(::AN::) Hello dearies, and welcome to my first ever phanfiction!! The title is a work in progress, if anyone has a better one feel free to share. Sorry no Erik this chapter, but I promise he's coming. Just sit tight ^_^! And I'm always looking to improve, constructive criticism is much appreciated!
Why am I doing this? It was all I could think as I glanced out the window as the carriage bounced along the Rue Scribe. I had left, I had shattered his world. Why would he ever want to see me again...
The carriage came to sudden halt and I knew this was it. As I stepped out of the carriage and into the cold Paris street I had a sudden moment of deja vu. I felt as if I were seven years old again as I stared up at the giant opera house in all its beauty. Even now in the middle of the night it held a certain elegance. A sudden wind rustled the leaves around my feet and made my dress swirl around me, I imagined I looked quite foolish about now standing in the middle of the street, looking up with the wind blowing my hair which ever way it pleased. I didn't care though, I was to lost in my own thoughts. I realized then that it was September, almost a year since I had left the splendor of the opera. I looked up at the golden angel statue that shone brightly polished even in the darkest of nights. Somewhere deep in my heart something stirred. I wondered to myself if my angel still lived here hidden away in his dark kingdom. The thoughts crept up on me, things I swore I would never think in fear of returning, but things had changed now.
Since the day I left I had wondered what it would have been like if I had stayed down there with him. No doubt Raoul is a sweet and caring man, and I love him, but it isn't the same. When I am with him it seems he only recognizes or acknowledges me when it is convenient. Sometimes I wonder if I am just an object to him, like so many other aristocratic couples. Deep down I believe he tries hard to be a good husband, but things have just never felt like I thought they would. But Erik...Erik was so much different, what else can I say? He was always there for me, he cared for me and god knows he loved me more then I ever could. I can still remember the kiss we shared that final night, in fact I remember that night much more often then I should like to. I once again recalled the wedding ring, the beautiful dress that had without doubt been made just for me. And I felt a wave of guilt wash over me as I remembered the look in Erik's eyes, that pleading look he gave me as I returned the ring to him, silently asking me to stay. I wish I could just erase it out of my head, but it's always there waiting for me to let my guard down. But that isn't even the worst memory I have. Of all the old thoughts and feelings that have eaten away at me these ten months the one that I will never forget, as long as I live is the cry he gave as Raoul lifted me in the boat and took me away from him, my wounded angel.
And forever I will remember that it was I who hurt him. Raoul could have lived without me, he was a perfect upstanding gentleman with money no doubt. Erik was a lonely man destined to live under the operain a cellar no less, god what had I done. Tears welled in my eyes as I made my final decision, maybe it was the three glasses of wine I had before coming, or maybe it was fate pointing me in the right direction but I stumbled forward toward the front steps.
Oh Erik, poor poor Erik, what have I done to you?