Ready to Embrace You
By: thesnowcrane
Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling, although I didn't exactly use names.
A/N: I had to write this down; the idea was bugging me all day. I know it doesn't flow too well; I'm sorry if it sucks! But nonetheless, please R&R!
You can't stand to see me like this, can you? No, of course not, because I can't stand to see you like this either. You were a walking enigma, an ethereal goddess gracing the earth. And now you're gone. It's funny; it's raining outside, and inside me, it feels like it's raining too. I guess even the sky is sad.
If you saw how I was now, you would scoff at me, like you always do--like you always did. I hate thinking about you and how you're not here right now, but the more I say I won't think about you, the more I do. Wouldn't you find it funny? Here I am, the seemingly unbreakable wall, falling apart because one girl isn't here.
I remember you liked the rain. Always running in it, you were, getting yourself soaked and sick. But you taught me to look at life in a different perspective, and to stray away from my usual dark thoughts. You were so full of life, and you were contagious; I couldn't help but laugh around you.
I miss you. If I could have everything I'd ever wanted, you'd be here by my side, and I wouldn't be here alone. I wouldn't have to wander these halls alone, chasing after your memory. Because that's all I do: chase after you, your memory. I hate you for it, but at the same time I love you.
You used to run from me. You closed yourself off immediately once you realized my eyes were on you, thinking about you. You'd turn away and never glance my way again; you never saw how my heart would crumble to see you hating me.
I knew you had troubles, problems that you kept away from your little 'group.' I knew you thought they'd never understand; you never thought to come to me, but if you had, I promise you that I would have understood. You could have just spoken to me, and I promise I would have tried my hardest to help you forget. Your friends didn't give a damn. They didn't even notice you were trying too hard to act normally; they just knew you were back, and didn't even question how you got over it so quickly.
But you came to me once, didn't you? You came looking for me when you knew I had been looking at you. You came looking for me, searching for answers as to why I cared. I remember your words still: What do you want from me! Why are you following me around everywhere!
And you had broken down in front of me while my heart ached for you. I knew by that time that I had started to care for you too much and that I should have just stepped away and let you cry. After all, you didn't matter. But I couldn't do it; I had stooped down and before I knew it, I had pressed my lips to yours. I could feel you tensing, but soon you gave in to me, and that was when I knew for sure that I couldn't lose you.
Funny how when you make a realization about something, the thing you say would never happen, happens. One week was all. We spent one glorious week together, and then you were gone. Just like that. Wars tend to break people up, but I could have lived with that if I hadn't met you.
But you know, I thought you loved me back. I really thought you did, but as you looked back at me before you left, your voice was deadly quiet, and your eyes were cold. I hate you, you know that? And if you try to come after me, I'll hate you even more. Hate, hate, hate, hate you. And by that time, there were tears down your cheeks, but your eyes remained firm. Don't come after me. Not now, not ever.
I couldn't do anything, because if I did, I would have risked to have your love taken away; more than anything, I wanted to keep your love. But I have this necklace of yours; you didn't know that, did you? It's really old, the pendant almost breaking off, but I have never thrown it away: you looked so innocent wearing it, just like the girl I remember. I could fix it and show the world, something inside of me stops me from doing that. This necklace is the truest essence if you… If I fix it, will you be gone? If I fix it, would you still be mine?
I'd give anything just to have you back. Because now, you're not one of us anymore. You're one of the others. One with the others. You're there, I'm here… But maybe we were never destined to be together forever. Maybe we were destined to get to know each other, only to be separated in the end. I don't like thinking this way: thinking that even if there was no war, we wouldn't have lasted. I wanted us to last, but I guess it's true when they say that you're never entirely in charge of your own life.
Please believe me when I say that I don't regret having met you. You were special, the one person I could actually love. It seems that I've lived my whole life in that one week that you were mine. Of course, I've hidden that fact among layers of façades, but you are still my reason to live. If I had not promised that I wouldn't go after you on purpose, I wouldn't be here. I'd be next to you, finally complete again.
I know that when I eventually go, you are going to be the last thing I see as I close my eyes, ready to embrace you.