A Pokemon Christmas...In July!
By AnimeDutchess
A/N: Geez, it's barely June, and I'm writing a "Christmas in July"-esque thing...is that weird? Anyway, I just caught the end of the Futurama Christmas episode, and it mated with my Palletshipping tendencies...and this is their strange lovechild. Please don't ask about the insanity you are about to read.
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Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon, and I don't own Santa Claus. Or Christmas. Or a car! Or...okay, you get the idea.
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It was the hottest day of the year so far, and in mid-July to boot, when Ash and his Sinnoh posse (Brock and Dawn) decided to go get some ice cream to cool down. Luckily, they weren't too far from a small town that apparently had the best ice cream shop in Sinnoh, so they went for it. It didn't take too long to get there, but the heat and humidity pressing on them made their short journey feel longer...and just when they entered the shop...
They bumped into Gary, who was enjoying some rocky road ice cream. Why was he there? Well, he'd been working nearby the town, and knew that if he didn't cool down, he'd snap from the heat. And why rocky road? Well, he was just awesome like that.
But that's off topic.
After the usual reuniting scene, the witty banter, the ice cream-obtainment, and the thinly-veiled sexual innuendo (Brock hitting on the cute cashier girl and the boys of Pallet hitting on...well, each other), the four settled at a booth and chatted about whatever came to mind.
Dawn stared at her strawberry ice cream cone and sighed. "I sure wish it was cold outside." She took a lick of her ice cream. Ash and Gary looked up at her in confusion, while Brock fed his Happiny some of his vanilla ice cream, paying attentiong to the conversation.
"How come?" Ash asked, swirling a lump of his chocolate ice cream in its cup with his spoon. The coordinator sighed again.
"I can't stand when it's so hot like it is today..." She then shot a glare out the window to the sun. "God damn you, Mr. Sun..." All three males raised an eyebrow in concern and leaned into their chairs nervously as Dawn continued. "God damn you to HELL! I bet it'd be so hot down there that even YOU'D break a sweat!" Brock put a hand on her shoulder to stop her rant against nature.
"Dawn, calm down, you can't control nature..." He said. The girl visibly wilted at his words.
"Yeah, you're right..." She sighed for the third time today. "It's just, I can put up with cold weather better than warm weather..." Gary sputtered at her comment.
"With that miniskirt?" He asked in shock. She glared at Gary. He flinched.
"Shut it, Oak, or I'll get a popsicle and shove it up your ass." It was clear that the heat was influencing some sort of PMS in her. "Anyway, I wouldn't be wearing a miniskirt, but I can stand the cold better than I can stand heat anyday." She took another thoughtful lick of her ice cream. "You know when it's cold? During Christmas. I wish it was Christmas."
"Christmas would be nice..." Brock mentioned, using a napkin to clean off Happiny's face. The tiny pink Pokemon squealed in delight. Ash's eyes brightened up.
"I love Christmas! It's so nice...everyone is so happy..." He looked down at his slightly melted treat. "But wouldn't we be having hot chocolate instead of ice cream?" He pouted, thinking about this new development. Gary, trying to not get too flustered at Ash's cute apperance, just stared at his ice cream.
"Eh, it's too early for me to think about Christmas," He said casually, taking a spoonful and, feeling wide brown eyes on him, ate it in a semi-sensual way. "Besides, I...don't really like Santa Claus." A collective gasp from Brock and Dawn arose.
"How could you not like Santa?" The blue-haired girl asked in shock.
"Yeah, he's so nice and everything!" Brock added. "I mean, all he wants to do is eat cookies and give kids presents! What's so scary about that? And..." He shot a look at an unfazed Ash. "Why aren't you freaking out about this?" Ash shrugged.
"He's told me already..." He then looked at Gary, who looked slightly uncomfortable. "Although, Gary, you've never exactly told me why you don't like Santa..." The auburn-haired boy sighed.
"I knew I'd have to tell someone eventually..." He poked one of the marshmallows that jutted out of his ice cream with the tip of his spoon. "See, it's like this...Santa watches kids to see if they behave or not, right?" The three humans nodded in unison. "He watches them...all the time. No matter what, he watches them." He looked up at the trio. "Think about that for a minute."
They did. And after an actual minute, all three made a disgusted sound, having faces to match.
"Ew! How can you even think that?" Dawn exclaimed.
"Bad image! BAD image!" Brock yelled, hiding his eyes in his hands.
"You think he really does that?!" Ash asked in horror.
"Hey, it's possible," Gary said, still prodding the marshmallow. "So, that sort of makes him like, uhm...a pedophile. And that got me thinking...do I really like the idea of an obese, centuries-old pedophile watching me piss? No, not really." He let out a frustrated sigh. "Speaking of piss, I kinda have to go. Come with me, Ash?"
"Uhm, okay, sure..." The two boys then got up and went to the bathroom, using the oppertunity to have a bit of 'fun'...
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"Heh heh heh..." A fat, jolly man in red watched the moniter in front of him closely. "Ash Ketchum and Gary Oak...you two are going on a very special list..." He scribbled on a long piece of parchment in front of him, the two names joining those such as Sora, Riku, Axel, and Roxas, along with numerous others. At the very top of the list, lines of ink curled to form the title:
Naughty...Yet Nice...
Fin
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A/N: XDD Hey, didja like the Kingdom Hearts shoutout at the end? I had to do it, even though it makes no sense. X3 Anyways, did anyone find it amusing? I hope you did! Reviews, plx, and Ja Ne! - AnimeDutchess