This story is based on the song 'Unaddicted' by Emily Osment. Each lyric tells a story in this fanfiction, and I guarauntee you won't forget it once you're done reading.
Summary: I thought I had everything. I thought I was perfect. I thought life couldn't get better. But then I let him go.
...
I need new feet, these are all worn out
I need a new head cause I'm all strung out
I pull my hair, I scream and shout to no one
"I can barely walk in these things, Sam." I say, looking down at the incredibly tall high heels my best friend had somehow convinced me to wear. "My feet feel wrecked."
"Aw, c'mon, Carls." Sam says, walking around me in a circle, staring at my feet. "I think you look great."
I sigh and stare at myself in the mirror. She's not wrong, they do make my legs look great.
"I'll just let you decide for yourself. I'm going to the foodcourt."
Sam slips out without another word. I'm left in the dressing room, staring at my feet in the mirror.
He'd like them... a voice says suddenly.
I growl and close my eyes. Not here, not now...
'Shut up.' I think, trying to shut the voice out.
Y'know it's true. The voice says. He'd love them, like he loves you.
"I don't care!" I accidently say aloud. I clamp my hand over my mouth and sigh. 'I let him go.'
Exactly.
'Why won't you leave me alone?!' I think. The voice stops.
I need to find a way to spend my time
So you're not always on my mind
I talk to fast, I walk the line, I'm frozen
Gymnastics. I have it after school. I've already changed into my leotard and tights, ready to begin practice. As I enter the gym room, I think about how he used to walk me to class everyday and sit on the bleachers to watch me practice. He'd smile as I flip around on the mats and balance beams, studying my every move... I shake my head.
Stop. I think to myself. I approach the balance beam, where my teacher awaits for me to do the routine.
"Do you remember what you're supposed to do?" she asks.
I nod and climb on top of the beam. Just as I lean in to flip, I freeze.
-"Flip already!" someone shouts from the audience.
"C'mon!" someone else says.
I can't do it... I can't. The beam stretches out before me and I wobble. My vision blurs and my head swims.
"Are you okay, Shay?" the teacher says.
I swallow and nod. I take a single step forward, and I'm up in the air...
Next thing I know, I'm on my back on the floor. My head throbs and I taste blood on my tongue.
"Carls? Carly, baby, can you hear me?"
His voice is fading and I force my eyes open, squinting until they adjust to the sudden light exposure. His face comes into view and he smiles.
"Hey, beautiful."-
I'm shocked back into reality, finding myself half bent over, preparing to do a flip. Or a cartwheel? What the hell was that anyway?
"Shay." the teacher says. "You alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." I say hurriedly. "Just a little nervous."
"Maybe you should sit." she gestures toward the bench. I sigh and go to sit.
And I'm trying to keep it together
It's not getting better
I'm falling faster
I'm walking on the ashes
One more time
I'll say goodbye
But I can't move on
I go in circles, going down
Take these dreams
Cause they're killing me
Hanging by a thread
And I don't know how to get unaddicted
I'm slipping. I know it. The voice, the visions, the memories. God, it's torture. I can't take it. My head aches, I think I'm seeing things.
You shouldn't of let him go. the voice says.
'Stay out of this.'
How can I? I'm apart of you.
'Shut up!'
"Carly!"
Oh, god, please. Stop torturing me!
"Carly!"
Wait, it's only Spencer. Realizing I've curled up into a ball, I open my eyes and stretch out. I'm on my bed, Spencer's at my bedroom door.
"Hey, sis. You okay?" he asks.
"Yeah, I'm...I'm okay." I stutter. "Why?"
"Well, you were talking in your sleep."
No, no, no, why?! "About what?"
"It sounded like-"
I cut him off. I know who he's going to say. "Never mind."
Spencer watches me for a few minutes, but let's my reaction go. "I'm making spaghetti tacos for dinner. I'll let you know when they're ready."
"Okay." I say. He shuts the door and I'm alone again.
I need your air, can I breathe you in?
Well you're my light, my prayer, my sin
I'm going down, I'm sinking in to nowhere
He'd smelled of Axe and sweat, a conflicting scent that I oddly adored. Whenever he'd hold me, I couldn't resist the urge to take in a deep breath and get lost in his natural musk. I'd smile against his shoulder and he'd spin me around, lifting me off my feet, laughing.
I can feel his arms around me now, but it's just a ghost touch. As cold as a gravediggers hands in the middle of winter. That's exactly how it feels, too. Cold, emotionless, teasing. My sleep was filled with memories of when life was better...when he was mine...when I was his. Why did I ever let him go? Did I really have to be so foolish that I couldn't see what I was doing? He was there always... Now, without him, it's like I'm trapped in an endless spiral that's headed no where but into darkness.
I'm everything I don't want to be
I waste my nights thinking
You're thinking of me
I draw this line,
I still unwind,
It's poison
And I'm dying,
I just need a savior
Chaotic behavior,
I'm my own traitor
I'm sinking like a stone
"I don't need an intervention!" I cry, struggling to get out of Sam's grasp. She has me slung over her shoulder, dragging me downstairs.
"Carls, this is for you." she replies sadly. "You need help."
"No, I don't!" I scream. I attempt to sock her in the back, but I know I don't have the strength to. I've been losing weight and my punches would feel like feathers to her.
We get downstairs and Sam drops me on the couch. Spencer, Mrs. Benson (why her, why?), even Grandad is there, his expression unreadable but I know he's disappointed. Sam takes a seat on thee floor by my feet, as if I'll try to run again.
"Hi, Miss Shay." a man with glasses sitting in the black chair says. He outstretches his hand and I hesitantly shake it. "I'm Dr. Mansly."
"Hi." I say.
He pushes his glasses up on his nose and looks at the clipboard in his hand. "I understand you've been in some trouble lately." he says without looking up.
I stare down. I can't meet anyone's eyes. I pretend to take intrest in my lap. Has that hole in the knee always been there?
"Can you tell me what's been going on?" Dr. Mansly asks.
Tears are in my eyes now. No, I can't. It'll kill me, I know. I shake my head. Spencer raises his hand slowly.
"I'll explain." he says. Dr. Mansly nods. "It started about two months ago. Carly was dating her son" -he points to Mrs. Benson- "Freddie Benson. I don't why, but they broke up after a while. Carly never told me why.
"She seemed fine at first, then I noticed she was sneaking out late at night about a week ago."
Oh, look, there are tiny threads around the edge of the hole. I tug at one.
Spencer continues. "I followed her one night, and she was out partying, drinking, and a few other things I won't go into."
Of course this infuriates me. I'm my own person, I'm eighteen. This is a free country, damn it!
The doctor nods and takes a few notes, I guess on what Spencer has told him.
"Now, Carly," he begins. "You family and friend have written letters about your current behavior. They'd like to read them, if you don't mind."
I shrug. How bad could it hurt me more than I am already?
"I'll go first." Sam volunteers. She takes out a piece of paper that's covered in her messy handwriting. "Carls, I know you remember when we first met. We fought over a tuna sandwich. Then, I didn't exactly like you. You were prissy, girly, too nice for my style. But as the years grew longer and I began to learn more about you, I realized you weren't that bad.
"Sure we've had our share of fights and arguements, but we always manage to come back together, not just as best friends, but as sisters. I can't picture my life without you, Carls. I mean, who would bail me out when I'd really need it?
"I'm not asking you to go back to the prissy little goody-two-shoes for me, but for you. Please, Carls. Don't hurt us all anymore."
Her head is down, but I know she's crying at least a little. I'm on the verge of tears too.
"Good." Dr. Mansly says. "Spencer?"
Spence clears his throat. "Carly, I remember when I first held you in my arms. You were so small, and so bubbly. You'd never stop smiling or giggling. I fell in love with you instantly. I knew that you would become a beautiful young girl in time. Mom knew it, too." -he sniffs and sighs- "I'm no mom, or dad, and I'm certainly not a normal brother, but I am a brother that knows when my baby sis needs help. If mom or dad were here now, they'd be shocked at the person you've become. I know I am."
Spencer doesn't bother to look up. I sigh and look at Grandad. I know he has something.
"I guess it's my turn." he says. "To my dear grandaughter, You know I'll love you no matter what. And you know that when I get involved that it's only for your best intentions. I know my little grandchild, and I know when you are depressed. I am not here for me, I am here for you. I am shocked at what you've been doing lately. This is not you, Carly. Please, go back to the girl I know and love."
Kinda short. I think to myself. I raise my hands and stand.
"This has been sweet and all, but I don't need you're help." I start towards the stairs. "So I'll be going back to my room."
"Well, we do have one more person that wishes to speak to you." Dr. Mansly says.
Oh, great. Who could it be now? "Come in!" Spencer calls. The door opens and I stagger back.
One more time I'll say goodbye
But I can't move on
I go in circles, going down
And take these dreams
'Cause they're killing me
Hanging by a thread
And I don't know how to get unaddicted
"Hey, beautiful." he says with a big grin.
God, I've missed being called that so much. It stabs at my heart, but I don't care.
"Freddie?" I can barely get his name out. "What are you doing here? I thought you were with your dad in California."
Freddie shrugs and shuts the door. "I was. Then I heard you needed me."
Here I go, getting all defensive. "I don't need you."
His smirk makes my knees weak. Damn him for being so...so...so Freddie!
"Sam called me." Freddie says, approaching me. I make a mental note to kill Sam later. "She said you were falling into the wrong crowd. After we broke up, you went all crazy."
He's reaching out to lay a gentle hand on my shoulder, but I shrug slightly away. He sighs.
"Carly, tell me." His eyes are so hypnotizing. "Do you miss me that bad?"
You're my judge, You're my favorite thing
You're the only song that I wanna sing
Can I be you're number one failure?
You're little piece of insane?
Just like a habit that I can't break,
Easy to say, I learned my mistakes
But I just keep making 'em
Over and over again...
Why am I crying? The hell is wrong with me? I'm not a baby anymore. At least, not on the outside. Yes, yes, I miss him. I miss us. I miss everything.
Freddie's arms are around me now and I'm sobbing into his shoulder.
"Shhh...it'll be okay..." he says soothingly, his hand gently stroking my back. I've missed his touch, how he'd hold me. "You're alright..."
One more time
I'll say goodbye
But I can't move on
I go in circles, going down
I never know when the doctor leaves. I'm upstairs with Freddie, lying on my bed curled up in the crook of his arm and laying my head on his chest. We don't speak, we just lay there. Enjoying the others company. How did I go from hating his guts to needing him like I need oxygen that fast? It's like a drug I can't get away from, something I just can't live without (not that I'd want to). But I'm glad he's back, I'm glad I'm finally where I belonged in the first place. And I never, ever, want that to change. Not now, not later, not ever.
One more time
I'll say goodbye
But I can't move on
I go in circles, going down
And take these dreams
'Cause they're killing me
Hanging by a thread
And I don't know how to get unaddicted
...
I hope you enjoyed this story, it kinda came to me when I was bored one night. If you don't understand how the story is related to the song, you might have to go back and read it again carefully. This is my second powerful story, my first one is under my former account WerewolfForever36 called You Can Come To Me. If you read it, PLEASE private message me on THIS account what you thought!
(Also, check out my other stories under this account: The Dream, Try Try and Try Again, and iAm Dared. Thanks! HuskyWolfHybrid is outta here!)