goes under the scanner machine the standing out words get recognized more and absorbed into the machine and ground down into the meat for Krusty Burgers.
TRAINER: Okay….lets skip that. Second, since you have decided to create a fanfic, adding to the numerous others trapped in the sea of fanfics, answer me, WHY THE F*** IT IS CHOCK FULL OF SEXUAL COMMENTS, SWEARING, BAD HUMOUR, INCEST, RETARDED PARENTS, OLD MEN WHO TAKE THINGS SLOW AND WHY THE F*** DID YOU ZAP ME INTO THIS GAME?!?!?!?
AUTHOR: *speechless* Umm…oh looky there, you should be going to Oak's now. Bye!
TRAINER: GET BACK HERE YOUR FRUITY B**TARD!
Slience.
TRAINER: I KNOW YOUR THERE!
More silence.
TRAINER: DA**IT *walks off to Oaks*
TRAINER walks on for days and days, through sleet, rain, heat waves, tidal waves, houses, earthquakes, volcanoes, Santa-
TRAINER: GETONWITHIT.
Until he reaches Oak's van really fast.
TRAINER: Did you just say van? Oh s***.
DO IT.
TRAINER: Why should I?
THE PLOT.
TRAINER: I've had enough of plots holding me down! I wanna be free! *runs off to tall grass*
VOICE: STOOOOOOOOOOOP. LIKE YOU DID LA-
TRAINER: WHO THE F*** ARE YOU, AND HOW DO YOU KNOW OF MY- you know what, just screw it. I'm not adding to this fanfic's already booming sexuality jokes.
The guy who just used his VOICE walks out from behind TRAINER, a gun in his hand.
GUY WHO USED HIS VOICE: Give me the smash kid.
TRAINER: Whaat?
GWUHV: GIVE IT TO ME!
VOICE: STOP! LIKE YO-
TRAINER: WAS THAT RECORDED OR SOMETHING?!!?
The other guy who used his VOICE steps out from behind the guy who used his VOICE.
TRAINER: Professor Oak!
OGWUHV: Who's that? I'm SOME OLD MAN.
TRAINER: :l
OGWUHV: *noticing GWUHV holding TRAINER* Unhand him you fool!
TRAINER: Thank you!
OGWUHV: You don't understand his power! He can transform any moment! And each time he transforms, he gets stronger!
GWUVH: You serious?
TRAINER: You retarded?
OGWUHV: ALL OF THE ABOVE!
TRAINER: -.-;;
GWUHV: Please sir! Allow me to train under you! I will sacrifice my most sacred thing for you!
OGWUHV: Whass that?
GWUHV: My virginity!
TRAINER: DON'T MAKE ME LISTEN TO THIS, AUTHOR!
AUTHOR: *thwacks TRAINER on the head with a folded newspaper* Sshhhhh! This is a character building moment!
TRAINER: Ow. Waiiiiit. HE"S A RECURRING CHARACTER?!?!
AUTHOR nods while GWUHV and OGWUHV walk off holding hands
TRAINER: KILL ME! SMITE ME GOD! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!
AUTHOR: You forget I'm god here…
TRAINER: Damnit…um…GOD! I committed incest last night!
AUTHOR: Not good enough.
TRAINER: I ATE BABIES!
AUTHOR shakes his head.
TRAINER: I FAILED TO PERFORM A SHORYUKEN!
AUTHOR gasps. Then shakes his head in disappointment.
TRAINER: DAMNIT…I BROKE THE FOURTH WALL!
AUTHOR is instantly pissed off and smites him with a bolt of lightning. A cloud of dust rises up, like every other time when the suspense is being held.
AUTHOR: There you go you homosexual clownfish.
TRAINER: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!
AUTHOR: O.o
TRAINER: Im a…Ima…IMA
AUTHOR: *in Mario voice* POK-E-MON!
TRAINER: Yes, but which one? This stupid cloud of dust-
AUTHOR: Suspense
TRAINER: Cloud of suspense isn't lifting! Waiiit you should know what Pokémon you made me!
AUTHOR: Um…this is for plot purposes!
TRAINER: …I want to gut you SO much.
AUTHOR: Wait. You can see the cloud. Right?
TRAINER: Yes…
AUTHOR: THAT MEANS YOU HAVE EYES!
TRAINER: So does every other Pokemon…
There you have it! The first chapter. Stay tuned for more! Also more importantly, REVIEW. PLEASE. If you do I will post a video of me doing the peanut butter jelly dance naked on Youtube!*
*Not really.