Turn and Face the Book

by kandisi

They all have facebooks to tell, but someone isn't very happy about it. Bottom line... Sylar really needs to get off of facebook. In fact, they all do, and the not-so-happy someone is telling them all to their faces.

Title: Turn and Face the Book
Characters/Pairings: Peter, Sylar, Peter/Sylar, Claire, Angela, Noah, Hiro, Ando, Ando/Kimiko, Matt, Mohinder, Micah, Emma, Hesam, Hesam/Emma, Tracy, Luke, West, Alex, Claude, Eric Doyle, Gretchen, Matt/Janice, Claire/Gretchen, hints of Rachel, Millie, Kimiko, Lauren, Bo, Josh, Evan, Ian, Molly, Eric Matthews, John, Robert, Amanda, and Samuel.
Rating: T/PG-13
Summary: Sylar really needs to get off of facebook. In fact, they all do.
Warnings: Complete crackfic, some language, slashiness, subtext everywhere
Timeset: Post-season four.
Disclaimer: I do not own Heroes in any way shape or form, or FB, and do not make any money off writing this; it was just for fun and to pass free time.

A/N: I noticed the FB via fic streak when it began to cover many fandoms nearly a year ago, and since then, I've read a number of fics where segments take place on FB, or the whole fic. So I thought... why not? I'd give it a shot, too. x)

-This fic is not meant to offend FB users, because then, I would be offending myself as well. x);
-This fic should not be taken seriously, and does not necessarily reflect my views/opinions about any character or the topics discussed therein, or FB.
-I initially wrote this in less than a day, which means it's gonna be bad, and ridiculous.
-This turned out longer than I had intended, so I didn't get as many individual facebooks in as I would have liked to, lol...

Well... proceed with caution, and kudos to everyone out there for giving me inspiration with their FB featuring fics. :)

Turn and Face the Book

–

Facebook 0, Prologue

"I'm very sorry it had to come to this... Okay, I'm not, but let's face it... we have been spending too much time on facebook... Don't you all agree?"

No answer.

"Don't get me wrong," he said, casually swinging the baseball bat in his hands. "It's nothing personal, but," he shrugged, "I should be able to get into bed at night without the person next to me being more intent on pleasing their laptop than me." He looked around the room, from person to person. "You can understand my feelings, can't you?"

No answer.

"And to make matters worse, it's taken all the fun out of more traditional stalking." After he had pointed the bat at a particular person, he went on to say, "You're the only one of us with the power to make things right here, so I guess we need to have a little talk... in real life, IRL, or whatever." He spun around, and then, pointed the bat to the person who was being suspended in midair. "And you... damn, I think you set back proper human interaction to somewhere around 4.5 billion B.C."

He pointed the bat to another person. "You would know just how bad that is, but so is the stuff you write," he said, tapping the end of the bat against the palm of his free hand, smirking at him. "It's thought-provoking but tends to give off that 'idek' effect, you know? And you," he pointed the bat again, "would be better off warning us about your dreams in person, or not at all, rather than on facebook."

Following another sigh, he asked, "Don't any of you have anything to say to me?"

No answer.

"Well," he said. He continued to pace around the room, bat over his shoulder, while everyone just sat (or floated) and stared at him. "I guess I can't blame any of you for resisting the urge to retort, since I am keeping all of you immobilized, but... it's for the best. Your mobility would encourage mobile phone use."

Silence.

"Now," he said, smiling, "let's play a game, one where I ask each of you the same question three times, and if any of you answer that question wrong three consecutive times," he swung the bat hard, "then I bash your skull in, and you're out of luck, probably life, too. We 'cool' on that?"

Silence.

"Cool, let's get started..."

0.0.0

3 Days Earlier...

Facebook 1, Claire Bennet

Claire Bennet
There's a guy in my window... again...
-2 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Gabriel Gray likes this.

West Rosen
It wasn't me?
-2 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Well, hell...
-2 hours ago – Like – 13 people

Gretchen Berg
I'll get him for you! xD
-2 hours ago – Like – 23 people

Peter Petrelli
I already got him.
-2 hours ago – Like – 10 people

Matt Parkman
Whut, Peter?
-2 hours ago – Like – 18 people

Peter Petrelli
I didn't mean like that and you BOTH know it.
-2 hours ago – Like

–

Recent Activity
Claire Bennet is now friends with Lauren Gilmore and 1029 other people.

Gabriel Gray
Claire, there is no way you know all of these people.
-6 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Noah Bennet and Peter Petrelli like this.

West Rosen
Sylar, there's no way you know any people
-6 hours ago – Like – 256 people

Matt Parkman
LOL.
-6 hours ago – Like – 87 people

Peter Petrelli
She really should watch how many people she adds...
-6 hours ago – Like – 3 people

–

Claire Bennet
Whoo, Gretch and I are going to the movies! :D
-Yesterday at 4:23pm via Android – Like – Comment
-Gretchen Berg and 37 others like this.

Emma Coolidge
That's sweet. :)
-Yesterday at 4:26pm – Like – 18 people

Noah Bennet
Don't worry, I'll be there as soon as I can.
-Yesterday at 4:27pm – Like – 1 person

West Rosen
Will u go with me next week?.!.?.!.?
-Yesterday at 4:33pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
Oh wow, the movies. How tactically exhilarating.
West, you're an idiot.
-Yesterday at 4:48pm – Like – 2 people

West Rosen
Didn't she cut u yet?
-Yesterday at 4:50pm – Like – 47 people

Gabriel Gray
Have I cut 'you' yet?
-Yesterday at 4:52pm – Like

West Rosen
I'm sooo scared.
-Yesterday at 4:55pm – Like

Tracy Strauss
Have fun, Claire!
And guys, 'cut' that out.
-Yesterday at 4:59pm – Like – 26 people

–

Claire Bennet was tagged in Noah Bennet's album
Family Photos

Yesterday – Like – Comment
-Eric Doyle, Rachel Mills, and 13 others like this.

Peter Petrelli
:).
-Yesterday at 2:14pm – Like

Gretchen Berg
AWWW!
-Yesterday at 2:18pm – Like – 15 people

Eric Doyle
Hey it's a Barbie!
-Yesterday at 2:23pm – Like – 24 people

Angela Petrelli
How very sweet, dear.
-Yesterday at 2:40pm – Like – 12 people

Gabriel Gray
I think you should remove the tags.
-Yesterday at 3:12pm – Like – 1 person

Max Rogers
gabe pal i tink u shuold remove ur face.
-Yesterday at 3:22pm – Like – 9 people

Gabriel Gray
Max, who are you, exactly?
Never mind, I'd rather not know, as I would rather not associate with idiots.
Kick him off, Rebel.
-Yesterday at 3:26pm – Like

Micah Sanders
lol.
-Yesterday at 3:27pm – Like

–

Recent Activity
Claire Bennet started playing CityVille. – Like – Comment – Play CityVille

Micah Sanders
YES.
-Wednesday at 6:02pm – Like – 54 people

Gabriel Gray
NO...
-Wednesday at 6:08pm – Like

Micah Sanders
That game is awesome.
-Wednesday at 6:12pm – Like – 502 people

Gabriel Gray
Maybe for people like you who can cheat at it.
-Wednesday at 6:18pm – Like

West Rosen
That game IS awesome.
-Wednesday at 6:45pm – Like – 214 people

Gabriel Gray
I think I just made my point on why it's sad.
-Wednesday at 6:58pm – Like

–

Recent Activity
Claire Bennet is now friends with Chris Bowman and 907 other people.

Gabriel Gray
Claire, you have got to stop accepting all these friends' requests. You have enough stalkers, don't you?
-Monday at 5:55pm – Like – Comment

Noah Bennet
I... admittedly agree with Sylar...
-Monday at 5:57pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Yeah...
-Monday at 6:02pm – Like – 1 person

Gretchen Berg
As long as she's mine. :)
-Monday at 6:05pm – Like – 16 people

–

Claire Bennet
I'm out having lunch with Angela PLEASE HELP ME.
-Monday at 12:02pm – Like – Comment

Noah Bennet
I would but I'm already here.
-Monday at 12:09pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
...sorry...
-Monday at 12:15pm – Like

Tracy Strauss
:(...
-Monday at 12:20pm – Like

Gretchen Berg
Aww it can't be THAT bad. :D
-Monday at 12:24pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
It can be that bad.
-Monday at 12:30pm – Like – 17 people

Peter Petrelli
Sylar, you need to get off.
-Monday at 12:37pm – Like – 37 people

Gabriel Gray
You would know, wouldn't you?
-Monday at 12:39pm – Like – 6 people

Matt Parkman
Woah.
-Monday at 12:43pm – Like – 33 people

Peter Petrelli
Matt... seriously. :/
-Monday at 12:45pm – Like – 1 person

Ando Masahashi
I'm sorry, Claire.
And IDEK 2 the rest.
-Monday at 12:58pm – Like – 144 people

–

Recent Activity
Claire Bennet likes One Block Radius and two other pages.

West Rosen
YEAH, OBR!.!.!
-Monday at 10:10am – Like – Comment
-Claire Bennet and 22 others like this.

Ando Masahashi
WOO. XD
-Monday at 10:30am – Like – 8 people

Monica Dawson
You go, Claire!
-Monday at 10:43am – Like – 12 people

Micah Sanders
XD!
-Monday at 10:49am – Like – 6 people

Peter Petrelli
I don't get it.
-Monday at 11:12am – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
I don't care to get it.
-Monday at 11:23am – Like – 1 person

West Rosen
Dude, no liking your own comments, please.
-Monday at 11:29pm – Like – 137 people

0.0.0

"Hello?"

"Claire."

"Goodbye."

"Please wait... that West guy wanted me to call you again..."

"I'm busy."

"On facebook, I know, but West says he can't get a hold of you there due to your page overloading, and he wanted me to ask you to contact him."

"...And why couldn't he have called me?"

"He's too busy on facebook."

"Oh, alright. I'll contact him, bye."

"Claire, but," he said, his words trailing off into silence. "Damn, she hung up... I guess I'll just have to talk to her in person, since that is the abnormal thing these days."

0.0.0

Facebook 2, Angela Petrelli (Angela Shaw Petrelli)

Angela Petrelli
Some people are too stupid for their own good, Peter.
-6 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Gabriel Gray and Tracy Strauss like this.

Peter Petrelli
What people?
-6 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Um, WOW.
-6 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Sylar, who was that WOW directed at?
-6 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Again, WOW.
-6 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
...Wow.
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Lauren Gilmore
Lol wow.
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Tracy Strauss
Yes, wow.
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
What the hell are you all talking about? Is 'WOW' also some sort of inside-joke that abbreviates into something else between you guys?
-6 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
WOW...
-6 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Well 'WOW' to you, too!
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Thanks?
-6 hours ago – Like

Angela Petrelli
I'm deleting all of this.
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

–

Angela Petrelli
As I sit here, I wonder whatever happened to America's youth.
-Yesterday at 8:01pm – Like – Comment
-Noah Bennet and 8 others like this.

Noah Bennet
I agree.
-Yesterday at 8:08pm – Like

Matt Parkman
Yeah, really.
-Yesterday at 8:19pm – Like

Millie Houston
Tell me about it, Angie.
-Yesterday at 8:25pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
They were euthanized.
-Yesterday at 8:30pm – Like – 2 people

Peter Petrelli
Maybe they just started listening to a lot of rap and stuff?
-Yesterday at 8:41pm – Like – 3 people

Claire Bennet
Maybe they didn't want to grow up to be like you guys.
-Yesterday at 10:03pm – Like – 4 people

–

Recent Activity
Angela Petrelli changed her Quotations.

Hiro Nakamura
Some of your quotations are pretty neat. :)
-Yesterday at 7:47pm – Like – Comment
-Angela Petrelli likes this.

Ando Masahashi
The ones about honor are good.
-Yesterday at 7:51pm – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
Huh, those are philosophically interesting.
-Yesterday at 8:23pm – Like – 1 person

Claire Bennet
I think I just fell asleep.
-Yesterday at 9:01pm – Like – 7 people

–

Angela Petrelli
I had a dream...
-Yesterday at 10:02am – Like – Comment

Noah Bennet
And now I need a drink.
-Yesterday at 10:08am – Like – 14 people

Peter Petrelli
FUCK.
-Yesterday at 10:18am – Like – 23 people

Matt Parkman
I'm going to Neptune now, goodbye.
-Yesterday at 10:24am – Like – 5 people

Hiro Nakamura
Nooo...
-Yesterday at 10:32am – Like – 9 people

Mohinder Suresh
Matt, she'll still find you there.
-Yesterday at 10:40am – Like – 6 people

Ando Masahashi
And I was having a good day until tonight. :(
-Yesterday at 10:43am – Like – 4 people

Millie Houston
Huh?
-Yesterday at 10:48am – Like

Gabriel Gray
Was I in this dream?
-Yesterday at 11:05am – Like

Peter Petrelli
Sylar, that WOULD be your only concern.
-Yesterday at 11:07am – Like – 12 people

–

Recent Activity
Angela Petrelli and Mohinder Suresh are now friends. – Like – Comment

Gabriel Gray
Damn Mohinder I thought you were smarter than this.
-Wednesday at 2:30pm – Like

Mohinder Suresh
Oh, then what are you doing on her page?
-Wednesday at 2:58pm – Like – 8 people

Matt Parkman
I have nothing to say.
-Wednesday at 3:14pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
Parkman, you just said something.
-Wednesday at 3:18pm – Like

Matt Parkman
I said NOTHING.
-Wednesday at 3:22pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
What do you call those seventeen letters, then? Are they not something?
-Wednesday at 3:25pm – Like – 1 person

Mohinder Suresh
Are those eleven letters in your name not nothing?
-Wednesday at 3:29pm – Like – 10 people

Claire Bennet
LOL.
-Wednesday at 4:15pm – Like – 1 person

–

Angela Petrelli
I was previously at Zale's, where the attendant had the sheer nerve to attempt to persuade me into buying a set of diamonds which were less than two carats...
-March 31 at 5:57pm – Like – Comment

Millie Houston
HORRIBLE, just HORRIBLE!
-March 31 at 6:04pm – Like – 2 people

Tracy Strauss
That is bad, don't go back there.
-March 31 at 6:15pm – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
Yeah, it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.
-March 31 at 6:29pm – Like – 13 people

Angela Petrelli
I just sent you a private message, Peter.
-March 31 at 6:32pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
I read it and I don't CARE if you do that because I'm NOT going!
-March 31 at 6:40pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
What?
-March 31 at 6:42pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
NOYB.
-March 31 at 6:45pm – Like

Micah Sanders
LOL someone's going to France...
-March 31 at 6:46pm – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Message me, Micah.
-March 31 at 6:48pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Micah I WANT you to STOP jacking up ppl's accounts!
-March 31 at 6:51pm – Like –11 people

Angela Petrelli
"Jacking up ppl's" accounts?
It's "hacking into people's" accounts, Peter.
-March 31 at 7:00pm – Like – 3 people

–

Recent Activity
Angela Petrelli likes Golden Girls and one other page.

Millie Houston
:) Love the GG, you always did have great taste, my dear.
-March 31 at 12:05pm – Like – Comment

Gabriel Gray
Did ANY of you bother to check the one other page?
-March 31 at 4:03pm – Like – 39 people

Claire Bennet
...WTF.
-March 31 at 4:10pm – Like – 3 people

Peter Petrelli
Uh...
-March 31 at 4:13pm – Like

Mohinder Suresh
That's... disquieting in itself.
-March 31 at 4:45pm – Like

Ando Masahashi
What's wrong with a little porn?
-March 31 at 4:52pm – Like – 44 people

0.0.0

"Goodbye," she said, then making an attempt to slam the door in his face.

He held out his hand; palm slapping against the door. The door remained open while he stared at her, warningly.

"We need to talk."

She sighed. "About what?"

"Your dreams, I would think," he said, tapping his fingers against the doorframe. "After all, your 'it was awful' status statement on facebook somehow managed to mutate into the world ending on your son's thirty-second birthday."

"Did you not get my private message?" she asked.

"Yes, I did," he replied, smiling. "However, I think things of such importance should be discussed in person, and not on facebook."

Angela smirked at him. "Perhaps," she said, pointing her finger in his face, "but you may get tired of that soon enough once this over, so do yourself a favor and go buy a baseball bat since it's a safer weapon of choice for you." After he had taken a step back, she took a step forwards; her hand still on the outlining of the door. "Goodbye dear, I have to get on facebook now."

The door slammed.

"A baseball bat?" he muttered.

Why would he need that?

0.0.0

Facebook 3, Matt Parkman

Matt Parkman
AWW little Matty just made his little rubber ducky SWIM around in the TUB! I love my son! And my beautiful wife! :)
-11 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Janice Parkman and 8 others like this.

Mohinder Suresh
:).
-11 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Ando Masahashi
Go baby touch and go! :D
-11 hours ago – Like – 6 people

Hiro Nakamura
Quack!-! :D
-11 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
Hee! That's SO great!
-11 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Gabriel Gray
Wow you guys are idiots.
-11 hours ago – Like

–

Matt Parkman
I killed a guy today...
-Yesterday at 7:43pm – Like – Comment

Mohinder Suresh
?.!.?.! Call me!
-Yesterday at 7:46pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
WHAT?
-Yesterday at 7:50pm – Like

Hiro Nakamura
Want me to blink by so we can talk about it?
-Yesterday at 7:51pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
Guys, he's a cop. What do you expect?
-Yesterday at 7:52pm – Like

Hiro Nakamura
It's still sad. :(
-Yesterday at 7:56m – Like

Peter Petrelli
Oh okay, I feel better knowing he didn't actually go out and murder someone for kicks, then.
-Yesterday at 8:03pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
WOW...
-Yesterday at 8:04pm – Like – 13 people

Peter Petrelli
WOW yourself!
-Yesterday at 8:07pm – Like

Claire Bennet
You two gonna do that everywhere?
-Yesterday at 8:34pm – Like – 5 people

Micah Sanders
They already have done it everywhere.
-Yesterday at 8:36pm – Like – 14 people

–

Mohinder Suresh
Hey Matt, we still on for tonight?
-March 31 at 1:20pm – Like – Comment
-Matt Parkman likes this.

Matt Parkman
Sure!
-March 31 at 1:20pm – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
That's what I call true love.
-March 31 at 1:20pm – Like

Matt Parkman
How many times am I going to have to remove you from my FB?
-March 31 at 1:20pm – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
However many times it takes.
-March 31 at 1:20pm – Like – 1 person

–

Peter Petrelli
Matt, can you hit me up? I need a favor.
-March 30 at 9:34pm – Like – Comment

Matt Parkman
...What kind of favor?
-March 30 at 9:41pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
He needs a fix.
-March 30 at 9:43pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
YOU need a fix.
-March 30 at 9:46pm – Like – 3 people

Gabriel Gray
TLC-pathy was never my DOC, Peter.
-March 30 at 9:48pm – Like

Matt Parkman
Is that what it's for? Nudge, nudge.
-March 30 at 9:54pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Yeah.
-March 30 at 9:58pm – Like – 1 person

Matt Parkman
Okay, you can come by right away.
-March 30 at 10:03pm – Like – 2 people

Peter Petrelli
Okay, Hiro and me are on our ways.
-March 30 at 10:07pm – Like – 6 people

Gabriel Gray
Peter you better NOT even THINK about it!
-March 30 at 10:08pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Then QUIT STALKING ME.
-March 30 at 10:10pm – Like – 11 people

–

Recent Activity
Matt Parkman changed his profile picture.

March 29 –Like – Comment

Janice Parkman
That's my hubby!
-March 29 at 6:22pm – Like – 1 person

Mohinder Suresh
Great pic!
-March 29 at 6:35pm – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
Is that your driver's license photo, Parkman?
-March 29 at 6:58pm – Like

Matt Parkman
I just removed you, how'd you get back on my FB?
-March 29 at 7:02pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
I have the ability to make your life miserable, remember?
-March 29 at 7:05pm – Like

Matt Parkman
I remember, and I don't know how I ever forgot.
-March 29 at 7:09pm – Like – 1 person

–

Matt Parkman
Okay, to those of you who can see this, I want to know which one of you sent me that stupid shit last night.
-March 29 at 11:03am – Like – Comment

Peter Petrelli
What was it?
-March 29 at 11:11am – Like

Hiro Nakamura
I didn't send anything.
-March 29 at 11:23am – Like

Noah Bennet
I assume I am a suspect, as this post is visible to me, but I have no idea what you are talking about.
-March 29 at 11:48am – Like

Gabriel Gray
Seriously, what was it?
-March 29 at 11:58am – Like

Ando Masahashi
You mean the swimsuit photos?
-March 29 at 12:07pm – Like – 2 people

Matt Parkman
I should have known...
-March 29 at 12:10pm – Like – 3 people

Peter Petrelli
Wait, what?
-March 29 at 12:13pm – Like

Ando Masahashi
Well he WAS at the club so I thought he'd like them.
-March 29 at 12:16 – Like – 1 person

Mohinder Suresh
...Yes, what is going on here?
-March 29 at 12:20pm – Like

Matt Parkman
Ando, you tell anyone I was there and I'll tell Kimiko you were there.
-March 29 at 12:21pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Oh I get it now.
-March 29 at 8:33pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
WOW...
-March 29 at 8:35pm – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
STOP THAT!
-March 29 at 8:38pm – Like

0.0.0

"Matt, don't you know how to keep your mouth shut about 'certain things' on facebook?"

"I don't have time to talk to you right now," Matt said, slamming the door to his car. He looked down at his mobile phone, eagerly checking out a few things... "It's really, really great that you would decide to drop in on me out of nowhere like this again, but I'd appreciate it if you left so I could take care of some important stuff."

He raised an eyebrow. "Important stuff? As in facebook?"

"Yeah," Matt replied, typing a few things into the keypad of his phone. "I haven't outed you or anyone else on facebook, but I do have a right to my opinions," he flipped his phone shut, "so see you 'round, I've got to go inside now and prepare dinner so Janice and me can make sure we're on facebook before lights out."

"Are you insane?"

"No, but you are," Matt smiled at him, "so goodbye."

The front door shut.

0.0.0

Facebook 4, Emma Coolidge

Emma Coolidge
Mercy Heights was crazy today...
-5 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Hesam Malik, Alicia Hammer, and 4 others like this.

Peter Petrelli
We're seriously understaffed.
-5 hours ago – Like

Hesam Malik
Peter, we're overstaffed.
-5 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Peter Petrelli
Then how do you explain how out of control things got today?
-5 hours ago – Like

Hesam Malik
There was a power shortage in ICU.
-5 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
WOW...
-5 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
I'm not going to say what I have to say to you on Emma's page.
-5 hours ago – Like

Emma Coolidge
I'd actually like to read it.
-5 hours ago – Like – 3 people

–

Recent Activity
-Emma Coolidge is in a relationship with Hesam Malik. – Like – Comment
-Hesam Malik and 12 others like this.

Hesam Malik
ILU!
-Yesterday at 8:20pm – Like – 1 person

Claire Bennet
Congrats!
-Yesterday at 8:26pm – Like – 1 person

Gretchen Berg
AWW. :)
-Yesterday at 8:28m – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Whatever makes you happy, but I think you could have done better.
-Yesterday at 8:35pm – Like – 2 people

Hesam Malik
You're that freak from Peter's page.
-Yesterday at 8:39pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
You're that freak from Peter's limousine.
-Yesterday at 8:45pm – Like

Hesam Malik
That didn't make any sense at all.
-Yesterday at 8:50pm – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
It really didn't make sense...
-Yesterday at 8:59pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
WOW...
-Yesterday at 9:01pm – Like

Claire Bennet
Urm, guys? I think he was making a joke about Hesam driving Peter around in the ambulance.
-Yesterday at 9:05pm – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
Oh... well, that was mean.
-Yesterday at 9:09pm – Like

Hesam Malik
Peter, I think you and I need to have another talk...
-Yesterday at 9:18pm – Like – 2 people

–

Recent Activity
Emma Coolidge likes Skype.

Hesam Malik
Woot! That's my Em. :D Skype me!
-Wednesday at 8:13pm – Like – Comment

Micah Sanders
Oooh YEAH, SKYPE ME, TOO.
-Wednesday at 8:22pm – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
What's that?
-Wednesday at 8:34pm – Like

Micah Sanders
You just set yourself up, Peter. I give it thirty seconds...
-Wednesday at 8:35pm – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Peter... um, WOW...
-Wednesday at 8:36pm – Like – 2 people

Micah Sanders
You don't know what it is either, Gabriel.
-Wednesday at 8:37pm – Like – 6 people

Peter Petrelli
LMAO.
-Wednesday at 8:39pm – Like – 2 people

–

Emma Coolidge was tagged in Peter Petrelli's album
Best Friends

April 1 – Like – Comment

Claire Bennet
Cute! :D
-Wednesday at 5:23pm – Like

Eric Doyle
Nothin' like a blonde dame.
-Wednesday at 5:28pm – Like – 3 people

Hesam Malik
Why are you dancing with him?
-Wednesday at 5:30pm – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
I would sort of like to know, too.
-Wednesday at 5:32pm – Like

Hesam Malik
Emma's taken.
-Wednesday at 5:35pm – Like

Micah Sanders
Um, I hate to say it, Hesam, but WOW...
-Wednesday at 5:36pm – Like – 21 people

Peter Petrelli
STOP hacka-jacking everyone's accounts, Micah!
-Wednesday at 5:39pm – Like – 2 people

0.0.0

"Emma. Hey, Emma!"

"I can't hear you."

He sighed. "But you are looking at me, so will you please talk to me?"

"In a few minutes," she replied, typing away on the computer. "What brings you here, though?"

"I have become relatively tired of associating with everyone I know through... wait," he said, his words trailing. Emma was staring at the computer monitor, which meant... "You're not paying any attention to me..."

On the brighter side, he got away with saying a whole line of curse words, and with breaking a nearby computer that wasn't in use.

Then, he left.

0.0.0

Facebook 5, West Rosen

Alex Woolsly
DUDE, WHERE'S UR CAR?
-3 hours ago – Like – Comment

West Rosen
WHERE'S UR CAR, DUDE?
-3 hours ago – Like

Alex Woolsly
DUDE, WHERE'S UR CAR?
-3 hours ago – Like

West Rosen
WHERE'S UR CAR, DUDE?
-3 hours ago – Like

Claire Bennet
Wtf.
-3 hours ago – Like – 4 people

West Rosen
Found it. :)
-3 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Is that from a movie or something?
-3 hours ago – Like

Micah Sanders
You're gonna get it in five seconds, Peter.
-3 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Peter... just, WOW...
-3 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Peter Petrelli
FUCK YOU.
-3 hours ago – Like – 6 people

Gabriel Gray
Don't you wish?
-3 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
I KNOW YOU DO.
-3 hours ago – Like

West Rosen
You guys are -really- weird.
-3 hours ago – Like – 18 people

–

West Rosen
Girls ask for guys, it's always a surprise, there's nothing better than do you like my sweater!
-6 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Monica Dawson and 4 others like this.

Alex Woolsly
Rock it!
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Monica Dawson
That brings back memories. X)
-6 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Gabriel Gray
What about your sweater?
-6 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Oh... okay. Um, WOW to THAT.
-6 hours ago – Like – 7 people

Claire Bennet
Seriously, wow.
-6 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Gabriel Gray
I don't listen to that shit.
-6 hours ago – Like

Micah Sanders
You cared enough to google it, though.
-6 hours ago – Like – 27 people

–

West Rosen
I took this flight today (metaphorically speaking) up to the North Pole, just to check it out. Had I gone there (for real), it wouldn't have been fun, because of how cold it would have (literally speaking) been.
-16 hours ago – Like – Comment

Noah Bennet
Geez, West...
-16 hours ago – Like

Claire Bennet
You should have known better (metaphorically speaking).
-16 hours ago – Like – 5 people

Alex Woolsly
I sort of know where you're coming from, only I was under and not over it.
-16 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
Please don't do it again.
-16 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Please DON'T, because I'm not coming up there to get you again. You're not the only one who freezes when they fly over the North Pole!
-16 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Jennie Sheens
West, excluding Claire, who are all these weird(er) friends of yours?
-16 hours ago – Like – 203 people

0.0.0

"West," he said, sighing into the phone. "If you want to get in touch with Claire, there really are better people to go through than me."

"Name a few."

"Gretchen, Allison, maybe a few family members."

West shrugged, nearly dropping the phone. He was holding it to his ear with his shoulder, as his hands were currently busy with the keyboard. "They're all too busy on facebook," he said, casually.

"I really don't give a damn," he replied, tightening his grip on the phone in his right-hand. "The next time you want to talk to Claire, I suggest you fly on down and—"

"Holy shit!"

"What is it?"

After over thirty seconds of typing, West said, "My roommate's robotic girlfriend just changed her relationship status to 'single', and I need to find out what's going on, so bye."

Dial tone.

0.0.0

Facebook 6, Hiro Nakamura

Hiro Nakamura
New guy on the staff reminds me a little of Picard, but I suppose that's nice because we have too many Kirks in the building.
-4 hours ago – Like – Comment

Ando Masahashi
Really? I never noticed.
-4 hours ago – Like

Mohinder Suresh
O... kay?
-4 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Peter Petrelli
I feel that way about Clarks and Olivers.
-4 hours ago – Like

Hiro Nakamura
Peter, what about the Xavier supervisor?
-4 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
That guy ROCKS, and he's got a friend like Dr. Hank McCoy!
-4 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Hiro Nakamura
Very good! And did you get the new Dungeons and Dragons yet?
-4 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
Neh, I'm still stuck on FF-X2.
-4 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
You guys are sad.
-4 hours ago – Like – 6 people

Peter Petrelli
At least we're happily sad.
-4 hours ago – Like – 7 people

–

Ando Masahashi
Hiro, do you want to go to l-v-n after we get off from work?
-8 hours ago – Like – Comment

Gabriel Gray
...If he's in the same building with you, WHY do you need to ask him on FB?
-8 hours ago – Like – 5 people

Hiro Nakamura
Ando, why do you want to go there?
-8 hours ago – Like

Ando Masahashi
I'm bored, and Kimi's on girl's night out.
-8 hours ago – Like

Hiro Nakamura
Oh okay.
-8 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Sylar, I would think they don't WANT Kimiko to find out they're going to Vegas.
-8 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Brilliant move, Peter... so WOW.
-8 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Kimiko Nakamura
You two are NOT going to Las Vegas!
-8 hours ago – Like

–

Recent Activity
Hiro Nakamura started playing Kingdoms of Camelot. – Like – Comment – Play Kingdoms of Camelot

Peter Petrelli
Neat!
-15 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Sad...
-15 hours ago – Like

–

Hiro Nakamura
STOP PRANK CALLING DIAL-A-HERO! :(
-Yesterday at 8:04pm – Like – Comment
-Ando Masahashi, Peter Petrelli, and 4 others like this.

Mohinder Suresh
I was worried that would happen eventually.
-Yesterday at 8:12pm – Like

Ando Masahashi
They won't stop!
-Yesterday at 8:16pm – Like

Matt Parkman
I hate calls like that, too. Hope you find out who it is.
-Yesterday at 8:45pm – Like – 3 people

Peter Petrelli
I hate those, too! God, don't people have anything better to do than to prank call people working a serious job where lives are at stake?
-Yesterday at 9:00pm – Like – 4 people

Gabriel Gray
I won't call again, Peter.
-Yesterday at 9:02pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
...So you WERE responsible for that phony dispatch Hesam and I had to respond to!
-Yesterday at 9:05pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
I wanted to see if you'd ACTUALLY consider taking a day off after what happened at that Toys R Us.
-Yesterday at 9:07pm – Like

Matt Parkman
Take it to your own pages, guys.
-Yesterday at 9:15pm – Like – 18 people

Claire Bennet
Seriously.
-Yesterday at 9:22pm – Like – 5 people

0.0.0

"Hiro."

"Just a second."

He sighed inaudibly, rubbing at his forehead. "Don't tell me, you're on facebook."

Hiro held up his phone. "I just left you a nice message there, though," he said, teleporting away; phone and all...

"...What the hell is going on here?"

0.0.0

Facebook 7, Noah Bennet

Noah Bennet
OH MY... I'm in Fiji right now and I just got shot at by a psycho!
-19 hours ago via Android – Like – Comment

Noah Bennet
GOT HIM, right in the femoral!
-19 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Okay he's dead.
-19 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Now we're hiding the body.
-18 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
We decided to burn it.
-18 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Okay, the body is no more. :)
-18 hours ago – Like

Micah Sanders
You're gonna get it for this; in comments.
-18 hours ago – Like – 38 people

Gabriel Gray
Noah, are you fucking insane?
-17 hours ago – Like – 15 people

Peter Petrelli
Idek, Noah...
-17 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Claire Bennet
Dad... :(
-16 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Gretchen Berg
Awesome.
-16 hours ago – Like

Lauren Gilmore
I TOLD you to put your phone away!
-15 hours ago – Like – 5 people

Claude Rains
Cheers, idiot.
-15 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Mohinder Suresh
Throw your cell-phone away, please. All of them.
-14 hours ago – Like – 7 people

Matt Parkman
Noah that was... okay, I don't even know, either.
-14 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Angela Petrelli
Friend, you do know the FEDs may see this, right?
-13 hours ago – Like – 15 people

Ando Masahashi
Weird...
-12 hours ago – Like – 8 people

Hiro Nakamura
o.O;...
-12 hours ago – Like – 3 people

West Rosen
That was pretty cool, even though you are clearly out of your mind.
-11 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Tracy Strauss
Noah. Please. Get some help. Now.
-10 hours ago – Like – 11 people

Rachel Mills
Damn, the man with a plan.
-9 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Take out the comma, Rachel.
-9 hours ago – Like – 22 people

–

Noah Bennet
When one has a DAUGHTER, they would APPRECIATE it if CERTAIN PEOPLE left her ALONE, especially if those CERTAIN PEOPLE happen to be paranoid SOCIOPATHS.
-Yesterday at 8:02pm – Like – Comment
-Peter Petrelli, Gretchen Berg, and 9 others like this.

Angela Petrelli
I am afraid there's really not much you can do, Noah.
-Yesterday at 8:08pm – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
I'm gonna kick his ass, again. And again.
And again and again and again.
-Yesterday at 8:20pm – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Noah, go to hell.
Angela, go to hell.
Peter, come on over.
-Yesterday at 8:22pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Already been to hell, kthx.
-Yesterday at 8:24pm – Like – 3 people

Claire Bennet
Dad I agree but um please stop making half of your statuses about me.
-Yesterday at 8:26pm – Like – 54 people

Matt Parkman
I find it disturbing (though not at all weird) that the person who liked Peter's ass-kicking comment was Sylar.
-Yesterday at 9:02pm – Like – 11 people

Micah Sanders
LOL.
-Yesterday at 9:05pm – Like – 1 person

–

Angela Petrelli
Noah, you need to answer your phone.
-Yesterday at 5:23pm – Like – Comment

Noah Bennet
I'm not here right now.
-Yesterday at 5:25pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
No one's here right now because we're all HERE right now.
-Yesterday at 5:28pm – Like – 18 people

Peter Petrelli
What...?
-Yesterday at 5:30pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
...oh WOW...
-Yesterday at 5:32pm – Like – 3 people

Angela Petrelli
Noah, ANSWER THE PHONE OR I AM GOING TO HAVE YOUR ASS!
-Yesterday at 5:35pm – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
Sexy.
-Yesterday at 5:38pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Sylar, I just flipped you the bird over the internet.
-Yesterday at 5:41pm – Like – 6 people

–

Recent Activity
Noah Bennet likes Republican Party.

Micah Sanders
01000011111110101000101.
-Thursday at 8:23pm – Like – Comment
-Ando Masahashi and 51 others like this.

Mohinder Suresh
Huh.
-Thursday at 9:01pm – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
The only 'real' appropriate places for political discussions are places that do not exist.
-Thursday at 9:53pm – Like – 13 people

Claude Rains
Here here!
-Thursday at 9:57pm – Like – 3 people

Tracy Strauss
Shove it, Sylar.
-Thursday at 10:11pm – Like – 4 people

Peter Petrelli
Don't ANYONE turn that into a joke! TRUST ME!
-Thursday at 10:13pm – Like – 18 people

Gabriel Gray
That joke's officially on you now, Peter.
-Thursday at 10:15pm – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
What...?
-Thursday at 10:18pm – Like

Micah Sanders
Um WOW...
-Thursday at 10:18pm – Like – 1 person

0.0.0

"Can I help you?"

"Yes," he said, "by talking to me."

Noah smiled at him. "Sure, mister sanity, anything you say."

"That wasn't funny," he muttered, folding his arms.

"Seriously, though," Noah said, sitting back in the rotating chair and placing his hands in his lap, "what are you doing here?"

"...Do I need a reason besides wanting to talk with you?"

"Hm." Noah titled his head, tapping his chin in thought. "Unless that reason somehow involves either the end of the world, or some heroic-villainous deed that sounds simple but will really send you on an insane journey," he shrugged, "then no."

"...I see," he said under his breath, the hands of his folded arms fisting. "You're that eager to get back on facebook?"

"That and for you to leave." Noah spun around in his chair. "Lauren will be back soon, and I don't need you here stirring up trouble like you always do, so just send whatever it is you wanted to tell me to me on facebook in a private message." He began to type. "Oh, and I know you of all people aren't having 'callous' thoughts about me at the moment. You're a nice guy, right?"

"Right," he said through gritted teeth.

0.0.0

Facebook 8, Mohinder Suresh

Mohinder Suresh
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing. If we cannot see things clearly we will at least see clearly where the obscurities are.
-1 hour ago – Like – Comment
-Gabriel Gray and Angela Petrelli like this.

Angela Petrelli
Fear not the darkness, but the light the shadows bring.
-1 hour ago – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
The train does tend move faster when one stands still than it does when one is in motion.
-1 hour ago – Like – 2 people

Mohinder Suresh
It came to a rather abrupt halt, my very thoughts crashing on that train into the very opposite of blankness, and yet, that prior vacuity had less ambiguity than the presentiment of a scattered state of being.
-48 minutes ago – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
Add more than the two opposites to the pattern, but don't mix them into too many shades. Rationalization is, unfortunately enough, often a person's way of justifying excuses.
-20 minutes ago – Like – 2 people

Angela Petrelli
Sometimes, however, the end result would not be possible without abandoning our moral standards.
-10 minutes ago – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
True, but reality may beg to differ.
-4 minutes ago – Like – 2 people

Peter Petrelli
Are you guys stoned...?
-2 minutes ago – Like – 1,000 people

Gabriel Gray
Micah...
-just now – Like – 1, 308, 209, 228, 993 people

–

Mohinder Suresh
I was sad today... a certain 'friend' of Mira's looked under the scope, and then... she thought the plant cell was an animal cell... I really do try to disassociate it from bad phenotypes, but it's difficult when you are dealing with what one might refer to as an 'airhead'.
-6 hours ago – Like – Comment

Gabriel Gray
She sounds really stupid.
Probably is bad phenotypes.
-6 hours ago – Like

Mohinder Suresh
The exterior is genetically superior; it's the neurons that have ceased to piston.
-6 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
"My girlfriend has this really hot friend with great boobs, but she's annoying because she has an IQ under one million."
See, I made my comment just like yours! :D
-6 hours ago – Like – 17 people

Matt Parkman
THAAANK YOU PETER.
-6 hours ago – Like – 5 people

Gabriel Gray
Wow... wow for real...
-6 hours ago – Like

Claire Bennet
Everyone who has a girlfriend isn't fond of at least one of their friends.
-6 hours ago – Like – 9 people

Gretchen Berg
It's Allison, isn't it?
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

–

Matt Parkman
Mohinder, you wanna... you know, later?
-Yesterday at 2:28pm – Like – Comment

Mohinder Suresh
I still don't know if I'm ready for that just yet.
-Yesterday at 2:30pm – Like

Matt Parkman
But it'll be all kinds of fun!
-Yesterday at 2:33pm – Like

Mohinder Suresh
But what if we get caught?
-Yesterday at 2:35pm – Like

Matt Parkman
Then I'll use my head and you use your hands.
We're good at that, and we can get away with it.
-Yesterday at 2:38pm – Like

Mohinder Suresh
It still seems a little strange to me...
-Yesterday at 2:41pm – Like

Matt Parkman
Come ON, you have to come!
Ando and Hiro have already done it, too. Even Peter.
And everyone's snuck into a movie theater without paying at LEAST once in their lives.
-Yesterday at 2:45pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
WTFWT...
-Yesterday at 2:47pm – Like – 17 people

–

Ando Masahashi just answered a question about Mohinder!
Mohinder has new questions to unlock.
-Yesterday at 11:02am via 21 questions – Like – Comment – See what they said

Micah Sanders
LOL!
-Yesterday at 11:03am – Like

Mohinder Suresh
Micah... STOP hacking our FB accounts, please!
-Yesterday at 11:07am – Like – 7 people

Mohinder Suresh
And Ando, I AM a good kisser!
-Yesterday at 11:10am – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Well, well, well.
Look who liked YOUR previous comment, Mohinder.
-Yesterday at 11:15am – Like

0.0.0

"Hello, Mohinder..."

"Hello, bastard."

He sighed. "What makes me a bastard this time?"

Mohinder smirked, almost as if he bore some hidden piece of knowledge to which the other man was unaware of. "You made another nasty comment about me on facebook," he said. He raised his chin, glaring at the unwanted visitor. "It was on Ando's page, during a comment you made to Matt, and I refuse to accept any more of your 'apologies' to me..."

"Mohinder," he mumbled, shoulders slumping while he sighed another hopeless sigh. "I think we've all said some stupid things on that site, and a lot of it's taken out of context," he said, shrugging. "It's also not as if a person can express their tone of voice through a chat that's not 'IRL', or even 'IM'..."

"I'd appreciate it if you left now," Mohinder said, taking a seat... in his computer chair. "I don't want to have to resort to unnecessary means of violence, and I know you don't... right?" Silently, he chuckled to himself.

As the unwanted visitor turned around, he murmured, "Well fuck you, too..."

0.0.0

Facebook 9, Luke Campbell

Luke Campbell
FUUUK it UP!
-5 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Lyle Bennet and 2 others like this.

West Rosen
Like your mama.
-5 hours ago – Like

Luke Campbell
HAHAHAHAHA.
Take your meds, west.
-5 hours ago – Like

West Rosen
I would have but you took them all.
-5 hours ago – Like

Claire Bennet
Somebody did.
-5 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Gabriel Gray
What's the point to posting things like this?
-5 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Luke Campbell
Sy, you trying to take sexy away from my status?
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
No, I was trying to bring intelligence back to it.
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

West Rosen
AHHH AHHHH AHHHH!
Run Netflix, run!
-6 hours ago – Like

Luke Campbell
U took the numbers right off my credit, bitch.
-6 hours ago – Like

West Rosen
And put them into my account.
-6 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Do people really talk like this?
-6 hours ago – Like

Luke Campbell
Holla back, sex-kitten.
-6 hours ago – Like – 4 people

Gabriel Gray
I'm coming to kill you.
-6 hours ago – Like – 8 people

Luke Campbell
Alright, but wait until Next Friday's over.
-6 hours ago – Like – 14 people

Gabriel Gray
No, that's over a week away.
-6 hours ago – Like

Micah Sanders
Um... WOW, Gabriel.
-6 hours ago – Like – 7 people

West Rosen
You on everyone's page, Micah?
-6 hours ago – Like – 1, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000

–

Luke Campbell
Holy shit where did all the music go?
-8 hours ago – Like – Comment

Gabriel Gray
Anywhere but the radio, I would guess.
-8 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Claire Bennet
Sylar, did you even read his last post?
-8 hours ago – Like – 4 people

–

Luke Campbell
NOO I MELTED MY IPOD!
-10 hours ago – Like – Comment

Micah Sanders
Don't be a drag, just be a queen. :D
-10 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Luke Campbell
STFU.
-10 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Oh.
-8 hours ago – Like – 1 person

0.0.0

"Luke."

No answer.

"Luke."

Still no answer.

"Luke, I am not your father."

Luke laughed, finally. "Praise the lord," he said, laughing some more. "What brings the devil's advocate down to Georgia this time?"

"We're not in Georgia."

"Duh."

"Anyway," he continued, "I wanted to talk to you about facebook..."

"Uuh..." Luke raised an eyebrow. "And you couldn't have this talk with me on facebook because...?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Too late, I already hooked-up with someone even cooler than you."

He smiled at Luke. "That's not what I meant and you know it, and you know the amount of time you are spending on facebook is not healthy."

Again, Luke laughed. "Wow, you care for me that much? I was unaware you even knew me that much."

"Believe it or not, I do consider you a friend now," he said, calmly. He continued to smile, though it was damn hard to keep that smile turned upright. "I came here because I wanted to know if you wanted to, I don't know, hang out this week?"

"Ask me again next week," Luke replied, pointing to his calendar. "Until Monday the 13th, I've got the Mafia Wars tournament on facebook, and as a high-paid hit man I have a lot of people with tommy guns to off and a lot of drug runners to deal with."

He stared at Luke blankly. "I'll be seeing you, I guess... on facebook."

"Of course you will!" Luke waved at him. "Hurry up and leave, since the sooner you leave, the sooner we can talk."

"..."

0.0.0

Facebook 10, Hesam Malik

Hesam Malik
I just got suspended for three days.
-16 hours ago via Android – Like – Comment

Peter Petrelli
Well SO DID I.
-16 hours ago – Like

Hesam Malik
Well, since we're both suspended, you want to grab drinks tonight?
-16 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
No.
-16 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Hesam Malik
I'm sorry for what I did, Peter...
-16 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Me too... fine, I'll go...
-16 hours ago – Like

Emma Coolidge
That's more like it.
-16 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
That was more like ridiculous.
-16 hours ago – Like – 11 people

Micah Sanders
That was awesome.
-16 hours ago – Like – 1, 000, 000, 000 people

–

Peter Petrelli
Let's see how you and everyone likes the picture I just took of your black eye.
-15 hours ago via Android – Like – Comment
-Gabriel Gray and 4 others like this.

Gabriel Gray
Nice.
What you did, not of you.
The latter was a lie.
-15 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Yeah whatever thanks for calling me up I guess.
-15 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Anytime.
-15 hours ago – Like

Emma Coolidge
Peter, that was UNCALLED for.
Gabriel, don't encourage Peter to do bad things!
-15 hours ago – Like

Hesam Malik
I am going to kick your ass as soon as I find you, Peter.
-15 hours ago – Like – 5 people

Peter Petrelli
Turn around. :)
-15 hours ago – Like – 5 people

–

Hesam Malik

Crazy stuff at work
2 new photos

-15 hours ago am via Android – Like – Comment – Share
-Thomas Miles and 13 others like this.

James Davidson
LMFAO!
I'm making sure everyone sees this.
-15 hours ago – Like – 6 people

Kenneth Landon
XD! CLASSIC!
We're all laughing SO HARD RIGHT NOW.
-15 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Gabriel Gray
That is not funny, and you -are- going to take it down.
-15 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Hesam Malik
Make me.
-15 hours ago – Like

–

Hesam Malik
Some-bo-dy's as-leep in the am-bu-lance
Guess that means they had a lo-ong ni-i-ight...
-15 hours ago via Android – Like – Comment

Gabriel Gray
Too bad he didn't.
-15 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Emma Coolidge
You need to wake him up, Hesam.
-15 hours ago – Like – 1 person

James Davidson
No you don't, you need to take a pic so the rest of us will know it's TRUE...
-15 hours ago – Like – 8 people

Hesam Malik
Okay I did it, I'm uploading it now.
-15 hours ago – Like – 4 people

0.0.0

"Well," he said, turning from the door as certain sounds made their ways through it, "at least Hesam found something better to do than facebook, unlike me, so I'll have my little one-on-one with him later..."

0.0.0

Facebook 11, Micah Sanders

Micah Sanders is now friends with Zezdir Zzenez and everyone else on facebook. – Like – Comment

-View all 601, 774, 094 comments

Peter Petrelli
Micah this is... yeah...
-3 minutes ago – Like – 29 people

Gabriel Gray
IDEK? For once I have to agree with you on that, Peter.
-2 minutes ago – Like – 14 people

Tracy Strauss
They'll never stop him.
-1 minute ago – Like – 632, 976, 098 people

Molly Walker
Ha I love you, Micah!
-just now – Like – 1 person

–

Micah is "Moving on Up" to level 100, 000, 000!

Micah Sanders's City just reached "Capitol of the Universe" status in CityVille!
Click below to celebrate by claiming a bonus XP!

12 hours ago via CityVille – Like – Comment – Get CityVille XP
-View all 403, 894, 094 comments

Gabriel Gray
Goddamn, Micah!
-2 minutes ago – Like – 67 people

Monica Dawson
Micah, this has gotta stop.
-2 minutes ago – Like – 24 people

Tracy Strauss
You should work in politics.
-1 minute ago – Like – 2 people

Diaz Gonzales
Your city crashed my comp!
The damn thing never ends!
-just now – Like – 7 people

Micah Sanders
I am the king.
-just now – Like – 1, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000 people

–

Micah Sanders
Hi.
-13 hours ago – Like – Comment
-View all 234, 008, 733 comments.

Noah Bennet
Right...
-2 minutes ago – Like – 87 people

Angela Petrelli
CIA's on their way, Micah.
-1 minute ago – Like – 348 people

Micah Sanders
I'm not even in the US right now.
In fact, maybe I'm in cyberspace.
Maybe I'm watching you through your wall.
Maybe I can see you through your tvs, your phones, your ipods.
Micah knows all.
-just now – Like – EVERYONE! people

Gabriel Gray
Damn, guess you are more special than I had originally thought, and that I should have taken your ability when I had the chance...
And I always knew there was something mildly creepy about you.
-just now – Like – EVERYONE! People

0.0.0

"What in the..."

'Hello my friend, I knew you would come... but you will never find me for now, I am lost in cyberspace... With the information I have compiled from your online activity, I do suspect it will not be long before you are tempted yet again by the dark side of the force. Fear not, as you are not the only jedi with this mission.' He covered his mouth, unsuccessfully masking his laughter. 'So, yes, get out there, do the evil, and kick some ass. I'll appear when the time comes. Have a great day!'

He repeated, "What in the..."

The pre-recorded footage ended, and the sound of Micah's mischievous laughter faded away into the same nothingness the gigantic screen now had to show.

"Hell," he added.

Afterwards, he left the building, which had strangely resembled more of a bat-cave...

0.0.0

Facebook 12, Ando Masahashi

Recent Activity
-Ando Masahashi is married to Kimiko Nakamura. – Like – Comment
-Hiro Nakamura, Kimiko Nakamura, and 76 others like this.

Hiro Nakamura
YATTA!
-16 hours ago – Like – 6 people

Matt Parkman
I'm happy for you!
-16 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Mohinder Suresh
Best wishes!
-16 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Noah Bennet
Congratulations, Ando!
-16 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Angela Petrelli
Best wishes, dear.
-16 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Claire Bennet
Aww! :D
-16 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Emma Coolidge
Congrats, you two! :)
-16 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Kimiko Nakamura
I love you. :)
-16 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Ando Masahashi
I love you too, Kimi!
-16 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
Best of luck to you both!
-15 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Tracy Strauss
Congrats!
-15 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Micah Sanders
Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!
-15 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
R.I.P. Ando's sex life.
But sure, good luck or whatever.
-15 hours ago – Like

–

Ando Masahashi
Another private post for mostly-specials...
I just had to say that my mouth STILL tastes like cotton...
-Yesterday at 8:01pm – Like – Comment

Hiro Nakamura
I wonder why...
-Yesterday at 8:10pm – Like – 2 people

Matt Parkman
Mine too, mine too...
-Yesterday at 8:16pm – Like

Mohinder Suresh
Well, I suppose we all deserve it.
-Yesterday at 8:20pm – Like – 1 person

Peter Petrelli
HA! Mine doesn't! xD
-Yesterday at 8:30pm – Like

Mohinder Suresh
Yes, Peter... wonder why?
-Yesterday at 8:33pm – Like – 6 people

Claude Rains
That was THE best party ever, Ando.
A little cotton was worth it...
-Yesterday at 8:41pm – Like – 3 people

Noah Bennet
I'm never going to a bachelor party again.
-Yesterday at 8:54pm – Like – 17 people

Claude Rains
Poor Noah... I'm getting the sniffles right now.
And to think, you could once hold a beer!
-Yesterday at 8:58pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
That party was more like a bunch of us getting together to celebrate a twenty-four hour countdown to the apocalypse than it was a celebration of Ando's marriage to come.
-Yesterday at 9:12pm – Like – 8 people

Ando Masahashi
You weren't even invited, Sylar! So how DID you find us?
The party was in SPAIN!
-Yesterday at 9:20pm – Like

Matt Parkman
Ando, you really have to ask that question?
-Yesterday at 9:23pm – Like – 1 person

Ando Masahashi
...guess not.
-Yesterday at 9:27pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
I didn't tell him where the party was.
And it's not my fault he followed me.
-Yesterday at 9:31pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Besides, he was more f'd up than any of us.
-Yesterday at 9:33pm – Like – 10 people

Gabriel Gray
I wonder WHY, because I didn't slip anything into my OWN drinks.
Much less push any thoughts into my OWN head...
...PETER.
-Yesterday at 9:35pm – Like

Claire Bennet
You all got what you deserved.
-Yesterday at 9:41pm – Like – 13 people

–

Ando Masahashi

The most special bachelor party in the world

-Yesterday at 10:09am – Like – Comment – Share

Hiro Nakamura
I told you not to upload this video... :(
-Yesterday at 10:14am – Like – 17 people

Noah Bennet
TAKE IT DOWN!
-Yesterday at 10:23am – Like – 23 people

Claire Bennet
Looks like Freddy Krueger isn't all people should worry about when they sleep now.
I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of eternity about this vid.
-Yesterday at 10:30am – Like – 3 people

Gretchen Berg
...That... was...
...fucking... AMAZING!
-Yesterday at 10:36am – Like – 4 people

Peter Petrelli
TAKE THAT DOWN RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
-Yesterday at 10:45am – Like – 7 people

Gabriel Gray
Ando, you ARE going to take this down, unless you want your head taken off instead.
And just so I can say it first... fuck you, Ando. Knowing the NET, the NET will capture this before it shows up all over FB via YT you stupid moron!
-Yesterday at 10:50am – Like – 10 people

Micah Sanders
Too late, I've already seen this vid in 34 different FBs, even a German porn collective.
-Yesterday at 10:51am – Like

Mohinder Suresh
Oh hell... Ando...
TAKE IT DOWN!
-Yesterday at 10:58am – Like – 3 people

Matt Parkman
PLEASE tell me those were the shape shifters...!
-Yesterday at 11:03am – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
Parkman, that WAS you getting 'down right round'...
-Yesterday at 11:06am – Like

Matt Parkman
Yes, and that was you and Peter getting 'stripped down to the bone'...
-Yesterday at 11:10am – Like – 3 people

Tracy Strauss
Damn, guys...
What were you on, crack?
-Yesterday at 11:13am – Like – 4 people

Angela Petrelli
Great video. Bravo. Lovely.
And don't fret it, Noah, my friend... you -were- 'born that way'...
Hiro, congrats to you for being the one male special still in possession of a brain.
-Yesterday at 11:16am – Like – 2 people

Claude Rains
The best part was when Peter got scorched by that exploding shot of absinthe after he took that Chris guy's power.
Lad was right... crazy mimics, never know what OR who they're gonna do next...
-Yesterday at 11:19am – Like

Peter Petrelli
I loved it when YOU decided to work the pole, Claude!
-Yesterday at 11:21am – Like

Hiro Nakamura
I tried to stop them, but they were all too drunk!
Or stoned... drugs were for Sylar in case he showed up, but instead of knocking him out, they just made him YATTA.
-Yesterday at 11:22am – Like – 5 people

Claire Bennet
Thanks for my new screen saver, Ando.
-Yesterday at 11:27am – Like – 2 people

Samuel Sullivan
Sheesh, this vid's so popular it's even in prison.
-Yesterday at 11:30am – Like – 10 people

–

Ando Masahashi
Okay, we all ready for tonight?
And no, we will NEVER regret it! XD
-Wednesday at 5:14pm – Like – Comment
-Eric Lee Harrison, John Mulligan, and 41 others like this.

Noah Bennet
Nope, I can't imagine anything going wrong. ;)
-Wednesday at 5:18pm – Like

Matt Parkman
Nothing bad's gonna happen!
-Wednesday at 5:22pm – Like

Mohinder Suresh
I'm sure everything will remain under control.
-Wednesday at 5:26pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Nope, we won't regret it! xD
-Wednesday at 5:30pm – Like – 2 people

Claude Rains
It's not like we're going to make idiots of ourselves.
-Wednesday at 5:34pm – Like

Eric Doyle
It's going to be the show of all shows!
-Wednesday at 5:40pm – Like – 5 people

Ian Michaels
I can't wait! :D
-Wednesday at 5:45pm – Like

Chris Bowman
As long as we don't burn the place down, right? :D
-Wednesday at 5:49pm – Like

Josh Davis
Right there with you, guys!
-Wednesday at 5:56pm – Like

Evan Davis
Right there with you, bro!
-Wednesday at 5:59pm – Like – 1 person

Bo LoFontaine
This is gonna be crazier than anything even Samuel could have come up with.
Which is great.
-Wednesday at 6:03pm – Like

John Mulligan
If it gets TOO crazy I'll just... rewind things a bit so that I was never there. xD;
-Wednesday at 6:10pm – Like

Hiro Nakamura
Oh no... this will be a nightmare. :(
-Wednesday at 6:12pm – Like – 2 people

Claire Bennet
SOMEONE's gonna die at this party, I just KNOW it.
SOMEONE ELSE better be reading this because if SOMEONE dies and SOMEONE ELSE is not there to lend a healing hand I'll KILL that SOMEONE ELSE.
-Wednesday at 6:15pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
Fine, I'll go.
-Wednesday at 6:18pm – Like – 1 person

0.0.0

"...Is this about my party?"

"No," he replied, shaking his head, "it's about facebook." He heard Ando emit the sigh of doom – not relief – prompting him to emit the sigh of irritation. "I may not be able to remember things as clearly as I would not like to, but I do remember that everyone was using their phones to post stupid things on their facebooks from dusk until dawn... of the dead."

"I remember you doing the same thing," Ando frowned at him, "so you're really not one to talk."

"The party's not the problem, Ando." He folded his arms. "You know what the real problem is for us now."

Ando snapped his fingers, and then, removed his cellular phone from the right-hand pocket of his pants. "Oh," he said, using the phone's touch-screen feature to scroll down to a particular app. "I have to take this real quick, can you hold on for a second?"

"Sure," he sighed.

After Ando had heard the sigh of remorse, he went into his bedroom; peeking out the crack through the door until the door was fully shut...

A minute went by.

Three minutes went by.

Five minutes went by.

He wasn't going to sit out there for an entire hour. "Ando?" When there was no answer, he approached the bedroom door, knocking on it several times. "Ando," he said again, finally opening the door.

Ando had left the building, probably via Hiro for a little via iphone.

"Damnit," he muttered.

0.0.0

Facebook 13, Claude Rains

Claude Rains
I snuck into a strip club today, but that's not the best part.
The best part is... I saw one of 'us' there...
-3 hours ago – Like – Comment

Noah Bennet
Who was it?
-3 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
Can't tell you that, you're going to have to guess.
-3 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Ando?
-3 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
Nope.
-3 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Parkman?
-3 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
Nope.
-3 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Surely it wasn't Hiro, Peter, or Mohinder.
-3 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
It wasn't.
-3 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
...Sylar?
No, -has- to be one of the carnies...
-2 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
I never said it was a guy.
-2 hours ago – Like

Tracy Strauss
Do you want to die, Claude?
-2 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
What was the name of this club?
I... need to drop by...
-2 hours ago – Like – 22 people

Peter Petrelli
Yeah, me too.
-2 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Micah Sanders
Leave Tracy alone.
But, I too shall drop by that club, as long as no one else I know is there.
Therein, I will be gathering data on the rest of you to spam the world with.
-2 hours ago – Like – 1, 000, 000, 000 people.

–

Claude Rains
Someone didn't know I was in their bedroom last night...
-12 hours ago – Like – Comment

Noah Bennet
Whose bedroom were you in?
-12 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
Can't tell you that, you're going to have to guess...
-12 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Rachel's?
-12 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
Nope.
-12 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Gale's?
-12 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
Nope.
-12 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Tracy's? Emma's? Angela's...? O.o;;
Better NOT have been Claire's...
-12 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
I never said it was a lady's bedroom.
-12 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
...Okay, I don't want to know.
-12 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
I'll give you a two-letter hint, though.
1st letter: S
AND...
2nd letter: M
-12 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Oh, I know now...
Claude, I don't know whether or not to feel sorry for you, because you willingly subjected yourself to that.
-12 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
I have no idea what he's talking about, Noah.
Seriously, I don't.
-12 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Sure, Peter... I believe you...
-12 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Matt Parkman
LOL, look WHO likes your comment, Noah!
-12 hours ago – Like

Micah Sanders
HA HA HA!
-12 hours ago – Like

–

Claude Rains
Isn't it possible for a guy to go to a pub without having to worry about the ghostbusters showing up?
-Yesterday at 11:06pm via Mobile Web – Like – Comment

Gabriel Gray
-I- called the 'ghostbusters' after -I- caught the invisible man sleeping in my bed, you son of a bitch.
-Yesterday at 11:30pm – Like

Claude Rains
That's why this post is only "visible" to you, so I could let YOU know I don't need the damn company busters following me around just because SOMEONE chose NOT to tell you I was THERE, BEFORE YOU.
Bloody idiot, you didn't even know, did you?
-Yesterday at 11:33pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
SOMEONE was under the impression YOU were GONE.
And you don't need to worry about the ghost/company busters anymore; you need to worry about the BRAIN BUSTER.
-Yesterday at 11:36pm – Like

Micah Sanders
LOL you guys...
-Yesterday at 11:37pm – Like

Claude Rains
STOP HACKING OUR ACCOUNTS, LAD!
-Yesterday at 11:39pm – Like

Gabriel Gray
There really is no way to stop him...
-Yesterday at 11:41pm – Like – 1 person

Micah Sanders
Bitch, please.
-Yesterday at 11:41pm – Like – 1, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000 people

0.0.0

"Claude... I know you're there," he said, smirking thereafter. "People don't always have to see it to believe it these days."

"I was unaware they ever did," Claude replied. He decided not to drop his invisible veil, as it really was his favorite suit to wear to work. "What do you want?" he asked.

"We need to talk," he said, taking a seat on the stool at Claude's left, "because all of us are having a problem and it's my responsibility as a hero to do something about it."

"What?" Claude covered his mouth one hand. "You're." He laughed. "Going to save the world from facebook?"

He frowned. "Get serious," he said, tapping his fingers against the bar. "Even if we never speak to one another, I'd rather never speak to you at all than exclusively on facebook."

"Calm down," Claude slid a beer to him, "and have this."

"I don't want anything to drink, Claude."

Claude straightened his back, a smart expression surfacing on his face. "If you will make the slightest attempt to relax, I just might consider endorsing your new quest."

Thus, the drink was drunk, and when he fell to the floor, they all thought he was drunk.

On his mobile phone, Claude sent Noah a FBPM to thank him for the drugs, and then an additional PM to Angela, to thank her for the warning, and to call her a bitch.

0.0.0

Facebook 14, Alex Woolsly

Alex Woolsly
Oh my god this Superman convention is KILLING ME right now!
-1 hour ago via Android – Like – Comment

West Rosen
Why?
-1 hour ago – Like

Monica Dawson
I told you it was going to be crazy, you should have taken the day off.
-1 hour ago – Like

Alex Woolsly
You're right, Monica...
And West, it's crazy because someone STOLE issue #1 from the case and I am telling you it was ALL downhill from there, dude...
-49 minutes ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
OMG that's HORRIBLE! :O
-35 minutes ago – Like – 1 person

Claire Bennet
What happened to whoever tried to steal it?
-28 minutes ago – Like

Alex Woolsly
We don't know! Whoever stole it had some kind of abilities that allowed him to not only break the case with a scattering SCREAM or something, but then, the comic flew RIGHT out the door before someone flew AWAY with it! What's weirder was all the gold they left behind to pay for it with...
-25 minutes ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
...shit.
-22 minutes ago – Like

Claire Bennet
...Didn't YOU always want that comic book, Peter?
-10 minutes ago – Like – 1 person

Micah Sanders
Lmao.
-9 minutes ago – Like – 1, 000, 000, 000 people

–

Alex Woolsly
Guess who got a, you guessed it... brand... new... CAR!
Nah, I really got something better... a HOT TUB!
-Yesterday at 7:14pm – Like – Comment

West Rosen
Cool, now all you need are some hot girls to go with it!
-Yesterday at 7:27pm – Like – 3 people

Rachel Mills
Why did you need a hot tub?
-Yesterday at 7:36pm – Like – 2 people

Alex Woolsly
To live in.
-Yesterday at 7:40pm – Like – 1 person

Monica Dawson
Say what?
-Yesterday at 7:43pm – Like

Alex Woolsly
Fine. To score in.
-Yesterday at 7:48pm – Like – 2 people

West Rosen
I've never tried doing it in the sky before. You're lucky you can use your ability safely like that.
-Yesterday at 7:51pm – Like – 1 person

Claire Bennet
Wow, um... you guys don't get out much anymore, do you?
-Yesterday at 7:55pm – Like – 5 people

Alex Woolsly
I was just messing with him, I bought the tub just because I like hot tubs, so I was making a joke.
-Yesterday at 7:59pm – Like

West Rosen
Liar, you're just sucking up to Claire.
-Yesterday at 8:03pm – Like – 1 person

Alex Woolsly
Was not.
-Yesterday at 8:09pm – Like

West Rosen
Whatever I'm going to get high, in the sky.
-Yesterday at 8:12pm – Like

Micah Sanders
West, then why were you just googling the potential jail time for possession of class c substances and the details of dorm party extremes?
-Yesterday at 8:15pm – Like – 11 people

Claire Bennet
West, please don't do it.
-Yesterday at 8:17pm – Like – 4 people

West Rosen
Micah... STOP HACKING OUR ACCOUNTS!
AND our comps!
-Yesterday at 8:17pm – Like – 3 people

–

Alex Woolsly
Can you guess my favorite part of bedknobs and broomsticks? :D
-Wednesday at 6:10pm – Like – Comment

Monica Dawson
Bobbing along, singing a song?
-Wednesday at 6:18pm – Like – 1 person

Alex Woolsly
...on the bottom of the beautiful briny, shimmery shiny sea. :D
-Wednesday at 6:22pm – Like – 3 people

Peter Petrelli
I love that movie!
-Wednesday at 6:30pm – Like – 1 person

Alex Woolsly
You ever want to try the coolest ability in the world, you know where to find me!
-Wednesday at 6:35pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
It wouldn't really help me much on the job, but sure, why not?
-Wednesday at 6:39pm – Like

Micah Sanders
LOL don't come up for air any time soon, Peter. The 'Sci-fi' never ends for you.
-Wednesday at 6:40pm – Like – 5 people

Peter Petrelli
What...?
-Wednesday at 6:43pm – Like

Claire Bennet
:/...
-Wednesday at 6:50pm – Like – 8 people

0.0.0

"Who are you?"

He blinked. "You actually," he blinked again, "don't recognize me?"

Alex blinked at him. "...Should I?"

Silence.

Alex thought about it a little more. He truly didn't recognize this strange visitor, but then...

"Oh," Alex smiled. He knew this person! How could anyone in his universe not know this guy? "...You're on my facebook page!" he said. Now, he knew there was no mistake. "Sure, you're a... friend of a friend of a friend of Claire's, right?"

As he frowned at Alex, he said, "You knew who I was before facebook." After another brief moment of silence had passed, he added, "And I'm a very direct contact of Claire's."

"Oh," Alex said again. "You're one of the guys stalking her, aren't you?"

"...I," he stuttered, dragging a hand back through his hair. "I think I should leave before I fail at resisting the urge to harm you."

"Oh," Alex said yet again. "That's fine, because I need to get back on facebook and find out what's up at the comic store."

He turned on his heel, muttering, "Something else is going to get stolen..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

0.0.0

Facebook 15, Tracy Strauss

Tracy Strauss
Sometimes, I think all men are idiots.
-3 hours ago via iphone – Like – Comment
-Monica Dawson, Gabriel Gray, and 11 others like this.

Noah Bennet
I take it that some guy was rude to you today.
-3 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Robert Malden
I did nothing more than say how lovely she looked.
-3 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Oh, I get it...
-3 hours ago – Like

Robert Malden
And who are YOU mister I-get-it-Bennet?
-3 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
A friend of Tracy's.
-3 hours ago – Like

Robert Malden
What KIND of 'friend'?
-3 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
...A facebook friend?
-3 hours ago – Like

Robert Malden
Oh, okay. That's not a big deal, then.
Tracy, please call me, dear!
-3 hours ago – Like

Tracy Strauss
IN YOUR FACE...
...BOOK!
-3 hours ago – Like – 27 people

Micah Sanders
Rebel has commenced, operative solution in check.
-3 hours ago – Like – 1, 000, 000, 000 people

–

Tracy Strauss
SPFS...
I'm still working on seeing to the passing of the bill that will make our abilities part of our second-amendment rights.
-6 hours ago – Like – Comment
-John Mulligan, Evan Davis, and 17 others like this.

Monica Dawson
That's great!
-6 hours ago – Like

Mohinder Suresh
If that does work out, I would assume it comes with a catch somewhere... sadly, there's always a catch.
-6 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Peter Petrelli
So like, flying if we fell from a building would be cool, but not flying just for fun?
-6 hours ago – Like

West Rosen
Peter, that does sound bad, but I don't imagine anything like that's gonna happen.
-6 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
I think the bill's primary goal is to permit the use of more 'violent' abilities only through a means of self-defense.
-6 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
So flying cool, electric manipulation not so cool?
-6 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
I'm sure electric manipulation would be just fine, but not just fine just for fun out in the streets, if you know what I mean.
-6 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Gabriel Gray
I think this is all bad news, and that eventually, I won't be able to telekinetically pull a cup of coffee into my hand at the local diner without being shot at for trying to murder someone.
-6 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Peter Petrelli
Sylar, stop your drama.
-6 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
Peter, stop wearing that ass-hat.
-6 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Matt Parkman
Take it to your OWN pages, guys...
-6 hours ago – Like – 13 people

Tracy Strauss
In relation to the bill, Noah has it right.
Peter, stop your drama.
Sylar, stop wearing that ass-hat.
-4 hours ago – Like – 16 people

–

Tracy Strauss was tagged in Peter Petrelli's album

Good times

-12 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Hesam Malik, Eric Doyle, and 48 others like this.

Hiro Nakamura
Cute!
-12 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Noah Bennet
Cute? Don't you mean 'sexy'?
-12 hours ago – Like – 10 people

Claude Rains
Yes, I'd like to melt the dry ice on that ass.
-12 hours ago – Like – 15 people

Noah Bennet
Which ass, Claude?
-12 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
BONG, you know the answer to that... BINGA BONG, BOO.
-12 hours ago – Like

Claire Bennet
Dad... what's going on?
-12 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Nothing, Claire.
Claude and I are simply under the influence while on facebook, that's all. :)
-12 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Gabriel Gray
Peter, when -did- you go sailing with her?
-12 hours ago – Like

Mohinder Suresh
A person's photo album really isn't the place for all this, is it?
-12 hours ago – Like – 6 people

Hesam Malik
Oh WOW Peter is THIS your mystery-person?
She is HOT.
-12 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Gabriel Gray
Fuck you, Hesam.
-12 hours ago – Like

Hesam Malik
You and Peter fighting over the same girl?
Wow, that explains EVERYTHING between you guys!
-12 hours ago – Like – 11 people

Claude Rains
LMIAO.
...AAHHHH!
-12 hours ago – Like – 8 people

Tracy Strauss
Peter, please either un-tag me, or delete these comments...
-11 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Tracy I'm SO sorry I didn't see them until they were made!
I NEVER should have left facebook, even for an hour, so I'm REALLY sorry!
-11 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
...I don't even know what to say - this is so downright stupid in every way imaginable that -I- can't even understand it, and it's sort of freaking me out for that very reason...
-11 hours ago – Like

–

Josh needs your help to get the Fruit Crate for their Spring Countdown!

Josh wants to complete their Spring Countdown item set but is falling behind. You're one of nine friends who can give this item today! Can you lend a hand?

-18 hours ago via FarmVille – Like – Give Item

Gabriel Gray
Not you too, Tracy!
-18 hours ago – Like – Comment

Tracy Strauss
I think you need some help, so give Josh a fruit crate or get off.
-18 hours ago – Like – 7 people

Gabriel Gray
Get off...? Get OFF? THAT'S what I've been TRYING to do, for a WEEK!
And YOU think I need some help?
I THINK I NEED SOME HELP.
-18 hours ago – Like

0.0.0

"Tracy."

She looked up. "Oh," she said, moving her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose just long enough to take a better look at him. "How did you get here? Wait, don't answer that, since I already know."

He sighed, taking a few steps down the boat's deck. "What exactly are you doing?"

Tracy took a sip from her martini, and sat back. "I'm getting a tan, what's it look like?"

"So... your laptop needed a tan, too?"

She laughed at him. "You're not as much fun as you used to be, are you?" She grinned. "I wonder why?"

"Yes," he said, taking a seat in the extendable chair next to her. "I wonder why, too, but surely it has nothing to do with facebook."

"You should 'chill'," Tracy replied, taking another sip from her drink. "When you get online, simply navigate sporadically between facebook and other websites. Then you'll be fine."

As he watched her type-away at her keyboard, he stated, "Tracy, we both need to get off." When she looked at him oddly, he added, "Of facebook."

Tracy elicited a casual huff, brushing a hand back through her blonde hair. "I received a number of PMs from the others," she said, casting a quick glance down to her laptop's monitor. "They said you were acting kind of crazy, as usual, and harassing everyone over their facebooks outside of their facebooks."

Sardonically, he said, "Harassing?" He laughed, standing from the chair. "Is that what interpersonal communication outside of our facebooks is now?"

She shrugged. "Depends on whether or not you're a best-facebook-friend, because if you're not, it can be harassment either way."

"...I need to go," he muttered, turning around and slipping his sunglasses back on.

"Hey," Tracy said, pointing at his receding back, "don't forget to update!"

0.0.0

Facebook 16, Eric Doyle

Eric Doyle
Ahhh she's sooo beautiful!
-7 hours ago via Android – Like – Comment

Noah Bennet
Let me guess... she's blonde?
-7 hours ago – Like

Eric Doyle
AND she's beautiful!
-7 hours ago – Like

–

Eric Doyle
Oh wow I just saw the most prettiest girl!
-9 hours ago via Android – Like – Comment

Gabriel Gray
Let me guess... she's blonde.
-9 hours ago – Like

Eric Doyle
BUT she's beautiful too!
-9 hours ago – Like

–

Eric Doyle
Wow I just met an amazing woman! You won't believe how amazing!
-10 hours ago via Android – Like – Comment

Angela Petrelli
I wonder what color her hair is.
-10 hours ago – Like

Eric Doyle
It's BLONDE! :D
-10 hours ago – Like

–

Eric Doyle
Okay, I'm staring a pole here for 'us' guys (and u barbie's dad)... who do you find the most ravishing between Tracy and Emma?
-12 hours ago – Like – Comment

Gabriel Gray
Don't anyone answer this, -unless- you're an idiot.
-12 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Tracy.
-12 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Emma. No offense to Tracy, though, since I would hit that.
-12 hours ago – Like

Matt Parkman
Emma. She's sweeter.
-12 hours ago – Like

Ando Masahashi
Definitely Tracy! Talk about hot n' the cold.
-12 hours ago – Like

Hiro Nakamura
They're both equally pretty.
-11 hours ago – Like

Claude Rains
Tracy.
-11 hours ago – Like

Ian Michaels
Emma... :)
-11 hours ago – Like

Mohinder Suresh
I'm not answering this, I don't trust you, and it shouldn't matter who any of these people find more attractive.
-11 hours ago – Like

Chris Bowman
Emma.
-11 hours ago – Like

Josh Davis
Tracy.
-11 hours ago – Like

Evan Davis
Emma.
-11 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Anyone who actually participated in this 'pole' IS a moron.
-11 hours ago – Like

Eric Doyle
Thanks for the votes, everyone!
Now, Emma will be my new bride. :D
-10 hours ago – Like

Micah Sanders
Guys, he accidentally forgot to hide this from Rachel, and now all the girls are making secret posts about you with topics ranging anywhere from who would suck most in bed to who has the smallest brain, or wiener.
Also, everyone wants to sex up Mohinder now, and Tracy's on the phone atm with Janice talking about how hot he is.
-10 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
WHY doesn't anyone EVER listen to me UNTIL it's TOO late?
-10 hours ago – Like

0.0.0

"Well, well, well," Doyle said, "if it isn't—"

Holding his hand over Doyle's mouth, he whispered, "Please don't say my name out loud here. I don't want people to fall under the impression that you and I are aquatinted." After taking a step back and pointing his finger in Doyle's face, he added, "And no puppetry or I'll turn a trick on you."

Doyle wasn't really paying attention to him. "Wow," he said, staring at the gorgeous figure behind his acquaintance, "will you look at that one..."

"What?" He turned around, then hearing a snapshot sound which had originated from Doyle's phone. "Hey," he said, turning back to Doyle. "Did you just take a picture of someone you don't even know to upload on facebook?"

Doyle was flabbergasted. "Surely you've seen my blonde beauty album before."

"Surely I have," he said, "nt."

"What exactly is it you want?" Doyle asked, having already folded his arms. This guy was nothing but trouble, and he knew it.

"I'm trying to get some people on my side," he replied. He held up his hands, though the gestures were more of a surrender than a threat. "It's for a good cause."

Doyle raised an eyebrow. "What sort of good cause?"

"I think..." He exhaled a long, long sigh. "...that we need to get off of facebook."

Doyle's laughter was so loud it gathered the attention of everyone present within the antique shop.

"You." He laughed again. "Can't." Another laugh. "Be serious."

"Yes," he said, smirking. "I am serious."

"But you're one of us!"

"No, I'm a... wait." He knew, sadly, that Doyle was right... he did have a problem, too, making him part of the problem. Come again, he'd always had a bad habit of being part of the problem.

Losing his facebook wouldn't be any easier than losing an ability. While he fell into a brief state of contemplation, Doyle uploaded a few photos to his facebook. "If I bleached my hair, would you pay any more or less attention to me over your phone?"

"Maybe over the women, but not over my phone," Doyle said.

"..."

0.0.0

Facebook 17, Peter Petrelli

Peter Petrelli
I'm so sad...
-4 hours ago – Like – Comment
-View all 62 comments.

Micah Sanders
Uh oh this is gonna get crazy.
-4 hours ago – Like – 1 person

Claire Bennet
OMG everything okay?
-4 hours ago – Like

Emma Coolidge
Are you okay?
-4 hours ago – Like

Gretchen Berg
I hope you're okay!
-4 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Are you alright, Peter?
-4 hours ago – Like

Angela Petrelli
Please tell me you're okay...
-4 hours ago – Like

West Rosen
You okay, Peter?
-4 hours ago – Like

Eric Doyle
I'm sorry, hope you're okay.
-4 hours ago – Like

Monica Dawson
I hope you're okay and that nothing's wrong!
-4 hours ago – Like

Alex Woolsly
Did something bad happen?
-4 hours ago – Like

Hesam Malik
Did you get hurt?
-4 hours ago – Like

Mohinder Suresh
I'm really worried now...
-4 hours ago – Like

Matt Parkman
I'm worried, too.
-4 hours ago – Like

Josh Davis
I hope you're okay!
-4 hours ago – Like

Evan Davis
Are you really okay?
-4 hours ago – Like

Hiro Nakamura
Please be okay Peter!
-4 hours ago – Like

Ando Masahashi
Everything's going to be fine...!
-4 hours ago – Like

Rachel Mills
I hope everything's okay!
-4 hours ago – Like

Millie Houston
Did you kill yourself?
-4 hours ago – Like

Lyle Bennet
OMG PETER are you REALLY okay, man?
-4 hours ago – Like

Claire Bennet
Guys we've got to make sure he's okay he's not answering his phone!
-4 hours ago – Like

Ian Michaels
I really hope nothing bad happened to him!
-4 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
I just called Hiro and we're going to try to find him!
-4 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Hiro Nakamura
Do not worry Peter Petrelli we will save you!
-4 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Claire Bennet
Okay I'm coming too!
-4 hours ago – Like

Angela Petrelli
Oh my God I don't know what I'll do if anything happened to him!
-4 hours ago – Like

Bo LoFontaine
Keep everyone posted, yall!
-4 hours ago – Like

Eric Lee Harrison
You guys better hurry, he may be dying right now!
-4 hours ago – Like

Tracy Strauss
OMFG what did I miss?
-4 hours ago – Like

Kimiko Nakamura
Ando and Hiro are going to help you, okay Peter?
-4 hours ago – Like

Amanda Strazzulla
Peter you just CAN'T die! We all love you so much!
-4 hours ago – Like – 4 people

John Mulligan
Wow this is crazy I hope he's okay!
-4 hours ago – Like

Molly Walker
He's alive in NYC in his apartment hurry up and find him!
-4 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Aww thanks guys, I feel so much better now. :)
I found the baseball Nathan gave me, it was under my bed.
Thanks for your support! Love you guys!
-4 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
This... is the most RIDICULOUS thing I have EVER read!
You are ALL IDIOTS!
Peter, FUCK YOU, AND FACEBOOK!
-4 hours ago – Like

–

Claude Rains
You're a real poodle, Peter!
-10 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Noah Bennet, Emma Coolidge, and 29 others like this.

–

Peter Petrelli
I love you guys! :)
If no one's told you they love you today, don't forget I do!
-14 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Hiro Nakamura, Evan Davis, and 71 others like this.

Emma Coolidge
We love you too!
-14 hours ago – Like

Claire Bennet
I love you too, Peter!
-14 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
You're so nice, we love you as well.
-14 hours ago – Like

Angela Petrelli
That's my wonderful son. :)
-14 hours ago – Like

Rachel Mills
Aww, thanks, love you too!
-14 hours ago – Like

Hiro Nakamura
WE LOVE YOU TOO!
-14 hours ago – Like

Eric Doyle
You're so nice!
-14 hours ago – Like

Monica Dawson
We love you so much for being such a great guy! :)
-14 hours ago – Like

Ando Masahashi
Thanks for being you! :)
-14 hours ago – Like

Mohinder Suresh
Thank you, Peter, right back to you.
-14 hours ago – Like

Janice Parkman
You're SO sweet!
-14 hours ago – Like

Tracy Strauss
Aww, thank you!
-14 hours ago – Like

Matt Parkman
We all feel the same about you, Peter.
-14 hours ago – Like

Molly Walker
LOVE YOU TOO!
-14 hours ago – Like

Hesam Malik
Thanks, partner!
-14 hours ago – Like

Millie Houston
How sweet. :)
-14 hours ago – Like

Evan Davis
You're such a great person!
-14 hours ago – Like

Josh Davis
You ARE a great person!
-14 hours ago – Like

Samuel Sullivan
Thanks, Peter.
-14 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
...Doesn't ANYONE but me find this COMPLETELY INSANE?
FUCK.
-14 hours ago – Like

–

Emma Coolidge
We love you, Peter!
-16 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Claire Bennet, Hiro Nakamura, and 57 others like this.

–

Peter Petrelli
I hope you're all having a great day so far!
If you are, hope it stays great!
If you're not, hope it gets better!
-18 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Tracy Strauss, Monica Dawson, and 83 others like this.

Claire Bennet
Thanks, hope you're having a great day too!
-18 hours ago – Like

Lyle Bennet
Thanks Peter! You too. :)
-18 hours ago – Like

Molly Walker
It's going to stay great now! Kisses!
-18 hours ago – Like

Angela Petrelli
We love you, Peter.
-18 hours ago – Like

Rachel Mills
Aww... :)
-18 hours ago – Like

Emma Coolidge
Thank you, and you too!
-18 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Thank you very much, Peter.
-18 hours ago – Like

Mohinder Suresh
Huh, I actually feel better now.
-18 hours ago – Like

Matt Parkman
Thanks buddy!
-18 hours ago – Like

Amanda Strazzulla
If only everyone in the world was more like you!
-18 hours ago – Like

Josh Davis
Thanks, bro.
-18 hours ago – Like

Evan Davis
What my bro said.
-18 hours ago – Like

Hiro Nakamura
YATTA for Peter! :D
-18 hours ago – Like

Kimiko Nakamura
You've got to be the nicest friend my brother and husband have!
-18 hours ago – Like

Ando Masahashi
He really is and he's a great guy!
-18 hours ago – Like

Eric Lee Matthews
My day's better already!
-18 hours ago – Like

Monica Dawson
I would date you! xD
-18 hours ago – Like

Tracy Strauss
Thanks Peter, you really are too sweet.
-18 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Uh, yeah Peter, you're so 'nice'.
You ever heard that 'less gets you more' expression?
If you haven't, you're THAT nice AND that naïve.
If you have, you're an evil little attention whore with a dark streak who is in disguise as someone nice and stupid.
-18 hours ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Don't say mean things in my FB, Sylar!
But I'll let it go, you must be having a bad day. :(
It'll get better later, I just -know- it...
And deep down, so do you...
-18 hours ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Damn you...
-18 hours ago – Like

–

Monica Dawson
Hope you're having a great day, Peter!
-21 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Angela Petrelli, Hesam Malik, and 54 others like this.

–

Amanda Strazzulla
Hey Peter you're the best!
-22 hours ago – Like – Comment
-Janice Parkman, Claude Rains, and 62 others like this.

–

Peter Petrelli
I just saw a puppy! Ah it's so cute. :)
-Yesterday at 4:03pm – Like – Comment
-Molly Walker, Janice Parkman, and 88 others like this.
-View all 107 comments.

Lyle Bennet
Yay a puppy! :D
-12 hours ago – Like – 7 people

Mohinder Suresh
LOL, um, 'awesome', Peter.
-5 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Gabriel Gray
This is SO fucking sad...
It HAS to end.
-just now – Like

0.0.0

Bang. Bang. Bang.

"What are you doing in there?" he shouted.

"I'm going to end it," he said, hysterically. "I am going to end it. It's over, Peter, you hear me? It is over!"

Peter banged on the door again. "This," he said, banging on the door still more, "is ridiculous!" He knew it was. "I don't spend too much time on that damn website...!"

"Yes you do!" Sylar exclaimed. He held his arm back, preparing to throw his phone into the nearest wall, but he didn't. No, he had to update his facebook first.

"Will you please come out of there?" Peter asked, though none too nicely. "If you have something to say to me, say it to my face, not my facebook," he gritted his teeth, "damnit!"

No answer.

"I am going to break the door down!"

No answer.

"I seriously will!"

No answer.

Finally, he shrugged, and got out his phone. He needed to get on facebook immediately. He'd have a better chance of finding out what Sylar was doing on the other side of the door that way.

0.0.0

Facebook 18, Gabriel Gray

Gabriel Gray
In less than ten minutes, I am going to be dead.
It's going to be a lot like when Columbo met the guillotine, only I'll know the safety switch isn't already on.
Oh, and I'm going to die.
I hate you all for hating me.
And who DO you guys thinks been out saving the world all week WHILE you were all HERE, anyway?
Sigh, life gave me a never-ending supply of lemons, and all I wanted was some apple juice.
RIP, me. "He was no longer evil, but evil things kept happening to him." – GG
-1 minute ago – Like – Comment

Peter Petrelli
If anyone hits the 'like' button for this I WILL kick your ass! In fact, I might kill you.
Another fact: NOBODY IS GOING TO COMMENT ON THIS. I MEAN IT.
I'll handle this...
-just now – Like

–

Recent Activity
-Gabriel Gray is complicated with Peter Petrelli. – Like – Comment

-View all 72 comments.

Mohinder Suresh
Wow, tell us something else we don't know.
-29 minutes ago – Like – 8 people

Hiro Nakamura
Congrats...?
-28 minutes ago – Like

Claire Bennet
Yeah sure WHATEVER.
Peter wouldn't permit this in his FB!
-27 minutes ago – Like – 18 people

Noah Bennet
Did I miss something...?
Don't answer that, I don't want to know what it is I missed.
Because I won't miss knowing.
-26 minutes ago – Like – 6 people

Matt Parkman
This is just as hilarious as it is disturbing.
-26 minutes ago – Like – 8 people

Claude Rains
LMIAO.
Laughing my invisible ass off.
-25 minutes ago – Like – 2 people

Luke Campbell
Ah man.
I waited too long I guess.
-25 minutes ago – Like

West Rosen
I like boomerangs.
-24 minutes ago – Like – 5 people

Ando Masahashi
I forgot what I was going to say.
-23 minutes ago – Like – 2 people

Angela Petrelli
Gabriel, you're a pathetic hero for this.
-23 minutes ago – Like – 4 people

Peter Petrelli
I DIDN'T GET 'COMPLICATED WITH HIM' GD.
SYLAR, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID THIS BUT YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE IT DOWN.
NOW.
THIS IS NOT FUNNY, YOU ARE NOT FUNNY, BUT YOU ARE PATHETIC AND SO IS THIS HALF-ASSED, EMBARASSING ATTEMPT ON YOUR BEHALF AT FLATTERY.
START WALKING THE STREETS... AGAIN.
BITCH.
-22 minutes ago – Like – 14 people

Gabriel Gray
I DIDN'T DO THIS. SOMEONE HAS OBVIOUSLY DECIDED TO TORTURE ME OVER THE INTERNET. BUT I DON'T CARE.
WHEN THE AUTOPSY IS PERFORMED, MY CAUSE OF DEATH WILL READ FACEBOOK.
AND YOU, PETER. NEXT TIME YOU BLOW UP, BLOW UP YOUR LOVE DOLL.
BITCH.
-20 minutes ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
OH SO AM I SUPPOSED TO BLOW YOU UP?
OH AND FUCK YOU.
BITCH.
-19 minutes ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
NO, YOU'RE JUST SUPPOSED TO BLOW ME.
FUCK YOU, TOO.
BITCH.
-18 minutes ago – Like

Ando Masahashi
Guys I don't think they're complicated.
-17 minutes ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
GO BLOW YOURSELF.
BITCH.
-17 minutes ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
FINE, I'M SURE I'D BE BETTER AT IT THAN YOU, ANYWAY.
BITCH.
-16 minutes ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
THAN I -WOULD BE-, BITCH.
CALL ME A BITCH ONE MORE TIME
AND I WILL KILL YOU.
BITCH.
-15 minutes ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
YOU FAIL AT KILLING, ESPECIALLY AT KILLING ME.
...BITCH!
-14 minutes ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
YOU FAIL AT KILLING SO MUCH YOU COULDN'T EVEN FINISH YOURSELF OFF WHEN YOU TRIED.
AND YOU FAIL AT SAVING, TOO. ESPECIALLY AT SAVING YOURSELF.
YOU CAN'T SAVE YOURSELF, YOU CAN'T KILL YOURSELF, SO MAN, GUESS YOU ARE...
FUCKED.
DON'T NEED SEX WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU THAT GOOD OF A FUCKING, DO YOU?.?.!
BITCH!.!.!
-13 minutes ago – Like

Gabriel Gray
Please don't talk to me, ever again...
-12 minutes ago – Like

Claire Bennet
Peter, that was... yeah, evil... seriously, it was.
-10 minutes ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
Gabriel, I'm REALLY sorry...!
That WAS very mean of me and I'm also REALLY sorry I called you a bitch...
Will you come out of the bathroom now? Pretty please with little rainbow sprinkles on top? :)...
-8 minute ago – Like

Noah Bennet
What the...
-5 minutes ago – Like

Claire Bennet
...hell?
-4 minutes ago – Like – 3 people

–

Gabriel Gray
I suppose I have to say something here, because it's been SO long since I last have.
There.
I said something.
-8 hours ago – Like – Comment

Mohinder Suresh
How incognito of you.
-8 hours ago – Like – 3 people

Matt Parkman
It's not like someone's holding a gun to your head.
-8 hours ago – Like – 8 people

Noah Bennet
Matt, that won't work, remember?
-8 hours ago – Like

Matt Parkman
Fine, a guillotine.
-8 hours ago – Like – 12 people

Alex Woolsly
Lame.
-8 hours ago – Like – 10 people

Angela Petrelli
Very informative.
-8 hours ago – Like – 3 people

West Rosen
Have you been watching those twilight movies?
-8 hours ago – Like – 16 people

Peter Petrelli
Sylar, you really, really need to get off of facebook.
-8 hours ago – Like – 36 people

–

Recent Activity
Gabriel Gray added serial killer to his lists of employment. – Like – Comment

Micah Sanders
Lmfao.
-18 hours ago – Like

Angela Petrelli
Smart move, dear.
-18 hours ago – Like

Luke Campbell
Damn they really do have all available occupations on here.
-18 hours ago – Like – 4 people

Mohinder Suresh
I don't know why I ever would have expected anything different from you on this site.
-18 hours ago – Like

Hiro Nakamura
Um... you may want to take this down.
-18 hours ago – Like – 2 people

Gretchen Berg
LOL, cool.
-18 hours ago – Like

Noah Bennet
You know, the FEDs do frequent this site, Sylar.
-18 hours ago – Like – 7 people

West Rosen
You're insane, but I guess all I did was state the obvious.
So, yeah, when insane people do the insane, guess there's really nothing insanely new about it.
-18 hours ago – Like – 29 people

Peter Petrelli
Well...
...which someone is clearly not.
And no, I wasn't talking to West; I was talking to YOU, Sylar.
-18 hours ago – Like – 21 people

–

Gabriel Gray
One of these days, I am going to put a baseball bat to your heads and then bash your skulls in. :)
-Yesterday at 8:42pm – Like – Comment

West Rosen
You are not putting a bat to my head.
-Yesterday at 8:54pm – Like

Claire Bennet
Sylar, I will put a bat to your head first.
Or, through your head.
Or eye socket.
-Yesterday at 8:59pm – Like – 22 people

Matt Parkman
You don't know when to quit, do you?
Is this your way of trying to -pretend- to be as 'badass' as you used to feel?
Stupid.
-Yesterday at 9:08pm – Like – 11 people

Lyle Bennet
Psycho.
-Yesterday at 9:17pm – Like – 29 people

Tracy Strauss
Idiot.
-Yesterday at 9:25pm – Like – 24 people

Hiro Nakamura
You shouldn't say mean things like this!
-Yesterday at 9:32pm – Like – 9 people

Luke Campbell
I'm excluded from this post, right?
-Yesterday at 9:38pm – Like

Emma Coolidge
Do you need someone to talk to right now?
-Yesterday at 9:44pm – Like

Peter Petrelli
Sylar, do you really enjoy making yourself look as stupid as you are?
-Yesterday at 9:51pm – Like – 13 people

Micah Sanders
Uh, yeah, guys. Easy to say all this stuff to him over the internet, on his facebook, but try saying it to his actual face.
You guys have been really rude to him net-wise over the past week, so I wouldn't put it past him to enact at least -some- method of revenge.
Also, he just purchased a bat off of eBay.
-Yesterday at 10:00pm – Like

0.0.0

"Gabriel!" Peter shouted. He stepped back, held out his arm, and with telekinetic energy, forced the bathroom door right off its hinges.

The mirror... it was covered in blood...

However... Sylar was gone...

...but the baseball bat wasn't.

"That's it," Peter said, picking up the bat.

Mindlessly, he laughed to himself.

The time had come.

"...I tried talking to all of you," he said evilly, swinging the bat around in the air, "I really did, but you wouldn't listen to me, so now, I have to stop Gabriel from finding the nearest guillotine, and then, I have to get everyone together for a round of batter up your brain..."

Then, with the bat, Peter broke the mirror to pieces, the mirror which had bore the words 'I AM FACEBOOK' written on it in blood.

0.0.0

Facebook 00, Double Negative

Peter smiled darkly.

Lightly patting the end of the bat against the palm of his free hand, he said, "Do I really need to play back anymore footage?"

No one said anything.

He sighed. "Blink once for yes, twice for no."

Everyone blinked twice.

Except for...

"Sylar," he sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry I had to use your memories to help knock some sense into everyone like that, but I arrived at the conclusion that it was a better alternative to knocking literal sense into them with a bat."

Effortlessly, Sylar continued to hover in midair. He wasn't flying, but the feeling wouldn't have been new to him either way. "Peter," he said, "I don't see why you would require a baseball bat to kill."

"Look," Peter said, pointing his finger at Sylar, "this isn't exactly the way I wanted to let everyone know I reacquired my abilities," he turned his head to the others, "but I didn't think FACEBOOK was the ideal place to let anyone know, either!" His head fell back, and he groaned, dragging a hand back through his hair. "And seriously, guys, that status stuff in my facebook really was so lame!" he shouted, swinging the bat and breaking a chair.

Claire blinked. Then, she blinked again. When the consecutive blinking gained her no attention, she thought that, with a few thoughts in mind, she could gain his attention that way.

'Peter, I know you can hear this. Please, drop the bat, and drop Sylar, because I'm sort of afraid we might need him to protect us from you.'

'He'll drop Sylar before he drops that bat, Claire.'

'Matt, this is a PM outside of FB, so stay out of it.'

That one line of Peter's had given Matt what was quite possibly the most power-full migraine he had ever experienced.

'Drop the bat, Peter!'

'Claire, what's the big deal about my bat?'

'Gee, I don't know, why don't you try stealing a cookie from every jar here since you've apparently already done that anyway?'

'What?'

'Listen to all of our thoughts.'

'Is he ever going to put that thing down?' West thought.

'I wish he would go ahead and bash my skull in with that bat so this will be over with," Alex thought.

'I thought he had matured when all he had really done was given himself a bad stomach ache,' Mohinder thought. 'It seems ingenious intuition isn't quite enough to stop the moods and emotions from swinging like that bat of his, though.'

'If he has tons of abilities again, why does he need the bat to destroy chairs?' Hiro thought.

'Maybe Sylar taught him a new way to open up our heads with a bat, and this whole thing was a set-up leading up to the bashing up of our heads before, therein, Sylar and Peter join forces in a whole new way to remove our brains, and then, they will feast,' Noah thought.

'I wonder if Angela knows that's not the bat Sylar instant-purchased from eBay,' Micah thought.

'If Nathan knew Peter was using the bat he hit his first home run with, he would be so ashamed,' Angela thought.

'Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck fuck fuck what the HELL IS GOING ON HERE?' Hesam thought. 'He has the power to move stuff with his mind and play people's memories back on mirror and that's obviously not all so what if that bat is like his magic wand or something...?'

Peter set the bat down on the table. "There, you happy now?"

Everyone blinked once.

Instead of the bat, Peter held his hand out. "Okay," he said, hand filling with radioactive energy. "Who here wants to get on facebook when they leave? Huh? I can't hear you! Any takers?" He smiled brightly. "Any at all?"

No takers.

"Good," he said, releasing everyone from their telekinetic restraints. "Now, Hiro and Ando can get you guys home," he shrugged, "unless you want me to help you out."

Hiro shook his head quickly. "No, we don't need your help!"

"And-And we're not getting on facebook," Ando added, shaking his head even more quickly than Hiro.

Peter pointed at Micah. "Don't forget what we agreed on."

Slightly pale in the face, Micah replied, "I won't..."

Peter shrugged again. "Yeah," he said, chuckling to an almost innocent degree, "I'm still not as skilled at picking up powers with intuitive empathy as Sylar, so I'd have to have a one-on-one with you for roughly an hour." The moment he said this, everyone fell pale in the face, and it didn't help when he continued on. "Then, you'd undergo a long speech concerning a combination of my thoughts and feelings on your life and its mistakes until I can figure out what you need to do to fix up your life and your general perception on it."

"I'd rather you take my head off with that bat," Micah said, casually.

"I'll keep that in mind," Peter said.

"Cool," Micah smiled.

"Cool," Peter smiled.

"Cool," Sylar said, continuing to hover in midair as his body rotated around like a planet. "So, everyone 'cool' about the temporary facebook abstinence, or am I going to have to stay up here all night?"

Noah stood from the couch, straightening his back out. At least he knew why no one had heard from Damien in a while; Peter's speech had probably killed him. Nonetheless, that didn't explain much of anything, much less why...

"Sylar," Noah said, making eye-contact with him, "if you want down from there that badly, can't you just fight back with your own abilities?"

Sylar huffed, "No."

Noah was going to ask why, but ultimately, decided not to. The simple explanation was that Peter was, once again, the most powerful of them all.

But, when it came to Peter and Sylar... the explanation was never simple, and Noah didn't want to hear it when he had already mentally signed his death certificate for the zillionth time.

He didn't want the last mental signature to be one of suicide.

0.0.0

"So... it's over."

"Yeah. It's finally over."

"Is... is it really?" Sylar asked.

"Yeah," Peter said again, staring the other man straight in the eyes. "It couldn't go on like that between us. Not anymore. I had to end it... before you did." The wind picked up, a chilly gust blowing back through his hair and swaying his long coat.

"So what becomes of us now?" Sylar asked, voice void of any traceable emotion. "Are we really through?"

Peter nodded at him. "Yes, we're through," he said, walking forwards, slowly closing the space between them. "We're through for good. I'm sorry, but things just became... too complicated," he huffed, "even boring." When Sylar did nothing apart from look at him with that same, nonchalant expression, he held out his arm, sparks of energy filling his hand. "It's over, for good..."

Sylar's hand, like Peter's, filled with bright sparks of energy. "It's over... for good," he said, darkly.

Peter smirked. "For good," he said, expressions turning just as dark as Sylar's, "the good of us, and for the world, because now," he launched a firework from his hand, "we're off of facebook so ha! In your real face everyone!"

Just as Peter had done previously, Sylar shot a firework up into the sky. "Finally," he said, gleaming with inner and outer joy. "We did it, Peter!" He wrapped his arms around Peter, spinning around until Peter's shoes were no longer touching the cement.

Peter laughed the whole while, wrapping his arms back around Sylar's neck. "I knew you were never really angry at me," he said the moment Sylar had let him down. He smiled up at him, arms still around Sylar's neck.

"Well, to be honest," Sylar said, calming his laughter, "I had no idea you wanted to get off of that site just as much as me. I only joined in the first place because you did, so I thought it was the normal thing to do. What you wanted me to do."

Peter raised an eyebrow. "Since when have either of us ever been normal?" he asked, staring at him with disbelief. "And why would I ever want you to be like me? If I wanted to date myself I'm sure I could, but that would be just as scary as it sounds."

Sylar chuckled. "It really would be... but in regards to your other statement about 'normality', the answer probably is 'never', but," he shrugged again, "I don't really think talking to each other online when we're sitting right next to each other in bed was all that 'normal' either."

"That's over," Peter said, patting him on the shoulder. He ran his hand down Sylar's arm, gently squeezing him at the elbow. "So, with that out of the way... let's celebrate. For real."

"What did you have in mind?" Sylar asked, though... he had a good idea, which was exactly why he was grinning ear-to-ear. And, the roof always was a great place for some special fun.

Then, from his pants, Peter removed... his phone...

"...Peter," Sylar muttered. "This isn't funny."

"It's not supposed be." Peter sighed, and brought the phone to his ear. "Hello? Oh, hey. Well thanks all the same for actually calling me this time." He blinked. "...What? ...What? Are you serious?"

Sylar didn't know what was going on, but he definitely wanted to know. "Who are you talking to, and what's wrong?"

The phone fell from Peter's hand, though it thankfully didn't break when it hit the cement. "Claire," he murmured, face etched in a mixture of shock and horror.

Sylar rolled his eyes. "Is she on facebook again already?"

Blank stare on his face, Peter replied, "No, she-she's not..." He continued to stand there, almost as if someone had frozen time with him it in. When Sylar's worried expression brought him back to reality, however, he said, "She's been kidnapped and Gretchen thinks she might be dead..."

"...What?" Sylar's mouth fell open. "What the hell happened?"

"I-I don't know and no one else does either!" Peter shouted, hysterically.

Sylar couldn't help it. He panicked. "Well what do we do, Peter?"

"We have to find out what's going on!"

Silence.

Peter's and Sylar's eyes became very shifty; their expressions weary.

Finally, Sylar whispered, "Let's get on facebook..."

"...Yeah," Peter agreed.

0.0.0

Facebook 007, Epilogue

"And bam, we got them!"

High-five.

Claire grinned. "We sure did," she said, taking a seat on the bed. "Now that they're gonna get caught facebooking after everything they did to stop us just to save their own sex lives," she pat the mattress, "they're going to be the only ones not getting any tonight."

Gretchen smiled, lightly tapping one foot against the floor. "And you're sure this wasn't another one of your scare-Sylar-away-from-Peter schemes?"

"Pssh," Claire said, waving her hand at Gretchen. "Of course it was. Those two haven't argued in forever, and it's the behind-the-curtains lovey-dovey stuff that's messing everything up for them, not the internet, so all I did was help give them something to argue about so they can have some good ol' fashion hate-sex and get back to what's normal for them." She laughed to herself, folding her arms. "I was the one who asked Peter to join facebook, after all, and I knew once he did that everyone else would, too. Including Sylar."

Gretchen sat down next to Claire, brushing a strand of flowing brown hair back behind one ear. "How did you manage to change Sylar's relationship status to 'it's complicated with Peter' like that, though?" she asked, shaking her head out of amusement, and admiration. "You did get Micah to help you, right?"

"Nope," Claire replied, smartly. "My dad has connections that go far beyond the CIA now, and so does Angela..."

"Scary," Gretchen said between chuckles. "So what do we do now?" She flashed Claire another smile. "Get on facebook to poke fun at the guys?"

"Pssh," Claire repeated. "We're not getting on facebook, we're going to get it on," she said simply, pulling Gretchen in for kiss. "I've been dying to change my relationship status, too..."

0.0.0

"Claire's fine and you're still on facebook, again!"

"YOU were a second ago, I know it! I've ALWAYS known what you were doing in the bathroom!"

"I just posted on your wall! AREN'T you going to get on facebook and check it out?"

"What?" He checked it out. "Oh-Oh no, you did NOT say that in MY facebook! You... ugh, you bitch!"

"YOU'RE the bitch! And I am NEVER making you cake for dinner again!"

"Yeah, well..." Damn, how to come back at that one. "...fuck you."

Sylar smirked. "Try it," he said, poking Peter in the chest with his pointed index-finger. "Just try it." He sneered, slapping the palm of his hand against Peter's chest hard enough to make his back hit the wall. "Bitch."

"You..." Peter growled.

The apartment was destroyed.

0.0.0

Recent Activity
-Peter Petrelli is engaged to Gabriel Gray. – Like – Comment

Matt Parkman
I'm not falling for this again.
-34 minutes ago – Like

Ando Masahashi
Matt, are you crazy? Get off of facebook before Peter gets you!
-31 minutes ago – Like

Hiro Nakamura
Um, you're here too, Ando-kun...
-29 minutes ago – Like

Noah Bennet
It doesn't matter, they're not getting married.
-27 minutes ago – Like

Alex Woolsly
Yeah, I'm not buying this for ONE second.
-25 minutes ago – Like

Angela Petrelli
...Check out my facebook.
-22 minutes ago – Like

Claude Rains
...Angela you did NOT have that dream!
There's no WAY facebook ACTUALLY saved the world!
...right?
-18 minutes ago – Like

Rachel Mills
You guys checked your ACTUAL mailboxes yet?
-15 minutes ago – Like

Mohinder Suresh
...I... huh...
-8 minutes ago – Like

Noah Bennet
Oh wow I'm the best man!
-7 minutes ago – Like – 1 person

Claire Bennet
...Well, damn.
I didn't mean for THIS to happen...
-5 minutes ago – Like

Angela Petrelli
The world works in mysterious ways, Claire.
And so does facebook.
And so do I... ":)"...
-3 minute ago – Like – 1 person

Micah Sanders
LOL this is awesome.
-2 minutes ago – Like – the whole world

West Rosen
Stop that already, Micah...
-1 minute ago – Like

Peter Petrelli
It wasn't him...
xoxo. ":)"...
-just now – Like

–

-End...

0.0.0

A/N:I'm sorry... I don't know what this was.

I sort of did write up most of a fic about Ando's bachelor party, but I'm not sure if I'll finish it. It's probably crazier than this. Or not.

Well, review please, if you have something nice to say. x)