A hundred days.
That was how long it took him to lose his belief
that home would
ever be Earth again.
A hundred days of smiles.
A hundred days of building trust, of trying not to
push too hard, of
trying to win his heart.
Even though I knew it was impossible.
He loved another one.
The
sunlight haired woman who came with him to my planet that he
called
"Carter."
I heard him call her name in his sleep
when he had nightmares about
the gate disappearing in the fire
rain.
Even in moments of passion I sensed that his mind was on another.
Whether out of guilt or shame.
I knew that he
would never be wholly mine, that a part of him would
always belong
to her.
He wouldn't lose his clothes from his life for the longest time.
Hanging on to them, just as he clung to hope
that he would be
rescued.
When I told him I heard a voice
on his machine, I thought that he
would fly out of the room, he
was going so fast.
When I saw the exhilaration on his face
digging, I knew that he
would leave.
When they all came and he held me goodbye, I knew that he was torn.
He wanted to stay
with me, or to come with him, and yet I didn't
want second
best.
I knew that no matter where I was, he would never be all mine.
He belonged to her heart, and she to his.
I saw
this clearly in the way she turned away so as not to see us
holding
each other.
So I let him go to his happiness.
But I won't be alone...