Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis or anything in it. I do not even own the plot, which I rewrote from a friend's story with her permission. The writing itself, though, is all mine.
Warning: This could be triggering to anyone who can be triggered. It features, cutting, depression, and suicide. Please go forth with caution.
A/N: Hello everyone! Some of you may recognize this oneshot from my old account, which has long since been deleted. I decided to repost it here so you could all read it again and new readers could experience it. I hope you all enjoy it!
Every night before I go to sleep, I lie on my bed and stare up at my blank walls. I try to imagine the future, but right now it's as blank as those walls. All I can see is a past that I barely recognize any more. ~ Unknown
Nina's Point of View
You would think that after saving their lives, my friends would be a little grateful.
They weren't.
Or maybe they would even show me an ounce of kindness.
They didn't.
Who expected them to leave me in the shadows and dust with their race to see who could befriend her again first?
I didn't.
But then again, who cares what I think anymore? Who cares that I exist?
No one. Not a single person. Not anymore.
They had left me for Joy the moment she returned, only days before my grandmother died in a chilly hospital.
No one cared.
We held a funeral for her in a nearby cemetery, only a few miles away from Anubis House.
No one came. I was left alone with the grave diggers.
I shrunk away into nothing, speaking only when spoken to by teachers.
They never turned around at my voice.
I was always alone. I began cutting my wrists to distract me from the pain. Sometimes I would accidentally leave bloodstains on my sheets. At first I worried, but then I remembered.
No one noticed me. Not Amber. Not Fabian.
I walked into the kitchen once, not bothering to ask for help passing ingredients so I could make dinner. Trudy had been fired. I had taken over meals. People mourned her departure.
I was never welcomed.
Fabian entered the kitchen, mouth open to speak. At first I thought his words were meant for me. But then I realized Joy had been in the laundry room. He kissed her, right in front of my face.
I held back the tears.
He even sent a glance my way. It was the first time I had seen anyone look at me in a long time. I tried to show no reaction, no emotion.
He looked away.
He never looked again.
X
Some people go insane after a few days with no human contact.
I hadn't spoken to any of my friends in over a year, save for one try.
Mara.
She approached me once, a hopeful yet worried smile on her face. She asked me if I wanted to study with her. I saw her glance at my scars.
She had a look of understanding on her face when I refused her.
I was beyond fixing. I was no toy you could piece back together with some study buddying.
I was too far gone.
X
I had graduated only 3 hours ago. Anubis House was empty and silent. Everyone was partying at school.
I wasn't invited.
I was okay with it. Silence was something I was used to after two years of it. And it gave me a chance to do something I had considered for a long time.
The gun was cold in my hand.
I considered ending it on Fabian's bed, but I would not want to haunt his memories with my dead body, blood soaking the pillows.
My pencil scratched into the paper.
I reread the note a few times, making sure I had said everything I needed to say. I had. I wanted to die. Surely no one would blame me for that, for wanting to end this endless pain? I wondered offhandedly if they would mourn my death.
The end was near at last.
I lifted the gun and pressed it to my temple. There was a buzz of excitement in my fingertips, the first emotion I had felt in a long time. I only had one thought in my head.
Goodbye.
I heard the gunshot for a split second, and the world dissolved into a rainbow of colors before it could echo off the walls. I didn't feel any pain, only happiness that I could finally join my family and leave my friends in peace.
The rainbows transformed into blackness, and I was nothing.
X
Fabian Point of View
I took a deep breath, rearranging the flowers for the 12th time since I had picked them five minutes ago. Mick ruffled my hair, flinched when Amber squealed.
"Fabian, you have to make sure you don't mess this up," she ordered, gripping my wrist. "This will either make or break Fabina. She may have ignored us since the quest finished, but she was crushing on you before it all ended. And she was crushing hard. I don't think she could have changed that much in 2 years."
I closed my eyes, letting the air in through my mouth and escape from my nose.
"I can do this."
Even Joy gave me a pat on the back of good luck. She hadn't been keen over my love for Nina at first. But when she realized I would never budge from her, she was helpful in my quest for 'Fabina'. She even let me kiss her to spur Nina into action - a plan that had failed miserably. She had shown no emotion.
"You mess this up, lover boy, and you'll never see her face again," Patricia said, always the optimist. "Don't stutter, Rutter!"
They hovered on the main floor as I crept up the stairs. My knees literally shook when I finally stopped in front of her door. It was quiet inside - too quiet.
"Nina?" I called softly, knocking on the door. Nothing. "Nina, are you there?" Silence. "Nina, I'm coming in, okay?" The door handle was freezing, though that may have been from my hand sweating so much. The door opened without so much as a creak. I spotted a splash of recent blood on the floor, and I poked my head around the edge warily.
The vase dropped to the floor with a smash.
"NINA!" I screamed, stumbling over the spilled water and crashing to the ground beside her bed. "NINA! Nina, don't be dead, please don't be dead!" Tears spilled from my eyes without permission, only adding to the mess on the floor. Footsteps pounded up the staircase, voices yelling out questions to me… only to stop when the entered the room.
Nina was lying on the bed, a gun to her head, blood soaking her pillows.
Amber let out a shrill wail behind me. I was frozen, only able to stare at the girl I loved. The dead girl I loved. Slowly, the movement paining me, I put my fingers to her throat. I hoped with all of my heart for something to move underneath me, but there was no blood pumping.
Nina was dead.
I let my eyes travel down her body, no longer able to stand staring at her glassy eyes. Her hand was curled around something - a piece of paper? I reached for it, slowly unwrapping her fingers so I could snatch the letter. Amber was wailing into Alfie's arm. Patricia had tears streaming down her cheeks and dripping from her chin. All Joy could do was stare, somehow knowing that she had indirectly caused this.
Dear Anubis House Residents,
By the time you read this, my pulse should have stopped. I hope it has. What point is there to live, when there is no one to live for you and no one to live for? I have no one left. Gran died 6 days after Joy came back. None of you cared to ask why I was crying, and therefore you had no clue of the funeral for the last member of my family. I was alone, abandoned by all of you.
Joy, I don't blame you. They were your friends first, and you didn't even know me. I can understand why you didn't think to talk to me.
Mara, thank you for trying to talk to me, that one time two years ago. I'm just sorry that I was already too far gone. I saw you look at my scars. What you didn't know was that they were recent. Amber, I'm surprised you didn't notice the occasional bloodstains or hisses of pain across the room at night.
Know that I blame none of you. I'm still not sure whether you cared about me at all - had you just been using me to get Joy back? - but it isn't your fault. It is mine for having put you through all that trouble, for endangering your lives. How could I be mad at you for trying to save yourselves? I am the dangerous one. Being friends with me has consequences.
Fabian, I'm so sorry I came between you and Joy's romance. I'll admit it: I had really liked you. I still do. I once thought we could become more than friends. But obviously you never felt the same way, especially after that kiss with Joy in the kitchen. The memory of that pain - so different from the usual pain - is forever imprinted on my mind. Joy, I hope you know what you have in your arms. Don't ever let go of him.
If any of you ever get curious, my diary is open and available to show my side of the past 2 year's events. Don't feel guilty for reading it.
Goodbye to you all, I wish you a safe and happy life.
Nina Martin
~ If I would kill myself tonight, who would remember me tomorrow? ~
"She thought we had abandoned her," I breathed, passing the note to Amber so I could grab the small book she always kept under her mattress. It opened with a faint ruffling sound, revealing words that somehow pained me even more.
Fabian entered my cooking area, mouth open to speak. At first I thought his words were meant for me. But then I realized Joy had been in the laundry room. He kissed her, right in front of my face.
I held back the tears.
He even sent a glance my way. It was the first time I had seen anyone look at me in a long time. I tried to show no reaction, no emotion.
He looked away.
He never looked again.
"Oh my God," I breathed, letting the diary fall to the wet floor. "What have I done?" Amber sobbed harder now, reaching the end of the letter. It passed swiftly between the rest of Anubis House, and even the boys had watery eyes by the time everyone had read it.
"We should…" My vision was blurry, my body was numb. "We should get Victor from the party. And… uh… we should get a phone. Call 911. I-" Finally my body let go, ready to take me away from the pain. My head smashed against the carpet. The last thing I saw was Nina's hand, hanging limply off the bed.
X
Nina's Point of View
My eyelids slid open slowly, and I reveled in the fact that there was a world before me. In fact, a very familiar world…
I was in Anubis House.
I shot up with a bang. The house was empty, silent. But it was… different. My vision had a dreamy sort of quality to it. Surely this was not the afterlife? That would be a kick in the gut. Forever haunting the people who hated me.
"Nina?" called a familiar voice, "Nina where are you?" I blinked, looking around the room. I knew that voice.
"Sarah?!" I yelled in return, standing immediately. "Sarah, is that you?" An arm gripped my shoulder, and I shrieked in surprise. The owner of the hand laughed softly, and I relaxed immediately.
"I would say good evening, Nina, but it seems that it hasn't been a very good evening for you." I flinched at the judgmental tone of her voice.
"Why am I here?" I demanded. "I killed myself so I could leave this place, not to haunt it!"
"Dear, you are the Chosen One. You have special… protection." I raised an eyebrow, not understanding what she was getting at. "You can return to Earth!" I grimaced at only the thought.
"Why would I ever want to go back? They hate me! They haven't spoken to me in 2 years, what would I have to return to? My entire family is dead, Sarah. I have no one." She sighed, shaking her head sadly.
"Or so you think." With no warning whatsoever, we were both back in reality. From where I stood against the wall opposite of the door, I could see everyone - including my body.
And Fabian's red, puffy face.
"Oh my God," he said ever so quietly, letting my diary fall to the soaked floor. "What have I done?" He seemed to be in a state of shock. Amber and Patricia were sobbing quietly. Mick, Jerome, and Alfie held on to the two girls, eyes watery with unshed tears. Joy stood behind Fabian, face grim and guilty.
Fabian started mumbling something under his breath, blinking rapidly. His eyes spun beneath his eyelids, and in seconds he was passed out on the floor. In the same moment, I was suddenly back in the dream house. Sarah tapped her foot expectantly.
"I'm still not going back." She opened her mouth to protest, but I cut her off. "It's just out of guilt! They'll get over it by the end of the month, if not the end of this week. I've been dead to them for two years now, the only thing they'll miss is my cooking!"
"Nina-"
"NO. I'm not going back, and there is nothing you can say to stop me."
X
Fabian's Point of View
Voices.
Voices were speaking somewhere, somehow. Had I woken again? I opened my eyes swiftly.
I was in my room.
"Hello?" I whispered, as if anyone would here me. More mumbling from outside. Slowly I rose and tiptoed to the door, opening it slowly and peeking out from behind it.
Nothing. But the voices were louder… and I recognized one of them.
Nina.
Surely this was a dream. Nina was dead, gone forever. I was supposed to be by her body, with the Anubis residents gathered around us.
Dream. Definitely a dream.
Still, I crept through the main hall, trying to pinpoint the location of her voice. The house was so silent, it echoed off the walls and made it hard to track her down.
I wondered if this silence is what she had felt for the past 2 years. If the gunshot had echoed off these walls.
"It's just out of guilt! They'll get over it by the end of the month, if not the end of this week!" She replied to unheard words. This was louder, and as I ascended the stairs, I knew that they were on the upper level. I kept quiet, hoping they wouldn't hear me quite yet. It was like a breath of fresh air to hear her voice again - two years was far too long for me. "I've been dead to them for two years now, the only thing they'll miss is my cooking!"
Ouch. Now I knew what they were talking about.
"Nina-"
"NO. I'm not going back, and there is nothing you can say to stop me." That stopped me short, froze me at the top of the steps. I could see Nina's shoe from here.
She could return to Earth? And she was refusing?
"Wait!" I called out, running into the room, adrenaline racing through me. "There may be nothing she can say to stop you… but what about me?"
X
Nina's Point of View
"There may be nothing she can say to stop you… but what about me?" said a very familiar voice. I took a deep breath and turned, locking eyes with Fabian for the first time since he kissed Joy.
"How did you get here?" I tried to sound demanding, but it came out more like a whisper. He stepped towards me, but I jumped back. None of my old friends had touched me in 2 years. I wasn't ready now.
"I sent him here when he fainted," Sarah answered before Fabian could. I turned to her angrily, opening my mouth to shout, but Fabian grasped my hand before I could.
Fabian was holding my hand.
I tried to jerk away, but instead of releasing me, he simply twisted my wrist around so he could see the pale skin of my arm… and my very red, very raw scars.
"So it's true," he said sadly, withdrawing his grip on my bony limb. "It's all my fault."
"No," I protested. He could never be guilty for this. I wouldn't let him. "No, this is my fault. I should have never put you in danger like that. I never should have even taken the scholarship. If I hadn't, I would be alive and happy with my Gran… maybe. And you would be with Joy like you are now, just without any of the trouble I had caused to stop it from happening earlier. Do not blame yourself, Fabian. It is my fault, and my fault only."
"Nina," he choked out, shaking his head violently. "I'm not dating Joy. I never was."
That got my attention.
"When Joy came back, she tried to get together with me, but she soon saw I would never get over you. She decided to help me win you back. Nina, that kiss? Is was supposed to make you jealous. When I looked at you, I was looking for a reaction from you. We all thought that you were ignoring us, not the other way around. We had no clue what you were going through. We figured that after all of the trouble you had gone through to save us, you wouldn't want to hang out with us anymore."
I was like a fish out of water. I couldn't speak. But Fabian wasn't done.
"The graduation party tonight? We weren't even at it. Every single Anubis House member was out in town, helping me pick out the right flowers and chocolates. All they cared about was getting us together before I lost my chance, and you were heading back to America." He took a deep breath, looking from the floor to me. "Nina… Nina, I still love you. A lot. I have for all these years, and I never, in any way, meant to hurt you like that."
"Fabian…" I whispered. He pushed on.
"I know you'll probably never forgive me, but I want you to know that we all still care about you. We never stopped. So even if you never want to get back together with me - and I totally respect that decision - return to the living. You deserve to live, you always have. I am so, so sorr-" I don't even know what happened, what I was thinking. But before he could finish…
My smiling lips were pressed to his.
X
Fabian's Point of View
Hands were pushing at me, shaking me. Glass crunched under hard shoes. My side was soaked with water.
"Fabian. Fabian. FABIAN," Amber screeched in my ear, bringing me back to life. I stood in half a second, swaying when my the blood rushed from my head. Joy grabbed my shoulder to steady me. "Fabian, we need to go and get Victor or call the police. We have to…" Amber took a deep breath, refusing to look anywhere near Nina. "We have to get the body out of here."
"WAIT," I yelled, twisting around and kneeling by Nina. "Just wait. We can't move her, she isn't dead." The room was silent for a moment before exploding into commotion.
"Fabian, are you insa-"
"I thought you checked her pulse!"
"There's no way she's still alive after all of this time since the-"
"She's lost far too much blood to-"
"She's not breathing, Fab-"
"Everyone, just SHUT UP!" I screamed as loud as I could. "Just shut up and WAIT." Everyone fell silent. I waited with my breath held. Seconds passed, then minutes. No one moved.
Nina inhaled a gush of air, sitting up slowly. Amber screamed into Alfie's shirt. Everyone gasped, except for me. I made no movement, not even when Nina's head turned and her brilliant green eyes caught mine.
So fast she was a blur, Nina crashed into my arms and sobbed into my neck. Neither of us minded the water from the flowers. In fact, the sight of the daisies made her cry even harder. I rocked her back and forth, giving her all of the comfort she needed.
"Thank you," she whispered into my ear, so softly that no one else could hear.. "I can never thank you enough."
"You breathing is the only thank you I need," I responded, voice muffed by her blood soaked hair. "You alive is all I can ask for.
X
When Victor came back later that night, there was no evidence of the evening's events. The sheets had been burned, the carpet scrubbed, the pillows washed multiple times. The gun was put away with the Cup of Ankh, to stay there forever.
The only change he saw, in fact, was Nina. Her eyes were bright, her scars shown proudly. We engulfed her with love, with questions and food and games. We mourned her Gran's death two years late. We smiled, we laughed, we bonded again.
No one else in Anubis House knows how Nina was brought back to life. No one ever asked. They accepted it for what they thought it was - a miracle. A gift from something, somewhere, somehow.
But Nina knew. I knew.
And we would keep the memory forever in our hearts.
A/N: *peeks out from behind shield* Did you make it to the end? Have comments, reactions, critiques, etc? Drop me a review in the box below! Reviews are love, and you can never get enough love! If you're interested in seeing more of my work, please check out my WIP story, Scarred. It's got the same sort of angsty nature but has a much different plot line and is far longer. I'll also have more oneshots featuring different pairings soon!