Disclaimer:
Characters and settings belong to Tamora Pierce. The song "End it on this" is by No Doubt.A/N:
Well, I'm using a bit of artistic license for this story, simply because it's convenient. Set a few weeks before the Squires face their Ordeals. Events of 'Squire' have been changed considerably but will only be mentioned in passing, so I guess you could say this was an AU fic.End of Worlds
She could have been made of stone, Raoul thought sadly as he watched his Squire ride into the courtyard, straight backed on Peachblossom who seemed to realise his rider's sombre mood. It was a marked difference from the cheerful girl who had left the court with him not six months previously, and a lot had taken place since then. A final bandit raid on a village not far from Corus had lost them five men and over double that in villagers. The heaviest toll, however, had been taken on Kel herself, not in terms of injuries - though one arm was in a sling and numerous half-healed cuts marked her body - but within her own mind, Raoul knew that she blamed it on herself.
At long last they were home. It had been a long time, and he was impatient to see Buri again. First though, he had more important matters to deal with, "Kel!" he called as she walked Peachblossom towards the stables, waiting for her to turn before he continued, "Let Stefan take care of your horse - I wish to speak to you," Kel nodded, her face carefully blank, and handed over her reins.
************************
The door of his study swung open and Kel walked in, shutting it quietly behind her. She said nothing, merely waited for him to speak. Raoul gestured to a chair with a ineffectual half-smile. He doubted that his Squire would be interested in formalities and decided to come straight to the point, "Kel, I think you should take the week off," her head snapped up and she stared at him, grief-dulled hazel eyes widening, first in surprise and then in anger. Opening her mouth to protest, Raoul held up a hand, "No, listen to me - you need time to yourself before we have to leave again. Practice your weapons, go into the city, whatever you wish. At the end of the week is the Royal ball to welcome some minor nobles from Carthak, I want you to attend," his tone was firm and incontestable.
"Sir, I always do," Kel said wearily, not quite meeting his eyes.
"Not as my Squire this time. Have Lalasa provide something suitable for a Lady of the court," shoulders slumping in dismay, Kel muttered her ascent. Raoul felt ill - this sort of announcement would never had have brooked so lacklustre a response in Kel normally. No argument, no protestation, nothing.
A blink later, his door shut with a click and Kel disappeared into her adjoining chambers.
*********************
Kel sat down hard on her bed, sparrows flocking around her as if they knew something was wrong. She could let Raoul think whatever he wished about the bandit raid, and even about Hoshi's death as the cause of her current state. It mattered nothing to her. Slowly, she drew a letter out of her pocket, unfolding its crumpled, tearstained pages with shaking hands. She had read it a million times and the words never said anything different. "Why, Cleon?" Kel whispered to the chilling air.
You see in the past,
I had a dream
They knew that this would happen - Cleon had told her that he was betrothed, but he had also given her reason to hope that maybe they could be married. She had hoped…he was so sincere, like he truly wanted to spend his life with her. Kel. The Yamani Lump.
A fantasy
That was all it seemed to be - a wonderful dream, a fantasy. Ermelian was a real lady; likely a beauty as the ones at court. She probably has dimples. Kel thought hatefully, ripping up the letter with trembling fingers and letting the fragments slip from her grasp to dance among swirling golden dust motes as they drifted to the floor.
I thought that we would last,
Become a little family
Cleon had wanted children - she knew it as soon as they visited Mindelan, how well he got on with her younger cousins and the way he looked at her. No matter, he would have his family, but it would not be with Kel.
Then one, two, three, four,
The months were flying by,
They soared
The progress had ended so soon, too soon for she had to return to the palace, and Cleon to his flagging fortune at Kennan. Floods had ruined the crop. Their people would starve without Ermelian's dowry. That, Kel could understand, but the letter had hurt her worst of all. He truly sounded as if he loved his betrothed, as he had once loved Kel.
And it's my gut feeling
It's not happening for me, so...
Or had he? Uncharacteristic anger welled up in her heart, and standing abruptly, Kel grabbed the glaive that had been deposited in her room with the rest of her luggage. The chambers were far too small for what she had planned, so she strode to the door and yanked it open, ignoring Jump's whine of anxiety.
Let's end it on this
The practice courts were mercifully empty - Kel couldn't bear to see pity in another of her friend's eyes. None of them knew what was wrong, though she was sure that they would soon enough. Shedding the sling from her arm that she deemed unnecessary, Kel stretched out stiff muscles and prepared to begin.
Give me one more kiss,
Let's end it on this
Blue steel whirled in deadly arcs as she swung the glaive in a complicated pattern - twist, half turn, over arm, switch hands, block, slash, spin - using her rage as energy to fuel her tired body. They been on the road for days without rest or shelter, and it had taken it's toll on Kel.
Let's end it on this
"I could watch you dance with that over-sized spear all day," said a dry, teasing voice from behind her. Kel froze. Of all the people she hadn't wanted to meet, Neal was at the top of her list. He knew when something wasn't right. When she was lying to him.
You see it's hard to face
Slowly, she turned around, keeping her expression as neutral as she could. Neal smirked, leaning against the doorframe, one hand resting lightly on the hilt of his sword, "It's been a while, Mindelan," he drawled, raising an eyebrow at Kel who inwardly cursed him. All the feelings that she thought had vanished during her years with the Own had returned, with - if it was even possible - more force than before.
The addict that's inside of me
"Too long, Queenscove, far too long," she answered finally, voice surprisingly calm considering the circumstances. Neal grinned, losing all trace of his composed demeanour as he bounded over and threw his arms around her.
"Gods I've missed you," he whispered, pulling away after a minute to look at her. Kel winced as he ran a finger down her cheek where a particularly nasty scratch traced the line of her jaw. It had been inflicted by the dagger of a man she later killed, and the healer had done her best to repair the skin, though she had very little training, save to stop infection from spreading through her blood.
I want to fill my glass up
With you constantly
Cool green fire streamed from his finger tips and instantly Kel felt the pain disappear, "Thanks," she mumbled, eyes turned to the ground in discomfort. She didn't like him being so close to her, it only reminded her even more that she and Cleon were over. Neal, however, had noticed her strange behaviour, and lifted her chin until their eyes met, emeralds scrutinising her face for some clue.
"Kel, is there something wrong?" there was worry in his voice, and he still hadn't dropped his hand. She bit the inside of her lip - it would be so nice just to tell him everything, let him comfort her as she knew he would do. But no. It wasn't his problem, and Kel didn't want his sympathy.
I've been here before,
But I've never ever felt this sure
"No, nothing. I'm glad you're back," she smiled weakly up at him, marvelling at how tall he was now - nearly a head over six feet - and changed the subject before he could protest, "So, how is the Lioness?"
Neal groaned theatrically and let her go, "The same tyrannical slave master that we all know and love. I was hoping she'd lose her voice from all the shouting she's been doing recently, but it was a futile dream. Listen, Kel -"
And now I know I've been dreaming,
And your actions
Have inspired me, so...
Neal's face fell and he looked away, muttering, "I don't know. I haven't heard from her since she left for the Islands,"
"W-what? Why?"
He sighed and ran a large, bony hand through his hair - it was getting too long, Kel noticed.
"We had an argument - well, we were always disagreeing over something - it just got too serious. She decided to go home for a while, but she'll be back for the Ordeals,"
Kel reached out and - against her better judgement - grasped his hand, "I'm sorry, Neal," she murmured as he shook his head.
"Don't be. I think that in the end, we were too similar for it work."
Let's end it on this,
Give me one more kiss
Kel knew a dismissal when she heard one, so she backed up and retrieved her glaive from where she had set it earlier. She knew that she ought to feel regret for him, but selfish glee overrode that obligation, and it was all Kel could do to keep the ecstatic grin from her face.
Just one more wish,
Let's end it on this
A wave of horror washed over her at the thought. It was only a few minutes since she had been so distraught over Cleon, and now…
She was becoming as despicable as the ladies who simpered and sighed over one man, only to fall in love with another not two days later. Were all females as fickle-hearted as she? Kel wondered, not daring to look at her friend for the shame he might see in her expression. No, she did not love Neal, and he would never think of her as more than a best friend. But at least it proved one thing - she had never truly loved Cleon in the first place.
It's over
So, what do you think? Should I continue, or was it too hideous for words? Drop me a review!