He'd kissed me.
I'd thought it. Dreamt it. Brushed it off as a wishful bubble of a thought that would never happen but…he'd kissed me, right there in the café. Pushed me back against the counter. Held me close. Made me fly.
And made me realize that I had to tell him.
I am Vincent Donovan.
But I hadn't always been.
And now, as we walked the short distance to his quiet home, hand in hand, it dawned on me that I hadn't had to tell anyone in nearly nine years. Had I forgotten the words after so long?
We'd been "hanging out" for months now. Dancing, seeing concerts…he'd made me a part of his world. Our daughters adored one another, Amanda having become a big sister figure for Carmensita to mimic. And Mat, he's…he's confided in me in so many ways. I knew this had to happen at some point.
Mat liked Vincent Donovan.
I just didn't know if he'd like Vanessa Donovan in the same way.
By all accounts I looked like a man. Thin, and short, but still a man. And I'd made it that way. Amanda's father had been so supportive. He'd encouraged it, wanting nothing more than my and Amanda's happiness. And my Manda Panda…she'd been 10 when I told her, and she's loved me just the same ever since. They'd been wonderful.
This was new territory, however. This was a new person entirely, one who hadn't known Vanessa. As I entered his dimly lit home, my mind raced through the countless ways that this night could end in rejection.
I took a deep breath and closed his door behind me. I can do this. I'd barely made the turn when he pressed me up against that same door. His kiss, still gentle, had an underlying layer of passion that reminded me of our more secluded surroundings. We'd never kissed before today, and certainly not in private. I wonder if he was different behind closed doors? He still carried that air of warmth about him, but with a touch of extra heat around the edges. I was nearly lost to it when his hands started to roam. When was the last time I was touched like this? When was the last time I was kissed?
"Vincent…" Mat breathed against my ear, his breath warm and his lips soft. My hands dug deeply into his shoulder blades while his hand found my sex. I gasped, worried for what was to come. Shit. Shit. How the hell had I gotten distracted so easily?
"M-Mat…" I tried. His hand pressed almost quizzically, searching for hardness where there was none. I bit my lip ruefully as he pulled away a little.
"You're…transgender?" he said, searching my eyes for answers.
"Y-Yes," I said finally, avoiding his gaze. "I…made the decision when Amanda was little, but I never wanted…the operation. So I'm…"
"Not…" he supplied.
"…yeah." I finished.
He shook his head and my entire body mass was suddenly in the pit of my stomach. Then he kissed me, slowly, and everything was in my chest all over again.
"You should have told me," he said, his hand rising to cup my cheek.
I blinked. "Wait, I don't understand."
"Clearly," he answered, entwining my fingers with his as our hands hung near our waists.
I stared on in disbelief. "You're…okay with me? Like this?"
"Of course." I swear his smile could cure child cancer. "You're still Vincent."
"I used to be Vanessa," I said, waiting for any sign of disgust in his features. Instead he pulled me into his strong arms.
"That's okay," he soothed, sensing that my confusion and fear of rejection was still evident.
"But I—"
"I'm pansexual, Vincent."
Oh. Oh. Well then.
"What matters is who you are now," he continued. "I fell for you, not what's in your pants."
My eyes widened exponentially, almost painfully. Then they softened, a dampness replacing the earlier turmoil.
"You…what?"
His face was assaulted by a sudden blush, cinnamon-colored skin reddening, his eyes meeting mine in sheepish realization.
"I kinda love you, Vincent."
Goddammit how was he this cute? I gave a breathy, relieved laugh. "You kinda love me?" I teased. He looked away and shoved me jokingly.
"The point is," he began, interrupting my laughter by clearing his throat, "I wouldn't cut ties with you over this. That is, unless you wanted me to. Which I hope not. I've grown fond of you, almost to the point that I don't get self-conscious about rambling around you anymore. Of course, now that I've mentioned it, I'm getting slightly self-conscious. It's like suddenly being aware of your breathing so now you can't not be aware of it and your chest suddenly feels awkward but you can't just stop breathing because that is definitely how people die and…um… You know, if you wanna cut ties with me right now then I would totally understand because at this point I feel like that's the only way to stop this nightmarish monologue I've subjected you to so, again, totally okay if you want to leave now so I can die of embarrassment and bury myself in the backyard."
The poor guy. The poor, sweet, incredible guy.
"Nope," I said before pulling him by his hands into a kiss. He yelped cutely, obviously caught by surprise, before returning the kiss. The happiness that was bursting unbridled through my every pore soon transformed into electricity as his large hands explored me a second time. They found my slender sides and back before roaming lower, teasingly kneading my hips but never dipping below my waistband. Still so shy, I thought. Meanwhile, I'd found his abs, all six of them, moving and tensing with every breath. I decided to test his pectorals and found that , to my delight, his nipples were deliciously sensitive. He broke the kiss only to moan into my shoulder as I toyed and tweaked them. His hands grabbed my hips as if they were the only things keeping him attached to this reality and pulled them sensually into his, the erection evident through his and my jeans. It was my turn to gasp then.
"Mat…" I groaned. He continued grinding into me, my hands returning to his back to pull him closer. Suddenly, he dropped to his knees and out of my grasp.
"Is it okay if I make you say that again?" he said as he unbuttoned my pants.
"Say what again?" I ask, quickly piecing together what was happening as my pants and underwear puddled around my ankles. He looked up one last time before answering.
"My name," he said before dipping his head between my legs. An absolutely filthy moan escaped my lips as his tongue worked my folds like a French kiss. I bit the back of my hand to stifle my volume but it only seemed to encourage him.
"Ma…Mat—" I began. He looked up at me, eyes coaxing me to unravel as I ran a perplexed hand through my hair. I didn't even know why I was holding back but he wanted none of it. Raising his hands to clutch each of my buttocks he pulled me impossibly closer before tilting his head back a bit and…smiling?
Suddenly I came undone as he found my clitoris and denied it mercy. Jolts of pleasure shot through me in white-hot coils, causing me to unconsciously clasp his hair. My knees threatened to buckle but he held me firmly in place between those firm hands on my ass and that sinful tongue. I was falling apart at the seams.
"Mat, Mat, God, Mat! I'm gonna come! Ah…!" I shuddered violently as he gave my ass one final squeeze before sucking my clitoris with an expertise I'd never known. My knuckles turned white in his hair and I doubled over from the force of my orgasm.
He gingerly shifted from under me and placed an arm behind my buckled knees.
"You should probably lie down," he said. "May I?"
I nodded, too weak to speak. He lifted me with ease and carried to his pristine bed. With my legs tossed over the edge, he nestled between them and gave my slit a gentle lick.
"Ah! Mat please…"
"I'm sorry," he responded, nipping my inner thigh. "You just look so…mmmm…" He couldn't finish his sentence before plunging into my depths again, earning an outright shout from me.
"Maaaaat…" I nearly sobbed, eyes closed in tortuous bliss.
Suddenly he stopped, leaving me panting and on the brink. I opened my eyes to find him hovering over me, his legs straddling me and his hands on either side of my face. He looked down at me with a kind of sincerity that made my heart do everything but beat properly. I had to kiss him. I hooked both arms around his neck and pulled him to my lips. His movements were fluid, tasting me as though I were sacred. I moaned, lost to everything but the sheer heat of him.
He stopped once more, seemingly with great effort on his part as his panting was as loud as mine.
"Vincent…how far do you want to go tonight?" He kissed me on the forehead. "I'll only go as far as your comfortable with."
If I hadn't known before, I knew right then that I wanted this man inside of me. I reached for his hand and nestled it between my legs, fingers dangerously close to slipping past the outer folds. He blushed madly. Even now, still so shy.
"I want to have sex with you, Mat."
He hesitated but a moment before lacing my neck with gentle nips and kisses. His hand in perfect position thanks to me, he slipped a finger inside, thrusting it in time with his bites. I arched into him, coming quickly into his hand. Jesus Christ, he's good.
Smiling with satisfaction, he gave me a quick kiss. He then stood up and began removing his shirt, a show that I watched intently despite my attempt at a casual façade. Those abs could cut diamond. He blushed and averted his gaze when he caught me staring.
"You're too pure for this world," I said through a smile.
He shushed me playfully, winning a chuckle from me. I reached for the hem of my shirt and noticed him trying to discreetly sneak a glance. I would have been self conscious had he not just seen the entirety of my slickened sex. Given that context, I winked and removed the button-down slowly. He bit his lip when I began to remove the binding around my modest breasts. I stretched innocently, but the devious glint in my eyes gave me away. I knew what I was doing.
"Well, one of us is naked," I said, eyes fixated on his pants.
"Ah, right," he gave a skittish little laugh. "Can't blame me for getting distracted, though."
With his shirt strewn on the floor, he went to work on his pants. He got the belt and zipper undone before pausing to look at me.
"Um…." He began.
"What's wrong?"
He dropped trow, unleashing a…sizeable appendage, to put it lightly. I sat up, mouth agape.
He looked almost apologetic. "It's just…I might hurt you."
My mind did not hesitate.
Of all the ways I could die, this is the one I minded the least.
"I will live," I said, eying his endowment with determination. He shook his head with a laugh and moved toward the bed again.
"Just…stop me if it gets to be too much."
How cute, I thought fondly. Then I pushed him off the bed and against the wall. He gave a surprised grunt.
"Can't do that with my mouth full," I said before dropping to my knees and closing my mouth over his length.
"Vincent-!" he gasped.
I bobbed up and down, swirling my tongue and taking him deep. His hair fell into his face as he tried to grip the wall behind him.
"Nnnnngh…!" I could listen to those moans all day. "Vincent… Vincent, I'm…"
He gently but firmly pushed me away before I could come just from hearing him. He gripped my shoulder, trembling as if he was holding something back desperately. I looked up at him to find his hair slightly disheveled and his eyes ablaze. Yet another moment at which I could orgasm right then and there.
"God I want you," he murmured huskily as he all but threw me onto the bed. He was towering over me then, all powerful muscle, a thin sheen of sweat giving him a light glow. He reached for a condom and rolled it over his proud hardness. As I prepared myself to take him in inch by inch, I found his fingers entering me instead. Before I could protest he was thrusting in and out, his fingers becoming slick with my arousal. On the verge yet again, I found myself voicing my most carnal desires.
"Oh God, Mat, I want it!"
"You want it?" he asked, thrusting all the while.
"Yes! Yes Mat, yes!"
"Tell me." His voice was thick with desire.
"Nnnnnnnnngh, make me come! Please!"
He removed the hand in favor of his manhood. I had a split second to register the emptiness before he sank in, inch by inch. He began a rhythmic motion, each thrust forcing more and more of that delectable cock into my depths. His eyes pierced mine as my vision blurred, a silent cry shaping my mouth into an "O." I was practically transcending dimensions when I realized something that made my walls involuntarily tighten.
He was only halfway inside.
His forehead touched mine, his expression holding an unspoken question. I gave a little nod, which was all the warning I had before he filled me with one powerful thrust. A scream ripped through me, the pleasure making me spasm underneath him. He wasn't faring much better.
"Vincent, you…" He bit his lip to keep his body in check. "Sweet Jesus, you're so tight…"
"Move," I responded, already clutching at his broad back. He obediently set a quick pace, filling me again and again, finding my pleasure center with ease. I was leaving claw marks at this point, which he matched with wicked bites and bruises along my neck. His pace became inhuman, my screams unceasing.
"Vincent…" His eyes were desperate.
"Mat, I'm so close…" My scratches were drawing blood.
"I can't take it…" He grimaced with the effort of holding back.
"Mat…" God, he was so beautiful.
"Vincent…!" He bit down on my neck in one final attempt at self-control.
"Nnngh…! Mat!" I released in that second. I came harder than I'd ever come in my entire life. The world went white. My hearing faded. I couldn't feel my face. The waves of pleasure were continuous and all-consuming, and yet he was still thrusting.
"I'm—I'm coming…nnngh!" He filled me with enough force to push me into the mattress before spasming above me. I felt him undulate inside my tight walls as he released his seed into the condom. I panted blissfully, a small moan escaping as he twitched inside me.
After a few seconds he rested his face in the crook of my neck, his tongue lazily soothing the marks he'd left. I wrapped my legs around him, never wanting to be separate from him again.