EVERYBODY LOVES KARKAT
CHAPTER 0NE: THE NIGHT IT CHANGED, AND CHANGED IT DID.
BY unnoticedTurmoil
**I headcanon a short, clumsy Karkat that like to cook and is socially inept. In this AU everybody is flushed for Karkat. Everyone. Derse and Prospit are a thing, Skaia is a thing, the bubbles are a thing, dancestors are a thing, and some other stuff. Godtier is NOT a thing, the game is NOT a thing. The Condence found Earth on one of her voyages, so Trollian was connected to Pesterchum. Derse and Prospit, everybody that was ever a Dersian or Prospitian lives there. So there are trolls, kids, and cherubs on Derse and Prospit respectfully. Alpha and Beta. But only the dreamselves. But since Jake can teleport from his island to Derse, that's a thing too. If you want to leave suggestions or ask questions go to tehkarkathotspot on tumblr. Just make sure to specify who the question is for. I'm new at this but I would like to hear criticism, suggestion, or opinions. It will only make me better. Just to let you know, 10 sweeps is around 20 years. This is a Homestuck AU. I do not own Homestuck. The credit of Homestuckand the characters goes to Andrew Hussie**
TG: but what about you
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
TG: dont you need to fill buckets too
CG: DAVE. I AM SIX. I DO NOT FUCKING NEED TO FIND PAILMATES UNTILL I AM FUCKING TEN.
TG: but if you wait too long some of your friends might not be ready for your creepy killerbot
CG: WHY NOT?
turntechGodhead ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist
CG: FUCKING DAVE!
turntechGodhead logged off
CG: DAMN IT!
CG: WHAT DID YOU MEAN YOU FUCKING NOOKSNIFFER?!
CG: …
THAT ASSHOLE! HOW DARE HE?! YOU WERE HAVING A SIMPLE CONVERSATION ABOUT TEREZI AND HE HAD TO GO AND PULL THAT DAMN SHIT?!
Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you are tired of all your friends douchebaggery. Your computer is telling you someone is messaging you on Trollian. It's fucking floor-sucker Ampora.
caligulasAquarium began trolling carcinoGeneticist
CA: Kar.
CA: I am flushed for you.
CA: You don't havve to answwer right noww.
CA: But don't wwait too long to answwer, ok?
caligulasAquarium logged off
You stare at the screen for ages. Your thinkpan has turned off.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
You have flipped your shit. Your shit has been flipped.
oH, oH NO. tHIS IS BAD. tHIS IS REALLY BAD.
Your name is TAVROS NITRAM and you are spying on Karkat with a lizard you found in your behindhive-lawnring. The lizard is clinging to the window behind Karkat, and yes you were reading his messages.
But tHIS IS BAD, tHIS IS REALLY BAD. iF kARKAT, sAYS YES, tO eRIDAN, tHEN, tHEN, hE WILL NOT KNOW, tHAT YOU, lIKE HIM. rEALLY BAD. rEALLY, rEALLY, bAD.
You have flipped your shit. Your shit has been flipped.
Oh meow. Hiss is bad. Hiss is furrely bad.
Your name is NEPETA LEIJON and you are purrtecting Karkat. You have come to stop Tavros ( 3- ) from spying on Karkat. And you so happened, not on purrpose, to read, not on purrpose, Karkitty's meowssages, not on purrpose.
But hiss is bad, furrely bad. If Karkitty meownsers yes to Eridan, then he will not mreow that you like him. His is furrely bad, furrely furrely bad.
Your have flipped your shit. Your shit has been flipped.
And then your fist came down on the geko you were tarcking. It is a bloody mess on Karkitty's window. Oh meow!
Abscond.
Your computer dings two more times.
adiosToreador began trolling carcinoGeneticist
AT: kARKAT, i, uH, lIKE YOU.
AT: lIKE, lIKE YOU, lIKE YOU.
AT: yOU, uH, dON'T HAVE TO, aNSWER NOW,
AT: bUT, i, uM, wOULD WANT TO, kNOW SOON.
adiosToreador logged off.
CG: TAVROS WAIT!
CG: DAMN IT!
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!
You are so confused right now. You don't know why your friends are sending these things to you. Eridan you could understand,but TAVROS?! What is going on?! Nepeta is the other troller. Good she's usually stabley crazy.
arsenicCatnip began mobile-trolling carcinoGeneticist
AC: Karkitty, I love you!
CG: NEPETA!
AC: EEEeeekkk!
arsenicCatnip ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist
CG: WAIT! WHAT?!
arsenicCatnip logged off
CG: SHIT!
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!
The doorbell rings and you jump.
OH THANK HEAVENS.
You forgot you asked Sollux to come over to help you code something on your computer. You only make wonderfully awesome viruses. You rush to the door to get something normal in your life.
"SOLLUX GET THE FUCK IN HERE!"
as you throw open the door.
"kk what the hell?"
"SOLLUX DO NOT FUCK WITH ME."
You push Sollux into your hive.
"kk really what the hell iis wrong? You don't look good. Are yo-"
he stops as he sees your computer screen.
SHIT, I FORGOT TO CLOSE THAT.
"SOLLUX I-"
"kk. No."
his face got hard and he looks at you.
"II love you too, kk."
You freeze. You have no idea what to do. You are like a forest-hoofbeast in a traveling-wheelhive's front-lights. Your blood-pumper is pushing against your upper-torso bone-cage. This is to much for you. Sollux is your best friend. You run. You run away like the horrible leader you are.
Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and you've probably just lost your best friend. You have flipped your shit. Your shit has been flipped.
WHAT DO I DO? WHERE DO I GO? GAMZEE'S PROBABLY HIGH, AND SOLLUX IS DEFFINATELY OUT OF THE QUESTION. WHO ARE YOUR CLOSER FRIENDS?
Ironically the answer comes to you when you make close friends with a tree. You were a little embarrassed and upset.
THE LAST TIME I DID THAT, KANAYA- KANAYA!
You head over to Kanaya's house.
Your name is KANAYA MARYAM and you are being psychoanalysed by your close friend Rose Lalonde on Troll Skype.
TT: Are you quite sure?
GA: I Believe I Am Most Sure!
TT: Kanaya you are still not getting sarcasm, are you dear?
GA: Rose! I Am Not Using Your Strange Reverse Talk! Really, You Are Making It Quite Hard To See This As A Feelings Jam.
TT: You know very well I was excited to learn about your troll romance, and even more so when you requested my morailance.
TT: I refuse to be side tracked!
TT: You like him! You should tell him!
GA: Oh No…
TT: What is wrong?
GA: He Is Here Again.
GA: That Means He Has Hurt Himself Again.
TT: Leave your computer on! I want to listen.
GA: If I Must…
He is knocking on your door. You will answer it, as you always do. And you will fix whatever it is he hurt, as you always do. He comes in. Rose is motioning for you to do something. You look at Karkat, but he can't see her. The computer is angled so that only you can see her.
"-AND THEN SOLLUX, FUCKING SOLLUX!, DOES TOO! WHAT DO I DO KANAYA?"
"Why Did You Not Go To Your Morail For Comfort?"
Kanaya was doing that thing she does where she talks like a human mother and looks really bored at the same time.
"GAMZEE IS USUALLY HIGH ON SOPOR AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT."
"Oh. Well. I Do Not Think I Will Make A Good Substitute."
"WHY THE HELL NOT. YOU ACT LIKE MY LUSI EVERY CHANCE YOU GET."
You raise your head out of your hands and look at her.
"Because I Have Red Feelings For You To-"
She clamps a hand over her mouth, but it's too late. All you can do is stare. The you hear a squeal from your left and you look.
ROSE IS ON HER FUCKING COMPUTER AND I'VE BEEN HERE HOW LONG.
"I can't believe it! You really did it! You made a move on my crush!"
Your not gonna even try anymore. Kanaya is staring at Rose. Rose is in a box. You get up. And you leave. Kanaya has flipped her shit. Kanaya's shit is flipped.
**chapter one! I feel like this took forever. D8 oh well. 8) enjoy! More to come!**