Author's Note: I am using female Hawke's default appearance. Story contains spoilers.
Prologue
From the moment her family had been forced to flee Lothering she had to lead. It had been from necessity that Marian created her outward persona of Hawke. Hawke was the capable leader, the one with the answers. Hawke could stare an ogre in the face while unleashing a torrent of fire and not be afraid.
However Hawke could not show her emotions. The scream of anguish that welled up inside her, at seeing Bethany's lifeless body on the ground, had been bitten back. She would have to wait until they made camp to allow Marian to come out and grieve. Hawke had to be a rock, for Mother and Carver. By the time they reached Kirkwall she had her Hawke face on for so long Marian was receding into the background. A year of working for mercenaries had only cemented Hawke further in place.
When she was child her father had told her she was a natural leader, what she did not know was how exhausting that would be. Hawke had become the unquestioned leader of her small band of friends. She had felt physically sick at having to make the choice to take Carver to the Grey Wardens. But Hawke could not show that. Hawke had to look into her brother's frightened eyes and decide his fate without betraying too much emotion. Inside Marian was crying, not wanting this particular decision forced on her.
After that day she swore to never let anyone else in, she'd lost too many close to her. Father and Bethany dead, Carver in the Grey Warden's never wrote. She had fully become Hawke now, a leader, a noble and more important an apostate willing to stand up to the Knight-Commander. Perhaps that's why she had been so surprised when she discovered she had more than friendly feelings for Anders. And just like that she was back to juggling Marian and Hawke.
The balancing act was not as easy this time, especially after her mother's death. This time there had been no one for her to turn to, no one, but him. She had all but fallen into his arms, sobbing. Her mental walls came crashing down; she realized Anders was all she had left. And most important to Hawke, he was the only one who knew her as Marian.
Perhaps, in retrospect, she should have ended it then instead of running to him. Hawke had always tried to be fair, always look at both sides of the issue. Even as the tension between the Templars and the Mages reached its breaking point Hawke tried to settle things peacefully. And then Justice happened. There was no going back. The next choice she made would determine the rest of her life and she didn't even have to think.
The heart had beaten the head. Marian had beaten Hawke.