I stepped through the glass door into the small foyer of the little bookshop. My steps were soft on the plush white carpet as I made my way up to the front counter. A partite girl stood there looking through a price catalogue for the store. Her hair was straight and long, flowing down to her waist and walnut brown. She had on a greenish grey tank top with a Nirvana patch ironed on. A black studded belt hung low on her waist paired with a silver studded belt. I stood there waiting until she was finished before I asked:

"Would you mind helping me find a Social Studies text book?" She smiled warmly at me, he eyes soft and knowing. But at the same time I could see something in them that frightened me. An emotion that seemed all to familiar at the back of my mind. Her eyes… they held so much depth in them, such a luscious milk chocolate color. And in them I could see something I had never seen before in my life, a future.

For a moment she ducked under the counter and I leaned over to see her pull a white board out of the shelves. The back of her shirt ridded up and I saw a tramp stamp of the Gibson guitar logo. God damn it, I thought, that's hot. Standing up she uncapped a purple dry erase marker from the pocket of her plaid mini skirt and scribbled something on the board, then held it up for me to see.

"What did you do to your text book?" I blinked at her, then began to stutter. She couldn't talk? Maybe she has laryngitis. But when I looked into her eyes I say a ghost. She hurriedly erased what she wrote and scribbled on it again. "What year are you in. Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, or Senior?" If she talked right now, I knew that her voice would crack raising an octave or two.

"Junior," I said quietly, averting my eyes. I heard her step out from behind the counter and looked up to see that she brought the white board with her, hugging it to her. Taking my hand she led me into the stock room at the back of the store. I was pulled over to a pile of boxes that said Junior: World History on them. Letting go of my hand she bent down to rummage through one of the already opened boxes.

Her back was incredibly straight, it almost looked painful, and her brown hair fell in front of her face. She kept swatting it away but it never stayed. I leaned over and pulled her hair out of her face, she smiled at me nodding her head in thanks. Her skin was so pale, yet flushed a soft pink. Her hair was so silky smooth that I couldn't help but run my fingers through it and twirl it around my index finger. A small sigh escaped her lips, but it wasn't an irritated sigh, it was one of contentment.

A moment later she picked out a history book that was an exact replica of mine. The spine was creased. Looking through it I even saw that page 25 was partially ripped.

"This is almost exactly like mine! I mean… how did you know that page thirty-five needed to be ripped?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's pretty common. Besides, page twenty-five is the one that gets stamped with the facilities identification marker. So a lot of the time its ripped. And because I took the same class last year and I ripped that page when we had to study about the Roman Empire. Boring as hell!" Who knew that all of that could fit on one white board. I smiled down at her, so… she was a senior. She looked much more like a junior, maybe she skipped a grade.

She… Her… I don't know her name, she doesn't have a nametag on. She turned to walk away, but I grabbed her hand. When she spun around I rested my hands on her shoulders, her cheeks flushing a bright red. I moved in a little closer to her and leaned down to her height, our noses almost touching. Her breathing became shallow and washed against my face in short gasps. Eventually she closed her eyes and began biting her bottom lip attentively. I could feel something, something deep inside of me that was screaming for me to be near her, to touch her cheek; I pushed it aside.

"I don't know your name." My eyes closed as my hands slid down to her elbows. She started to move to write on her white board, but I shook my head. "No, I…" She let out a moan like sound that nearly sounded like a question. "I want to give you a name." She moved her hands up to grab my lower arms in her small hands, caressing them with her gentle fingers. "Umm… You look like a Lettore to me." She let out a small gaffing sound that I figured to be laughter, maybe a soft giggle? "It means reading, do you like it?" She nodded her head.

Lettore mashed her head under my chin in a motion that almost seemed like she was snuggling into me.

"Il mio gatto piccolo gattino. My little kitty cat." She made the gaffing sound again and snuggled into me even more, our bodies flush with one another. "Tomorrow I'll stop by at the same time as today and take you out afterwards. How does that sound Lettore?" She removed her head from under my chin and smiled up brightly at me.

"Great, see you then!" I turned around and made my way to the front of the store. Suddenly I ran back to her, panting "How much for the book?" But she shook her head no.

"You are paying for it tomorrow by taking me out. See you then." She waved her hand for me to go. But I couldn't leave, not just yet.

"There's something about you," I said. "And I don't know what it is, but it makes me extremely attracted to you." Her blush satisfied a need deep within me that I couldn't name. A feeling that was like a thirst that needed to be quenched, and Lettore was what I needed to quench it. I knew she was the one, deep down where that feeling was harbored.

What the hell am I getting myself into? I thought as I sat on my bed, replaying what happened after school today at the bookstore in my head. What's Tanya going to say? Damn it, Tanya, she is going to kill me if she see's that I'm going on a date with a senior. I mean, Tanya is my girlfriend! Fuck, I'm screwed. There is no way that I will be able to get out of this one.

I rolled off of the bed and sat at the edge for a moment.

"I just can't believe I fell... for such a blackened heart." Walking over to the far end of the room I picked up my Fender and plugged it into the amp. It came to life with a soft hum, adjusting the volume and reverb dials I began to strum out a riff. "If I tare you open wide, take a look inside, are you pretty? Can I get inside your mind, see what I can find, are you pretty?" Yeah Tanya, are you pretty? "Played me for a fool and just used me from the start."

I fueled all my anger towards Tanya into this one song. Maybe meeting Lettore today gave me some hidden confidence that I needed to help me bite the bullet. For the past two years Tanya has been nothing but a whining, sniveling bitch. She treats me like I'm replaceable, and all the sings were there. The time I came home to see her and Adam sitting on the couch together "studying." He may be my identical twin, but there's a lot of differences between the two of us. If they want to run off into the sunset together, fine by me. But I won't be a bittersweet memory.

Carlisle and Esme had been home for some time now, we were all gathered around the table eating dinner.

"Adam," Esme asked in her always courteous manner, "would you mind passing me the salt?" He didn't say anything, just handed her the salt. "Thank you," she said as she salted her food then put the salt down. Everything got awkward fast after that. All that could be heard was the scratching of utensils on the porcelain plates.

"I have a date tomorrow," I blurted out.

Esme looked up at me from her plate with a bright smile. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Adam's saddened look. "That's lovely dear! Where are you and Tanya going?" I laughed quietly to myself, shaking my head.

"I'm not going with Tanya." Her smile fell instantly.

"Then who," Carlisle asked, sitting up straighter.

"Her names Lettore," Adam looked about ready to kill me on the spot. "I met her today after school. We hit it off pretty good."

"And by that he means that he fucked her in a back ally." Adam looked at me with cold eyes across from the table. Esme gasped at how rude he sounded, but I guess I deserved it. "At least they were on a first name basis. Good for you Eddie, that's a new record." He stabbed his meatloaf and shoved it into his mouth. I hope he chokes.

I scoffed. "At least I didn't bang my brothers girlfriend in the room right next to him, dickhead." Carlisle set his fork down as a signal that we needed to stop. "All the fucking 'study' sessions. Do you think I'm slow or something?"

"You still wouldn't have given a shit if I tied you to the chair and screwed her right in front of you. Yo-"

"Yeah, I wouldn't of cared." I shot back with venom, interrupting his next rebuttal. "She's a fucking bitch who needs to be muzzled."

Adam stood up like a bullet fired from the barrel a gun. "Take it BACK!"

I stood up as well, saying loud and clear. "Make me." He tensed to jump at me from across the table. If he wanted a fight, he would get one.

"Oh yeah? And what's with this Lettore girl? Is she a transvestite or something. Is whittle Edweirdo here trying to tell us something?"

"That's enough you two." Carlisle's voice was firm, but at this point I was pissed beyond belief.

"Don't talk about her like that!"

"Oh, did I hit a soft spot? You must have really liked that pussy."

"She is not a piece of meat, God damn it." I clenched my fists and flexed my jaw. Anything to keep me from killing Adam right on the spot. "You know nothing about her! If you ever saw her you would know something was wrong. You didn't see the turmoil in her eyes that I say today at the bookstore. Adam, you need to fucking check yourself before you say things about people that you have never even met. I have a right to call Tanya a bitch because she has fucking used me to get to you for the part two years. Do you know how it feels to be used for that long. You don't KNOW ANYTHING! EVERYONE HAS BEEN USING ME FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE! I have absolutely nothing in my life that is truly mine. So shut THE FUCK UP… and listen to me. Ask me fro once in my life what I want." I stepped back from the table with my hands held up in defeat.

Everyone was looking at me wide eyed, mouths agape. They would never know, not even Adam. Adam, my little brother, he was the lucky one. I had nothing. Esme looked at me with tears in her soft blue eyes. I hurt Esme.

"For once in my life, just please get off of my back and just, understand. I try, really try, to be your type of normal, but it's harder then it looks. It's just… it's over you can screw with Tanya all you want to Adam, have fun." I dropped my hands to my side and turned to leave. "If you'll excuse me…" I paused. What if? "I'm going to go and jump off a God damned bridge." I ran to the door and slammed it shut behind me. I needed an escape, from everything.

I… I need something, anything to make this feeling go away. Hope had left my life, I felt like there was nothing left in me. It left my stomach empty and churning. My family would never understand me, that was a definite. But what if she doesn't understand? My family is one thing, but Lettore is completely different. There is just something about her that screams to me, "I'm here for you." Is it possible to feel such a thing after just meeting a person? But how would she even know how I feel, she could never completely be there for me. But, maybe she knows. That look in her eyes. What skeletons does she hide in her closet?

I looked down at the water from where I stood, how it swayed and ebbed. A black abyss filled with nothing, taking yet never giving back. What if I jumped? Would anyone truly miss me? Would there be anyone at my funeral, or would there never be one? Just a cover-up saying that I ran away from home. Everyone would believe it, that's for sure.

But for a split second I thought about Lettore. How she made my life so beautiful for just one day; that was what I needed. I lifted my foot over the edge of the railing from where I stood and held It there. The wind rustled my hair, moving it in front of my eyes. In the corned of my eye through my hair I saw the flash of headlights and the screeching of tires. My hands ached as I tightly gripped onto the metal beams, and then… I let go.

A thick saddened sound pierced my ears that made me turn my head. In the light from the streetlamp above all I saw was brown. A woman with long brown hair and a greenish grey tank top with a patch ironed on the front.

What happens if I live?