note: this was written at 4am in the morning
song insp: charles (sharuru) - balloon
Takano watched with clouded emotions, at his lover before him, crying in earnest now, after another one of their numerous arguments that they just seem to continually have. He felt the same familiar guilt well up in his chest, all want of blaming the other party now dissipating into the uneasy yet still atmosphere.
He was tired. He knew his lover was tired. He knew, and yet, they both had unconsciously agreed on not letting this dream end. But they knew, so very well, that this was it.
This wasn't the ending they wanted.
He could've just followed along. Followed the cycle they have seemed to formulate in their relationship. In the beginning, they would be happy, for the briefest of moments. After getting annoyed at the smallest of things, ill tensions would settle between them. Then an argument eventually breaks out, leaving one party visibly upset and the other apologising, or both lovers too caught up in their stubbornness to admit their faults, thus leaving them to not communicate with each other for weeks.
But Takano knew he couldn't keep this up. He's seen how much of a toll it has taken on his lover too. He knew they would break soon. And he wasn't willing to see how it would unfold in the very end.
Perhaps it's time.
Takano swallowed down the lump in his throat, suddenly feeling a sting behind his eyes.
"Ritsu…let's just stop."
He watched silently, not wanting to press further as he watched those gentle, tearful, emerald eyes flicker up to look at him, searching for something, confusion and heartbreak reflected clearly in those orbs. He let out a breath he didn't realise he had held, and gripped his shaking hands tightly by his side to keep his resolve together, for both of us, he thought.
"Masamune…?"
"I'm sorry, Ritsu." Takano responded softly, eyes downcast, unable to meet his lov—ex-lover's —eyes, afraid to wonder what expression he was making.
"Wh…"
Takano didn't reply. He had to pull himself together. He was falling apart as much as Ritsu was, he could tell, no, hear.
A muffled sob sounded throughout the apartment.
"I knew it." He heard the brunet whisper brokenly, and Takano had to close his eyes to hold back his own tears.
He had recalled a moment in their relationship when Ritsu had told him of his worries, his hopes, his dreams, and the happy ending he wanted.
He was too overconfident then. He was too hopeful—too wishful—in making this relationship work—that he didn't even notice that the foundation hadn't even settled before they began to build. And now, everything they had tried for, was collapsing before them dramatically, too fast for them to comprehend, and there was nothing they could do to stop it.
"I guess…we weren't made for each other after all, despite what you had promised me." Ritsu whispered, letting his hands cover his face once more, feeling his heart tear apart once again by the last person he didn't want it to be destroyed by. Takano was aware, which only caused the guilt manifesting within him to weigh him down further, suffocating him.
He had failed him, he knew.
His determination had blinded him. He had asked for too much. He was too trusting of fate, that meeting his lover after ten years was a godsend, and that no matter what, nothing would come between them, in spite of their flaws.
Oh, how he had been so wrong. And realised all too late.
Happy endings don't last forever.
"I suppose…this is goodbye." Ritsu spoke quietly, not trusting his voice to go any higher than a whisper as his hands fell defeatedly to his sides. Takano felt a command within himself to lift his head up and make eye contact with the brunet, eyes red and glistening, his lips trembling.
Takano almost regrets his decision. He wants to hold him. He wants to kiss his tears away. He wants to whisper sweet nothings in his ear, until his tears had subsided and he had fallen into a gentle slumber. He wanted to take everything back. He wanted to stay with him.
He wanted to love him.
Takano moved closer, lifting a shaky hand to cup the brunet's face, and brushed his thumbs across Ritsu's cheeks to rid of the wet trails.
Silence fell, and Takano, through his glossy vision of his ex-lover, shakily whispered,
"That's enough, Ritsu."
"Just smile."