Hope you like it!

Pretending

A collection of Johanna Mason moments, set during her Games

A twelve years old.

The mirror shows a girl. She has wide, wicked brown eyes, and long curly hair. She's strong. Unlike everyone else, she doesn't stay up all night because of the Reaping. Life goes on. The Hunger Games aren't exactly something you get used to, but not everyone hates them. Some people do not like them, but they don't hate them either. She doesn't. But her parents, oh, they do...

Because Johanna's uncle died in the Games.

Her mother enters her room walking fast, her sparkling green eyes are filled with fear. "How are you feeling, Jo?" she asks, worried. "Your first Reaping! Are you scared? Anxious?"

"No, mom, I'm okay" she answers. It's true. She's fearless.

"No, no..." her mother begs, quickly smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles from Jo's dress. "No, you can't act like this, Jo. This is wrong..."

Johanna looks over her mother's shoulder to the door where her father stands shaking his head. She knows what he means. Pregnancy hormones. She looks at her mother's big belly, where the woman's carrying her little brother. Don't pay attention, Jo. But she does. Her mother seems so frightened that she has no choice but to pay attention. "In case you get picked, you can't let they know you're good... if you do, they'll go straight to you. Do you hear me?" She fixes Johanna's hair. "That's what your uncle did. Don't make the same mistake. Do you understand?"

Johanna nods. Suddenly, she's a bit scared. But she keeps her mother's advice in mind. Even after her mother dies, giving birth to Jo's brother.

A lumberjack.

The axe crashes against the tree trunk, cutting a piece of it. Johanna takes a deep breath, preparing to repeat the gesture for what seems the thousandth time. But she knows it isn't. Every Reaping day it happens: she simply takes the opportunity to develop her work as slowly as possible.

"Johanna Mason, they're going to whip your back," someone says from behind her. There's no need to stop working and turn around. She knows that voice pretty well. Her only friend.

"Shut up, Xander, and let me do my job," she replies, impatient. Xander laughs and gets close to her, positioning himself on the tree over. They spend a few seconds working in silence and she's starting to thank the universe for it, when he opens his mouth.

"Are you scared?" he asks.

Yes, would be the right answer. She's freaking scared. She has been scared of the Reaping ever since her mother left. Her father was so busy with Joon that he barely had time for her, but he always gave her everything she needed - including love. And, because he was a bit absent, she had the opportunity to watch her uncle's Games. Her fear turned ten times worse, and her mother's advice would pop in her head all the time. And that was when she started to be strong - or stronger. Not only for herself, but for her father and Joon as well.

But of course she isn't going to tell that to Xander.

"You've got to be kidding me," she snorts. "Hey, Xander? It's my last year. I'm 18, at last! There's 12 year old children there that have twice my number of entries because of the tesserae. Stop worrying about everything, man!"

They share a look. A significant one. She can see the fear in his eyes... but can he see it in hers?

A tribute.

"Johanna Mason!" the escort pratically screams in his microphone. She doesn't move. In fact, she still thinks she heard it wrong. Only seven slips of paper. It can't be her. Perhaps it's Joan Marrow, the girl who used to attend to the same classes as her. But then she hears it; Joon. His screams. Her little brother is screaming so loud for her, that she can barely hear her thoughts.

"Don't go, Jo!" are his words. She widens her eyes and looks back towards the crowd. Her skilled eyes don't even take five seconds to find them. Joon, Xander and her father. If he keeps screaming things like this no one knows what will happen to him. She can't allow anything to happen to her family.

That's when she hears her mother's advice again.

You can't let they know you're good. She takes a deep breath when the escort calls her again. Someone pushes her back. "Just go, Mason. No one will volunteer." She hesitantly starts walking toward the podium. If you do, they'll go straight for you. She follows her mother's advice. Digging her nails on the palm of her hand, she starts feeling her eyes welling up with tears. It isn't until the blood starts flowing out, that she starts crying.

"How old are you, Johanna Mason?" Bram, the escort, asks her; a big smile on his face. Joon's screams echo through her mind. I'm coming back for you.

"E-eighteen, Sir," she answers, the tears falling down her cheeks don't stop.

"Well, look at that!" Bram says, trying to hide his fear of being recognized as the escort of the crying baby girl from 7. "She's so happy that she even cries!"

A worried girl.

The Peacekeepers drag Xander out of the room. That place smells like desperation and lost hopes, almost like the essence of the last 67 female tributes is impregnated there. All of them dead, except fo Baby Uri, who'll be her mentor. That's when Joon and her father step into the room, and her little brother runs to her and starts crying. "Joon, don't," she whispers, caressing his hair calmly. "Please, don't cry. I'll be right back, ok? It'll only take a week or two."

They barely have time to talk, with Joon sobing with his head buried on her stomach. Her wide brown eyes stare intently to her father and she can see the desperation in his eyes. Something bubbles in her stomach; something strong. Disbelief.

"Hey, Joon? Can you do me a favor?"

He nods frantically. "Anything, Jo."

"Go after Xander and hug him for me, will you? Right now." She hugs him tightly and her heart aches for having to say goodbye to her brother. But she has to be strong. Pretending won't be easy, but it's her best chance at the moment. Or that's what her mother told her, anyway. When Joon finaly gets out, she turns to her father and asks, "you'll be there for him in case something happens, won't you? Can I trust you, dad?"

"'Course you can," he hugs her and, quietly, slips something into her pocket. "Your token," he whispers. "Nothing better than something smelling like pine." He cups her face with his hands and stare at her, his eyes shiny with tears. "I know you're able to do it, Johanna. Come back to us, ok?" The door slams open, surprising both of them, and a Peacekeeper starts dragging her father out. "I love you, Jo!"

"Be strong!" she screams, hoping that he can listen. Because if something happens to Joon, she'll kill her father with her bare hands.

A traveller.

The four of them are watching the Reaping on the train's TV. Blight, their male mentor, seems bored, to say the least. Oak seems tired. Baby holds Johanna's hand tightly, and whispers comforting words when the screen shows the District 8's 12 years old male tribute and Johanna starts crying - fake tears, but that doesn't mean she doesn't give a shit about how cruel it is. At the very end, Johanna knows for sure who are the stronger tributes: the pair from District 1, the girl from District 4, and the boy from District 10. But before she can even call her mentors to discuss strategies and tell them she wants to be trained separetely, Blight turns off the TV and sighs.

"It seems like it'll be another dry year for District 7, Baby," he says. Oak looks confused, but Johanna knows what Blight meant. She knows what a "dry year" is. It's when there's nothing to harvest; when there'll be no results of your job.

When no tributes win.

That was when she knew she'd have to do everything alone. She'd be her own mentor.

A tree.

She is a tree. Like all the other District 7 tributes for the last 7 years. Sounds like a curse.

While she's positioning herself on the chariot with Oak Greenville - the stupidly confident male tribute from District 7, who has nothing to be confident about with his lack of muscles and sedentary routine - she sees it: the dirty way most of the male tributes look at her.

Anger burns inside her, and that's what almost makes her drop her mask. I'm going to kill all of them, she reminds herself, staring at the floor to hide the anger and frustration. Like a weak girl would do.

Somehow it seems like pretending to be weak is actually making her helpless. It'll be worth it.

A friend - or something like that.

There's not much she can do in the Training Center without showing the others how good she is. She's known how to manage axes ever since she was thirteen. Her father started teaching her because if something happened to him, she would be the only person who could take care of Joon. She would need a job.

So, instead of pretending she was bad with weaponry, Johanna tries learning more about edible plants, climbing and... well, she's in front of the tying knots station, but there's no one there. No instructor, at least. But there's the boy from 4. His eyebrows are drawn together in concentration, while he makes a net of some sort.

Johanna quickly turns around to leave. A station without an instructor will be of no use to her. That's when she hears the boy from 4 call her, "hey!" She looks at him over her shoulder. "Johanna, isn't it?"

"Yes?"

"The instructor is drinking a coffee," he tells her, smiling. Not like the others, a devilish and dirty smile, no. He smiles kindly, almost inocently. "I was the only one interested. I can teach you, if you want."

She hesitates. Why on earth would he help her? Before she even notices, Johanna's walking back to that station and sitting in front of him. At the very beginning, she's moody. But then, as time goes by, she starts answering his questions with something other then "yes" or "no". At first she thinks he's trying to get some useful information from her, but she eventually gets rid of this idea. The boy only asks things such as "was the little screaming boy your brother?", or "do you miss your family?".

She asks him a question, too. "Why are you interested on this station? You already know how to manage these ropes," she mumbles, while trying to make a simple knot.

He shrugs. "I like it here. Reminds me of home."

Johanna looks around until she finds the District 4 girl. She's throwing tridents and spears like a trained killer. "Your friend seems to prefer the tridents to remind her of home. How sweet."

He laughs. "She's not very friendly, you know? But I couldn't ask for a better ally. Too bad she won't have my back forever."

She smiles. How can one make jokes about something like that? For some reason she doesn't want to go near him inside the arena. She doesn't want to kill him. That's when she thinks about the situation. Stop being such a moron, Johanna, she says to herself. He gets on your way, you'll kill him, and that's it. Don't fucking get attached.

So she gets up and leaves without saying a word. She doesn't want to know his name, she doesn't want to end up liking him. If he's going to die, better not know his name. Giving something a name is the first step to get attached.

Almost violated.

She only drops her mask once.

While she's going to her room, Oak grabs her wrist and whispers, "how about a little something-something, Jojo?"

She doesn't even try to sound weak, or shout for someone. The next day, Oak wakes up with a black eye. When Baby and Blight ask him what happened, he looks at her, furious, and answer, "I just stumbled."

And what a damn stumble, huh, Oak?

A pretender.

Her strategy is pretty simple, actually. That's probably why it doesn't work. She would run away as fast as she could, hide in the trees and feed from roots and plants. And then, when it was up to her and five others, she would go on a killing spree.

When her metal plate reaches the surface, she is temporarily blinded by the sunlight. The Cornucopia is the first thing she sees. And, after that, another thing catches her sight. It's not far from the golden horn. Its blade reflects the sunlight directly to her eyes. An axe.

Her axe? It's tempting. She would need a weapon, after all. And, well, she's a fast runner.

So when the gong sounds, she runs straight to the axe. Too bad the boy from 2 managed to grab a knife first. He pushes Johanna to the ground, holds her shoulders down with his knees and raises his blade. "Such a waste of beauty," he whispers sarcastically.

She can't believe she's going down this fast. Joon will hate her forever. She does the only thing she can to not embarass him; doesn't close her eyes for a second and fixes them on her killer.

That's when someone grabs the boy's hand. "What the fuck are you doing, Four?"

She widens her eyes. Four? The boy from 4? This can't be happening. "Don't kill her," Four says. Well, then it is happening, indeed. "Not yet. She's gorgeous, can't you see? The Capitol will do anything to keep her on screen for as long as they can. Sponsors, man!" The boy from 2 look up to him, but he's looking at Johanna. His gaze is so... intense. Like he's trying to tell her something. Without diverting his gaze, he adds, "we can kill her when it starts getting boring."

Reluctantly, the boy from 2 get up and runs to the pair from 12. Johanna looks at Four, startled. She wants to be angry at him. She wants to be able to punch him in the face for putting her in such a position. Now she owes him a debt, and she'll never be able to pay him.

"Don't you want to get up, Johanna?"

She grabs his hand and does so. "Thank you," she mumbles. It's the only thing she can do to pay him, after all.

A baby.

The bloodbath kills off ten tributes, including Oak, the 12 year old boy from 8 and the pair from 12.

The boy from 1 got Johanna's axe. After she begged Four to give her something to defend herself from them, he gave her a knife. For days and days, she just walks alongside them, while they kill other tributes.

But then it gets to a point in which she's starting to go nuts. All she wants is to slit their throats, and yet she has to look fragile and weak. The boys from 1 and 2 keep teasing her, asking her to do things such as kissing them, or taking her clothes off to get them sponsors. She does none of these things. However, there's a day when they have to cross a river, and she gets soaking wet. They keep looking at her breasts, which are much more proeminent now. Aparently the Capitol citizens were doing the same, since a parachute flies down in their direction instantly.

She gets so enraged that she decides to pay back. It's night, and all of them are sleeping. All of them except for her and Four. He looks at her, a bit embarassed, and whispers, "do you mind if I go to the bushes for a few seconds? I need to... um..."

"Evacuate?" she says, shameless. He smiles.

"Evacuate," he agrees, noding. Johanna says he's free to go, and he walks toward some bushes. When an opportunity shows up, you grab it and don't let it go.

She drags herself silently across the grass, and stops in front of the boys. Just as silently, she grabs her knife and looks at them. Pay back. Johanna positions the knife on One's heart and kills him in one swift motion. She's ready to take the knife out of his body and repeat the gesture on Two, and that's when she hears Four's footsteps.

"Help!" she screams, wearing her best mask of fear. The remaining career tributes wake up, and she points to One. "Someone killed him and ran away!"

The girl from One runs quickly to her partner, wide-eyed, as Four steps into the clearing. "What happened?" he asks. Two opens his mouth to answer, but the girl from 1 screams.

"How could you do that?"

"What are you talking about, Lysandra?" Four is just as confused as Johanna. He didn't do anything at all.

"It's your fucking knife, you traitor! You killed him!"

"No, I was just using the bushes, and..."

Johanna looks at Lysandra. The blonde girl is furious, ruthless. She stands up, grabs Four's knife - or, well, Johanna's knife - and runs to him. He barely has time to dodge, but Lysandra is quick enough to attack again almost immediately. When her blade penetrates Four's chest, Johanna can't help but scream. His body falls to the ground, trembling, and his eyes focus on hers. She's sure he said something before the canon sounds.

He said "why?"

That night Johanna cries until her body dries and her throat starts to hurt. Even now, years after her first Games, she isn't sure if her tears were completely fake.

Right after that, a parachute falls in front of Johanna.

"They must like to see you cry, baby girl," Two says, smiling mischievously.

It's a basket filled with a weird kind of bread. She remember eating this with Baby, while they were waiting for her score. It's bread from District 4. There's a note attached to the basket.

It's time to go your own way, Jo. -B.U.

A killer.

It's time for Two to guard their camp. Johanna sleeps next to Lysandra, who keeps One's axe close to her all the time. This time, she doesn't even bother to be discrete. She's filled with such rage and hatred that it makes her body tingle and burn - which is stupid, considering she should be glad she wasn't the one to kill Four.

She kicks Lysandra on the head, which makes the blonde let go of the axe for a second. A second is time enough for Johanna to grab the weapon and cut off the girl's head.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Two shouts, getting up and grabing his sword.

Johanna barely pays attention to what she's doing. Her movements are almost automatic. She kicks, punches, drags the axe down to kill or to protect herself. When it's over, her body is dirty with blood and mud and there's four bodies on the grass. Her grip on the axe is tight, almost as though it is her last grip on reality.

That same night, she kills the boy from 10, the only remaining tribute on her way to victory, by throwing her axe in his head from far away.

She went in the Games as a weak girl, and she came out as a weak girl, too. Running away from a fight.

A rebel.

President Snow told her that her sponsors were very kind to her, and that she would have to do something to reward them.

"It's unpleasant," he tells her, "having to deal with those who refuse. Be sure you don't become one of them."

He set up a meeting between Johanna and them before her trip back to 7, and he also made it pretty clear that she should do whatever they tell her to do.

She just didn't expect them to rip her clothes off.

Snow's words keep returning to her mind, telling her to do what she's told to. But when that man drags her dress out of her with such ferocity and wearing that look of lust, she decides that she won't be doing it.

Her body is hers, and no one else's. She is her own person. She won't be pleasing the Capitol anymore. So she punches the man on the face and tell him to fuck himself.

She didn't think that simple action of hers would have such terrible consequences.

A monster.

When she gets to 7 and sees Joon, her father and Xander waiting for her on the platform, it's almost like there's a weight being removed from her chest. They're fine. Perfectly fine. She hugs them, smiles, curses and says a lot of sarcastic sentences. She had to hold all those words for so much time, that she's just spitting them out before she can think of stopping.

The very next day, when she's coming back from the market with a basketful of berries to have breakfast with her family and Xander, she understands why Snow didn't kill them immediately. Because it hurts more now, after she thought they were safe.

When Johanna steps inside the house and announces she's home, no one answers. Her heart races and she drops the basket. Before she can stop herself, before she can even try to think rationally, she's already running to the living room. Right there, in front of her, are four dead bodies. Their eyes are open, their mouths are frighteningly cut into smiles, and the floor is covered with white roses.

The looks on their faces show her how terrified they were. Her father. Xander. Baby Uri. Even Joon - young, innocent Joon; the person she loved the most, even more than herself. All dead. On the wall is painted a message with their blood: that's what you get for disobeying the Capitol.

And then, kneeling in front of them and grabbing Joon's hand, she allows herself to be weak one more time. Her screams and sobs are so loud that Blight runs to her house and, from outside, asks her what's happening. She simply orders him to go away. She won't be getting attached to anyone else. She won't be killing anyone else.

She won't be hurting herself ever again.

She won't be weak ever again.

And she's surely going to make them pay for it.

That's what you get by hurting a strong woman, Snow. That's what you get by taking her heart out. You created a monster. Someday I'll be dancing on your grave.

A/N: so, what do you think? Johanna is one of my favorite characters, and I decided it was time to write something about her. Let me make some things clear: Xander was 19, that's why he was in the midle of the crowd. Blight wasn't killed because he and Johanna didn't like each other at first - in my mind, at least. I killed Baby because on the books it's said that Johanna was the last living female tribute in her District. Also, I don't own The Hunger Games, and blah blah blah.

Thanks to jennycaakes, for being my beta. Make sure to check her flawless fics!

Reviews?