A/N: Hey… I'm not exactly sure what possessed me to write this. All I know was that I was rereading Eclipse last night and thinking, "Godric Gryffindor, Bella pisses me off. I know she's got more than that. Be a fucking woman!" So I started imagining how Bella would act in certain situations if she were how I wanted her to be. And this was the product. Starts off during the Laurent-meadow scene in New Moon. Some words directly copied. The first chapter's a songfic to Disloyal Order of Water Buffalos by Fall Out Boy. Remember, very very slight Bleach crossover—but not so much that those who don't watch/read won't understand. I made it so that I pretty much only used one or two elements from it. Of course, I kinda messed with Bleach's rules. A lot.

Warnings: Swearing, slight psycho!Bella, violence, yadda yadda

Enjoy!

It was the same place, of that I was instantly sure. I'd never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence of that violence in the waving grass…

It was the same place… but it didn't hold what I had been searching for.

The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition. I sank down right where I was, kneeling there at the edge of the clearing, beginning to gasp.

I'm coming apart at the seams

Pitching myself for leads in people's dreams

Now buzz, buzz, buzz

Doc, there's a hole where something was

What was the point of going any farther? Nothing lingered here. Nothing more than the memories that I could have called back whenever I wanted to, if I was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain—the pain that now, had me cold.

Doc, there's a hole where something was

(A/N: This is where the original stuff starts)

I was so pathetic. I could feel myself dying inside, the jagged, invisible marks where he had taken my heart stinging and eating away at the rest of me—at the rest of my life. I had no more friends. My own father was helpless to stop my own slow death.

And me. I couldn't even think his name.

Fell outta bed,

Butterfly bandage, but don't worry—

You'll never remember, your head is far too blurry.

I didn't want to remember what he'd done to me. Was this what love was? Knowing that someone had the power to kill you without you saying a word?Nary a protest had left my lips when he'd decided he was done with me. How could I? I'd known this was coming for so long.

I'd always known I wasn't good enough for him.

Put him in the back of a squad car,

Restrain that man!

He needs his head put through a catscan!

Hey Editor—I'm undeniable!

Hey Doctor—I'm certifiable!

I knew I could be good enough for someone else—for someone who wasn't so good, so pure. But I'd been spoiled by him. I didn't want someone who wasn't that good anymore.

He's obviously not all that pure if he threw you away like a used tissue, a voice said to me. I hushed it. He was that pure. Who else could deny their own existence, push themselves to the limit for the sake of humanity?

Something screamed in the back of my mind, but I couldn't hear it. Then it was loud. ANYONE! It said. Not necessarily anyone. Him, the rest of his family. I couldn't imagine anyone as good as them.

Get it through your head, Bella, it sneered. He's only good because of his family. He ran off once. He came back because of Carlisle's teachings. If he were truly good, he would have decided by himself—like Jasper. Or Alice.

If he were truly good, he wouldn't have done this to you.

I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine

What a match

I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet

No, no. He was good. He was good. I was just lucky to have captured his interest for so long.

Who says? Who says he wasn't lucky to have you? What other girl do you know that would have accepted him after he told you who he was? After he told you about whom he murdered?

The other girls wouldn't understand. He's not like that.

Yeah, yeah, great. Why do you think he chose you? He realized how lucky he was to find someone who didn't fear him. And you're dismissing your own strength.

I'm not strong. Not like him.

Forget about him for a minute. You're a human. What about your world—are you saying that Charlie risking his life as a police officer isn't as good as being a vampire? Are you saying being in the army and sacrificing yourself for your country isn't as good as drinking from animals? What do you think of that? What do you think of courage, of bravery? What gives you the right to dismiss that in yourself?

I… I don't know.

Who are you, Bella? Do you even know yourself?

I don't know.

Of course not. The voice sounded like it was sneering. You've been too caught up in insecurities and this Edward guy. Who says you aren't good enough for him? Who told you that? Him. When other people put you down, you don't believe it. Just because he played with your heart doesn't mean you should tolerate that from him. In fact, it should make you even less tolerant.

You need to find out who you are, Bella. I can only help you for so long. But if you want to live—not survive, live—then you need to find yourself. Find out why I waste my time on you.

Find out why he wasted his time on you.

So boycott love

Detox just to retox

Who are you? I asked, tremulous. This was no ordinary internal voice.

If the woman I know is in there finally comes out, you'll see.

If I wasn't crazy already, I would be frightened. But this—this felt right. Even questioning myself because of this voice felt right.

What did I really think about myself?

And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life

I… I thought I was weird. Different. If I couldn't connect with other people, I was bound to be a little weird. If I could connect with vampires—well, yeah, I was weird.

But weird… why was weird bad to me? If weird meant I could be with Ed—him, then why was that so bad?

Everything came back to him, didn't it. My world revolved around him. Luckily his had more important things than me.

But why? If I could give up everything for him, why couldn't he give up anything for me? I'd always thought that this… this unbalanced relationship was okay, because he was so pure. But… this voice… started to show me… he wasn't…

I was weak. That's what it came down to. My dependency on someone who didn't want me. My nonexistent will to live. I didn't want to live without him.

But what on Earth would I become, if I continued in this vein? Would I grow old, alone, slowly dying? Or worse, would I try to find him, follow him, never leave, like a parasite? Was I so pathetic?

Imperfect boys with their perfect lives

Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy

Yes. I was truly pathetic. At the mention of his name, I curled into a ball, unable to move or speak. I couldn't even get over my first breakup.

More shudders ripped through me. Was it really like this? Was what I missed truly so good? Yes. But it obviously wasn't as good as I thought, if he could give it up so easily.

That voice was right. That voice was fucking right. Who said that I wasn't good enough for him? So far, it seemed like no one was. Not even Rosalie, the breathtakingly beautiful one. And surely countless had pursued him. How many 'Bellas' had there been? I could see it. Just like it had happened to me.

A stunning man finds an outcast girl, one who understands his everlasting struggle. She feels that he knows her—that she's finally found someone to connect with.

But then he loses interest. He leaves. She's reduced to a mindless zombie, perhaps put into a hospital on an IV, unable to breath without him. All these women, because they were so weak, they couldn't handle the rejection of the first person to understand them…

No. I would be different. I was fine before he came along. I could live alone. I would live alone. I wanted to live. Now I did, at least. Now that I knew what he had done to me, I would never let it happen again.

Not just that—I would make him pay for it.

Little girl, you got me staring odd

Or—or was that just a telescopic camera lie?

Painting doors in the highway truckstop stalls (of love)

Lockless jails that deny my rules

All the rookies leave your badge and gun on the desk when you leave the room

Yes. I would make him pay.

My body stilled. There wasn't a hole there anymore. I was still weak from my fit—but I would be better. I would grow stronger. I would make it so I was like steel. So nobody could ever rip me apart again.

But… how? How could I make him feel what he put me through for months? It would take some planning. I was good at that. And I was patient. I could wait as long as it took. But the day would come—I would make it.

I stood up, and at once I registered movement from the trees to the north, and a figure stepped out. A flurry of emotions, of memory—then it clicked.

"Laurent."

"Bella?" He looked astonished.

"That's the one," I said softly, watching him carefully. My mind whirred. How the hell was I supposed to get out of this alive?

A slow smile spread over his face. "I didn't expect to see you here," He strolled toward me, expression bemused.

"Isn't it the other way around? I do live here. I thought you'd gone to Alaska."

He stopped about ten steps away. "You're right," he agreed. "I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect… When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they'd moved on."

"They did." I smiled bitterly.

"Hmm," he hummed. "I'm surprised they left you behind. Weren't you sort of a pet of theirs?"

My smile grew less bitter and more angry. "You could say that."

I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine

What a match:

I'm half doomed and you're semi-sweet

Dammit, dammit, dammit—his eyes were still red. This couldn't mean anything good for me.

"Do they visit often?" he asked, still casual, but his weight shifted towards me.

My mind worked as quickly as I could force it. "Now and again. The time seems longer to me, I imagine. You know how they get distracted…" I could feel pain trying to force its way into my head at the mention of them, but I pushed it back. Now was not the time for internal debate.

"Hmm," he murmured again. "The house smelled like it had been vacant for awhile…"

I tried again. "I'll have to mention to Carlisle that you stopped by. He'll be sorry they missed your visit." I paused as convincingly as I could. "But I probably shouldn't mention it to Edward, I suppose—" I barely managed to keep the bitterness from my voice—"he has such a temper… well, I'm sure you remember. He's still touchy about the whole James thing." I rolled my eyes and waved a hand dismissively, like it was all ancient history, but my voice shook slightly. I wondered if he realized why.

"Is he really?" He asked pleasantly… skeptically.

"Mm-hmm."

He took a step to the side, casually disguising how it brought him closer to me. Not well enough, though.

"So how are things working out in Denali? Carlisle said you were staying with Tanya?" I stalled nervously, hating the anxiety in my voice.

If only… if only I was strong enough to beat him.

Boycott love

He paused. "I like Tanya very much. And her sister Irina even more… I've never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But the restrictions are difficult… I'm surprised that any of them can keep it up for long." He smiled at me conspiratorially. "Sometimes I cheat."

That little voice in my head hissed. I really must be losing it, I thought absently, realizing that I was talking idly to myself while in a near-death situation. "Oh. Jasper has trouble with that, too."

"Really?" Laurent seemed interested. "Is that why they left?"

"No," I answered. "Jasper is more careful at home."

"So am I."

He stepped forward quite deliberately this time.

"Did Victoria ever find you?" As much as I danced around what I knew what was happening, I wanted it done. If I was going to die, I'd force myself back. Somehow. If not… then one more egg in the basket.

"Yes." He paused again. "I actually came here as a favor to him." He made a face. "She won't be happy about this."

"About what?"

And into the speech he went. How Victoria will be mad about him killing me, and how it was nothing personal, blah blah blah. Typical movie villain. I wonder if they plan these things.

I probably should've been far more worried than I was. But I couldn't bring myself to care this time. I'd had just about enough of this vampire bullshit.

"I'll be very quick."

I'm happy for you, I almost said. But that might've gotten me in trouble.

"Mouthwatering."

Detox just to retox

I closed my eyes as I felt a blunt hit to the back of my neck. Someone in my head giggled.

Time to play.

A/N: So, boys and girls, want more? Drop me a review if you do. But feel free not to, or to flame. I don't believe I'll mind if you do. Next chapter should be up real soon—like, tomorrow, soon.