So, this is the first chapter of my first ever AU story. I'm so excited, I honestly can't wait to see where this is going to go. That being said, I will update often.
I always followed my father's wishes. I always tried to do as he asked – tried to be who he wanted me to be. I got good grades, went to church, was respectful. I knew, he wanted me to be a good, model son. I knew, he was so stern with me because he wanted me to be a good person. However, when he learned I was gay, everything changed. He gave me a look of utter disgust, and betrayal. In that moment, I realized that my father wasn't really who I thought he was, and it broke my heart. It broke my heart more than I cared to admit.
My father never looked at me the same after that. I wished so badly to understand why. Why would this bother him so much? I was sure God was utterly indifferent to sexual orientation, but of course, if I said as such to my father, he would call it blasphemy. He would stare at me with those tired eyes. The tired eyes of a man who I felt I didn't even know anymore.
More than anything, I wanted him to love me again. The way he used to. But all I was in his eyes was disappointment, and it hurt.
I heard him one day a few months later. It was summer, and school was out. He was talking about me. About how he didn't know what to do with me. About how he wished I was normal. I had wanted to scream. Wanted to tell him that I couldn't help it. Tell him that I just wanted him back. But I had remained in place as he kept talking, now about moving somewhere new – hoping maybe that a new start would cure me – or at least change things.
That evening had been spent with me crying myself to sleep. I had vowed after that, however, to stay tough. For myself. If I acted strong, maybe I would be able to stay strong.
My dad had told me the next night at dinner that we were going to move to a little town in Kansas when school started, and that I would be attending the school there.
I only nodded, and continued eating. I honestly didn't care. It wasn't like I had any friends here in New York. However, there were a few things I'd miss. I was a model – in fact, I'd been a model since I was very young. Luckily, though, my agent said that I would still be able to get jobs where I'd be going, though there wouldn't be nearly as many.
My dad honestly didn't care. To him, modeling wasn't my passion – he simply thought it was my way of getting money. Which in a way, it was, but I actually really enjoyed it. It was nice being pampered. Especially recently, when it was a nice way to get away from the tension that made the air in the house feel very nearly suffocating.
Back on the subject, however. As the end of the summer neared, I grew a bit more apprehensive about the whole idea. It was going to be a huge change. But I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter. My father had said we were going, and so, I would go, like always.
Castiel Novak, the introverted gay model with a homophobic father was moving to Lawrence, Kansas from New York. I felt like a walking contradiction in and of myself.
However, little did I know that moving would be the best thing that ever happened to me.