If I Lost You
Since returning to Emmerdale Village from France, things had been relatively normal for Aaron Livesy. He had been focusing on settling into life back in the village, adjusting to the daily life of being a mechanic and living in the Woolpack with his Mum. That was the easy part. Some other parts of moving back home hadn't been so easy. Although it was his home, it holds some painful memories, memories which Aaron wasn't sure he could ever face again.
Emmerdale holds the memory of Jackson. His Jackson. And every time he closes his eyes in the village he can see him, he can see everything they had, the places that they went, the promises that they made to each other and everything they meant to each other.
But he could also see everything that he had lost.
His world was shattered when Jackson's tragic accident had taken place and he became a shadow of his former self, Aaron had spent endless nights in torture as Jackson had begged him to end his life and set him free. Loving him so much, Aaron granted his wish and his world was gone.
He thought that he would never get over the pain of losing the one he loved, he felt so guilty for such a long time, he didn't think that he deserved to be happy after what he had done.
But slowly as the time passed it became easier, and he learnt to forgive himself, he realised that Jackson wouldn't want him to be unhappy and he would be watching over him always, keeping him safe.
He also came to realise that he would never love another like he loved Jackson.
That is until he met Robert Sugden.
Robert had allowed Aaron to live dangerously for the past few weeks since they began their secret affair.
From the very beginning Robert had made it clear that the affair was just a bit of fun, and was nothing serious, and Aaron knew that.
He knew that Robert was engaged to Chrissie and he had no intentions of leaving her for him.
Aaron knew that nothing could ever come of this affair so why was he feeling like this?
He was starting to fall for Robert, but he knew that his feelings were in vain because Robert did not feel the same way about him.
But even so, Aaron could not help but smile as he headed off for another secret meeting with him.
Robert was pacing the barn waiting for Aaron to arrive, he knew that his words would seem cruel and unfair but Robert couldn't keep up with the lie anymore.
He loved Chrissie. She means everything to him and she has given him everything he could have ever dreamed of. He couldn't throw all that away.
He had to make a choice, and he had chosen her.
Aaron would have to deal with it, he would have to move on.
Robert felt his stomach turn as he heard the car pull up outside, he was greeted by Aaron and Robert could feel his heart pound as he saw the smile on his face.
'You took you're time, I've been waiting here ages,' Robert coldly greeted him.
'Yeah well it's not easy to escape from work when your family is the management you know' Aaron had failed to pick up on Robert's negative tone, and made his way towards him.
'Yeah Whatever, listen we need to talk. I can't do this anymore. I love Chrissie, we're going to be married soon and I can't keep on lying to her. This was never meant to be anything serious, it was just a harmless fling, you knew that from the start. Well now it has to end, and I'm sorry if that hurts you but that's how it's got to be. So we both just need to get on with our lives as if this had never happened okay?'
Robert's words trailed off and they were met with silence. When he didn't hear a reply he looked up. Aaron had gone.
Robert raced from the barn to see the car driving into the distance.
He felt terrible for hurting Aaron but he knew it was the right thing to do, he loved Chrissie.
He never loved Aaron like that.
And he never would.
Aaron raced along the old road with Robert's words ringing in his ears.
He knew this was bound to happen at some time so why did it still hurt so much?
He thought he'd prepared himself for what would come, and when it happened he would be able to deal with it and move on.
But Robert's words had cut him like a knife. He couldn't deny it, he had fallen for him, which meant letting go had become so much harder.
It was so easy for Robert to say those things to him, so easy for him to end things.
He had obviously never cared about him at all.
Aaron couldn't help but wish he had never cared about Robert, then he wouldn't feel this pain.
The tears fell down his face, clouding his vision, he had never felt so broken.
The road became hazy, he couldn't see through his tears.
He wiped his eyes, but became instantly blinded by a beaming light on the road.
Aaron fought to keep control, he desperately turned the wheel in protest.
He felt the other vehicle slam into the side of his car, sending it flying through the air and onto it's roof.
Aaron let out a breath and then slipped into darkness.