***************************************
Title: Angel Of Mine.
Author: Jonathan "Katarn" Gaters
E-mail: KatarnX2B@NetZero.net
Date: 5-24-00
Reason: What? I need a reason?
***************************************
***************************************
Public Service Anouncement:
Hungry people. Stray dogs. Put it
together and you've got Spam!
Spam, the solution for world hunger.
***************************************
SCENE: The Kitchen of the Katsuragi Residence. Misato is wearing an
apron and oven mits along with her normal, next to nothing, houseware.
She is pulling a large baking tin of brownies out of the oven. Strewn
about the counter are the tools and inredients she used in the
preparation of the delectable treats; a mixing bowl and a hand mixer,
already licked clean, flour, sugar, cocoa, milk, butter, a half empty
bag of almonds, a half empty bottle of Rum, although the recipie only
called for a tablespoon, and a large zip-lock baggie that has been
completely emptied of all of its contents.
Misato: Mmmmm, good thing Asuka and Shin-chan are at NERV. Hate for them
to get there hands on _these_ treats.
(Misato laughs quietly at her own joke and places the tin on the
counter to cool.)
Misato: (Notices the half full bottle of Rum. She suddenly gains
Pre-cognitive abilities and sees the bottle as empty) ...
Rum: *GULP*
Misato: This is a sign. I must fulfill this prophecy. It is my destiny.
(Misato takes the soon-to-be-empty bottle of Rum and makes for
her room while the brownies.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Shinji is walking home from NERV headquarters alone thinking to
himself.
Shinji: (Thinking) Man, I didn't know hiccuping in LCL had such adverse
side effects. Man that got ugly fast. God I hope Ayanami's all right.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Katsuragi residence. Shinji has just entered through the front
door.
Shinji: Tadaima [I'm home]. Misato-san?
(Shinji meanders to his gaurdian's room and cracks the door. He
sees her passed out on her bed with a fresh empty bottle of Rum in her
arms.)
Shinji: (quiety to himself) Sin m fubar [Situation is Normal. Misato's
Fucked Up Beond All Recognition].
(Shinji shuts the door to "Misato's Den", as he thinks of it,
and proceeds to the kitchen to see if there's anything to eat. When he
reaches the kitchen, he is flabbergasted when he sees the mess left for
him by the Major.)
Shinji: Damn. Oh well, I'll get this stuff later.
(Shinji notices the brownies in the tin.)
Shinji: Misato cooked these? Impossible! They smell good!
(An idea forms in Shinji's head.)
Shinji: Maybe Ayanami would like some! I'll take some to Asuka over at
Hikari's too.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Shinji is outside Ayanami's apartment. As always, there is
construction going on close by.
(Shinji doesn't bother to knock, altough he does anounce his
presence.)
Shinji: Ayanami? I'm coming in.
(Shinji brushes past all the junk mail overflowing in the
entrance way and removes his shoes.)
Ayanami: Ikari-kun.
Shinji: Ojamashimasu [May I come in]?
Ayanami: ...
Shinji: Are you feeling any better?
Ayanami: Hai [yes]. (Thinking) He reminds me of the Commander.
Shinji: I brought you some brownies.
(Rei takes the foil rapped brownies from Shinji's hands, staring
at them strangely.)
Ayanami: Domo arigato [formal thanks]. (Thinking) Does he want something
from me?
Shinji: Well, I've got to go. Goodbye, Ayanami-san.
Ayanami: Goodbye, Ikari-kun.
(Shinji makes for the door. A little while later the sound of
the door squealing open and grinding shut on it's hinges is heard.)
Ayanami: ...
(Rei opens one of the foil packages and takes a bite.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Shinji is outside the Horaki residence. Shinji is just outside
the doorway, while Hikari is in the doorway talking to Shinji.
Shinji: I brought some brownies.
Hikari: Thank you Ikari-kun. Come in please.
Shinji: Umm. Okay. (Thinking) Asuka won't let me hear the end of this.
(Shinji enters the Horaki residence and removes his shoes.)
Shinji: Which way is your kitchen?
Hikari: Go straight through the dining room. I'm going to go get Asuka
out of my room.
Shinji: Thank you. (Thinking) Must get away from Asuka! *MUST* get away
from Asuka!
(Unfortunately for Shinji, the kitchen didn't lead to the back
door.)
Shinji: (Thinking) I'm dead. I'm sooo dead. No. Worse. I'm alive. I'm
alive and Asuka's going to slowly dismember me.
(Asuka sticks her head in through the door.)
Asuka: Hey Shinji.
Shinji: Um... heh heh... brownie?
Asuka: Sure.
Shinji: Where's Hikari (Thinking) Hikari will keep Asuka from quartering
me long enough to go.
Asuka: She had to take a call from the teacher about something or other.
(Thinking) She can't save you Third Children.
(Asuka takes a bite from her brownie)
-- 3 minutes later
Asuka: Hey Shinji, these brownies are pretty good. Where'd you get the
recipe?
Shinji: I didn't make them. Misato did.
Asuka: That's impossible.
Shinji: Why?
Asuka: Their edible.
Shinji/Asuka: Hahahahahahaha!
Asuka/Shinji: HAHAHAHAAAAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!
(Hikari chooses this time to walk in.)
Hikari: What's so funny.
Shinji: Ummmm...
Askua: Uhhhh...
Shinji: (Starting to laugh again) I can't remember! HAHAHAHAHA!
Asuka: (Joining in the laughter) Niether can I! HAHAHAHAHAAAHAHA!
Hikari: *Blink*... *Blink* *Blink*
Shinji: (With tears in his eyes) Brownie?
--2 minutes later
Shinji: You know... if there was no money, then no one would be poor!
Asuka: You know... you're right!
Hikari: Yeah maybe you should be the Prime Minister.
Asuka: All hail Prime Minister Shinji.
(Yet more pointless luaghter followed.)
--4 minutes later
Shinji: I wonder what happened to Ayanami?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Gendo's office.
Gendo: Rei!
Rei: WEEEEEEEEEEEE
Gendo: (In an authoritive voice) Stop this at once Rei.
Rei: No! Wanna _SPIIIN_!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(Rei continued to hold onto the Commander's arms as she swung
them both arond in circles in the Commander's office.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Horaki residence.
Asuka: Maybe she's having sex with your father!
Hikari: ASUKA!
Asuka: Yeah! I bet she's giving him head *right* *now*!
Shinji: (Holds back a laugh) *Snicker*
Shinji: (Fails miserably) HAHAHAHAA!!
Hikari: (Giggling like a school girl on... oh... wait) That's not funny.
Asuka: (Wiping the tears forming in her eyes) You're right!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: The day after. Shinji's room. Both The Third and Second Children
are under the covers. Neither appear to be wearing clothes.
Shinji: (Waking up) Mmmm...
Asuka: (Waking up) *YAWN*
(Shinji and Asuka open their eyes at the same time. Their eyes
meet.)
Shinji: ...
Asuka: ...
Shinji/Asuka: (Deep breath!) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
(They both shoot to opposite sides of the bed, panting hard.)
Shinji: ...
Asuka: ...
(Author's Note: Weed is better than alcohol because, although it impairs
the short term memory, it leaves the long term memory in tact. It was
also proved healthier than either tabacco or alcohol in a supressed
World Health Orginization study.)
Shinji: What happened here?
Asuka: Um... I remember brownies... then feeding them to goats at the
zoo... then...
Shinji: (Lifts the covers a crack and looks down at his crotch) AAAAAAA-
AAAAAAHHHH!
Asuka: (Without thinking, looks under the covers to see what caused
Shinji to scream) WHAT?! What is it?!
Shinji: It's deformed!! How many times _did_ we do it?!
Asuka: (Counting) I count at least seventeen times. I'm not sure though.
It could be more.
Shinji: Good _GOD_ woman!
Asuka: Hey! You were involed too, you know!
(Asuka's facial experssion changes suddenly.)
Shinji: (Noticing Asuka's change of expression) What?
Asuka: (With a sly grin) Eighteen is luckier...
Shinji: (No longer thinking with his big head) I would hate to be
unlucky.
Asuka: Wait. Damnit!
Shinji: What?
Asuka: We have synch test in two hours!
Shinji: Damn! Couldn't we get Rei to hiccup again?
Asuka: I've got a better idea.
Shinji: What?
Asuka: We give Dr. Akagi and the Commander some brownies.
Shinji: But Misato took the last of the bwornies into her room last
night!
Asuka: She couldn't have eaten all those! She probably put them in her
liquor cabinet.
Shinji: ... Why does she need a liquor cabinet when seventy percent of
the refrigerator is alcohol?
Asuka: For when she's too drunk to make it that far.
Shinji: What if it's locked?
Asuka: Don't worry, she doesn't lock it, otherwise she wouldn't be able
to open it when she's drunk.
Shinji: ... How do you know that?
Asuka: Don't ask questions, just go with it!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Central Dogma. Eva cage 6. All the normal staff are there. Shinji
and Asuka enter.
Ritsuko: Right on time. If you'd just hop into the test plugs, we can
get started.
(Shinji looked around and noticed that Rei was absent.)
Shinji: Where's Ayanami?
Ritsuko: She's currently undergoing Psychiatric evaluation.
Shinji: Why?
Ritsuko: Last night she painted the town red.
Asuka: I know Wondergirl is a little on the hermit side, but just
because she decided to get a social life doesn't mean she's crazy.
Ritsuko: No, you don't understand. She _literally_ painted the town red.
She hijacked a fire truck, filled it with the paint we used for Unit-02,
and painted twelve square blocks red.
Shinji: ...
Asuka: ...
Ritsuko: If there's no other questions, please get proceed to the test
plugs.
Shinji: Sure.
Asuka: Oh, I almost forgot! Have a brownie.
--3 minutes later
Ritsuko: *Snicker*
Fuyutski: ???
Ritsuko: *Snicker* *Snicker*
Fuyutski: Is something wrong, doctor?
(Ritsuko points at the screen before breaking into hysterical
laughter and falling out her chair.)
Maya: Sempai?!
(Maya rushes over to Ritsuko's terminal and looks at the screen
to find out what could possibly affect her sempai like this.)
Maya: @_@
Fuyutski: What does it say?
Maya: "Rectal Monitor".
All: *_*(;)
Fuyutski: (Into a microphone) Commander, there is a slight situation in
Cage 6.
Gendo: (Decending on a lift) What is it Fuyutski-sensei?
Fuyutski: (Points towards Ritsuko rolling on the floor laughing)
Gendo: I see.
(Gendo makes his way over to the good doctor's terminal)
Gendo: *Snicker*... *Snicker* *Snicker*
Maya: Commander?
Gendo: (Breaking into hysterical laughter) It says, "Rectal Monitor"!!!
All: @_@(;)
Fuyutski: We should cancel this test. Don't you agree Major? Major?
Misato: o/ I am the very model of a modern Major General... o/
(Hysterical laughter follows.)
Fuyutski: *Blink* Am I the only sane commanding officer here?
Misato/Gendo/Ritsuko: Yep!
(Yet even more hysterical laughter.)
Ritsuko: Here! Have a brownie!
Asuka: (Looks at Shinji's image in her plug) ... ^_^
Shinji: (Looks at Asuka's image in his plug) ... ^_^
Asuka/Shinji: BREW-HAHAAAAH!
Title: Angel Of Mine.
Author: Jonathan "Katarn" Gaters
E-mail: KatarnX2B@NetZero.net
Date: 5-24-00
Reason: What? I need a reason?
***************************************
***************************************
Public Service Anouncement:
Hungry people. Stray dogs. Put it
together and you've got Spam!
Spam, the solution for world hunger.
***************************************
SCENE: The Kitchen of the Katsuragi Residence. Misato is wearing an
apron and oven mits along with her normal, next to nothing, houseware.
She is pulling a large baking tin of brownies out of the oven. Strewn
about the counter are the tools and inredients she used in the
preparation of the delectable treats; a mixing bowl and a hand mixer,
already licked clean, flour, sugar, cocoa, milk, butter, a half empty
bag of almonds, a half empty bottle of Rum, although the recipie only
called for a tablespoon, and a large zip-lock baggie that has been
completely emptied of all of its contents.
Misato: Mmmmm, good thing Asuka and Shin-chan are at NERV. Hate for them
to get there hands on _these_ treats.
(Misato laughs quietly at her own joke and places the tin on the
counter to cool.)
Misato: (Notices the half full bottle of Rum. She suddenly gains
Pre-cognitive abilities and sees the bottle as empty) ...
Rum: *GULP*
Misato: This is a sign. I must fulfill this prophecy. It is my destiny.
(Misato takes the soon-to-be-empty bottle of Rum and makes for
her room while the brownies.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Shinji is walking home from NERV headquarters alone thinking to
himself.
Shinji: (Thinking) Man, I didn't know hiccuping in LCL had such adverse
side effects. Man that got ugly fast. God I hope Ayanami's all right.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Katsuragi residence. Shinji has just entered through the front
door.
Shinji: Tadaima [I'm home]. Misato-san?
(Shinji meanders to his gaurdian's room and cracks the door. He
sees her passed out on her bed with a fresh empty bottle of Rum in her
arms.)
Shinji: (quiety to himself) Sin m fubar [Situation is Normal. Misato's
Fucked Up Beond All Recognition].
(Shinji shuts the door to "Misato's Den", as he thinks of it,
and proceeds to the kitchen to see if there's anything to eat. When he
reaches the kitchen, he is flabbergasted when he sees the mess left for
him by the Major.)
Shinji: Damn. Oh well, I'll get this stuff later.
(Shinji notices the brownies in the tin.)
Shinji: Misato cooked these? Impossible! They smell good!
(An idea forms in Shinji's head.)
Shinji: Maybe Ayanami would like some! I'll take some to Asuka over at
Hikari's too.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Shinji is outside Ayanami's apartment. As always, there is
construction going on close by.
(Shinji doesn't bother to knock, altough he does anounce his
presence.)
Shinji: Ayanami? I'm coming in.
(Shinji brushes past all the junk mail overflowing in the
entrance way and removes his shoes.)
Ayanami: Ikari-kun.
Shinji: Ojamashimasu [May I come in]?
Ayanami: ...
Shinji: Are you feeling any better?
Ayanami: Hai [yes]. (Thinking) He reminds me of the Commander.
Shinji: I brought you some brownies.
(Rei takes the foil rapped brownies from Shinji's hands, staring
at them strangely.)
Ayanami: Domo arigato [formal thanks]. (Thinking) Does he want something
from me?
Shinji: Well, I've got to go. Goodbye, Ayanami-san.
Ayanami: Goodbye, Ikari-kun.
(Shinji makes for the door. A little while later the sound of
the door squealing open and grinding shut on it's hinges is heard.)
Ayanami: ...
(Rei opens one of the foil packages and takes a bite.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Shinji is outside the Horaki residence. Shinji is just outside
the doorway, while Hikari is in the doorway talking to Shinji.
Shinji: I brought some brownies.
Hikari: Thank you Ikari-kun. Come in please.
Shinji: Umm. Okay. (Thinking) Asuka won't let me hear the end of this.
(Shinji enters the Horaki residence and removes his shoes.)
Shinji: Which way is your kitchen?
Hikari: Go straight through the dining room. I'm going to go get Asuka
out of my room.
Shinji: Thank you. (Thinking) Must get away from Asuka! *MUST* get away
from Asuka!
(Unfortunately for Shinji, the kitchen didn't lead to the back
door.)
Shinji: (Thinking) I'm dead. I'm sooo dead. No. Worse. I'm alive. I'm
alive and Asuka's going to slowly dismember me.
(Asuka sticks her head in through the door.)
Asuka: Hey Shinji.
Shinji: Um... heh heh... brownie?
Asuka: Sure.
Shinji: Where's Hikari (Thinking) Hikari will keep Asuka from quartering
me long enough to go.
Asuka: She had to take a call from the teacher about something or other.
(Thinking) She can't save you Third Children.
(Asuka takes a bite from her brownie)
-- 3 minutes later
Asuka: Hey Shinji, these brownies are pretty good. Where'd you get the
recipe?
Shinji: I didn't make them. Misato did.
Asuka: That's impossible.
Shinji: Why?
Asuka: Their edible.
Shinji/Asuka: Hahahahahahaha!
Asuka/Shinji: HAHAHAHAAAAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!
(Hikari chooses this time to walk in.)
Hikari: What's so funny.
Shinji: Ummmm...
Askua: Uhhhh...
Shinji: (Starting to laugh again) I can't remember! HAHAHAHAHA!
Asuka: (Joining in the laughter) Niether can I! HAHAHAHAHAAAHAHA!
Hikari: *Blink*... *Blink* *Blink*
Shinji: (With tears in his eyes) Brownie?
--2 minutes later
Shinji: You know... if there was no money, then no one would be poor!
Asuka: You know... you're right!
Hikari: Yeah maybe you should be the Prime Minister.
Asuka: All hail Prime Minister Shinji.
(Yet more pointless luaghter followed.)
--4 minutes later
Shinji: I wonder what happened to Ayanami?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Gendo's office.
Gendo: Rei!
Rei: WEEEEEEEEEEEE
Gendo: (In an authoritive voice) Stop this at once Rei.
Rei: No! Wanna _SPIIIN_!! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(Rei continued to hold onto the Commander's arms as she swung
them both arond in circles in the Commander's office.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Horaki residence.
Asuka: Maybe she's having sex with your father!
Hikari: ASUKA!
Asuka: Yeah! I bet she's giving him head *right* *now*!
Shinji: (Holds back a laugh) *Snicker*
Shinji: (Fails miserably) HAHAHAHAA!!
Hikari: (Giggling like a school girl on... oh... wait) That's not funny.
Asuka: (Wiping the tears forming in her eyes) You're right!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: The day after. Shinji's room. Both The Third and Second Children
are under the covers. Neither appear to be wearing clothes.
Shinji: (Waking up) Mmmm...
Asuka: (Waking up) *YAWN*
(Shinji and Asuka open their eyes at the same time. Their eyes
meet.)
Shinji: ...
Asuka: ...
Shinji/Asuka: (Deep breath!) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
(They both shoot to opposite sides of the bed, panting hard.)
Shinji: ...
Asuka: ...
(Author's Note: Weed is better than alcohol because, although it impairs
the short term memory, it leaves the long term memory in tact. It was
also proved healthier than either tabacco or alcohol in a supressed
World Health Orginization study.)
Shinji: What happened here?
Asuka: Um... I remember brownies... then feeding them to goats at the
zoo... then...
Shinji: (Lifts the covers a crack and looks down at his crotch) AAAAAAA-
AAAAAAHHHH!
Asuka: (Without thinking, looks under the covers to see what caused
Shinji to scream) WHAT?! What is it?!
Shinji: It's deformed!! How many times _did_ we do it?!
Asuka: (Counting) I count at least seventeen times. I'm not sure though.
It could be more.
Shinji: Good _GOD_ woman!
Asuka: Hey! You were involed too, you know!
(Asuka's facial experssion changes suddenly.)
Shinji: (Noticing Asuka's change of expression) What?
Asuka: (With a sly grin) Eighteen is luckier...
Shinji: (No longer thinking with his big head) I would hate to be
unlucky.
Asuka: Wait. Damnit!
Shinji: What?
Asuka: We have synch test in two hours!
Shinji: Damn! Couldn't we get Rei to hiccup again?
Asuka: I've got a better idea.
Shinji: What?
Asuka: We give Dr. Akagi and the Commander some brownies.
Shinji: But Misato took the last of the bwornies into her room last
night!
Asuka: She couldn't have eaten all those! She probably put them in her
liquor cabinet.
Shinji: ... Why does she need a liquor cabinet when seventy percent of
the refrigerator is alcohol?
Asuka: For when she's too drunk to make it that far.
Shinji: What if it's locked?
Asuka: Don't worry, she doesn't lock it, otherwise she wouldn't be able
to open it when she's drunk.
Shinji: ... How do you know that?
Asuka: Don't ask questions, just go with it!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCENE: Central Dogma. Eva cage 6. All the normal staff are there. Shinji
and Asuka enter.
Ritsuko: Right on time. If you'd just hop into the test plugs, we can
get started.
(Shinji looked around and noticed that Rei was absent.)
Shinji: Where's Ayanami?
Ritsuko: She's currently undergoing Psychiatric evaluation.
Shinji: Why?
Ritsuko: Last night she painted the town red.
Asuka: I know Wondergirl is a little on the hermit side, but just
because she decided to get a social life doesn't mean she's crazy.
Ritsuko: No, you don't understand. She _literally_ painted the town red.
She hijacked a fire truck, filled it with the paint we used for Unit-02,
and painted twelve square blocks red.
Shinji: ...
Asuka: ...
Ritsuko: If there's no other questions, please get proceed to the test
plugs.
Shinji: Sure.
Asuka: Oh, I almost forgot! Have a brownie.
--3 minutes later
Ritsuko: *Snicker*
Fuyutski: ???
Ritsuko: *Snicker* *Snicker*
Fuyutski: Is something wrong, doctor?
(Ritsuko points at the screen before breaking into hysterical
laughter and falling out her chair.)
Maya: Sempai?!
(Maya rushes over to Ritsuko's terminal and looks at the screen
to find out what could possibly affect her sempai like this.)
Maya: @_@
Fuyutski: What does it say?
Maya: "Rectal Monitor".
All: *_*(;)
Fuyutski: (Into a microphone) Commander, there is a slight situation in
Cage 6.
Gendo: (Decending on a lift) What is it Fuyutski-sensei?
Fuyutski: (Points towards Ritsuko rolling on the floor laughing)
Gendo: I see.
(Gendo makes his way over to the good doctor's terminal)
Gendo: *Snicker*... *Snicker* *Snicker*
Maya: Commander?
Gendo: (Breaking into hysterical laughter) It says, "Rectal Monitor"!!!
All: @_@(;)
Fuyutski: We should cancel this test. Don't you agree Major? Major?
Misato: o/ I am the very model of a modern Major General... o/
(Hysterical laughter follows.)
Fuyutski: *Blink* Am I the only sane commanding officer here?
Misato/Gendo/Ritsuko: Yep!
(Yet even more hysterical laughter.)
Ritsuko: Here! Have a brownie!
Asuka: (Looks at Shinji's image in her plug) ... ^_^
Shinji: (Looks at Asuka's image in his plug) ... ^_^
Asuka/Shinji: BREW-HAHAAAAH!