LALLS in Smallville
WARNING: Some Season 8 spoilers
Rated PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing except a desire to have more SV Lois in Season 8.
So there won't be any confusion. These are the Players:
NNLois is Noel Neill's Lois Lane in the Adventures of Superman television series
MKLois is Margot Kidder's Lois Lane in the Superman movies
THLois is Terri Hatcher's Lois Lane in the New Adventures of Lois and Clark tv series
EDLois is Erica Durance's Lois Lane in the Smallville tv series
TWClark is Tom Welling's Clark Kent in the Smallville tv series
The Kansas sun was warm and bright as EDLois pulled her red Mustang convertible into one of the parking spaces in front of the Smallville Drug Store.
NNLois untied the scarf from her head. "So this is where they commiserate?" she said looking at the store front.
ED nodded. "Yep. It's kind of homey in there actually." She let out a satisfied breath.
"And you're not going to tell me why you called this get together . . .and in Smallville, no less," said the questioning, sunglassed Lois looking very much like Natalie Wood.
"Nope. I'm waiting to tell everyone at once," said EDLois as she adjusted her own sunglasses in the rear view mirror.
"Is it because you have dark hair now?"
"Patience, NN," she said as her smile grew bigger and bigger.
"Patience? Since when did a Lois have patience?" said NN in exasperation. She took a deep breath and looked at ED's huge grin." "You've been doing that all morning, y'know."
"What?"
"Smiling like the village idiot," snickered NN.
Before ED could take offense, a red Lamborghini pulled in beside them. She let out a low whistle of appreciation. "Now that's a car!"
The doors opened and out stepped THLois the driver, and MKLois the backstretching passenger. "Good morning, ladies," said TH as she shut the door of her attention getting vehicle.
ED walked around her vintage muscle car to get a closer look. "How can you afford that on the Planet's salary?"
"She can't," chuckled MK as she hugged ED.
TH quickly walked past them and headed for the drug store door. "It was a gift!"
"A wedding gift," added NN watching TH avoid them and grab the store's door handle.
"Who could afford to give THAT as a wedding present?" said ED incredulous still admiring the cars sleek lines and awesome power.
"Think about it," snickered MK as she started for the entrance. "You're a smart girl."
ED stood for a second as NN left her side chortling. Her eyes got big and her jaw dropped. "Lex Luthor! Lex Luthor gave you a Lamborgini as a . . ."
TH with the door handle in her white knuckled grasp. "I don't like to talk about it," she clipped as she banged the door open and went inside.
As the store bell clanged loudly, NN and MK turned to ED. "She doesn't like to talk about it." Their mischievous smirks made ED purse her lips not to laugh.
"Okay, I get it," said the youngest Lois as she followed them into the store and placed her sunglasses on top of her head.
"Something else to look forward to," said MK as TH sat in a booth in the back.
The women all settled into the booth and started reading the one page menu enclosed in a plastic cover.
"Love the dark hair. So how was your trip?" asked MK still perusing what the drug store soda counter offered.
"ED is an excellent driver," said NNLois as put her sunglasses in her purse and snapped it shut.
"Unlike Clark," snickered TH and MK trying not to burst with laughter.
"What do you mean?" asked EDLois trying to get someone's attention at the counter.
"He's a man who can fly, ED. He's not the best driver in the world. Have you ever ridden with him in a vehicle?" asked TH leaning against the formica'd table top.
"No," said ED shaking her head while still trying to make eye contract with a boy across the room. "Not when he was driving."
"Well, count your blessings!" said MKLois leaning into the vinyl seat.
Finally a boy came around the counter and made his way to their booth. "I did hear he laid a patch of rubber in the Smallville Medical Center parking lot because he was going too fast."
"What episode was that?" asked NN as the young man appeared with a tray by her side.
"Nemesis, season six," said ED looking up and giving the familiar high schooler a smile.
The boy placed glasses of water in front of all the women, but his eyes remained on EDLois. "Hey! You're Lois Lane, aren't you?" He said with shock and admiration.
All four women answered at the same time. "Yes."
The boy's eyebrows collided as he continued to look at EDLois. "You wrote that article about the Luthorcorp fertilizer plant. My dad said it was about time that someone told the truth about those people."
"Well, nothing much happened after that. With Lex's disappearance and Lionel's death, the litigation is at a standstill."
"Even so. It got things moving. Now what will you have?"
ED scowled while taking another glimpse at the menu. "I don't know. Uhh, doesn't Clark Kent and some gentlemen meet here . . .periodically."
"Oh yea, you're sitting in their booth." The three other women started to grin.
"Well, what do they order?"
"Usually drinks."
"Drinks?" said NNLois with great surprise.
"Not THOSE kind of drinks," whispered THLois.
"Like what, for instance?" asked MKLois playing with the salt and pepper shakers.
"Umm, well. Last time they were in here. An egg crème, a malted, a vanilla shake, a chocolate shake, and a pina colada shake."
"Pina colada?" said EDLois confused.
"SR probably," said MK as she placed the condiments back into their original positions.
"Which reminds me, where is . . ." started NNLois looking at TH.
"Does one of the gentlemen with Clark ever have prescriptions filled here?" asked ED with her reporter face on.
"Not that I can remember," said their waiter.
"Oh, okay. Thanks. I'll have a hot fudge sundae with nuts."
"I'll have the same with caramel, too," said MK.
"Banana split for me," said THLois.
"Give me a tin roof," said NN. "Thank you."
"Thanks, ladies. I'll bring those out ASAP."
When he walked out of earshot, MK turned to ED. "What's with the prescription question?"
"I was just curious if SRClark ever got the kid's medicine here," said ED.
TH shook her head in disgust. "Is the kid super or not?"
"Well, he does have those whiney, wimpy Lois genes," growled MK. "Something that never existed before her incarnation. I keep wondering what planet SHE's from."
"Y'know in the source material there was a one-shot alternate universe that had a superkid making diamonds in the living room," said NN looking around the shop. "Of course, he was a product of a strong Clark and a strong Lois."
"Speaking of that . . ." started EDLois grinning from ear to ear.
"You're pregnant?!" screeched THLois.
"Noooo! We didn't even kiss last season," laughed EDLois. "Unless Krypton has immaculate conception," she pondered.
"I don't think The Guys In Charge would allow that. They've never done it in the source material," said NNLois waving her hand in the air for emphasis. "The immaculate conception thing."
"So what were you going to say?" asked MKLois wiping a condensation ring on the table with a napkin.
"Well, I'm in the first five episodes this season and Clark is going to be at the DP working with me. He seems to be more mature and ready to accept his destiny this season. And . . . " ED waited for her companions to lean in closer. "We're going to kiss." Her bright smile lit up her face.
NN's envious sigh filled the air.
"Okay, what kind of kryptonite is lying around?" asked THLois suspicously.
"Or are you on a love potion again?" queried MK.
"No kryptonite. No love potion. AND we both know we're kissing each other," grinned ED. "So we'll remember."
"This calls for a celebration!" said NN smiling.
"Ladies, your ice cream," said the boy as he passed out the orders and then left.
"Perfect!" said TH as she clasped her hands together to admire her banana split.
With spoons at the ready, MK drew everyone's attention. "A . . .bite, ladies. To kissing Clark!"
"To kissing Clark," said the others as they popped the cold confections into their mouths.
"Ummm," said four appreciative consumers as they rolled their eyes in ecstasy.
"So there's no downside this season?" asked MK finally as she licked some caramel from the corner of her mouth.
"Well, it might be our last season," said EDLois licking her spoon.
"So you'll be in every episode then," said TH just as she was about to scoop up another piece of banana.
"Well . . . no," said ED watching NN's face grow apoplectic.
"I know television is very different than in my day. We were just coming off of the old studio system. Scheduling was crazy. But why wouldn't Lois Lane be in every episode of a show about Clark Kent, especially if it's the last season?" said the older Lois.
"That's a very good question," said MK with her reporter face on.
"How many episodes are you usually in?" asked TH.
"Well, I'm usually signed for thirteen," said ED.
"Oh, there's a lucky number," said MK sarcastically while rolling her eyes.
"How long is your season?" asked TH taking a sip of water.
"Twenty-two episodes," said ED taking another bite of hot fudge.
"Twenty-two is a good number," said NN. "I did a piece on numerology once."
"So you'll be missing for nine episodes?" said TH as she wiped some syrup from her lip.
MK with a raised eyebrow studied ED's expression. "You don't look too upset about this. Why?"
ED put down her spoon. "Well, it's like the Donner Cut. Fans sent letters and signed petitions for the newer version to be made. Eventually it got made."
"Yea, so," said MK. "The people spoke and they got the job done."
"The people are apparently speaking again. Fans formed a group to save Clark from moral ambiguity and this season he seems to be all together in that department," started EDLois.
"So the fans are having some influence in getting your story back on track," said NNLois.
"It would seem so," said EDLois grinning.
"Why are you smiling? Shouldn't you be upset about the minimal amount of episodes?" asked THLois.
ED shook her head. "They like us. They really, really like us!"
"Who?" asked the others.
"The fans! They really like Lois," said EDLois excitedly. "See, when I first came on the show they already had my cousin established as the journalist girl in Clark's life."
"Well that was stupid!" said MK grumbling. "It's bad enough you have to put up with Lana."
"I think it had to do with SR," said TH. "Remember?"
"Oh yea. Their existence caused so many problems for all of us," said NN enjoying her tin roof.
"Maybe," said EDLois still grinning. "Anyway, my first season the number of episodes stretched from four to eleven. Then I've had thirteen ever since except for last season with the writer's strike. I only had twelve."
"That sucks," said MK taking a sip of water.
"And Lana is coming back to make up for the episodes she missed out of the twenty-two from last year?" asked TH giving NN a knowing glance.
"Yea," said EDLois.
"So, if I do the math, you're at least owed one more episode than usual this season," said NNLois crossing her arms. "At the very least!"
"I'd still like it if she was in the full twenty-two," said MK. "This Clark Kent deserves a strong Lois Lane presence in every episode. He's been a wimp ass for so long. The season he gets stronger; he should have Lois by his side."
ED gave them all a brilliant smile. "The fans think so, too. They want me in every episode this season. There's a petition and they are writing letters and sending postcards to the new producers."
"That's right. You have new producers this season. It sounds like they're going to turn this show around and get it back onto mythos. A strong Clark working at the DP, fighting crime, and doing his own thinking for a change," said THLois.
"Ladies, another . . .bite. To the new producers!" said MKLois as they all raised their spoons once more.
"And to the fans! May they make such a noise, the Powers That Be will hear them loud and clear!" said NNLois with much enthusiasm. "Lois in 22 for Season 8!"
"Yes!" they cheered.
As their ice cream whetted their palates, the store bell clanged softly once again.
MK seated next to ED looked up from her nearly empty bowl and started to chuckle. "Guess who," she winked at TH and NN across the table.
ED looked up and blushed, but it didn't alter her faux irritated voice any. "Smallville! What are you doing here?"
"Hi," he grinned and kissed her cheek. He looked five shades of happy.
ED gave her three companions a sidewards glance. They were all snickering. "That doesn't really answer my question."
He squatted down and crossed his massive forearms on the table. "I saw your Mustang outside and wondered if you would give me a ride to the farm," he said looking thoroughly enthralled with her.
Before ED could speak, TH piped in. "How'd you get to town, Clark?"
TWClark stood up quickly and looked at his long fingers that were pressing against the table. His cheeks became redder and redder. "Well, I . . uh . . ."
"Did you walk, Clark?" asked NNLois as MK had to put a hand over her mouth she was laughing so hard.
"No, I . . . uh . . "
"Honest to a fault," chortled MKLois as she waved a hand in the air as if her face was overheated."
ED turned to her companions. "He . . .brought the truck in for repairs . . .and it's going to take longer than expected."
TW gave them his closed mouth grin with his eye brows furrowed and nodding his head in agreement.
"Nice save," said THLois smiling in approval.
"Not bad for a beginner," said MKLois.
"You keep that up. He needs you," said NNLois winking at EDLois.
TWClark grinned from ear to ear. "Yea, I do."
ED started to get up from the booth. "Oh, but how are you going to get three people in the Lamborghini if I . . . take Clark to the farm?"
"Is that what they're calling it these days," mumbled MKLois as NNLois snickered.
THLois handed a set of keys to EDLois. "Here. We'll all fit into the Mustang. I'll pick up the Lamborghini tomorrow in Metropolis. You will be done with it by then, right?"
"Oh yea, sure," said ED as she gave TH the Mustang keys and gave NN a kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry, I can't take you home."
"Oh, don't be sorry, honey. We've all been waiting for this day for a long time," said NN. "It's so good to see you two smiling and enjoying life for a change."
"Bye, Ladies," said TW as he took ED's hand in his.
"Goodbye, Clark," they said as he and ED walked out the door.
Outside the glow of the sun made the Lamborghini look even more powerful. EDLois bit her lower lip.
"Let me drive," said TWClark putting a hand out for the keys.
EDLois kept walking and opened the driver's door. "Huh uh. No way."
"Why not?" he asked with his arms out from his sides as if pleading.
"Uhhhh, it's in the Lois Lane handbook," she said as she slid into the seat.
Clark walked over to the passenger side and got in. "What Lois Lane handbook?"
"Well, Smallville, it's says that since Clark can fly, he doesn't get to drive the Lamborghini."
"The handbook knows about the Lamborghini? How does Lois get a Lamborghini?"
ED pulled the car out from the space and shoved it into gear. "Can't tell you. You'll start throwing your balls in the loft again."
"Lois. . ," he said as he watched her lock her lips with an imaginary key and throw it out the window. She expertly turned the car onto a four lane highway. Clark let out a patient sigh and leaned towards the driver. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too," she said as she shifted into the final gear. The car roared as they barreled down the interstate. With a huge smile on her face, she said. "Let's fly!"
Lois Lane in 22 for Season 8!
Dear Reader: If you want the REAL Clark Kent story you've always known and loved, if you want Smallville's Clark Kent to have the benefits of a 70 year history, then let's get his Lois Lane in all the episodes this season.
To sign the petition, go to: cccsupermanfans./petition-for-more-erica-durance/
To send postcards, go to: cccsupermanfans./operation-pulitzer/
To send letters, here are addresses and an example: cccsupermanfans./ccc-letter-supporting-more-lois-in-season-8/