WomanNapped!
Heh heh heh. Don't ya just love how I left ya hanging with the summary like that? Well, read on to find out who did it.
PS: Sorry it's in script form, but it is easy to write that way and also easy to understand (at least understand me anyway.) Well, go ahead and read. This is humor and you should know that...it's just for kicks. Oh and I don't own anything. Mr. Help The Boat Is Sinking and other people own them...not me. =)
[Max slammed the door and walked into the kitchen.]
MAX:
Logan, there better be a damn good reason you called me.
[Logan enters...nah, the Easter Bunny enters. Sorry, Logan enters.]
LOGAN:
Max, I've got bad news.
[Max suddenly becomes worried.]
MAX:
What is it?
LOGAN:
Cindy has been womannapped.
MAX:
Womannapped? What kind of a word is that?
LOGAN:
Well, she isn't a kid, so she can't be kidnapped. So, she was womannapped.
MAX:
Alright...I guess.
LOGAN:
Anyway, the womannapper sent me an email.
MAX:
Wait a minute, how did they know they know you're email? They kidna-womannapped Cindy.
[Crickets chirping.]
STEPHANIE18:
Please, can you *not* point out plotholes? Thank you.
LOGAN:
Uh...I dunno.
MAX:
Where do I find her?
LOGAN:
The womannapper sent the address in the email.
MAX:
Why the hell would-
[The noise of someone loudly clearing their throat is heard.]
MAX:
So, uh, who is the womannapper?
LOGAN:
The email was only signed RM.
MAX:
Mysterious.
LOGAN:
Indeed.
[Logan scribbles down the address on a piece of paper then hands it to Max.]
MAX:
I already know your phone number.
LOGAN:
Then call me sometime.
[Logan winks and raises an eyebrow. The author smacks her forehead.]
MAX:
Anyway, why don't you just write down the address?
[Logan sighs.]
LOGAN:
Fine, fine.
[Logan writes down the address then hands the paper back to Max.]
MAX:
I'm goin' to save my boo.
LOGAN:
Okay then.
[Before Max leaves, Logan grabs her by the arm.]
LOGAN:
Max, before you go, I want you to know that you're the only person I ever cared about and I lo-
STEPHANIE18:
No...we are not taking the plot there. Stop now. Forget I ever said anything...but not about the plot not going there.
LOGAN:
Good luck.
[Max thought about it. Jesus he smelled good and- Backspace! Backspace!]
MAX:
Thanks.
[Max left the penthouse...apartment...penthouse...apart-screw it. She left Logan's place and rode to the abandoned warehouse....it's not really abandoned if people inside, is it? And why is it always a warehouse? Nevermind...]
MAX:
What a dump.
[She was of course referring to the sanitation facility that was next door, but I digress. Max got off her bike...baby...bike...screw it. She crept over to the building and looked in.]
MEANWHILE, in the not-so-abandoned warehouse...
MAN:
Tell me everything you know.
CINDY:
Aiight. 2+2=4 but 4 doesn't =2+2 unless it's a backwards math problem. Messed up, ain't it? And-
MAN:
I mean about the X-5.
CINDY:
The what?
MAN:
Don't play coy with me.
CINDY:
That's a nice word...did you learn it in college or somethin'?
MAN:
No...I didn't go to college because I was in Men-what was that?
CINDY:
What was what?
MEANWHILE, back outside the building...
MAX:
How am I going to get Cindy outta there?
VOICE:
You could use the roof.
[Max turned around and saw-]
MAX:
Zack?? What're you-?
STEPHANIE18:
Plotholes! Plotholes!
ZACK:
I was in he neighborhood and thought I'd stop by. [Pause...waiting for sarcastic comment....not one.]
MAX:
Okay. So, use the roof huh?
ZACK:
Hey, you didn't hear nothin' from me.
[Zack steps into the shadows and disappears (runs away).]
MAX:
The roof it is I guess.
[Max starts her climb up the fire escape...]
MEANWHILE, back in the warehouse...
CINDY:
Do you own a helicopter?
MAN:
No.
[Suddenly, outside we hear an angry female voice.]
VOICE:
Jesus Christ! That fricking hurt!
MAN:
Now, that time I definitely heard something.
CINDY:
You trippin'.
MEANWHILE, on the roof...
MAX:
I managed to get on without being noticed.
[Author scoffs.]
MAX:
Now how do I-bingo.
[Max notices a skylight...and gracefully jumps through it. She lands gracefully (PAH!) on the floor and stands up.]
MAN:
What the 'oly 'ell?
STEPHANIE18:
Since when is he British?
MAX:
If you don't mind, I'll be taking my friend here.
MAN:
I do mind.
MAX:
RM I presume.
RM:
Wow...you are like such a genius.
MAX:
Don't be sarcastic with me!
[RM snaps his fingers, puts a hand on his back, leans back a little, and purses his lips.]
RM:
Don't think you can sass me girlfriend. [He snaps his fingers.] Mmmmmhmmm.
[Cindy rolls her eyes.]
CINDY:
Boo, would you untie me please.
[Cindy was tired to a chair...huh. Anyway, Max unties her and Cindy stands up.]
CINDY:
Latah.
[Cindy leaves the warehouse.]
MAX:
No thank you? [Mumbles to self now] That's the last time I save her ass.
RM:
Bring it on!
MAX:
Don't worry...I'll bring it.
STEPHANIE18:
Uh...that wasn't from a movie...*sweatdrop* Uh...
[Max and RM begin to fight. It can be described as: "Hoo-ha!", kick, punch, "Ouch!", Matrix move, slug, blood, "You like that? Have another!", bash, pain, kickkickkick, punchpunchpunch, trash, smash, "Oof!", karate chop!, kick, punch, hit, slap, "Bitch slap...you...bitch!", kick, punch, Matrix move, hit, hit, slam, punch, "Ow! Jesus, I see the light!", kick, punch, slap, smack, duck, punch...unconsciousness, "Phew."]
MAX:
That'll teach you.
[Max kicked the unconscious RM and left the not-so-abandoned warehouse....only to find that Cindy had stolen her bike...baby...bike, screw it. SO, Max took the bus to Logan's...place.]
MAX:
Logan! I'm back!
[Logan enters and smiles.]
LOGAN:
Great. I'm glad you're safe.
[Author groans and slaps hand over eyes.]
MAX:
Yeah...
[They share a silent moment staring at each other, then they break it.
BOTH:
So...
[Both chuckle lightly.]
LOGAN:
I'll get dinner.
MAX:
Yeah.
[Max stares at Logan.]
MAX(thinking):
He is so cute. Those eyes...that hair...that-
STEPHANIE18:
Is enough.
[Logan picks up a CD and hands it to Max.]
LOGAN:
Would you put that in?
[Max looks at the CD cover.]
MAX:
Who is that guy?
LOGAN:
It's Ricky Martin...I know he's kinda cheesy, but I like one song on that CD.
MAX:
Oh my God, Logan...
LOGAN:
What?
MAX:
That's the guy that kid-womannapped Cindy!
LOGAN:
Ricky Martin womannapped Cindy?
MAX:
Apparently...small world I guess.
[They share a lovely dinner, then Max goes to leave.]
MAX:
Crap.
LOGAN:
What?
MAX:
That bitch stole my bike.
THE END
Heh heh heh. Don't ya just love how I left ya hanging with the summary like that? Well, read on to find out who did it.
PS: Sorry it's in script form, but it is easy to write that way and also easy to understand (at least understand me anyway.) Well, go ahead and read. This is humor and you should know that...it's just for kicks. Oh and I don't own anything. Mr. Help The Boat Is Sinking and other people own them...not me. =)
[Max slammed the door and walked into the kitchen.]
MAX:
Logan, there better be a damn good reason you called me.
[Logan enters...nah, the Easter Bunny enters. Sorry, Logan enters.]
LOGAN:
Max, I've got bad news.
[Max suddenly becomes worried.]
MAX:
What is it?
LOGAN:
Cindy has been womannapped.
MAX:
Womannapped? What kind of a word is that?
LOGAN:
Well, she isn't a kid, so she can't be kidnapped. So, she was womannapped.
MAX:
Alright...I guess.
LOGAN:
Anyway, the womannapper sent me an email.
MAX:
Wait a minute, how did they know they know you're email? They kidna-womannapped Cindy.
[Crickets chirping.]
STEPHANIE18:
Please, can you *not* point out plotholes? Thank you.
LOGAN:
Uh...I dunno.
MAX:
Where do I find her?
LOGAN:
The womannapper sent the address in the email.
MAX:
Why the hell would-
[The noise of someone loudly clearing their throat is heard.]
MAX:
So, uh, who is the womannapper?
LOGAN:
The email was only signed RM.
MAX:
Mysterious.
LOGAN:
Indeed.
[Logan scribbles down the address on a piece of paper then hands it to Max.]
MAX:
I already know your phone number.
LOGAN:
Then call me sometime.
[Logan winks and raises an eyebrow. The author smacks her forehead.]
MAX:
Anyway, why don't you just write down the address?
[Logan sighs.]
LOGAN:
Fine, fine.
[Logan writes down the address then hands the paper back to Max.]
MAX:
I'm goin' to save my boo.
LOGAN:
Okay then.
[Before Max leaves, Logan grabs her by the arm.]
LOGAN:
Max, before you go, I want you to know that you're the only person I ever cared about and I lo-
STEPHANIE18:
No...we are not taking the plot there. Stop now. Forget I ever said anything...but not about the plot not going there.
LOGAN:
Good luck.
[Max thought about it. Jesus he smelled good and- Backspace! Backspace!]
MAX:
Thanks.
[Max left the penthouse...apartment...penthouse...apart-screw it. She left Logan's place and rode to the abandoned warehouse....it's not really abandoned if people inside, is it? And why is it always a warehouse? Nevermind...]
MAX:
What a dump.
[She was of course referring to the sanitation facility that was next door, but I digress. Max got off her bike...baby...bike...screw it. She crept over to the building and looked in.]
MEANWHILE, in the not-so-abandoned warehouse...
MAN:
Tell me everything you know.
CINDY:
Aiight. 2+2=4 but 4 doesn't =2+2 unless it's a backwards math problem. Messed up, ain't it? And-
MAN:
I mean about the X-5.
CINDY:
The what?
MAN:
Don't play coy with me.
CINDY:
That's a nice word...did you learn it in college or somethin'?
MAN:
No...I didn't go to college because I was in Men-what was that?
CINDY:
What was what?
MEANWHILE, back outside the building...
MAX:
How am I going to get Cindy outta there?
VOICE:
You could use the roof.
[Max turned around and saw-]
MAX:
Zack?? What're you-?
STEPHANIE18:
Plotholes! Plotholes!
ZACK:
I was in he neighborhood and thought I'd stop by. [Pause...waiting for sarcastic comment....not one.]
MAX:
Okay. So, use the roof huh?
ZACK:
Hey, you didn't hear nothin' from me.
[Zack steps into the shadows and disappears (runs away).]
MAX:
The roof it is I guess.
[Max starts her climb up the fire escape...]
MEANWHILE, back in the warehouse...
CINDY:
Do you own a helicopter?
MAN:
No.
[Suddenly, outside we hear an angry female voice.]
VOICE:
Jesus Christ! That fricking hurt!
MAN:
Now, that time I definitely heard something.
CINDY:
You trippin'.
MEANWHILE, on the roof...
MAX:
I managed to get on without being noticed.
[Author scoffs.]
MAX:
Now how do I-bingo.
[Max notices a skylight...and gracefully jumps through it. She lands gracefully (PAH!) on the floor and stands up.]
MAN:
What the 'oly 'ell?
STEPHANIE18:
Since when is he British?
MAX:
If you don't mind, I'll be taking my friend here.
MAN:
I do mind.
MAX:
RM I presume.
RM:
Wow...you are like such a genius.
MAX:
Don't be sarcastic with me!
[RM snaps his fingers, puts a hand on his back, leans back a little, and purses his lips.]
RM:
Don't think you can sass me girlfriend. [He snaps his fingers.] Mmmmmhmmm.
[Cindy rolls her eyes.]
CINDY:
Boo, would you untie me please.
[Cindy was tired to a chair...huh. Anyway, Max unties her and Cindy stands up.]
CINDY:
Latah.
[Cindy leaves the warehouse.]
MAX:
No thank you? [Mumbles to self now] That's the last time I save her ass.
RM:
Bring it on!
MAX:
Don't worry...I'll bring it.
STEPHANIE18:
Uh...that wasn't from a movie...*sweatdrop* Uh...
[Max and RM begin to fight. It can be described as: "Hoo-ha!", kick, punch, "Ouch!", Matrix move, slug, blood, "You like that? Have another!", bash, pain, kickkickkick, punchpunchpunch, trash, smash, "Oof!", karate chop!, kick, punch, hit, slap, "Bitch slap...you...bitch!", kick, punch, Matrix move, hit, hit, slam, punch, "Ow! Jesus, I see the light!", kick, punch, slap, smack, duck, punch...unconsciousness, "Phew."]
MAX:
That'll teach you.
[Max kicked the unconscious RM and left the not-so-abandoned warehouse....only to find that Cindy had stolen her bike...baby...bike, screw it. SO, Max took the bus to Logan's...place.]
MAX:
Logan! I'm back!
[Logan enters and smiles.]
LOGAN:
Great. I'm glad you're safe.
[Author groans and slaps hand over eyes.]
MAX:
Yeah...
[They share a silent moment staring at each other, then they break it.
BOTH:
So...
[Both chuckle lightly.]
LOGAN:
I'll get dinner.
MAX:
Yeah.
[Max stares at Logan.]
MAX(thinking):
He is so cute. Those eyes...that hair...that-
STEPHANIE18:
Is enough.
[Logan picks up a CD and hands it to Max.]
LOGAN:
Would you put that in?
[Max looks at the CD cover.]
MAX:
Who is that guy?
LOGAN:
It's Ricky Martin...I know he's kinda cheesy, but I like one song on that CD.
MAX:
Oh my God, Logan...
LOGAN:
What?
MAX:
That's the guy that kid-womannapped Cindy!
LOGAN:
Ricky Martin womannapped Cindy?
MAX:
Apparently...small world I guess.
[They share a lovely dinner, then Max goes to leave.]
MAX:
Crap.
LOGAN:
What?
MAX:
That bitch stole my bike.
THE END