Lights, Camera, Action!, a tenchi muyo fanfic

Green Room Gossip

Lights, Camera, Action!

Genre: Parody

Rating: General, U, whatever

Claimer: I OWN ALL THE TENCHI CHARACTERS! ANYONE WHO TRIES TO SUE ME WILL BE SHOT!!!

Disclaimer: I own noting – I am a penniless high school student. The Tenchi characters belong to AIC and Pioneer. The claimer/disclaimer joke belongs to raine. Anything I have stolen has been stolen without prior consent.

Summary: The Tenchi cast work on the latest fanfic.

"Ok, guys, we've got a new fanfic!" Tenchi called. Ayeka looked up from her newspaper, Sasami looked up from her Pretty Sammy comic book, Ryoko looked up from over Sasami's shoulder. They eventually made their way around to Tenchi.

"Ok, don't worry guys but this is called 'Tenchi makes the obvious choice'" The cast groaned collectively "hey, give it a chance" he smiled, "it can't be that bad!"

"Subtitle?" Ryoko asked bluntly.

Tenchi sighed. "I didn't want to have to say this but… the subtitle is: 'Ayeka Sux' – that's WITH an 'x'." More groans.

"come on, guys, it can't be that bad!" Smiled Mihoshi before noticing the authors comment at the bottom, "Look out for my next fic: Mihoshi the moron!"

Mihoshi sighed and sat down. Ayeka sat next to her and patted her shoulder, "don't worry – you get used to it."

"Ok, chit chat's over – time to get on with this" Tenchi clapped his hands, "Dad, you're narrating this one."

Nobuyuki grinned, "you mean I get a part other than sex-crazed maniac?"

Tenchi checked the notes, "nope, now you're a sex crazed maniac who likes telling stories."

The camera began rolling, and ACTION!

Nobuyuki: It was a warm summers day, Ryoko was sitting under a tree and thinking about nothing in particlar.

"CUT!" Tenchi stopped the action. "Nothing in particlar? Has this been spell-checked yet?"

Ryoko sighed, "Tenchi, it's a me-and-you love story with stereotyped characters, what do you think?"

Tenchi laughed, "fair enough. Get it spell checked and we'll try again afterwards."

**Half an hour later**

Tenchi smiled as Sasami passed him the newly spell-checked copy of the script "Ok, so it's legible now? Good. And ACTION!"

Nobuyuki: Oh look at her there, doesn't she look hot? Mmm… baby… *drools*

"Right, that's it! Even I'm not THIS bad!"

Tenchi groaned, "I'm sorry dad but we've got to get this done so we can move on to better stuff, ok?"

Nobuyuki sighed and continued.

Nobuyuki: Suddenly Tenchi came by. Wow, I'm so sick I even think he's pretty cute. (mutters: I hate my job…)

Tenchi enters with Ayeka.

Ayeka: Oh look, Ryoko is sitting in a tree – how stupid she looks! HA HA!

Ayeka threw down her script, "Tenchi! Stop this at once! This dialogue is so STUPID!"

Ryoko glanced over her copy, "really? Mine's perfect."

Tenchi looked at the authors note, "ah this explains it: "Ayeka talks like a stupid person because she is a stupid person."

Ayeka stared at Tenchi for a second then relaxed. "Really? That's an original one."

Mihoshi grinned, "yeah, normally they just censor your name or turn you into an insane lunatic!"

Washu facevaulted, "or to put it more tactfully, sorry princess but I think you're gonna have to live with it in this fic."

Ayeka sighed and action resumed.

Tenchi: Shut up, Ayeka, you're always so mean to Ryoko.

Ryoko: Yeah, you always beat me up and spit on my face!

Ryoko had to stop now, "WHAT THE HELL???"

"Relax, Ryoko, I'd calm down if I were you." Ayeka replied, "it gets much worse…"

"Worse? I hate it already and its only about eight lines long!"

"Come on, everyone" said Kiyone, "I want to get this finished sometime soon."

Ayeka: Yes, I do HA HA! I hate you Ryoko I will kill! Kill! Kill!

Ayeka picks up some stones and throws them feebly at Ryoko.

Ryoko: You missed me, you stupid princess! Go away so me and Tenchi can make out!

Sasami giggled, "I knew Ryoko was very forward but I didn't realise she was THAT bad" she whispered to Washu.

"Don't blame Ryoko, blame…" Washu paused as she looked at the copy of the script, "… 'The one who will Kill Ayeka' Woah! This person clearly isn't a member of the AFC!"

I'd just like to add an authors note here. If there is an author who happens to be called The One Who Will Kill Ayeka or has written a fic called Tenchi Makes The Obvious Choice I am sincerely sorry. This fic isn't targeted at any author directly – it's a general parody of all Ayeka Hating character bash fics.

Sasami sighed. "Poor Ayeka. She has to put up with this a LOT!"

"Well, we all get bashed a bit. Remember last week we did a Sasami Lemon."

Sasami shuddered, "don't remind me. And there's all those ones with titles like 'duuuuuuuh Mihoshi is stoooopid!'"

"Don't worry Sasami, you just have to take the rough with the smooth."

"Ryoko never gets insulted."

Washu thought for a second. "Actually, there are a few stories where Ayeka fans get really mad at all the Ayeka bashing and strike back with a story that turns Ryoko into some sort of drunken evil remorseless demon, some of these can be pretty bad too. Plus Ryoko has to constantly do all these 'Ryoko wins Tenchi' fics so it's not too easy for her having to go over the same clichés all the time."

Sasami sighed and continued to watch the fic.

Nobuyuki: Ayeka stormed into the house. I'm the only one who likes her because I like all girls – even ugly cows like Ayeka.

Ayeka: Sasami, MAKE ME A PIE AND CLEAN MY ROOM AND DO EVERYTHING FOR ME!!!

Sasami: But why Ayeka?

Ayeka: BECAUSE I AM THE CROWN PRINCESS OF JURAI AND YOU ARE MY LITTLE SLAVE (*groans*) NOW MAKE ME A PIE!!!

Sasami: No Ayeka, I hate you, make your own pie! I wish you were dead!

Ayeka: WHAT!! You dare to disobey me? GRRR!

Mihoshi enters

Mihoshi: Hi Sasami.

Ayeka: Mihoshi, make me a pie!

Mihoshi: duuuuuuuuuuh whas a pie? Who's Mihoshi? Where am I?

Ayeka: Mihoshi you are an idiot!

Mihoshi: I KNOW YOU, YOU'RE AYEKA! I HATE YOU! DUUUUUUUH! I REALLY REALLY DO!

Mihoshi stopped. "I am NOT this stupid!" she said, "this isn't fair – this is like all the terrible fics we've ever done rolled into one!"

"Come on!" Said Tenchi, "We have to finish this!"

Nobuyuki: and now back to Tenchi and Ryoko.

Tenchi: Ryoko, I've just magically decided I love you. Isn't it wonderful!

Ryoko: Oh yes, Tenchi, come to me!

Tenchi: I love you so much – I really do!

Ryoko: Tenchi, before we do anything, I want you to tell me something.

Tenchi: Anything my darling.

Ryoko: do you hate Ayeka as much as I do?

Tenchi: yes, of course!

Ryoko: and will you help me kill her?

Tenchi: yes! We'll do it tonight!

Tenchi stopped. "Ok. I'm very tolerant but now we have to KILL Ayeka too? I mean, come on!"

Ryoko grinned, "wait till you see the end!"

"I can't wait" Tenchi replied sarcastically.

Nobuyuki: Ayeka was standing in the middle of the living room getting insulted by that cute Mihoshi, Gorgeous Sasami, lovely Kiyone and Hot Washu…

Ryo-oki: MEOW MEOW MEOW! (translation: die you purple haired freak! Die!)

Sasami: I wish I was an only child!

Mihoshi: duuuuuuh!

Washu: You stink! I am the greatest scientific genius in the universe! I hate you! I am the greatest scientific genius in the universe! You are nothing! I am the greatest scientific genius in the universe! You are cheap trash!

Kiyone: Yeah! You stink! We all hate you!

Ayeka starts crying.

Everybody: HAAAA! HAAAA!

Ayeka blinked, "well that was the stupidest scene so far."

Most people nodded except Ryoko who simply said, "it gets worse."

Nobuyuki: Tenchi and Ryoko suddenly burst through the door! Ooh – Ryoko's wearing my favourite Kimono *drools*

Tenchi: Ayeka, we're here to kill you! So there!

Ryoko: yeah! Die you moron!

Washu: Cool, lets kill her dead! I am the greatest scientific genius in the universe!

Mihoshi: *nods dumbly*

Suddenly Sasami, who'd disappeared for a second, came running in, SWINGING HER AXE!

Ryo-oki jumps on top of Ayeka and starts biting her face off!

Ayeka screamed "stop! We forgot the body double!"

A toonami representative came onstage and Ayeka stepped down and averted her eyes.

Nubuyuki: Hey guys, let me help kill her!

Tenchi: yeah, jump in dad!

Eveyone joined in and murdered Ayeka

I'm not going to go into any more detail then that. You want to read a story where everyone murders Ayeka? This site's full of them.

It was a break before the last few scenes. Ayeka was in make-up getting a 'recently slaughtered' look.

The rest of the cast were having a soda.

"Well, I hope we never see THIS fic again." Sasami said.

"Or any of its clones" smiled Kiyone.

"To decent fanfiction" Tenchi said holding up his glass.

"To decent fanfiction!" they laughed and clinked glasses.

Nobuyuki: And now we return to this story of love and death. Tenchi and Ryoko are sitting alone on a bridge at night in what is supposed to be a romantic setting.

Tenchi: Ryoko, I love you.

Ryoko: I love you too, Tenchi. I'm so glad we killed Ayeka.

Tenchi: me too!

Ryoko: Tenchi, I'm… pregnant.

Tenchi: (HOW???)

Ryoko: (*shrugs* an attempt to get a plot in at the last second?)

Nobuyuki: Oh no! Look behind you, young lovers!!!

Ayeka the zombie is standing behind them and pushes them off the bridge.

Ayeka: (my goodness – this line is TERRIBLE!) MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA! AYEKA'S BAAAACK!!!

Tenchi sighed with relief, "and that's the end of that story!"

The entire cast cheered.

"So what's the next fic, Lord Tenchi?"

Tenchi smiled and looked at the next script "what? No! Its called – 'Tenchi's One True Choice'"

The entire cast screamed.

Ok, this didn't have too much of a story but basically it existed to try and stop the poor quality Tenchi fics. FIGHT THE RUBBISH! ^_^

Please don't flame me for this. It was my sad attempt at a parody and wasn't much good. However, I hope you enjoy it.

Oh yes, I AM an Ayeka fan but I like Ryoko too. This story is NOT insulting decent Tenchi/Ryoko fics. This is insulting low-quality Ayeka-bashing rubbish.

Thank you. Please R&R