Falling to Pieces
A Bones fanfiction
By Amanda
Tag and spoilers for "The End in the Beginning"
No copyright infringement intended. I don't own the characters or show or it would have ended differently. Lol.
*~BONES~*
AN : I have reposted this with minor grammar and spelling errors fixed. If you have already read it there's no need to read it again. There have been no major changes.
*~BONES~*
As she hit the delete button undoing the past five hours worth of writing, Dr. Temperance Brennan heard a noise coming from the bed of Seeley Booth. At first she paid it no heed, after all most patients that had been in a coma twitched or opened an unseeing eye or groaned and it meant nothing. The first few times she had seen movement of any kind or heard the slightest noise, she would bound out of the uncomfortable chair and rush to his side only to be disappointed. When she recognized distinguishable words fall from his lips she could barely control the overwhelming urge to yell out or cry or something. Instead, she walked as calmly as she could the four steps to his side and examined him.
"Seemed so real …" made its way from his lips again and she hardly recognized the weak voice for that of her partner. Even after the Kenton incident he hadn't sounded so weak.
Needing to assure him, as much as herself, that he was ok she resorted to facts. "The surgery was successful. You had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. You have been in a coma for four days."
"Who are you?" he asked and her heart broke. He didn't remember her?! How could he not remember her after everything they had been through together; with everything they meant to one another.
"You – you don't remember me?" she asked trying desperately to keep her voice from breaking. At the shake of his head, she put on the bravest face she could muster and even managed a small smile to try and reassure him. "That's ok. Don't worry about that right now. It is not uncommon to experience amnesia after brain surgery. I should just go get the doctor and tell him you are awake. Do you need anything before I go?"
"Some water would be good" Booth said almost shyly.
Bones simply nodded while she poured water from the pitcher into the cup next to the bed. She grabbed a straw and held it to his mouth for him to sip. When he was done, she set the cup back on the table and left the room quickly. She was losing her grip on her emotions and this time Booth wasn't there to hold her together.
Walking briskly down the hall to the nurse's station she dealt with the business aspect as quickly as possible. She couldn't let anyone see her cry. "Is Dr. King on duty? Either he or the doctor on call needs to be informed that Agent Booth has just woken up. And you should also inform them that, that Agent B-booth is suffering from amnesia." That being said, she turned and practically ran to the back stairwell. It was late enough that she could go there and not be disturbed.
*~BONES~*
As soon as she closed the door, Bones slid to the ground her back resting against the wall and head on her knees. She couldn't hold the torrent of tears back any longer. As she sat there she found herself picturing how her life would be turned upside down and stomped on if he did not regain his memory.
She had never said it out loud to anyone, even herself, but she was, well she wasn't sure but she thought she was in love with Seeley Booth. That was the real reason she had asked him to father her child. That way she would always have a piece of him and he would always be in her life in some way. Regardless of what she said, she knew that Booth would never be able to step back and have nothing to do with his own child. That way, even if their partnership ended or they had a falling out, she would still be able to see him if only a couple times a month for a few minutes at a time.
Not only that, but on a professional level her life would change drastically. She doubted that any agent she would be paired up with after Booth would allow her to be as involved in cases or would be willing to listen to her ideas. A shudder ran through her as she realized that should Booth not regain his memory and thus not remain her partner; the most likely choice for a replacement would be Agent Perotta.
As she sat there her thoughts turned from the nightmare that would likely become her future to memories of the past four years. She laughed in spite of herself at some of the memories that flitted through her mind at lightning speed. Slowly, the tears running down her face started to subside. How long had she been sitting there pitying herself? Booth needed her now, even if he didn't know who she was. Pulling herself up she wiped her face and headed to the nearest ladies' room to wash the evidence of her breakdown from her face.
Feeling slightly better she made her way back towards Booth's room. She knew she should call the others and let them know that Booth was awake, but she wanted more facts before she talked to any of them. She knew that as soon as they heard it was her, she would be bombarded with questions. Besides, the more facts she knew, the more she hoped to distract them from her reactions, especially Angela.
*~BONES~*
As she neared the door to the room, she heard the voices of Booth and Dr. King and decided to wait in the hall for them to finish up.
"You are only lucky man Agent Booth. That Dr. Brennan has been here since you first came in. as a matter of fact, I don't think she's left the room longer than two hours total in the four and a half days you've been here" she could hear the doctor say and she blushed just a little. When Booth didn't ask who 'Dr. Brennan' was, she assumed that Dr. King had explained already that it was her.
A short time later the doctor stepped out of the room closing the door behind him. "Dr. King, aside from the amnesia, how is he doing?"
"Well his brain waves seem normal. He hasn't appeared to lose any mobility or other faculties. In short, he will be fine. As a matter of fact, provided that the scans later today come back clean, he should be able to be released by the end of the week."
Brennan smiled briefly at the good report before addressing the one thing she feared most. "And the amnesia? How extensive is it? Do you think it will be permanent?"
Dr. King took a moment to study the woman in front of him for a moment before answering. She was definitely an amazing woman. She had spent the past four and a half days in the hospital and he knew from the nursing staff that she had hardly slept or eaten in that time, and yet she was still stunning. He thought her eyes looked a little puffy and red around the edges, but those were the only outward signs of her distress. Her voice, while soft, was steady as steel and she had her shoulders squared ready to accept and deal with the worst case scenario, alone no less. Mentally shaking his head to bring his focus back to the questions at hand he sighed before answering.
"At the moment I can't tell you much. I would suggest you make a list of names of the important people in his life and important events to go over with him when he is feeling up to it. Pictures also help often times. I do not believe that it will be permanent, but it is hard to say at this point. We will know more later in the week."
"Thank you doctor. I will be sure to make that list soon." With a determined nod of the head and a deep breath, Bones walked past the doctor and into her partner's room. "Hi Booth" she said quietly. "The doctor told me that he told you who I am, at least my name. He also said that physically you are fine and can probably go home later this week."
"Yeah, he told me the same. He also mentioned that you were my partner?"
"Yes" she breathed, "We solve murders together with my team, 'the squints' as you call them. We have also become pretty good friends in the four years we have worked together."
His only response was a contemplative nod. Bones couldn't decide if the look on his face was a result of him committing what had just been said to memory or trying to dredge up memories based on the newly received information. "Dr. King also suggested that when you are feeling up to it, we should go over a list of people and events from your life to gage what you remember and try to jog your memory. You look tired. You should get some rest. I will be here when you wake up."
"What are you going to do?" he asked groggily.
"I am going to get started compiling a list. You are a very popular man Booth and have a lot of people in your life. You have also accomplished a lot in your life and therefore there will be many events that need to be well … remembered." Looking up she noticed that he had fallen asleep. She simply sat and watched him for a while. Although she had spent the last four days watching him sleep, this was different, now he looked alert even in slumber. She released a breathless sigh as she noted that at the very least he still had the senses from his Ranger days.
*~BONES~*
At six am Angela was awoken by the ringing of her cell phone. Seeing Bren's name on the caller ID she became instantly awake. "Bren? What happened? Are you ok?"
"I am fine Angela" Brennan replied hoping against hope that she sounded convincing enough to fool her best girl friend. "Booth woke up early this morning" she continued glancing over at his sleeping form. She had to pull the phone away from her ear and cover the phone to muffle the sound of the happy squeal that came from the artist.
"That's great! How is he?"
"Physically he is fine. He doesn't seem to be suffering any ill effects of the surgery or the coma."
"You said physically. What's wrong?" Ang asked picking up on her friend's choice of words instantly.
"The doctors don't know the extent or endurance of it yet, but Booth has amnesia."
"Amnesia!' Angela screamed.
"Yes Ang, amnesia. It may not even turn out to be a big deal so could you please keep your voice down so you don't wake Booth?"
"Oh Sweetie. How bad is it? I mean it's probably just that he doesn't remember the past week or so right?" Angela asked hopefully.
"Like I said, we do not know the full extent yet."
"What aren't you telling me?"
"I don't want anyone to worry yet."
"Tell me anyways Bren. What don't you want to tell me?"
"He doesn't remember … doesn't remember me Ang." Brennan said sadly.
"Oh my God! Oh Bren, I'm coming there right now."
"No don't. Not until I have a chance to talk with him again. I will be fine really. And the doctor seems to think that we should go over a list of names and events to see what he remembers. I don't want to bombard him with people. Not right now."
"Ok Sweetie" Angela agreed reluctantly, "but I'm only a phone call away if you need me for anything. Even if you just want to talk."
"Thanks Ang. I better go. I still have a lot of calls to make."
"Why don't you conference call Hodgins, Cam and Sweets? It should save time."
"Thanks I think I will. I'll talk to you soon Ang" with that she hung up and began calling the rest of their team.
*~BONES~*
"Yes Director Cullen. I'll let you know when we learn anything new." That was the third call this morning.
The call to the rest of the team had gone fairly well. They had taken the news hard but not pressed for too many details when she said 'it is still too early to know anything for certain'. To his credit Sweets had even refrained from trying to ferret out how she was feeling and giving a long explanation to the causes of amnesia.
Bones had attempted to contact Jared, but he was still out of contact, as he had been since this whole thing started. She had left a message at the embassy a couple of days ago for him to call her immediately on the off chance that he would bother stopping there.
The call to Cullen had been short and to the point. Booth was out of the coma and fine physically but was suffering from a form of amnesia and they didn't have much information beyond that at the moment.
The only call left to be made Bones was still putting off. She wanted to gage how much Booth remembered about both Rebecca and Parker before she called them. Though it would break her heart if he didn't remember his little boy, she had to have a definite answer one way or the other about that before she made the call. No doubt when Parker learned his father was awake he would want to come visit, and Brennan couldn't bear it if the little boy ran in and Booth didn't know who he was. As hard as it was for her to hear him say that with absolutely no warning, she couldn't imagine what it would do to a child.
She was roused from her thoughts by the sound of Booth calling "Brennan." As long as she had insisted she hated being called 'Bones', it now felt odd and emphasized the problem to hear him calling her by her given name.
"Yes Booth? Did you need something? If you're hungry I am sure I could find you some pudding around here. Last time …" Bones stopped abruptly as she remembered that the last time he was in fact in the hospital was after that crazy woman had shot him and the Beauru had faked his death. Swallowing thickly to force the lump from her throat she tried again, "The time before last that you were in the hospital practically the only thing you would eat was the pudding."
Booth smiled lightly wishing he could remember and wondering what had happened the last time he was hospitalized to cause her to have that reaction to a simple slip of the tongue. "Water will be fine for now, thanks."
As the two sat there in a companionable silence, Booth marveled at how he could feel so comfortable around someone he didn't even remember. He felt like he could spend the rest of his life sitting here not saying a word and be content provided that she was there too.
*~BONES~*
After a while he decided to bite the bullet and see how much of his memory he had in fact lost. "Hey, did you get that list done? I think we should go over some of it."
"Sure. Would you prefer to go over the events or people first?" Bones asked as she grabbed her laptop and opened both documents she had typed early that morning.
"People" he said decisively, "which reminds me, who knows about this?" he asked waving his hand abstractly towards his head.
"At the moment, most of your family know about the surgery but not the rest, yet. I wanted to know more before I said anything to them. Other than that, your boss, our team, and our psychologist know-"
"Wait a minute; did you just say 'our psychologist'?"
"Yes. We are in partners' counseling with the FBI psychologist. It started out mandatory after … well after some stuff happened between you and my father and then we decided to keep going so he, our psychologist, could use us for research for a book. In exchange we get his help in interrogations and profiling our murderers and suspects." Bones explained finding it surprisingly hard to remain vague until after they had gone through the lists. She didn't want to drop any specific details that might compromise what he actually remembered on his own. "But as I was saying, they know about the surgery and the amnesia. I called them all this morning while you were sleeping."
"Ok. So I guess we should get started."
"I will read off names and if you recognize any of them stop me." After receiving a nod she began, "Temperance Brennan-"
"That's you!" he interjected cheerily.
Bones simply smiled before continuing, "Max Keenan, Lance Sweets, Jack Hodgins, Angela Montenegro, Camille Saroyan-"
"I know Cam. We dated for a while some time back."
Brennan had to fight back a twinge of jealousy and remind herself that he had known Cam before he met her. "That's true. You actually dated again for a short time two years ago, I think. Next name, Sam Cullen-"
"That's the director."
She nodded before continuing "Zach Addy, Parker-"
"My son!" he smiled.
Brennan grinned too and let out a breath of relief. At least he remembered his son. "Rebecca?"
"Parker's mom"
"Jared?"
"Brother, where is he anyways?"
"India, I haven't been able to contact him yet. Tessa, Caroline Julian-"
"She's a district attorney."
"Payton Perotta, Hank Lutrell-"
"We were in the Rangers together."
"Well, it looks like as far as people go, it seems you are fine up until four years ago at the most recent. Possibly five or six, but I am not sure. I don't know much about who you knew back then." Suddenly a thought occurred to her, if he remembered his son's name; the age he thought Parker was would be a good indicator of how many years he had lost. "Booth, how old is your son?"
"Parker? He is turning … 3. Why?" Booth asked trying to figure out where she was going with this.
"Well, that settles it. You are missing the last 5 years."
"How do you know?"
"Because Parker is 8 going on 9. A few months ago you were terrified he'd turn into a serial killer because he found a human finger in a raven's nest" she answered with a small laugh in her voice.
"He found a finger? What happened?"
"Nothing for him. He thought it was kind of cool. You tried to get Sweets to do a session with him. We managed to find the rest of the body and arrest the people responsible for his death. You know what; I think I should call Rebecca now. Do you feel up to a visit from a very energetic 8 year old? Or should I ask her to wait a couple of hours?"
"Doesn't he have school?"
"Not today, it's Saturday. So how much do you want me to tell her?"
"All of it I guess. And I would love for Parker to come for a visit if you can help me catch up a bit on his life before he gets here."
"Of course. Let me just make the call. Or would you rather talk to her?" At the shake of his head she dialed the number for his ex and attempted to gather her thoughts before having to inform her.
When the phone picked up, Booth strained to hear the conversation. "Hi Rebecca, its Dr. Brennan. … No, he's good actually. He woke up early this morning. He said he would love to see Parker today, if possible. … That's good. Listen there is something else I have to tell you first though. … Try not to be too alarmed, but Booth is suffering amnesia. At the moment all that we know is that he seems to be missing about the last five years. … Well, it's just an educated guess but he thinks Parker is 3, so I … yeah, he knows. … No, he doesn't at all, but the doctors think it might help to see people that he knows. … I will meet you at the nurses' station in an hour. … You too."
After Brennan hung up, she turned to see Booth watching her intently. "Rebecca said she and Parker will be here in about an hour" she informed him as she strode back to her seat. "So, what do you want to know before they get here?"
*~BONES~*
An hour later found Brennan waiting by the nurses' station for Booth's son and his mother. She had agreed to help explain the situation to Parker before he saw his dad, and she was not looking forward to it. While she had gotten considerably better, especially with Parker, she still did not know how to talk to kids very well. Just then she saw a flash of blonde curls before she felt the boy throw his arms around her waist. "Hi Dr. Bones!"
"Hello Parker. It's good to see you. Your mom and I need to talk to you before you can go see your dad, ok?" she asked hoping he would agree readily.
"Sure, but we gotta hurry!"
"Ok, hey, where's your mom?" Bones asked looking around for the conspicuously missing Rebecca.
"I'm right here. It's good to see you again Dr. Brennan. I just wish it was under better circumstances" Rebecca said as she walked up to them.
"You too Rebecca. Let's go sit over here out of the way" Bones suggested leading the way down the hall in the opposite direction of Booth's room where there were some chairs against the wall of the hall way.
"Parker, what do you know about why your dad is here?" Bones asked as a way to gage how much she had to explain.
"Daddy had something bad in his head and the doctors had to take it out" he answered slightly downcast.
"That's right. The medicine that they gave him so he would be asleep during the surgery didn't work right, so he ended up sleeping for a very long time in something called a coma. Well this morning your dad woke up, but because something is not right in his brain, either because of the medicine or the surgery, he doesn't remember anything that happened in the last five years. That means that other than what I told him about while we were waiting for you to get here, he doesn't remember anything after you were three" Bones explained to the little boy looking to Rebecca occasionally to make sure she was doing ok.
"But Dr. Bones, we didn't meet you until I was four!" the curly headed boy exclaimed.
"I know sweetie, your daddy doesn't remember me, or any of the people we work with at the Jeffersonian" Brennan responded trying to keep her voice light and free of the tears that threatened to choke her every time she thought about that little fact.
"Oh, I'm sorry Dr. Bones. … When will he remember?"
"We don't know. Soon I hope. Now do you have any questions before we go see him?" He shook his head and she nodded standing and extending her hand to the boy, "Then let's go see him!" she said with as much cheer as she could muster.
The trio walked into Booth's room with Brennan brightly announcing their approach with a "Hey Booth, there's someone here to see you!"
Booth simply stared at the two for a minute. His son was so big and looked so comfortable with his partner. He found himself wondering yet again if that's all they really were. He had a feeling that there was more to their relationship than that, but for now he would let that go. Parker looked up to Bones for reassurance before approaching Booth. At her nod and encouraging smile, he readily walked confidently over to his dad's bed and gave him a hug with a shy "Hi dad."
"Hey Bub. Why don't you come sit up here with me?" Booth suggested.
Once again Parker looked to Bones for the OK. This caused a smile to break out on Booth's face. Rebecca on the other hand was feeling a bit jealous at the fact that her son was looking to this other woman for guidance, but then again she herself had allowed Dr. Brennan to explain what was going on, so maybe Parker just trusted her judgment when it came to medical stuff.
"Hi Rebecca. How have you been?"
"Just fine Seeley. Better than you at least" she tried to joke. "Why don't I get out of your hair and let you two talk?" she suggested gesturing to the two Booth boys on the bed.
"Sure, we'll be here when you get back. Won't we Bub?"
"I'll come with you Rebecca. Why don't we go down to the cafeteria?" Brennan said walking out the door. Rebecca simply nodded her head slightly and followed the other woman back down the hall to the elevator.
*~BONES~*
Once they reached the cafeteria the two women got coffee and picked a table away from the main area of the room.
"I should make a few phone calls, do you mind?" Brennan asked.
"Not at all" replied the blonde woman.
"Ang, it's me."
"Bren, is everything alright?"
"Yeah. Booth's visiting with Parker at the moment so we're giving them some space."
"We? Who's we?"
"Rebecca, Parker's mom."
"OK, so do we have any updates?" Angela asked filing the little tidbit away for a future conversation when Rebecca wouldn't be around to overhear.
"Actually yes. It appears that he is missing the past five years. Cam should be happy to know that he knows who she is though" Brennan informed her friend and couldn't stop the slight edge to her words at the last announcement. "At the moment that is the only new development. Can you tell the others for me? I have to call Cullen."
"Sure thing Sweetie. Just remember I'm here if you need me."
"I know, and thanks Ang."
Hanging up Brennan glanced apologetically at Rebecca. "I just need to make one more short call" she said as she dialed the number into her phone.
"Director Cullen's Office" Cullen's secretary said picking up the phone.
"Celia, its Dr. Brennan. I need to speak with Cullen for a moment if you can squeeze me in."
Rebecca almost felt hurt that this woman, who Seeley didn't even remember, was so embedded in his life that she was the one waiting by his side through the whole ordeal and the one that was responsible for keeping his friends and boss informed. Then again it was her own fault, kind of. She and Seeley didn't love each other enough to share a life. Besides she was married now and she loved her husband. Still sometimes she couldn't help the bitterness and jealousy that Temperance Brennan evoked.
She was pulled from her musings when Brennan began speaking again. "Director Cullen I have an update. … No I don't think there has been any significant improvement, but we have managed to specify how much time is, uh, missing at the moment. … The last five years. … Yes that is a big gap, but the doctors seem confident that he should regain most if not all of his memory in time. … Well, no they did not specify a time. … Yes sir, I will let you know." Brennan hung up the phone with a deep sigh. "That man has never really liked me. I don't think he likes having me as a go between for information about Booth, but he doesn't have much of a choice if he wants any useful information" she informed her dining companion.
"Why doesn't he like you?"
"I really don't know. I think part of it has to do with my insistence on going out in the field and being included in all aspects of a case. Another part of it I think it that he still hasn't gotten over the whole shooting the senator's aid thing."
"But you and Seeley seem to make a good team and you have a high solve rate, from what I've heard" Rebecca placated.
"It doesn't matter. To him I am first and foremost a scientist and I should stay in the lab" Brennan replied with a nonchalant shrug.
*~BONES~*
An hour later the women returned to the room to find Booth and Parker talking about 'all the cool things' Parker had seen and done the last time he was at the lab. Noticing Rebecca hovering around the door he motioned to Parker, "I think it's time for you to go Bub. I'll see you soon."
"Bye Dad. See you later" Parker said giving his father a careful hug before hopping down from the bed and walking to the door and his mother. Noticing Bones down the hall a ways, Parker ran to her giving her a hug with a "Thanks Dr. Bones. See you later."
"See you later Parker. Have fun." With that and a wave at Rebecca, she made her was back to her partner's room. Poking her head in and seeing the sad look on Booth's face, she had an idea. "Hey Booth, I'm going to get us some pudding. Vanilla right? I'll be right back."
"Thanks Bones" he called after her.
"You're welcome" she said. She was half way down the hall before what he had called her registered. Turning on her heal and walking quickly back to the room she asked "What did you just call me?!"
Shocked by her reaction Booth hesitantly answered, "Bones?"
"Did Parker tell you about that?" she demanded trying desperately not to get her hopes up only to have them crash down again.
"No. It just came out. I honestly don't know where it came from."
He watched as the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, or at least that he remembered, broke out across her face. Light seemed to shine from her eyes as she made her way to him and engulfed him in a hug. "Don't fight it, don't question it, just let it come back to you. You are going to be fine!" she declared.
"How do you know?"
"Because you called me Bones" she answered like it was the most blatantly obvious fact on the earth. "I'll be back in a minute. We need pudding to celebrate."
"Celebrate what?" he called after her, but as he sat waiting for her to return flashes like movie clips ran through his head. Mostly he saw glimpses of faces, some alive others not so much, but in all the clips the same basic sound track played: "…Bones." "Don't call me Bones!"
*~BONES~*
Author's note: I couldn't remember Parker's age but I thought he was about 8 in "The Finger in the Nest" so if I'm wrong please correct me. Also, I took the liberty of making up a first name for Cullen because I couldn't remember the real one. Obviously this was inspired by "The End in the Beginning". I felt sick at the way it ended and couldn't sleep after seeing it Wednesday night, so I thought the first half of this up trying to sleep. I may do a sequel if enough people request one.