The Unofficial Fanfiction University of Smash
Chapter 1: Teh Skool ov high lerning taht yu totly luv
Disclaimer: Not only do I not own this idea, and not only do I not have permission, and not only is this not your typical OFU- but… this is an outright sickening disgrace of all that is good and holy in the fan fiction realm…
Fanfiction University crap is owned by some weird chick in LotR… as if anyone here cares about anyone there… but just to be nice I will say that her name is… Camilla Sandman… the story is named The Official Fanfiction University of Middleearth…
I wonder if this will be taken away and I will be yelled at… fortunately the fact is… by saying its 'Unofficial' I really don't have to legally worry… SO HA!
Hmm… oh yes… I would tell you to PM me your profiles to create your own character for this story… but since no one loves you anyway… and I don't really want to bother with you people… all I can say is suck it up and read…
Some freak will go to a University about making fan fictions… sadly… the teachers are almost as incompetent as the students…
DO YOU WANT ANY MORE FREAKIN CRAP!… oh whatever…
TECHNO PWNS! (and ICP pwns too!)
Jabba Jo Jangles walked into his room… his parents would yell at him about homework… but they had conveniently forgotten how.
He put on his Techno music and bashed his head against the wall 15 times as usual… then he sat down to write his SSBM story… he planed on making an epic tale about warring kingdoms… and how the Smashers were caught up in a war more deadly than anyone could imagine… he planed on some of the greatest fight scenes ever… he planed on an epic of Angst and Romance.
All that came out before he fainted was ble…asjkjkgjfkalghafkjg.
He submitted the work to Fanfiction to see if anyone would respond to his warning of greatness… to see how many people were cool… but we still don't know how he did this while he was laying unconscious… oh well.
Suddenly Kirby and Pichu jumped out of his TV screen and slammed into him.
"IM A GOTH LIKE YOU!" Kirby shrieked, but Pichu sent 10,000,000 volts into Kirby quickly shutting him up.
"WE DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT US!" Pichu screeched rolling around on the floor with toilet paper randomly coming out of places we didn't know existed.
"Dude… I didn't say anything about you yet… I was gonna… and then I collapsed from bashing my head into the wall a ton… and now there is this really ugly story named kla" Jabba said.
"YOU JUST USED THE WORD SAID… IN A NARRATIVE… THAT'S HORRIBLE!" Kirby yelled and sucked Jabba into his mouth wondering how he knew what the narrative had said.
Jabba Jo Jangles was floating through blackness… suddenly he saw a desk floating next to him. He sat down and saw a form. He took a pen he always keeps with him out and started to write… after all… what else was there to do?
The form asked for really simple stuff, or as we in the 'sophisticated' part of the world like to say, gay crap. It asked for: name, age, race, eye color, hair color, weight, height, attacks (name 4), favorite character, why is that your favorite character, have you ever used an OC, do you suck, who stole my tampons, and what is your favorite genre
After filling out his name as Jabba; his age as 15; his race as fat blobian; his eye color as pink; his hair color as teal/yellow/purple; his weight as 120; his height as 6'6; his attacks as sleep, eat, shoot lard out of mouth, and take large dump; his favorite character as Kirby, his reason as "KiRbY iS a PiMp", his using an OC as rarely, his sucking as "wtf stfu", admitting to stealing the tampons, and humor as his favorite genre he was spat out by Kirby.
"Did you hate all of those words!" Kirby asked with a hint of not really caring and wanting to go back to sleep. Kirby didn't even wait for a reply. He and Pichu just bashed him over the head with Kazzjaff juice and left.
Jabba Jo Jangles thought he was stoned, so he listened to more techno and started dancing before he cut his foot on a piece of random lard and fell over squirming. Then he fell asleep in a bed of lard.
He was having the weirdest dream. He was going on a Warp Star towards Pop Star. To the left of him was Kirby. Kirby was zigzagging along having fun until he crashed into a nun's ship up ahead killing the nuns and all who cared, thus ending Catholicism as we knew it.
Jabba then looked at the huge University. It looked modern except for the fact that it was made out of cardboard, and it was all painted with sloppy red paint that dripped everywhere, and that it was falling apart and all crappy.
He had never had a dream this vivid before, nothing was so vivid. This couldn't be a dream, this was reality. He had been sent to this school to learn how to write, and he would finally meet Kirby… again… SWEET!
But then Jabba woke up. He was disappointed that such crap had happened. Suddenly Kirby and Pichu emptied him out of a bag and by a normal looking University, except all kinds of grammar and spelling errors had been made. Plastered at the entrance was a sign that read:
"Teh Skool… ov hi lerning… taht yu totly… luv!1!11!oneoneeleven!one!1"
As Jabba attempted to read the crap that had been written wondering who the crud was stupid enough to make that kind of an error, he noticed that Kirby had disappeared. Jabba just shrugged and fell asleep on the spot.
"MASTER JOEB! THE AUTHORS SLASH AUTHORESSES SLASH ME HAVE ARRIVED!" Kirby yelled running into a spacious throne room with a (gasp) throne in the middle of it.
"EXCELENT! SOON ALL OF SMASHVILLE WILL BE MINE!" Joeb laughed as he stretched his arms to the heavens and began worshipping his backpack.
"Why the crud are we doing this anyway?" Kirby asked but was silenced.
"DON'T YOU WANT THE CRAP THESE AUTHORS WRITE ABOUT YOU STOPPED?" Joeb asked.
"Will you cut the king crap out?… and the whole thing is… they are nicer to me than you… you write of things so horrible as… as… me popping!… all they do is make me moronic… I'd rather be a moron than pop!" Kirby began to cry as he had begun feeling sad and the author, as always, needs to fit extra words in there in order to assume smartness.
"SILENCE!… YOU WILL OBEY YOUR MASTER!… JUST MAKE SURE THERE IS NO EVEDENCE OF THEM HAVING LEARNED ANYTHING BY THE TIME THEY LEAVE!"
"But… why the crud do you want that?"
"BECAUSE THAT MAKES ME COOL LOOKING… AND I WANT THEM ALL BRAINWASHED INO MY SICK TWISTED IDEALS!" Joeb wet the throne in glee, then tried to use super awesome powers to clean it up, but couldn't, so he fell asleep.
Kirby walked down the hall back to his room. He couldn't stop thinking about Joeb.
"Why is that freak in charge anyway? Oh well. I just don't want all those kids brainwashed into writing fics where I pop and stuff"
So Kirby went to sleep in his room which will be unspecified because that's how we like it…
And Joeb went to sleep on his throne, which is in the throne room, which is behind the Dining Hall, which is adjacent to the kitchen…
And Jabba Jo Jangles went to sleep outside of the University under the sign of smartness…
And Pichu was busy in a lake killing any living thing that got within 5 feet of the water…
YAY!
Well… I warned you about this being a disgrace to all that is of the English language… but you didn't listen… or you actually like my work by now… oh well…
JEIGANS PWN FAT PEOPLE! (wtf is a jeigan?)
Haha…
Dude I feel like Jabba at the moment… except I bashed my head into a wall 20 times… not 15... Oh well…
Oh yeah… never mind… I'm asleep on a throne after having wet myself… oh well, it happens all the time
Blah blah blah… I talk too much…
R&R!11oneeleven!1!11one
And read all the OFFICIAL Fanfiction University stories… there WAS one in Fire Emblem but that died… and there WAS one in Star Fox but that died too… actually I think I'm safer when I'm UNOFFICIAL…
I think they have one set up on Pokemon… and on Zelda… either way if you know how those stories go then you'll know why this one is so… different…
Oh and in case you are wondering… worshipping your backpack is an extremely spiritual experience… and should be loved by all…
And I don't really even like OFUM… so HA!… mostly because it insults the very crappiness on which I was founded…
And now… Here is the review I am anticipating with glee!… (these are the kinds of people I cant stand)
Shizterdwarf writes:
As an author that goes to a highly overrated school, and as I do not believe in any form of originality, I would like to say you suck. Anyone can write a fan fiction, but when it has blood and/or other bodily fluids it is simply a cry for attention, and therefore the author should be shot in the balls with a very highly electric gun. You need to read Blah Story In order to truly understand the conformity one must go through in order to be a proper author. This is a humor story with actual humor and is therefore terrible.
Also, I find the fact that something remotely bad happening to a character that one would expect to have something bad happen to it is just a sick and demented way of expressing child-like views. Please go read Other Blah Story To truly understand why there can be no common sense inside of a story if it involves something that would make you laugh, and yet too much common sense inside of a story that makes you laugh. You need to learn the secret code of writing that us highly stuck up people know about. I hope you learn that Pichu is not allowed to die even if Bowser jumps on it with its spikes.
I also think you are being a poser because you do something that you like. Doing something that you like and not what the counsel of non-conformists like is treasonous. Now remember, you are not allowed to make fun of us no matter what we say about you.
P.S. May your balls be lit on fire
(the sad thing is… there are people who talk like this… oh well… let them live their boring lives… then again... I'd hardly consider balls lighting on fire to be boring... what kind of sick websites do these people go to in their spare time? oh yeah... this one...)