First
We love each other. We've been dating normally for over a year now, if I'm honest with myself I know that I've loved him ever since I was sixteen. I'm nineteen now; I'm ready. Besides, according to Gale, he is going to pop the question any day now. Gale's never been one for keeping secrets.
These, I'm explaining to Madge, are perfect reasons why I should make love to Peeta. Tonight. I know that Madge is going to interrupt me so I just keep spieling on until she raises a dainty hand. I saw this objection coming.
"I know you think that I'm being irrational and that you are going to give me some wise words of advice, but you know what Madge, you can just-"
"Katniss, that's not what I was going to say-"
"Like an ostrich eating string beans on a fire truck, and –wait, what did you say?" I ask. I usually am not like this with Madge. Something's up with me. I'm all tense.
"I said, well it's not my place to say, but, I think that you are…ready," she explains quietly.
"What?" I ask, stunned. "B-b-but are you not going to say that…that I should wait until-"
"Katniss," she cuts me off. "I'll tell you not to do it if you want me to, but we both know that you're going to do it regardless."
"Madge!" I gasp. "Since when is this any of your business?"
"You asked me for my opinion!" she argues weakly.
I breathe in, "You're right, Madge," I say, "What was I thinking?"
"Shhh," Madge smoothes my hair. "It's okay, you're just nervous,"
"No I'm not!" I counter quickly, but Madge just looks at me with one of those expressions that clearly states I-don't-believe-you! She knows me too well. "Okay, maybe a little," I admit.
"It's okay," she repeats. "It's your decision. Peeta's not the pressuring kind of guy, you know,"
"I know."
"Anyway, what brought all this on? You never used to think about…giving yourself to him before…"
"Well…" I begin.
Well, Madge, that's not exactly true. I do think about it. Like last Thursday for example. Peeta and I were kissing on my bed and I felt something, something that made me want him….more, differently. It was like the love I feel for him normally, only multiplied a thousand times over, and strange. It was like lust, but there was more to it than that. It was lovely lust, or maybe lustful love. One of the two. Whatever, anyway I don't know what would have happened if Prim hadn't walked in on our collectively embarrassed selves. But I don't want to tell Madge all that, so, instead, I opt for distraction.
"Hey!" I start suspiciously, "Since when do you know all this stuff about sex? Have you and Gale even done it?"
"No," Madge blushes a pristine pink.
I raise my eyebrows.
"You know I'm saving myself for marriage," she defends. "I was brought up that way okay,"
"Why wasn't I brought up that way?" I question.
"I don't know, Katniss," Madge sighs patiently. "All I know is, everyone's different. When you're ready, and you seemed pretty confidant earlier, you can decide if you want to. Peeta's not going to pressure you."
I hug her. "Thanks Madge," I say, "But I better go, Prim will worry if I'm not home by dark."
Madge nods and waves as I shut her mahogany door behind me.
Walking down the cobbled streets I think about what Madge said. Her words echo around in my brain; "Peeta's not the pressuring kind of guy, you know,", "Peeta's not going to pressure you any time soon,"/ I know that's true, but am I going to pressure me? Peeta never does anything too suggestive with me which means I'm going to have to make the first move. The first move will involve talking to him. About this. That's not good. Peeta's the one with a way with words in this relationship, not me.
I do want this, I tell myself, more than anything. And I'm one of those people who think that it is a big deal. Sure, back in the days of District 12 it seemed like we were a wholesome township, but we had our fair share of skanks too. I never understood that; why they would do it with someone just to increase their social status, to be popular. Granted it was different with old Cray, who paid starving women for their company. But that was a survival thing. I think that you should wait until you're ready and in love. And I am. In fact, I will be happy if Peeta shows up right now and I can tell him all of this and then it would happen. I'll gladly say everything on my mind if he shows up.
Just then, a pair of warm familiar arms wrap around me from behind. Very nice familiar arms with the scent of bread and frosting and safety.
Even with the familiarity, I tense from the supposed attack and reach for the place where arrows would be if I was carrying any. I'm not. Peeta spins me around in his arms.
"Just me," he says softly.
"I know," I say. "Reflexes,"
He laughs and kisses the tip of my nose, "When are you going to stop doing that?" he asks.
"I don't know," I answer. "Probably never. Tumultuous pasts can do that to you," I laugh nervously.
"Yeah, time in the arena can't have hurt either," he jokes and takes my hand. The way we can laugh about the Games now proves how safe everyone feels in the new colony. "It feels like I haven't seen you in ages," Peeta continues. It's only been a day but it feels like that for me too. "Will you come over for supper?"
Perfect, this would go well with my plan. "Of course," I say innocently "But we have to stop by my place first so I can tell Prim. I don't want her to worry,"
Our houses are only a block apart. Mine is on the edge of the woods and Peeta's is closer to the heart of the town. It doesn't take long to get to Prim. I creak open the door and see her sitting at the kitchen table playing cards with Rory. They are pretty good friends now. I sometimes worry about leaving them alone together so much but I secretly paid Greasy Sae (who lives next door) to keep an eye on them from afar.
"Hey Prim, I'm going to Peeta's," I say.
"'Kay," nods Prim, "And when will you be back?"
"I'll have her home before it's too late," assures Peeta.
"Hey, have you guys eaten yet?" I ask.
"Nope," says Prim.
I still have the game from Gale in my bag. It's a Sunday, our hunting day. I give it to Prim and Rory. It's a rabbit and Prim is a pretty good cook, she can make a stew or something.
"Thanks, Katniss," says Rory.
"Don't thank me," I say, "Your brother caught it." It's true because I couldn't accompany Gale to the forest today. I had a meeting with the Mockingjay Forces instead. We're just foreclosing a deal with the Capitol that involves them leaving us alone.
"Alright, see you later Prim!" I say and I walk over to kiss her forehead. She wipes off the spot. I'm embarrassing her in front of Rory.
Peeta and leave the house and walk, hand in hand, up the street to his. Once we're inside I sit down at the table I know so well and he takes my jacket. Then I watch him bake. I like watching him bake. He gets that intense look in his eyes like when he's painting or fighting for survival or protecting me. I guess I seem a little off though because Peeta, after dinner is on my plate, asks me what's wrong.
"Is everything alright, Katniss? You seem a little…on edge,"
Madge was right about my nervousness and I was wrong about thinking it would be easy to tell Peeta everything on my mind.
"Mhmm," I swallow the bite of food I was eating. "Everything's fine."
"No it isn't," Peeta can tell when something's up, if not what. "What's wrong?" Did something bad happen at the meeting?"
I shake my head slowly.
"Did I do something?"
"No, Peeta," I say.
"Then what is it?"
I stand up. "I love you."
He gets up too, "And I love you."
I go over and hug him, pressing my face into his broad shoulders. He wraps his arms around me and rocks me back and forth, without questioning anything. Then I look up at him and am able to tell him what's been on my mind.
After multiple "Are you sure Katniss?"s we are in Peeta's room and it is dark and shadowy and romantic, everything anyone could want for their first time. I'm surprised at how vulnerable I feel. It is me we're talking about, the girl who doesn't like to see people when they're not fully clothed. But when I see Peeta it's a different story. I blush because I do like to see him like this.
When my clothes are off I'm surprised at how comfortable I feel. I thought I would be embarrassed but I'm not at all. I never hide anything from Peeta and this is basically the same thing.
Peeta doesn't cross the room to me, so I slowly move towards him. When his arms encase me I feel like we're completely and utterly alone. Peeta brushes a strand of hair from my neck and then his hand trails down my body and stops at my waist. One more, are you sure Katniss? I nod. I am sure. I'm ready to dive off the deep end of our physical relationship, because the emotional side is so strong that I know this is right.
It starts with a kiss. An I love you, a deep lingering kiss, and then it.
Morning comes and I wake up with my head on Peeta's chest. Looking at his face I am so filled up with happiness that I can't think of anything else. I shift a little under the covers and Peeta's eyelids flutter open. He smiles at me.
"Morning, love,"
I snuggle into him, and I'm not a usual snuggler.
"Shhh," I put a finger to his lips, "I want to remember this. Exactly this,"
He obliges and just holds me, placing little kisses on my nose, my temples, my neck, shoulders. All is peaceful and I know, after my life of mistakes, that I have made one right decision. I was ready.
Hope you enjoyed! I know it was super cheesy and all, plus probably inaccurate. I'm not trying to enforce any opinion on sex before marriage or sex in general, I'm 15 for crying out loud! Please review!