Here's a little one-shot for you guys. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice, not even in my dreams but that doesn't mean I stopped dreaming of owning Natsume.
Dear Mikan,
There are so many ways on which I could start this letter. I have been puzzling on how to compose this letter and write what I really feel. There are about 20 or so ways I could have written this letter – yes I counted and I actually lost track when I was on the 25th … of how many times I typed something then after a while delete the whole thing until I return back to where I started, a blank page—It's quite uncharacteristic for me to write a letter. You know me; I'm cold and always distant. It is rare when I express my feelings. And for me to write a letter for you, the others would think that the world is ending.
You always tell me that you think of me as someone who's perfect in everything, but what you don't see is that I'm not really perfect. You know me really well and you know that I don't express my feelings in any way other than a cold shoulder or a glare. Being unable to express my feelings is one of the many tragic flaws that I have. Another is my hubris. I know that these would be my downfall and I guess this letter would be a compromise to that in order for me to somewhat repent and prevent my downfall before it is too late. I can't really go up to you and say all these things but I guess I could lower my pride enough to write this letter and reveal to you what I really feel.
You would say that you already know my feelings and you would be right because I try to lower my guard down for you when I'm around you. You keep on guessing what I feel and most of the time… okay; always…you are always dead on. But the thing is there is always this one emotion that you fail to perceive and I fail to show. One emotion that is most important of all. Love.
I am in love with you. I, your best friend, am in love with you. I love you, Mikan Sakura. And yes I just confessed.
I could no longer keep it bottled up. I know that you may hate me for this, you always feel sad when you see best friends, with one unconditionally in love with the other but the other person doesn't feel the same. I know your views on this, of course I do I'm your best friend. I know that you wish that that person wouldn't fall in love with his or her best friend that does not feel the same way because you think that things between the two of them would become awkward and their friendship would go down the drain. You always have that pained expression on your face showing your disagreement to such feelings for best friends.
I know by doing this I would be risking everything that we went through and my friendship with you. I know that there is the possibility that you don't feel the same way. I also know that there is the possibility that you would tell me you feel the same way even though you don't just so things between us wouldn't collapse.
I want you to know that I know this and that I would understand if you don't like me. It is my decision to revel this to you and I only care about the fact that you finally know about this. I know that you don't really feel the same way and its okay, just know that I would always be your best friend and that nothing would change between us just because of this…
Who am I kidding? I know that you're not falling for this charade. Yes I would be heartbroken, just the thought of you going with a different person makes me want to jump off a cliff. Wow! I could see now what the Edward guy was feeling… yeah, yeah I was listening to you raving about that book with the apple in the cover and that series and that 'oh so gorgeous Edward Cullen and Jacob Black'. And please stop gushing about him… I know you are doing what I just said and don't you dare deny it!
I know you, you would sacrifice your own happiness for mine and I would do the same for you but what I ask of you is not to tell me that you have the same feelings if you don't because that would just make everything worse. I can live with being your best friend and you being happy with another guy. I don't want you being with me and yet being unhappy. I don't want to be the cause of your misery. I'd rather it be the guy you're dating to be the cause of your misery so that I'd be able to have a punching bag.
Yeah, yeah I won't do that. Well not in front of you anyway…
You would always have my heart.
This is what I really feel.
I am and will always be in love with you.
I love you, Mikan.
-Natsume
"Have you seen Natsume Hyuuga?" a widely smiling brunette said to a passerby.
"I think he's under the Sakura tree."
"Thanks!" and with that last word the brunette ran towards the Sakura tree which was in the opposite side of where she was.
She ran and ran. When she could finally see the Sakura tree she started screaming his name angrily.
"NATSUME HYUUGA!! NATSUME HYUUGA!!"
The black haired boy stirred, opened his eyes, stood up and approached her.
"What do you want Polka?"
He had given the letter to her but didn't wait for her answer. When he gave the letter he immediately left her alone and went to their favorite spot.
"HOW DARE YOU!"
"…"
"HOW DARE YOU?! You just went up to me and gave me this letter, not saying a word then leave. I read this letter and WHAT THE FUCK??!"
"…"
"Why didn't you even wait for my answer? Or at least warn me about it or something?! Maybe you could have told me where you went… or better yet you could have brought me here then give the letter to me and PATIENTLY wait for me to finish reading the paper so that you'd know my reply."
"Why would I freaking wait for your reply when I already know that you're going out with Ruka?! Why would I fucking wait for you when I know that you would just dump me?! Why in the world am I not allowed to save myself from that pain? Huh?!"
That morning he saw her laughing with Ruka. She was so close to him and it looked like they were flirting. Ruka's face was so red and she was whispering things into his ear her hands on his arms for support.
"You are such an IDIOT!" Mikan laughed.
"Tch. Shouldn't I be the one saying that?" He said bitterly.
"You were jealous weren't you? I bet you saw me whispering something to Ruka this morning and saw his face red."
"…"
"You want to know why you are such an idiot? It's because I love you and what you saw this morning was nothing. Ruka just came up to me to tell me that he would confess to Hotaru tomorrow he had asked her to go out with him. I being Hotaru's best friend whispered something that's for his ears only." Mikan said with a huge mischievous smile.
"…"
"I told him that he better not break Hotaru's heart or I'll break his neck and kick his balls, and yes those were my exact words." Mikan said with a smirk.
"Prove it." Natsume said disbelief in his voice.
Mikan suddenly jumped on him her legs around his waist. Natsume stepped back because of the impact. He unconsciously placed his hands on her thigh to support her.
Mikan started kissing him. It started out slow. Natsume was in shock. It was only after a while that he responded. From slow the kissed turned fierce and passionate. Mikan's hands were on Natsume's head and neck while Natsume's hands were gripping Mikan's thighs.
Natsume walked towards the trunk of the Sakura tree and pushed Mikan's back against it for support.
After a while, Mikan stopped and placed her forehead against Natsume's.
"Is that enough proof to show that I love you, Natsume?" Mikan said breathless.
In response, Natsume just pecked her lips once, twice, and then the third peck turned in to a long deep kiss.
Sorry for all the grammatical errors. I know there would be a lot because I didn't thoroughly edit it.
This went to me while I was writing letters for my classmates for our retreat…. :)
Thanks for reading! Review please! I want to know what you think about it...
-BM&R