The Return

I gasped as the first wave of water hit me. The sudden shock of it stung after so long in the heat, and for a second I could scarce think of anything other than the enveloping cold. I forced myself to trudge through it, wincing every step, but after many minutes the pain caused me to see with new clarity the events of the day.

As the river rushed over my feet, so I hurried faster and faster through the freezing tides – desperate to escape the world I was leaving. My exit may be slow, it may be painful but it was still happening; something which I had been hoping and wishing for since my first moments in this kingdom of incessant silence and unrelenting dark. Hell.

But this knowledge still didn't seem to make much difference to me, as my tears rolled down my cheek, just as furious as the river rushing past... The river! Suddenly, I realized why: I was walking through the river Cocytus, the river of lamentation – one of the five rivers that borders the kingdom of Hades, my... I shivered, as though feeling the cold of the water for the first time.

How the name had gripped at me the past few months, cloaking every thought and feeling with dread, fear – and though I could scarce admit it, a kind of dark desire. This man, this strange, hideous and yet somehow fascinating God who had stolen me away from my home on a sunny day dragging me further, further, darker and darker into his kingdom – until I couldn't escape, couldn't leave...until I was trapped.

I openly wailed, remembering the life I had left behind – a beautiful world full of sun, flowers and birds; even nettles seemed like a blessing now. Above all, I missed my mother Demeter, with warm smile and hands that caused the plants to grow - to spring out of the ground just to be near to her. My mother was the Goddess of nature, but she was one of the only Gods whom I had ever known. Even at a young age, I had attracted the attention of a few too many Gods and she'd decided it best to remove me from my suitors. Unfortunately, she hadn't predicted just how determined one in particular was.

Hades, God of the Underworld and brother to my mother, when he had drawn lots with my father Zeus and my uncle Poseidon for which section of the world he received, had been given the land of the dead, stretching underneath the world from the Elysian Fields to the five rivers I was walking across now. Spending all his time in darkness, with the regrets and unfulfilled wishes of the dead he had grown into a God who reflected his shadowy kingdom. When Eros' arrow pierced his sinister front he had spent all his energies and skills (being a God, he had of course a great many) into finding me, and capturing me.

Sighing with relief I stepped from the icy water of the Cocytus and ran, faster and faster until I arrived disheveled and short of breath at the Phlegethon's shores. I was wary of this river, the river of fire and as I stepped into it I realized my fears. The current of this river was no longer icy – but instead burned with a fury. My lamentation melted away –replaced with nothing. No thoughts, no fears, no yearnings just a hard fire that coursed through me, scalding me, hurt me. To escape it I ran until my heart was pounding, and I thought as if I was going to break apart from the pain. The underworld was resolute: once you had entered it was near-impossible to leave. If I had not known I had the backing of Zeus, the King of the Gods, behind me I would have given up there and then.

I left the river behind after a short while, relieved to be stepping on to the hard soil. The pain still scorched me, but it was fading. I could almost bear it.

Stepping into Acheron, I felt my breathing ease as the cooler water trickled over me, numbing out the remaining fire. This river was slower than the others – almost reluctant – as if the river itself was so overcome by the sorrow characteristic of it, it could hardly bear to move. Immediately my thoughts turned once more to my mother I had left behind – how was she? Would she be waiting for me?

After Hermes' visit yesterday I was certain she'd missed me; before then with no word from the surface, no idea of the world above I didn't know if she'd even noticed my disappearance. I felt a quiet, reflective sadness creep over me, unlike the open lamentation of Cocytus as I recalled my weeks in the dark; how I'd felt as I'd left the soft-sunlight of my world, powerless to resist.

Until Hermes, the messenger God had come with word from Zeus, demanding that I returned to the world. I didn't know the details of his conversation with Hades – only that they'd talked long into the night and Hades had ignored the streams of the dead waiting to be judged as the two God's voices had echoed angrily into the night. All I knew was that Hermes had come out, flashed one glance at me and took off on winged sandals before I could judge his expression, and that when Hades called me to talk to him he told me that I would have to leave him, that I could return to the Earth.

Even then I did not feel as relieved as I would've expected, still sure that this was some trick, unable to believe my nightmares had ended. Even now, I kept glancing behind me, scared. But no trick had been played – Hades had accepted the King God's demands and let me go, even giving me six pomegranate seeds to nourish me for my journey, and they had slipped down my throat, fruity and sharp-soft, the first food I'd eaten here. But the joy was short-lived; I couldn't help but remember the day I'd been snatched, and how right now instead of walking towards the next river (I had left the Acheron a while back) I could have been walking in the meadows near where I lived with my friends, if only, if only he had never come....

Soft, plaintive music interrupted my reverie and confused I strained to hear clearer. Approaching the next river I realized it was the river Lethe and the music was sounded as throngs and throngs of people bathed. They looked so peaceful, gently moved by the calm welcoming waters as if all the troubles of their previous lives had left them. They had. Lethe was the river of forgetfulness, and every man or woman would bathe in it upon dying, to forget all about their old lives. They looked happy, unconcerned and satisfied and the music so nostalgic, yet beautiful at the same time. I continued towards it as if in a trance.

Wait.

I stopped myself, forcing myself back before I leapt into the water. The contentedness of these people was all very well – but how could they really be happy when they had forgotten everything? I didn't want to forget. The darkness of this world was outnumbered by the light of my home. Once I had left here, it would all be okay, I could live in the light forever.

The people were so many in number they formed a kind of a bridge, I stepped lightly from one to the next, apologizing profusely, yet somewhat unnecessarily as they only smiled half-smiles at me and continued washing. Occasionally there would be someone who wouldn't bathe, but was bathed against their will by others. Then, after a while they stopped struggling, and sunk into the flow of the rest. What would it be like, I wondered, if everyone was like this also: content, and unquestioningly accepting? Would the world be a better place? If no-one reacted to anything, if there was no real joy, but also no pain? My conclusion was reflected in my desperation to get over the river without touching its waters and leave the haunting melody behind me.

After a while I reached the river Styx, the river of hate. Styx bordered the edge between the underworld and the middle earth. Once I had crossed it, my journey was over.

I had looked forward to this moment for so long, but now it was here I felt nothing – absolutely nothing. Actually, that wasn't quite true; I felt so much that the two conflicting feelings cancelled each other out into nothing. But it was still there, tearing me in two – a feeling I hadn't anticipated and never, ever wanted.

I saw His eyes staring into mine, like ice and fire and rage – intense and distant. At the time it had been impossible to look away, to break his gaze. I hadn't thought anything of it – just assumed it was another quality of a God whose power burned and knew no bounds. Suddenly, I didn't want to go, didn't want to leave – I wanted to turn back and run to Hades, even though I knew that meant staying in this world forever. From the first time I saw him, swooping out of the sky, my curiosity, my fascination had caused devastation. If I had done the sensible thing and fled, instead of watching enthralled, none of this would have happened. I couldn't make the same mistake twice. Yet something about him repelled me so much, it almost drew me in. He, the God of the Underworld, wanted me – it perplexed and delighted me and despite everything, mattered a great deal. He was like night and the storm in the heart of the sun. Something about the way he had held my gaze and looked so sad yet accepting as he offered me the pomegranate seeds made me utterly certain that I could, notwithstanding everything, trust him absolutely. He almost looked as though he didn't think he was saying goodbye forever...

I winced, 'forever' seeming too long for once, and pitied the humans that came this way after a long life. Instead I had come to the Underworld near the beginning of my life and would never return. Before I could dwell any longer I stepped into Styx the boundary river, and everything changed.

As I battled through the river of hate, all my regrets at going disappeared. He didn't love me. He couldn't, or he would have wanted to make me happy. I was merely a plaything that would soon have been discarded. Had he not a care for my family, his family? My mother was his sister, after all. Didn't he consider how much it would hurt her? How could he force me into his dark kingdom – how could he dare touch me? I was filled with all the hate I had held back with other thoughts. Why didn't my father act sooner? Did I matter less to Zeus than his other children, Athena, Aphrodite etc – just because I didn't live on Mount Olympus?

I was at the other side of the river now, only a step away from leaving the Underworld. I thought briefly of Hades and then focused on my mother; I'd missed her so much...

Taking a deep breath, I left the boundary river and returned to the sunlight.

Based on the story of Persephone and the pomegranate seeds, set during her return to the middle earth, but before the finds out the seeds she has eaten mean she must stay in the Underworld as Hades' wife for 6 months a year.