AUTHOR'S NOTE:
We all know that the All I Ever Wanted by Kelly Clarkson was not out when New Moon was published. But there is a song on the album which I thought was suitable for Edward and Bella. Please bear with me, and assume that it was released when New Moon was out.
EPOV
It's been an agonizing five months since I left Bella.
I've been trying so hard, just to get through each second. I kept myself locked up in my room, and keep having flashbacks of the times we were together. I only let myself out when I needed to hunt.
I revved up the Volvo's engine, and turned on the radio. The radio was on FM station 99.9. Alice must have used my car not too long ago. I reached for the knob, and then came the classical music station.
Claire de Lune.
Thoughts about Bella washed onto me, like a wave. I had to get her out of my mind. I switched back to 99.9. A Kelly Clarkson song came up.
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Images of Bella overflowed my mind. I started dry-sobbing, everything I did related to her. I decided to listen, for we could relate to the lyrics. I was a vampire, she was a human. We were never meant for each other.
Even with our
fists held high
It never would have worked out right
We were
never meant for do or die
Nothing between us could have been possible. I had to constantly control myself, one small touch from me can shatter her bones into a million pieces.
I didn't want us to burn out, I
Didn't come here to hold you now I can't stop
I didn't want her to forget me, yet she had to. But knowing her, she would be thinking of me every second of the day. She was forbidden to remember, terrified to forget. (AN: Sorry, I loved that line!)
I want you to
know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road, someone's
gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me
better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
It didn't matter. She had to move on. Loving a vampire was too dangerous. She had to move on, love someone else. Though I would have never stopped loving her.
Looking at you
makes it harder
But I know you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
I left her, but I knew humans had horrible memories. They would be lost when they were as young as forty. Bella will find another, after all, humans always change their minds right?
Started with a
perfect kiss then,
We could feel the poison set in
Perfect could never keep this love alive
The kiss in the meadow was amazing. But just seconds after, I felt something. I knew I couldn't possibly be with Bella forever. Our time together were great, but someday, she would get hurt from such close contact with us, the vampires.
You know that I love you so, I
Love you so much to let you go
I loved her more than anything else in this world. And I love her so much, that I wanted her to move on.
I want you to
know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road, someone's
gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me
better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Because a vampire and a human couldn't be together without one breaking the other.
Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah
I left before she knew it. Our break-up was just minutes long, but every single detail of it was etched into my memory permanently. I heard her fall down, but I continued running. I felt the urge to run back to her, to pick her up. It felt wrong just leave Bella on the floor, but I wanted her to move on.
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
She promised me she wouldn't do anything stupid. What else could I do from preventing her to do reckless things? That's when it hit me. Did Victoria hunt her down yet? Did Victoria kill her yet? Did Laurent dare put a finger on her? Dammit, I had to hunt now, and start tracking both of them.
I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
She promised me she wouldn't do anything wrong. She promised.
I love you Isabella. I love you more than anything else in this world. Please keep your promise.
She promised she wouldn't be reckless. I promised I'll leave her alone.
But it was just too hard to leave her by herself. Danger was lurking in every corner, and the magnetic pull between us was just too strong.
I knew it wouldn't take long for me to get on a plane, and see Bella again.