A/N: Written for Sarah for the July One Shot Exchange, using the pairing RegulusRabastan and prompt
rebellion. The quotes before and after the fic are my personal paraphrasings of the Icarus myth.
"Take care not to fly too high, lest the sun melt the wax from your wings."
i. the wings
Some days, Rabastan feels as though he isn't cut out for this Death Eater business. But he's in too deep, following his brother's footsteps so blindly and without question.
Some days, he fears that he might lose his mind. He is not quite as insane as Rodolphus and Bellatrix, and though they bring him along to join in their bloodlust, he can hardly stomach it.
Those are the days that he needs Regulus the most.
...
The younger boy is his escape. A moment alone with him, and Rabastan can forget the evils that he has seen, the damage that he has caused.
Regulus is waiting for him when he returns from his mission with his brother and sister-in- law. The younger boy beckons him closer with a smile that feels more like home than these walls ever have.
"What's on your mind?" Regulus asks, caressing his cheek.
But Rabastan does not, can not, will not answer. He does not wish to talk about the things that makes him want to run. Regulus doesn't know this. He believes that Rabastan is just as twisted his the others.
"You," Rabastan answers, tangling his fingers in Regulus' hair and pulling him closer, their lips crushing together.
He wonders if Regulus can taste the desperation on his tongue.
He needs Regulus so much that he can feel it inside his bones. There is an ache in his chest that tells him that without the younger boy, this life would be too much, too real for him to handle.
He is exhausted, so exhausted, in spite of his youth. And some days, Regulus is the only thing that keeps him from collapsing.
"I missed you," Regulus admits when they pull away from one another.
Rabastan feels a ghost of a smile tug at his lips.
He wonders what Regulus do if he knew the truth. Would he mind being his Atlas, the one thing that holds him up? Or would he let Rabastan fall and leave him to pick up the pieces on his own?
"I missed you, too," Rabastan replies quietly, running his fingers through his lover's hair.
ii. the warning
Once upon a time, Rodolphus had been all the Rabastan needed. He had looked out for his younger brother so faithfully, never straying too far from Rabastan's side.
"I'll always look out for you," Rodolphus had told him after staying at Rabastan's sick bed for hours on end.
"No matter what?" six year old Rabastan had wondered.
"No matter what."
Rabastan had smiled at that. Rodolphus was his, and he would never let anything happen.
...
Rabastan doesn't bother to look ashamed when Rodolphus finds Regulus in his bed. It isn't exactly a secret that Rabastan has never cared much for women.
"I was just leaving," Regulus mumbles, buttoning his shirt before rushing past Rodolphus without sparing a glance for Rabastan.
"Jealous?" Rabastan teases, unsure of how to interpret the sudden harsh expression that falls over his brother's face.
"Hardly," Rodolphus says, folding his arms over his chest as he moves closer, sitting on the bed beside Rabastan.
The harshness of his features softens, and Rabastan doesn't understand the concern that shows on his brother's face.
"What have I done wrong now?"
"Regulus is not the most trustworthy person," Rodolphus says. "Bellatrix thinks so too, and he's her cousin."
Rabastan resist the urge to scowl and pout the way he would when they were younger, before the world told them how Lestrange men are to be. Rodolphus is his savior, the unyielding beacon that keeps him on his path. But some days, his love feels more smothering than helpful.
"Bellatrix doesn't like anyone," Rabastan reminds him. "She doesn't even like you."
He expects Rodolphus to laugh. Instead, the older man shakes his head. "Be careful, Rab. That's all I'm saying. Don't get too close to him because you might get hurt."
And once upon a time, Rabastan might have clung to his brother's every word. Rodolphus looks out for
him every step of the way, just as he had promised all those years ago, and surely he must know what is right for his little brother.
But something has changed. Perhaps Rabastan has become disillusioned with his brother and the life that they have lead. Perhaps Regulus has touched some part of him that can never go back to the old way.
Whatever it is, Rodolphus' warning only makes his love for Regulus more delicious. The rebellion against his brother's wishes, the love that now borders on forbidden will only be that much more sweet.
iii. the crash
Regulus is distant, and Rabastan can feel himself slipping. The darkness finds its way into his head, trying to make itself at home.
"What on your mind?" Rabastan asks, the way Regulus has asked him countless times before.
And Rabastan is all too familiar with mask the faraway look in his lover's eyes, the look the tells him that Regulus is thinking things he can never voice.
"You," Regulus says, and he pulls Rabastan closer, and Rabastan can taste the sadness on his lips when they kiss.
But he doesn't ask. They've played this game for far too long. Never let the real world set in. Keep each other safe, keep each other sane. Keep reality at bay, because the world does not exist when they pretend.
"I love you," Rabastan says, and it's the first time he's ever said it, but he realizes how much he means it the moment the words slip off his tongue.
"I don't think you will in the end," Regulus whispers, running his hands down Rabastan's arms as though Rabastan's skin is the only thing keeping him grounded.
Rabastan winces. He had been so sure that Regulus would love him back.
"I'll always love you," Rabastan says.
Regulus smiles, or, at least, he almost does. The curve of the corners of his mouth doesn't light up his face the way his smile usually does. "I hope you will," he says quietly before pulling away from Rabastan.
"I should go. I have business to take care of tonight."
"Will I see you tomorrow, then?"
And he doesn't like the way Regulus seems to be looking right through him. "I do love you, you know," Regulus says, placing a quick kiss on Rabastan's head. "If I didn't, maybe it could be easier."
Before Rabastan can ask what he means, Regulus is gone.
...
Rabastan doesn't quite understand the news.
Regulus is gone. Regulus is a traitor. Regulus is most likely dead.
Though he hears the words again and again, and they echo in his head relentlessly, the words still sound so alien to him.
Rodolphus is waiting for him when he gets home. "I was only looking out for you, Rabastan," he says calmly.
With a cry, Rabastan lunges at him, his fist crashing into Rodolphus' chin. His brother does try to fight back or even defend himself. He just watches Rabastan with sad eyes, rubbing his chin.
Rabastan pushes past him as hurries to his room, locking the door behind him.
Regulus is gone, and Rabastan can feel himself drifting.
Regulus is gone, and the real world comes flooding in with all of its too muchness.
Regulus is gone, and Rabastan can feel his blood boil.
For the first time in all these years, he understands his brother's bloodlust.
"But Icarus, in his youth and excitement, ignored his warning and flew upward to the sky. As the sun melted the wax, the wings fell apart, and Icarus fell."