Disclaimer: I don't own any of the people mentioned in this story. They belong to their respective selves and their wrestling personas belong to WWE.
Author's Notes:
So I was feeling really dirty today, and I came up with this. Sorry, but it's been a hectic week, and I had to release some stress. Truth be told, this story was supposed to be all funny and shit, but it just ended up being really weird and pointless. Moving along now. Mmhm. Okay, so this is my first WWE fic. I don't really plan to write more WWE, I mean, I mainly write TNA slash, so this is like a different habitat for me. Anyways, feel free to leave a review! Even if all you have to say is 'u suk,' I don't mind. Really.
By the way, if there are run-on sentences and awkwardly placed words, please try to ignore it. I was sleepy when I wrote this.
Locker Room Wars
"What the hell are you looking at, huh?"
Almost immediately after the outburst, the three men sitting backstage quickly turned their attentions elsewhere. It came from Adam Copeland, better known to the world as the professional wrestler, Edge. By the looks of his face, they could tell that he was not in a chirpy mood.
Giving the trio one last spiteful glare, Adam turned on his heels and continued to walk. It was bad enough that his day had been a disaster, but he hadn't eaten anything in the last 24 hours, too. He was starving, which was partly the reason why he was upset. Hungry Adam was mean Adam, and he liked to make sure everybody knew that.
Holding his head up high, he made his way into the studio cafeteria. As expected, he cut into the long line and grabbed a tray from the stack.
"I was here first," he said to one very terrified Colin Delaney behind him. He smirked. He then started spooning mashed potatoes onto his plate, making sure to accidentally bury the ladle into the bowl when he was finished. Delaney had it coming. As he reached for the gravy boat, his eyes drifted over to the large fruit basket that was over at the desserts' table. Something in it instantly caught his attention.
He dropped his tray to the floor with a loud clang, and gasped.
"Holy crap..." He muttered, forgetting his hunger. Out of morbid curiosity, he slowly approached the basket. His face contorted into an expression of fascination.
Adam had been hunched over the table, staring at the basket for a good few minutes. Randy Orton, who was sitting in a table nearby, noticed this. He stood up and strode over to his sometimes-friend. "What're you looking at?"
Adam pointed towards the basket filled with fruits.
Randy took once glance at it, and recoiled in terror. "Sweet mother of God! What the hell is that?"
"I don't know," the blonde replied. He shook his head. "I seriously don't know."
And they both quietly stared at the gigantic banana inside the basket.
x
"Fuck, man," Adam said, as he sat with Randy inside the locker room. "This has got to be the hugest banana I've ever seen in my life."
"Tell me about it." They had took the banana from the cafeteria and brought it into the locker room to take a closer look at it without attracting too much attention. Randy held the yellow fruit in his hands, and compared it with his arm. "Look at that! It's almost as big as my arm! This banana is mutant."
"Yeah," Adam nodded, agreeing. "Mutant banana."
The brunette continued, "This reminds me of one of those, like, foot-long dildos that you get someone as a gag gift."
"Cena probably has something like this stashed in his bedside drawer," Adam smirked.
They both chuckled appreciatively.
"So…" Randy began. He held the banana up. "What're we gonna do with this?"
x
John Cena casually strolled down the hallway, whistling a tune to himself. It was past midnight, the show had ended, and he was on his way to pack up his things in the locker room and go home. He passed by a group of Divas, who giggled as he walked on by.
"Ladies," John nodded to them in a very gentleman-like manner. "Having a nice evening?"
They giggled some more.
John blinked. That was odd. Why were the Divas acting like a couple of deranged fangirls? However, he waved it off as fatigue. Perhaps they were tired from earlier that night. He continued to walk.
Standing by the doorway to the locker room was CM Punk. He had a deadly serious look on his face, as if he was contemplating something important. As he spotted John, the expression disappeared and he instantaneously broke out in laughter.
Punk pointed towards John, still cackling. "Hey man, I saw that thing on top of your bag! What the hell is up with that?"
"What?" John was clearly confused. Punk laughed even harder as John pushed past him.
He jogged towards his locker, looking at his bag and gasped. "Dude! Who put that there?"
John pointed at the abnormally large banana on top of his bag. It had a condom slipped over it. He sent a questioning look to everyone in the room.
The few remaining wrestlers in that room took a glimpse at the banana John was pointing at. They snickered.
"Hey! Stop laughing!" John insisted. The frown on his face deepened. "This isn't funny!"
Clearly unhappy, John stomped away from the room, leaving the other guys to laugh some more as they saw the piece of paper taped to his back. It read:
'Hi there! My name is John Cena! I like large and phallic objects because it makes me happy! I like to collect them! I like to use them, too! And boy, do I ever!'
Needless to say, John was not amused when he found out about the note, especially when the saleslady at the local 7-11 pointed it out.
The next day, John went into the security room and took a look at last night's footage. Apparently, round half an hour before John went into his locker room, Adam and Randy were in there. They were carrying the banana and a box of Durex while giggling to themselves. Without delay, John planned payback. Nobody knew exactly how John exacted his revenge. There had been a lot of stories, but they all differ. The only thing they agree on was that they all saw John approaching Adam and Randy's lockers, holding a couple of Post-It notes and an enormous cucumber in his hands with a devilish look on his face.
-end.-