In This Memory
"Prologue"
How will Zack Martin carry on living when everything he has valued most in his life is brutally ripped away from him? Just what happened that pushed him to the point of ending his life, rather than living another minute on the earth?
Cut my life into pieces 'Cause I'm losing my sight "Last Resort" by Papa Roach
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And I'm contemplating suicide
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright
Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying
It was a very cold overcast afternoon in Boston, even colder at the top of the magnificent Tipton Hotel where its' resident troublemaker was taking refuge from the rest of the world. The young man wasn't bothered by the cold, for a cold fire burned deep within him. He felt angry at how helpless he currently felt and there was a sadness beyond description burning deep within him. Everything and everyone in his life that made it worth living was gone. Brutally ripped away from him in the blink of an eye. Over the course of two weeks he'd gone from a carefree troublemaker living the sweet suite life to an emotional wreck who no longer remembered what it felt like to be happy.
Zachary Martin sighed as his cell phone started ringing. He knew who it was without looking. His department of children and families caseworker was checking up on him again, just as she'd done the past several days ever since his mother was re-admitted to the hospital for a second time. She'd just keep calling if he didn't answer and eventually come looking for him if he didn't pick up. Zack pulled the phone from his pocket and answered.
"Yeah?" His tone of voice was completely flat and emotionless. He felt nothing anymore, he was almost like a zombie most of the time except when he dwelled too long on the events of the past two weeks.
"Hello Zack. I need to talk to you face to face. Where are you?" Zack felt a chill pass through his body. He just knew by the tone of her voice that the worse had finally come to pass... He mustered up what little courage he had to ask the fateful question.
"She died didn't she...?" Sarah Evans didn't answer him for the longest time. The silence over the line seemed to stretch on forever, every second taking its' toll on Zack's emotions. He pulled the phone away from his ear to make sure the call hadn't dropped or anything, which it hadn't, and then put it back to his ear. The phone seemed to creak softly as his grip tightened on it. He had to know...even if he didn't want to.
"Yes. I'm sorry Zack…" Sarah paused before continuing, but he only distantly heard what she had to say as though it wasn't him that she was talking too, "Where are you? I'm going to pick you up." Zack fell to his knees, tears coming to his eyes and flowing freely down his cheeks. They felt incredibly warm at first as they flowed down his cheeks but quickly became icy as the leading edges ran over his lips, leaving a salty taste on his tongue. Now everything was gone, there was nothing left in the world for him...
"The Tipton," he sobbed, closing his eyes and bowing his head as the grief washed over him. It hurt so bad. It was like being stabbed by a knife right through the heart...
"What are you doing there? I can be there in about thirty minutes."
"Remembering..." Zack whispered, hanging up the call and setting the phone down. He fell forward onto all fours, his whole body trembling. He wished Cody were here right now to comfort him, to share in his agony. Somehow he just knew that his twin brother would make him feel that everything would be alright despite how bleak the future looked. His tears fell from his face lightly onto the roof top, staining its surface with his misery.
Cody...god how he missed him! They'd always been close, but they'd also had their fair share of arguments and fights. Zack hadn't really appreciated what he'd had until he lost it. He'd spent the past few nights sleeping in his brother's bed. It still smelled like Cody...his body wash, shampoo and the hint of cologne he'd worn on his last date with Barbara. It was amazing how many memories could be stirred up by such simple things.
He'd been so excited, yet nervous as all hell, about that date. Cody and Barbara had left early Sunday afternoon and wouldn't be back until later that night. Conveniently, Barbara's parents were out of town…and Zack could very well think of some activities that they might get around to in that situation. Despite his overwhelming grief, a small smile touched his lips at the thought of how much he and his brother had grown up over the years and how they were starting to get really involved with girls. Now they'd never see each other again…
That left him with the one burning question that he wanted answered above all others. What was he to do with himself now? He had nothing left to live for and the world wouldn't miss Zack Martin if he was gone forever. He never really had much of an outlook for the future and would probably end up as a drain on society, like Cody always liked to tease him, rather than being a productive member of society and accomplishing something important. The world didn't really need Zack Martin.
He crawled to the edge of the Tipton's roof, stood and then propped his arms up on the low wall that ran around the edge. It was such a long way down, everything on the ground looked so tiny from up here. Zack could do it…it would be so easy to throw himself off the edge of the roof and fall to his death. A few seconds of freefall and then with a sudden quickness, it would be all over. No more pain, no more grief, no more crying…He would leave the world just as quickly as everyone else had, just that this time there would be no one left alive to mourn for him… Zack had just started to climb up onto the wall, straddling it with one foot on the roof, the other hanging in the air over twenty three stories above the street down below when a familiar voice made him hesitate.
"ZACK!!!" Mr. Moseby came running towards him, the door to the roof access banging loudly behind him as it rebounded against the wall it was set into and slammed shut. The Tipton's overly strict and authoritative manager stopped several feet from him, his brown eyes meeting Zack's tear stricken blue-green. There was wisdom behind the older man's eyes, the kind you get from living a full life full of experiences both good and bad.
"Are you seriously going to kill yourself Zack? After all you've been through, this is how you want to end it?" Moseby demanded of him. Some small distant part of Zack felt shocked at the manager's tone of voice, he was angry yes…but there was also a pleading tone in his voice, as though asking him to reconsider…
"There's nothing here for me now," Zack replied, looking away from the man who'd been his worst nemesis in his troublemaking endeavors for the past few years. Another small part of him felt ashamed at being a disappointment to Moseby. What was the matter with him? Why did he feel like that? Why did he care what Moseby thought of him anyway???
"Cody wouldn't want you to do this Zack. He'd want you to live your life to the fullest and enjoy the things he never got to in life…like falling in love and starting a family…" Moseby was equally aware of Cody and Barbara's love for each other, having asked a bored Zack who was hanging around the lobby what he was up too. Hey…he'd asked!!! Zack's cheeks flushed red with anger…who was this man to tell him what his brother…his twin…his best friend…the other half of his body and soul would or would not want him to do with his life anyway???
"How the hell would you know?" Zack screamed at him, his voice cracking, biting his lower lip when he'd finished. If only he could just talk to his brother…just for a minute. Please god!!!
"I've known you two since you were eleven years old…you both have kinda grown on me over the years. I would do whatever it took to protect you both…and I think you're making a big mistake." He looked back around at Mr. Moseby, his eyes searching the man's face for any hint of deception. Was he just saying a nice thing like that to get him to come off the wall…or did he really mean it? Did Moseby really care about him and Cody? In the end it didn't really matter anyway. He'd made up his mind.
"I…I don't want this life anymore…"
"Zack…please…"
"I'm sorry…" With those last two words, spoken so softly and gently, Zack leaned over the edge. A ripple of fear raced through his body, terrifying him out of his wits, and as he lost all control over his body Zack suddenly realized that he wanted to live after all. The fear made him feel alive…but it was already too late.
He plunged through the air, flipping over and over, the cold wind whipping by him making his flesh feel like it was being frozen. Zack was vaguely aware of someone screaming his name from what seemed like a long way off…was it Mr. Moseby?
Zachary Martin's life flashed before his eyes just seconds before he slammed into the ground, his youthful body turned into a lifeless heap of flesh and broken bones lying in a pool of his own blood that was slowly spreading out from under him. Just before he impacted into the cold hard unforgiving ground he saw Cody in his mind, a look of incredible sadness and concern in his eyes tarnishing his loving face.
"I won't let you…" Cody whispered the instant Zack hit the ground…
Coming Up: We know the ending…but how did Zack Martin get to the point where he'd rather kill himself than stay alive on this earth another minute?
Stay tuned for Chapter 1: Farewell My Love
Author's Note: Hey everyone. Yes, it's another story for me to work on, but I really felt like I wanted to work multiple angles with the Suite Life. "Just Visiting" is a general adventure fic while "The Chaos Demons" is my good vs evil story. I just had to add a tragedy that dealt with the harsh realities of losing loved ones and having to carry on with life.
Please let me know if you liked this. I'm a bit new to writing about this kind of thing happening to a person and trying to make the characters really believable/realistic. I had a lot of inspiration to write about this from writing the Chaos Demons and listening to the song "Last Resort", which I really recommend you listen too to get in the mood of this story. Also, this story ignores the Suite Life on Deck and has the twins still living at the Tipton at sixteen.
If anyone, especially you good tradegy writers, have some tips for me to make Zack really realistic to read about I'd welcome them. He'll be going from normal to what you see now in the prologue over a couple of weeks as a result of multiple character deaths. Feel free to send a PM =)