Heaven is in Your Arms
Author's note:This is my more Spuffy-centric version of the season six episode "Bargaining." It starts off just after Spike left the Summer's home, the night Buffy came back from the dead. Willow, Tara and Dawn are in bed,Xander and Anya have left, and Spike is, of course, on guard outside.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy. If I did, I would've put a little more romance in it!
After she went upstairs, Buffy sat on her bed contemlating what Spike had told her. One-hundred and forty-seven days, that's more than four months. She had been dead for over four months! And poor Dawn had been left all alone. Their asshole father was too busy with his new wife to bother calling, even after their mom died. Buffy was just thankful that he hadn't found out about her death. Otherwise Dawn would've had to go live with him in L.A.
'No, she wasn't alone' Buffy mentally scolded herself. Dawn had been in good hands. She'd had Willow and Tara, Xander and Anya and even Spike...Especially Spike. The vampire had stayed with the young girl even after Buffy, the one he was supposed to be "obsessed" with had been gone for good. And he's stayed to protect her...To keep his promise to Buffy that he'd keep her safe as long as he lived.
Buffy got up from her bed and looked out the window wistfully. She missed Heaven. It had been so warm and safe, and comforting. Now she was stuck here, back on Earth. But compared to the Heavenly plane that she'd been on, Earth was like Hell. She noticed Spike standing guard under her tree like he used to and a smile came to her lips. If she was honest with herself, Heaven hadn't really been all the great. Heaven didn't have the one thing she really wanted, Spike. All she wanted was for him to hold her tightly in his arms and promise to never let go. She could have it too. She knew that. Spike wasn't obsessed with her, he was in love with her, just like he'd said. She hadn't believed that he could really loved her until she saw what he had let Glory do to him just to keep Dawn safe. He had known how much pain she would've been in if something had happened to her baby sister, and he'd nearly died to keep her from that pain. He wasn't a monster like the others thought, he was a man, a good man. And he deserved to be happy as much as any other guy. More than any other guy.
The more Buffy thought about it, the more she knew that being with Spike was the right thing for both of them. What they deserved was to be happy together. To be with the one they loved. 'Cause if Buffy was honest, she loved Spike as much as he loved her.
Buffy smiled happily and rushed from her room. She knocked excitedly on Willow and Tara's door. A moment later Willow opened it with a worried expression.
"Buffy, are you okay?" she asked.
"I'm more that okay Will," Buffy said wth a smile. "I'm over-joyed to be back and I just wanted to thank you guys and tell you that I'm going out to visit Spike and not to worry about me."
"It's great that you're so happy Buffy, but why are you going to see Spike at two in the morning?" Tara asked, coming up behind Willow.
"I'm going to see Spike because he deserves to be happy as much as the rest of us. And because I deserve to be happy too and he can make me happy. We can be happy together." Buffy explained.
"Together, like as a couple?" Willow asked.
"Yup. 'Cause after being in Heaven for four months I realized that even though Earth is Hell compared to that, it's still got something that Heaven didn't. And that's Spike. Spike is my Heaven on earth. I love him, so I'm gonna go tell him."
Willow's face had gone ashen after Buffy's little speech. "D-did you say Heaven?" she said, her voice quivering. "You were in...we pulled you out of...Heaven."
"Yeah Will, I was in Heaven. Well...I think it was Heaven. I just felt warm, and safe, and loved. But I still feel loved now. And I'm warm on the inside. And I always feel safe in Spike's arms. So I'm gonna be okay. There's no reason to be upset, really." Buffy said softly, pulling Willow and Tara into a hug.
Willow sniffled a bit and wiped her eyes. "You beter get going if you wanna catch Spike before he leaves for home," she said quietly. "Usually he spends most of the night on guard outside, then he goes on patrol around three."
"Thanks, I'll see you guys soon. Tell Dawn I'll be back around noon," Buffy said as she hurried to grab her coat and rush out the door.
"Spike, wait!" Buffy called, running to catch up with the blonde vampire who was turning the corner at the end of the street.
Spike turned around with a confused look. "Buffy? What are you doing out here? I thought you went to bed," he said when she reached him.
"I did, but I couldn't sleep, can I come with you?" she asked.
"Of course, but why couldn't you sleep. I thought you'd be bloody knackered after what you went through today," he said as they started walking.
"I am really tired but...I'm just, scared...of everything...I felt so safe where I was. Now I just feel like I'm always in danger. Except when I'm with you. You make me feel safe and protected. So when I saw that you were leaving I decided to come with you," Buffy said, walking as close to him as possible.
Spike looked at her with sadness in his eyes, but when his eyes met hers she saw that his love for her out-shone the sorrow. He hesitantly put his arm around her and his heart melted when she snuggled into him. "You weren't in a hell dimension, were you pet?" he asked her softly.
"No, I think I was in Heaven. And compared to that...this is Hell. Always needing to look over my shoulder. Constantly checking to see if I'm being followed by a vampire or some other deamon who wants me dead. It's horrible, and for the first time since I became the slayer, I'm really, truely scared. I just want to feel protected."
"So...you wish that they hadn't brought you back?" Spike asked, almost afraid of her answer.
"No, I'm glad they brought me back. There are so many things on this Earth that I didn't have in Heaven. Like my sister, and my friends, and you," she said.
By this time their feet had unconciously led them to Spike's crypt. As he opened the door for her Spike asked her, "Me? You're happy to be living hell on Earth 'cause I'm here?"
Buffy turned to look at him, a smile playing on her lips. "Yes," she said. "And as long as I have you, I'm still in Heaven."
"Buffy, love, this is me you're talking about. Spike, William-the-bloody, the big-bad vampire with no soul," he said, gesturing to himself.
"I know, you don't have a soul, and you probably never will," she said, and Spike bowed his head in shame. "But, that doesn't matter. Look at all you've done. You've saved me, and protected my friends. And you almost died to protect Dawn from Glory. Now, can you tell me the name of another Vampire who would do that?"
"Angel would. He would die for you," Spike said gloomily.
"You're right, he would die for me. As long as he's stuck with the soul the gypies cursed him with. Unlike you, without his soul he's a monster. He would kill me without a thought. Or even worse, torture me to death after he'd killed everyone I love."
"I would've done the same thing love," Spike said.
"No, you wouldn't have tortured the people I cared about. You just wanted to kill me to say that you'd killed another slayer. Until you let yourself get to know me. Then you fell in love with me. After that you changed from a monster to a man. You don't need a soul. You're a better man than Angel could ever be, even without one. And I love you for it," Buffy told him.
Spike took her hand in his own. "You really mean that pet? You love me?" he asked her.
Buffy took his other hand and put his arms around her waist. "Yes, I love you. Very much. I love every part of you. From your bleached-blonde hair, to your accent, to the way you complain if you miss passions."
Spike laughed. "I do not complain if I miss passions!" he mock yelled.
Buffy laughed. "Yes, you do," she said.
"Alright, I guess I do," Spike conceeded, pulling Buffy closer and kissing her softly.
She kissed him back with a passion he'd never felt before, then she pulled away and rested her head on his cool chest. She marveled at how safe she felt in the arms of a creature that could kill her in seconds. She'd been trained to hate and destroy his kind. Told that they were evil and she was good, that there was no in-between. But Spike was special, he wasn't your average vampire. Even without a soul he could love as deeply as any human. Better than some humans actually... She couldn't imagine being happier anywhere else. even Heaven itself paled in compairison to the peace she felt in ths man's arms. She sighed softly, falling asleep against him.
Spike gently scooped the small slayer into his arms. She was so fragile, yet she wasn't. There was such stregnth hidden in her lithe little body. Not only the physical stregnth that enabled her to slay monsters, but the emotional stregnth that kept her standing after Angel left, after Riley left, and after her mom died. The weight of the world rested on this young woman's shoulders. She'd been free from this hell, but she'd welcomed it back because it meant that she'd have the chance to be with him, and to watch her sister grow up. Untold horrors awaited the slayer, but this one didn't have to face them alone. She had Spike, and the scoobies, and the lil bit to keep her strong.
He made his way down to the lower level of his crypt, clutching the small blonde protectively. He carefully laid her down on his bed and slipped unde the covers beside her. She moaned softly in her sleep as he wrapped his arms around her. He gently kissed her neck, before succumbing to sleep.
As Buffy slept she felt as if she were back in Heaven. She woke slightly in the night and only one concious thought crossed her mind before she fell back into slumber.
"I have Heaven in you arms Spike" she whispered sofly, as she drifted off again.
Author's note: Did you love it? Did you hate it? Please review! I'm not sure if I should write more...