Harry Platter

and the Philosopher's Phone

I

At first glance, Harry seemed like an ordinary boy, which he pretty much was. I suppose the only thing worth mentioning was the zig-zag shaped scar on his forehead, but nobody really mentioned it. He lived in a normal house in Britain, with his germaphobic relatives the Fursleys: his Uncle Verman, his Aunt Petoobia, and his cousin Dubbley. Fears of bacteria and viruses aside, Harry lived a normal life. Then one day, something very un-normal happened to Harry.

It was the summer holidays, and Harry's eleventh birthday was about a week ago. As he got out of bed, aunt Petoobia yelled, 'Harry, don't forget to wash your hands!' As Harry washed his hands, he heard the cries of both his aunt and uncle. An owl had flown into the room through the window. The owl flew towards Harry, and deposited a letter in front of Harry and flew away out the window. Harry opened the letter as Petoobia sprayed the room with disinfectant. This is what is said:

Dear Harry Platter,

You probably don't know, but you're a wizard. You are to attend Hogfarts school.

-Professor Dunderbore

Headmaster

'You're a what?' said uncle Verman.

'A wizard.' said Harry. There wasn't very much information in that letter, Harry thought. As he looked in the envelope, he found the supply list and stuff he needed.

II

Standing at platform 9.75, Harry saw a red electric engine with the words "Hogfarts Express" in a slightly darker shade of red, so that it was very difficult to make it out. Just then, a blonde boy about Harry's age came up to him.

'I don't like you.' he said.

'Okay, fine.' replied Harry.

HARRY PLATTER

The boy sneered and walked away. Harry found a compartment containing a boy and a girl also his age.

'Oh, hello,' said the girl.

'Hi, who are you?' asked Harry.

'My name is Don, and this is Hermyown'

'Hello, my name is Harry Platter'

'Nice to meet you Harry.'

There was an awkward silence as the three of them sat in the carriage while the train chuffed along the track.

'Sooo… read any good books lately?'

'Er, not really…'

'Nope.'

'Seen any good movies?'

'Sorta'

'What's a movie?'

However, by the time the train had reached Hogfarts, the trio were engaging in a lively conversation about crumpets; the British equivalent to a donut, only without the hole, and usually served with tea.

Once inside, all the first-years were whacked on the head by the sorting bat. Every one sat at a table, and everything went silent.

An old man with a white beard had stood up and raised his hand for silence. He had a very long white beard, and was slightly cross eyed.

'Before we all eat, I have an announcement. Pbbbbbt. That is all.' And he sat back down. It was the strangest announcement Harry had ever heard. 'Who was that?' he asked Don and Hermyown.

'That's Dunderbore!' exclaimed Don.

'Don't you think he was being a little weird?' asked Hermyown worriedly.

'Aw, relax, let's eat!'

III

The days turned into months, and Harry had classes and homework and tests, but I won't go into detail on all that, because it would be tedious. We now skip forward eight months to where Harry is summoned to Dunderbore's office.

Harry was summoned to Dunderbore's office. When he came to the door leading to Dunderbore's office, he found a flight of stairs. It was very long, so Harry climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed and climbed until finally he reached Dunderbore's office, panting.

'Hello Harry, I see that you've taken the stairs. You could've taken the elevator.'

Harry groaned.

'Now, Harry, I need you to go to the seventh floor, in the third door on your left, and just thwart whatever evil dark wizards you find there.'

'You want me to do what?'

'Run along now, and try not to die, won't you?'

Harry decided to do what Dunderbore said. Besides, what are the odds that an evil dark wizard would be in there?

Harry opened the door. There, in the middle of the room was a red telephone. Standing beside it was Harry's defence teacher, professor Queeril, looking at Harry very sursprisedly, if that is even a word.

HARRY PLATTER

'Harry Platter, what a surprise,' he said. 'What the heck are you doing here?'

'Harry Platter,' said a very different voice. 'how nice to finally meet you at last!'

All of a sudden, Professor Queeril took off his baseball cap, and there, staring at him was a hideous face.

'Well, well, look who we have here.' it said.

'Who- who are you?' stammered Harry.

'I am lord MOULDYVORT!' The face shouted. Harry snickered. 'What?' snapped Mouldyvort.

'Nothing, nothing. Mouldyvort,' Harry said.

'Yes, well, ahem. Watch, as I rise to full power! I will be the greatest wizard alive! When I dial this number and say my name, I will become INVINCIBLE! Ha!'

And with that, Mouldyvort picked up the receiver and dialed. Harry made a leap towards the phone

'Mould-'

Harry reached for the phone...

'-dy-'

his fingers were centimetres from the phone...

'-vort!'

But Harry had already pressed the receiver down.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!' screamed Mouldyvort "You may have thwarted me this time, but I assure you, I will return, and I will have my revenge upon you!!'

Harry trooped towards Dunderbore's office, scowling. He took the elevator this time.

IV

'Ah, Harry. There you are. How did it go?'

'Oh, it was okay, besides the fact that I ALMOST GOT KILLED!'

'Good, good.' said Dunderbore, apparently unconcerned. 'Go and have fun.'

Harry went to his dormitory feeling cross. What was with Dunderbore anyways? Maybe Hermyown was right to be worried. Oh well, It was time for a good night's sleep anyways...

Harry was on his broom flying, trying to catch a small golden ball with wings as his team mates tried to get a red-brown ball through three metal hoops. Harry woke up, and told himself to never speak this dream to anyone, or he could be sued.

V

Harry wondered about that red phone in that room. Perhaps it wasn't safe there anymore. What could he do about it. He decided to go to Dunderbore.

'Professor?' Harry said.

'Oh, it's you.' said Dunderbore cheerfully. 'I'm afraid there aren't any evil dark wizards to be thwarted right now, Parry.'

'My name is Harry' said Harry.

'Of course, Barry' said Dunderbore.

'I'm here about the red phone in that room, sir' said Harry.

The lights went out and Dunderbore held a flashlight under his face. 'are you talking about the philosopher's phone?'

'er.. I guess...'

'Well. You see, Mary-'

'Harry'

'Of course, Larry. Now, there was a certain sorcerer who said to himself "I think I will make a HARRY PLATTER

phone that will make whoever uses it invincible." And that is the origin of the Philosopher's phone. The Sorcerer's stone in America.'

'I see. Well, I'm worried that it might not be safe anymore.

'I understand your concern, Carey. I have already thought of that. I have increased security by

moving it to the next room. Nobody will find it now.'

Harry still wanted to know about this phone.

'Well, I suggest you ask the sorcerer who made the phone.' suggested Dunderbore

'How do I find him?' asked Harry

'With !' said Dunderbore.

So Harry surfed the world wide web for information on the philosopher's phone and its creator. Finally, Harry found something. Apparently the sorcerer had been dead for five hundred years.

'why do you need to know about this "Philosopher's Phone?"' asked Hermyown.

'Just because.' said Harry irritably.

Several times Harry had the urge to dial the number and say his name to become invincible. He knew where it was, it would be so easy. No, he thought, that wouldn't be right. Then a thought struck him just like a Frisbee. Why was the phone in there in the first place?

VI

'Professor Dunderbore, I need to ask you something.' said Harry

'Of course Gary, ask away.' replied Dunderbore.

'well, why is the phone at Hogfarts anyways?'

'Oh... ummm... good question.' said Dunderbore.

'You don't even know, do you?'

'Precisely.'

Harry left the office. He told Don and Hermyown what happened. 'He doesn't even know why the phone is there?' said Hermyown. 'I know he has a few screws loose, but this is crazy!'

VII

The next day, Harry and his friends had more classes, more homework, and tests galore. Harry forgot all about the Philosopher's phone. The end of the year was approaching, and there were exams and things going on.

'I hope I pass!'

'I might have gotten a question wrong.'

'I like cake.'

But one day, Harry remembered the phone. He decided to go check that it was still there. He walked into the room, and he saw the phone there. But there was something else. A stick of dynamite was attached to the phone!!!

Harry got out just as the bomb exploded.

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

HARRY PLATTER

Luckily, nobody was hurt.

'What happened to you?' asked Don.

Harry told them what happened. Don looked surprised. 'The phone blew up?' he said.

'Well, I guess that's the end of the philosopher's phone then.' said Hermyown.

Harry laughed.

Epilogue

Harry went back to the Fursleys on the Hogfarts Express, where he immediately had to go take a shower, get checked for lice, and had all his cloths laundered. He later continued his adventures in Harry Platter and the Chamber Choir of Secrets, a book that I don't think I will ever write.