The Lies They Always Told You

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"We're not asking you to trust us right away, Commander. Given your history with our organization, it would be impossible to request your cooperation without offering an explanation." The woman's sharp blue eyes watched her carefully, a shadow of a smile on her lips. She knew what that smile meant: We'll fuck you in a hundred different ways, Shepard; always in the name of the greater good.

She needed something to get rid of that pain; the jaw was killing her. "What I don't get," she said slowly, "is why you are calling me Commander. You're no Alliance."

"Neither are you," the woman stated. "The Alliance pronounced you officially dead. Somewhere, back on Earth, there's an empty casket with your name-"

"Miranda." Jacob's deceptively soft voice hinted at a poorly-veiled warning. So far he hadn't been averse to sharing information with her, so Sunday gathered that he was trying to be as diplomatic as possible. It was plain to see that they had little idea who they were dealing with.

So, they'd finally ditched her. Good riddance. How many times had she told Anderson that she was not supposed to be there, to be that? She was no poster girl. But of course she was for them. No family, no silver spoon, no future; even the nickname "Butcher" shouldn't have done much to improve her reputation. And yet, having gotten so many killed had opened doors that would normally be locked tight to those like her. After all, the Alliance took pride in their killers, just like any other merc organization.

Miranda and Jacob were bickering over whether it was necessary for her to do some tests, and all she wanted to do was to shut them up. Now that she was winding down, she was starting to feel every inch of her body; her new body, as she had been told. She just didn't fully get it, but somehow she believed it. Under that skin, everything felt unfamiliar and off, just like that odd, jolting feeling she'd always had when guys had tried to grope her when she was living in the streets of DC. "Tried" was always the key word.

"-Torfan." Jacob's voice drew her attention. She gave him a tired look. "Do you remember taking on some batarian slavers?"

...

It had been days since the last shipment had arrived. Communications had been cut off, and it was not hard to see that it had either been intercepted or shot down. She had to come up with something and fast: she had no intention of dying on that forsaken moon.

"If we don't finish these fuckers now we're gonna leave this place tagged and in bags!" she shouted, rallying her team amidst the incessant drilling and the blasts to draw out the burrowers. "Kyle! You got your men this far – we need those shields! Make sure they're ready; they screw up, we're all dead!"

"With all due respect, ma'am-" the man started to say, but she cut him off.

"Don't ma'am me, Kyle. You've got your orders." She switched to a private channel with him. "You're no idiot. You've seen our numbers, and theirs. I can't issue a 'no man left behind' now. Whatever happens, it's on me."

...

"Those four-eyed moles made us work for it. They got us good. I sent a lot of good soldiers to their deaths, but that's how it had to be." She hated every word that came out of her mouth. It felt like being back in front of the Committee, the cameras, the public scrutiny. Tone it down, Shepard.Anderson's voice still rang in her ears. One minute he was helping her wade through the sea of inquiries; the next, he was escorting her to the Villa.

"Shepard," Miranda called out. She looked as if she wanted to snap her fingers, but Sunday thought she looked too classy to do that. "Are you feeling alright? Is it physical discomfort?"

"Not at all," Sunday smirked. God, it hurt like hell. "You made me purrfect, Creator."

"Excuse me?" Miranda muttered, arching an eyebrow.

"The Commander saw one of the logs," Jacob explained, sounding slightly amused. "She knows that you were the head of the Lazarus Project." He gave Sunday an appreciative look. "That should tell you that her brain is working just fine. Shepard can put two and two together while dodging mech attacks."

"Eh. No need to ass-kiss," Sunday said dismissively, making Jacob clear his throat and Miranda shift on her seat. "What'd you wanna know?"

"Why did you leave Chief-Gunnery Williams behind?"

She glanced at her hands and rubbed them before leaning forward. "Being in command means that you have to make decisions that are sometimes hard. You have to assess the risks and make a call, even if it means losing people."

...

Trying to find his pulse… Where do you check that on a krogan? Pressing the wounds, but goddammit, there are so many of them… "Wrex! Come on, buddy, answer me!"

"Shepard…" Garrus's purr, right behind her. His hand on her shoulder. "He's gone."

The waves rolled in and out gently, as if nothing had changed. She looked up, and there was Ashley, still holding her pistol. Sunday felt her blood boiling, burning her cheeks. One more second and she would shoot her right there. She saw Kaidan standing between them - he knew what was crossing her mind. She clenched her fists and stood up. "What the fuck were you thinking, Williams? I had it under control!"

"I'm sorry, Commander, but he didn't look as if he was going to back down. You could have been injured and that would have jeopardized the mission. I-"

Three steps. Three fucking steps and she'd punch her lights out. Ashley had never even bothered talking to Wrex. He would never have fired. "Not. Your. Call. You do that again, and I swear…"

Ashley swallowed hard. "Understood, ma'am." She turned around and Kaidan followed her to the tent. Sunday tried to look away, but Wrex's body was just as hard to ignore as Wrex himself had been in life.

"I'm sure that Williams thought it was for the best," Garrus murmured.

"His shields were not up, Garrus," she replied tiredly. "He was not serious about it." She saw his mandibles tremble slightly, as if he wanted to come up with some excuse. But he knew her better than that. Sunday plodded towards Kirrahe, and on the way she caught a glimpse of Kaidan comforting Ashley. They both knew that they could never have each other's backs again.

Which was why Sunday had not hesitated in sending Ashley to plant the bomb.

"Commander, with all due respect," Kaidan said, "I have the tech expertise to handle that."

With all due respect, once again. "Did you not hear what I've just said, Lieutenant? It seems that today is 'Fuck what Shepard said' day! I gave you an order, Alenko."

She saw him clench his jaw and she expected him to protest, but he still looked straight ahead and said, "Aye aye, Commander."

"Williams," she said as she took her helmet from Garrus's hands. "The bomb is yours."

...

"Ash gave her life for the rest of the team," Sunday said in an even voice. "Without her, I couldn't have stopped Saren. She died a hero."

"We understand, Commander," Jacob said respectfully. "Personally, I would like you to know that we are all committed to this cause, and we are fully prepared to take the necessary risks to accomplish it."

Miranda crossed her legs, her eyes never straying apart from Shepard. It seemed that the files and vids on her had covered very little of the woman that was sitting in front of her eyes. She knew her kind: in spite of her dismissive attitude, she was an Alliance dog. Train them well and groom them, and you've got brute grunts turned into motivational life lessons. That was all very good; in fact, if they hadn't considered Shepard to be that kind of person, she wouldn't be there. Her only concern, however, was how much the Illusive Man was willing to support her. She had asked for more control over Shepard, and he had refused to do so. "Bring her back just as she is," he'd said. Part of her felt amused, thinking that he would come to regret that action. Even though she was fully prepared to put out the fires that Shepard would surely cause, she thought that there would be no harm in letting Cerberus take a few blows from their precious Commander Shepard. It would do them good.

"Tim… Can I call you Tim?"

"Don't push it, Shepard," the Illusive Man warned her sternly, even though he sounded almost amicable.

"Here's the thing, Tim. I woke up a couple of hours ago and I found myself in this upgraded body. Still having trouble adjusting, mind you, but I won't be dancing tango any time soon. The new parts are good for what I do." Sunday's eyes scanned the image of the Illusive Man. Smooth moves, and a natural, even voice. Unusually bright eyes – undoubtedly he'd received the same treatment they'd given her. Head nods here and there, and a firmness in response that Shepard had only seen in Hackett. Regular eye contact and attentiveness: he was actually listening. "So why am I here? With the money you spent on me, you could have built your own Reaper."

The Illusive Man left his glass and stood up, arms hanging down. Still trying to win me over. "I trust Miranda has already told you why we brought you back. Even if the sudden demise of the previous Councilors left humanity in a better position, our colonies are still overlooked, and now they are under attack. I won't cry 'Reapers' without proof, although I'm sure the evidence will show up sooner rather than later." Through the smoke of his cigarette, his bright light-blue eyes focused on Shepard. "Then perhaps, the stories the politicians have been spinning since you defeated Sovereign will finally unravel."

Sunday lowered her arms, reflecting the man's posture back to him. "It is true that I kicked that monster's ass and defeated Saren and the geth. But I didn't do it alone. You want me to do something, you get me the people I used to work with; simple as that."

"Your old team might be hard to track down," the Illusive Man replied, going back to his chair. "May I suggest a change of companions? You don't really want an Alliance-loyal lieutenant second-guessing you, do you? How about this: you do this one job with Jacob and Miranda." He gave his cigarette a long puff. "You will find them particularly useful when it comes to quietly infiltrating a facility. If they are not to your liking, we can discuss how quickly we can fetch some of your old team members."

Wrex is not around anymore. Kaidan is Alliance through and through. Garrus is my only option. She smirked, feeling an unnatural stiffness. She wondered how she would look from the outside. "What can I say? The word 'Reapers' makes me all a-tingle. Just point me in the right direction and I'll do it."

The Illusive Man gave her a lopsided smile. "You have won me a bet, Shepard. Miranda was sure that you would be more resistant, and she's not usually wrong. But I told her that it is your single-mindedness that helped you move up in the Alliance, and that is what we want from you."

"Shepard, you… You are alive?" The quarian's voice sounded as if she was on the verge of breaking down.

Shit. She didn't need Tali there. Knowing that Miranda was a good judge of character had made her feel less confident in general, and she'd had to resort to her old snarky ways to cover up for her reservations. "Tali'Zorah, you know me!" she barked. "You know what happens to the people who threaten me. You and your friends don't wanna end up like that volus on Noveria…"

...

"Put that gun down and stop squirming, you jackass!" Sunday grunted. The volus kept wriggling, trying to get away from Garrus's grasp.

"I'm telling you, we're just trying to help," the turian droned. "And if I were you, I'd do what she says. You don't wanna stay here and freeze to death, do you?"

"Argh, hurry up! I'm getting the urge to kick him about," Wrex grumbled. "I used to have a ball made of a klixen's fire gland. This guy reminds me of that."

Even though they could not see the fear in the face of the volus, they could still hear the heavy breathing. The words of the krogan had surely made an impression on him, because he stopped moving. "I… will calm down now, Earth-clan."

"Tali, give him the medi-gel and check for punctures- Ah, I forgot you know the drill."

The quarian nodded. She couldn't help but feel warm inside when Shepard showed that she knew what it was like to live under a suit. The Commander had become acquainted with her situation – "just so that I know that you won't be a liability," she had said–, but Tali thought that there was something else there. Sunday always had her eye on everyone's needs. She never coddled. She didn't congratulate them either. You held you end and she would be fine with you.

"The scrubbers check out just fine, and the suit had a minor tear," she said to Shepard. "I'm already applying antibiotics to clear the infection."

"Check your own equipment as well," the Commander replied, restocking the supplies of the Mako. "We can't afford to take any risks. We don't know what we're going to find up there."

Tali nodded. For the first time since she had joined the Normandy and her crew, she felt as if she was a real, meaningful part of the missions. It was comforting to know that everyone had each other's back.

...

"Weapons down, Prazza," Tali commanded, still giving Sunday a hard look. She felt grateful for her mask, because Miranda was scrutinizing her every move. "Fighting Cerberus won't do us any good, especially if they have Shepard on their side."

"You and I have different methods, but I can't argue with the results." He sounded pleased, and that was all that mattered. She felt as if she was back at the N-School, where every accomplishment got immediate feedback from the People That Mattered. Anderson had put her through it, and Hackett had checked in on her frequently. She had joked about it with some of the other officers, insinuating that both men were a couple and had adopted her. She had also been severely reprimanded for that, but at least she'd had a few laughs.

"Look, Tim… I don't like to be played. You want me to do the job? Do not blindside me. If you knew what I was gonna find in that colony, why'd you send me there without a warning?"

"Come on, Shepard…" he chuckled. "I've seen your record. You're no stranger to fighting in uncharted territory. You have been to places in which no other human has set foot."

"With. My. Crew." She cocked her head and folded her arms. "You do realize that I defused a bomb between your dogs and the quarians today, right? I'm just as good as the people I command; your people-"

"I beg to differ, but I see your point. My thanks for the part you played in getting that olive branch from the quarians." He stroked the butt of his cigarette. "I will instruct Miranda to transfer the files on Omega, as well as the dossiers of the potential crew members. In the meantime, you might want to have a talk with your new pilot. I trust you will find him suitable enough."

The lights went out and the doors behind her slid open. She didn't need to turn around to know he was there – his uneven pacing gave him out.

"Hey Commander," Joker smiled. "Just like old times, huh?"

...

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