I'm baaaack...
Yep, my exams are all over now, so I can get back to doing what I love - writing fanfiction! But I figured I'd take a break from my usual anikishipping to do a Chazz-centric story, since he's my new-favourite character. And note, people, that I am not a doctor. I did a helluva lot of research into mental illness for this, and I've tried to write it as realistically as possible, but I'm by no means an expert.
Warnings: Chazz may be a little OOC in this. Why? Because in the show, Chazz is used as a comedy character with an extremist personality that's not entirely suitable for such a serious story. I'll try to keep him as in-character as possibly but it might not always work.
Also, this story contains quite a bit of swearing (hey, the language needs to reflect the tone of the story), abuse on all levels, violenceand, obviously, angst. There may also be some Chazz/Jaden waaaay later on, although it won't be a major thing. This isn't really a romance story. I think that's all the warnings you'll need for now, although I'll remind you each chapter if it contains anything warning-worthy. Remember people: it's rated M for a reason.
Of course I don't own Yugioh GX, silly. If I owned Yugioh GX, believe me, you'd know.
Delirium, part one (exordium)
"You loser!" Slade yells at me. "You dog!"
I know, I think from the floor. I know, I'm sorry, it won't happen again.
"You've disgraced yourself. You disgraced the Princeton name." He hisses, and I feel my chest hurt as though someone twisted a knife there. My entire body is trembling, hands and knees struggling to support me.
"You are no brother of ours anymore." Jagger adds, looking down on me without sympathy. My mouth opens. It takes what feels like forever for the words to come out.
"Just give me..." I manage to say weakly. "...Another chance..."
"Another chance?!" Jagger shouts, and I flinch at his tone. "Do you know how much we spent on this duel?!"
"The cameras! The rare cards!" Slade finishes, just as angry. "None of which you used, I might add!"
"Sorry." I whisper brokenly. "I thought I could win this by myself."
"Yourself?!" And at that moment, I feel myself being yanked from the floor to meet Jagger's furious face. My cards slip loosely from my hands and fall to the floor soundlessly.
"When could you do anything by yourself, Chazz?" Slade snaps. He's just about to say something else, when-
"Let him go." Jaden's voice. My brothers pause to stare at him. I close my eyes and grimace - for the love of God, Jaden, don't challenge them. You don't know what they're like, you don't know what they can do...
"Yeah, sure he lost," Jaden continues bravely, or stupidly. Probably the latter. "But how could he not with you two jerks breathing down his neck?"
I gasp. Oh no, Jaden did not just say that, he did not just say that...
"Two jerks?" Jagger repeats slowly; I feel his hands unconsciously tighten on the collar of my jacket. "Do you have any idea who we are? We could have you crushed, kid."
"Why defend Chazz anyhow? He's a nobody now!" Slade says whilst Jagger turns his attentions back to me, and I turn my head to avoid his fierce gaze. "Disowned by us, and by the whole world. I mean, the cameras caught enough of it! He got schooled! He got mopped off!"
I hear a slight growl from Jaden. No, slacker, just leave it, don't do anything stupid, even by your standards...
"That's right," Jagger leans towards me threateningly. "And then worst of all, he got beat!"
"Wrong - there's one fight he did win. The fight...against you two." Jaden lifts his head, and there's nothing but determination in his eyes, nothing but strength and courage.
He evidently knows nothing about my brothers.
"Sure, Chazz may not have won, but hey, at least he fought it on his own terms." The slacker continues. "It's like he said: he used his cards, not what your money could buy!"
Jagger and Slade have had enough of me; one shove backwards and I'm stumbling on my feet. When Jaden next speaks, his voice is warm:
"Tight duel, Chazz. And I know it's cheesy, but I think we both won here."
"You're just saying that." I bite out, turning away from Jagger and Slade. They're right, of course. They're always right. "I mean...come on. No-one else believes that."
My eyes are stinging...no, I can't cry! Crying is showing weakness, and I'm not weak. I can't...I can't appear weak in front of everyone...I have to...
Before I know it, the duel disk slips from my arm and crashes to the floor, along with the remainder of my cards. And my feet are running towards the exit.
"Chazz!" I hear Jaden's calls, his footsteps behind me. I quicken my pace. "Chazz, wait up!" I skid around the corner and into one of the gym rooms, slamming the door shut. I can't face Jaden now, not after...after everything...
Of course, someone finds me eventually. But it isn't slacker, or anybody from Duel Academy, or anybody from North Academy. It's much worse.
"Well look what we have here." Jagger snarls. "Trying to cower away in the corner, were you?"
"I h-haven't..." I try to speak. My breath comes out in convulsing gasps. Not that I've been crying or anything.
"Your eyes are all red," Slade sneers from the doorway. Both of them. With me. In this room. And no-one watching. "Were you crying?"
"N-no." I gasp. The sound of a sharp smack fills the room.
"Don't lie," Jagger hisses, pulling his hand back. "We raised you better than that, Chazz. You hear that? We raised you. And after everything we've done, this is how you repay us?!"
"I-"
"Shut up!" I stumble against the lockers, back hitting metal with a clash. "You're nothing but a weak, worthless, good-for-nothing slacker who can't even fulfill his part of the plan." Jagger hisses. "You remember that, Chazz? The plan? The one we put so much time and effort into before you had to go and screw things up?"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean-"
"Shut up. You have no right to speak." Slade says softly, arms folded casually across his chest. He doesn't look or sound nearly as angry as Jagger...but when it comes to Slade, that probably isn't a good thing. "You made a promise and you broke it."
My throat closes and the world blurs before me. No! Don't cry, won't cry, can't cry...
"And as I recall, I made another promise too," Jagger cracks his knuckles. I swallow nervously. "A promise of what would happen if you didn't hold up your end of the bargain, remember?"
I feel light-headed. "Yes." I utter hoarsely.
"Good." He takes a step towards me. "Then let's begin."
Hmm...1132.
That's how many tiles there are on the ceiling of the locker rooms. Or was it 1131? No wait, there's 12. Hold on, if 12 - 1131 + J32 squared equals...equals...ah, forget it. Math is Bastion's thing. Who's Bastion again? Oh yes, I remember, blue hair and grey eyes. No wait, that's Zane. Or is it Syrus? They look alike. They're brothers, you know.
Brothers...
I had a dream that my brothers were here, and they saw me duel Jaden, and I lost, and I ran away, and they came after me, and I can't remember what happened after that. That must be how I got here on this...?
Ah, it's a bench. I can feel the wood underneath my fingers. Rough wood and cold metal and...what's that? Ew, it's chewing gum! Germsgermsgerms! The level of hygiene in this school is appalling- hey, a mirror. What's a mirror doing here? Oh wait, this is a locker room. But that still doesn't explain why they have a mirror.
I walk up to the mirror. Do you ever wonder if maybe the reflection in the mirror is actually the real you, and you're just the reflection? Me neither. Maybe they're two different people who happen to look the same. Almost. Like, that Chazz looks all roughed up, and his hair is all over the place, and one of his cheeks is all red...
...Wait a minute.
Jagger. Slade. Hit. Hurt. Ow.
It wasn't a dream, was it?
I tug down the high neck of my jumper, and see the ugly purple bruising forming there from what I'm sure is a fist. Or a foot. And there's red marks on my wrist...and my arms...and my legs...everywhere except my face. They never hit my face. Except...no. Only Jagger does that, not Slade. He doesn't need to. He just looks at me, and it's enough. And he was standing...
At the doorway. I run there; the door is still closed. And then they went down the corridor. I can still see the silver footprints on the ground, which I follow...and follow...and then I'm outside, and the sky is green. No wait, that's the grass. The sky is blue, and full of clouds that taste like candyfloss.
There they are, at the docks, getting ready to board their helicopter. Helicopter. Like helter-skelter, which is a big long slide where you go around and around and around and around...
Wait, helicopter sounds nothing like helter-skelter.
Oh, and Jaden is there! I like Jaden, but he's too noisy. And lazy. And stupid. And cheerful. Come to think of it, I don't like him all that much. But he's yelling at Jagger over the noise of the helter- I mean, helicopter.
"What did you do with Chazz?" He shouts. Silly boy, you shouldn't shout at them, they'll kill you.
"We haven't done anything to him, now get lost, kid!" Slade calls back. Only he's lying...and Slade told me not to lie, that it's bad and you'll get punished if you do. But he's lying right now, isn't he? Does that mean it's okay?
"I know what you do to him!" Jaden points a finger. Point. It's rude to point. That's why I do it all the time. "You hurt him! I know you do!"
"Hurt him? Now why would we hurt Chazz?" Jagger answers, a face of mock-surprise. "Sure, he's a loser, but he isn't a punchbag. Now stop talking about things you know nothing about." There's just a hint of a threat in his smile. Because Jaden knows. He knows. He knows too much and they're trying to shut him up. But what if they hurt him? I can't let that happen!
"Don't!" I cry, running up to them. Everyone turns to face me. Slade's eyes widen a fraction of an inch. He didn't expect me to turn up here.
"See? Chazz is perfectly fine, just hiding like the little weakling he is," Jagger says smugly. "Nothing to worry about."
"Chazz?" Syrus says nervously. "Are you...are you alright? You were gone for a while...and you look as though you've been crying."
"Never!" I snap, and everyone flinches. "I don't cry." I tell them. They should know that by now. Heehee. Heeheehee.
"Chazz, why are you laughing?" Bastion asks, looking a little unsettled. Why would he be unsettled? That makes no sense. I need to ask him how many tiles there are on the locker-room ceiling.
"I don't cry. I never cry. To cry is to show weakness, and I'm not weak, you see?" I laugh again. Everyone glances at each other uncomfortably, even my brothers. My brothers always said to me that crying never solved anything - if you have problem, you eliminate them at the source.
But the source of my problems...is my brothers.
And suddenly I see spots of red, like scarlet rain on a window, spattering my vision. They grow larger, spreading like a disease until everything is tinted by glorious crimson. I feel my fingers twitch, tighten, form a fist, nails digging into my palm.
"Chazz?" Jaden asks. His voice is so distant, so echoed. "What's wrong, buddy?"
The world blurs as I turn my head. Jagger is in front of me, but he's not red. I can see the paleness of his skin, the lustre of his black hair, the uncertainty in his grey eyes as he observes me observing him. But why isn't he red? I have to make him fit in, make him conform...make him red.
I can't recall who screams first: me jumping him, or him being jumped. But he's on the floor beneath me, and for once it's my fists that are doing all the damage.
"I hate you!" Someone sobs; I think it's me. "I fucking hate you!"
The first dash of red appears on Jagger's cheek - see, it's working, he's becoming - but someone grabs my shoulder, pulls me back harshly.
"Security!" Slade calls as he tries to restrain me, fails. His voice is poisoned from lying about me, about what they did to me. Have to get rid of the lies...Slade's voice becomes louder, more panicked as I try to claw his throat: "SECURITY! Someone get him off me!"
Out of the corner of my eye, Jaden steps forwards - whether to help or hinder me, I don't know - but Syrus holds him back. Slade keeps calling until I sink my teeth into his neck, and don't stop until there's liquid warmth. He gasps and stumbles back whilst I turn around to face Jagger, who looks up at me with wide eyes.
"You're crazy..." He whispers. Me, crazy? Now that's funny. Heeheehee.
And then there's hands, hands that seize my limbs and drag me back. I fight and struggle and scream, but it's no use, and my arm is twisted behind my back.
"Call the police!" A male voice says. Campus security. I snarl and thrash and bite, but they don't let go. Why won't they let go?!
"Fuck, he's strong..." Another guard grunts when I kick him, but his grip doesn't loosen. "He'll break his arms if he keeps struggling like this."
Break. To break. Breaked? No, broken. I break, therefore I am broken. What?
"What the hell is he saying? It doesn't make any sense."
"We need to sedate him. He isn't going to calm down anytime soon, and the police can't be here for at least ten minutes."
"Alright. Hold him still..."
A sharp jab in my neck. Injection? But I feel fine. It didn't work! It had no effect! I'm invincible! I'm...
...Getting really tired. The red is getting darker...and darker...and darker...and darker...and d-
"Jaden Yuki, you were present when Charles Princeton attacked his older brothers, correct?"
"Charles? Oh, Chazz. Um, yes, I was."
"Can you tell us what happened?"
The world blurs before me. Darkness. Light floods in through a barred window on the door.
"Well, Chazz had just lost a game of Duel Monsters against me, and his brothers came up to him and started shouting at him and stuff." A pause. "He ran off, I followed him, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Finally I reached the harbour where Chazz's brothers were getting ready to leave the island. Syrus and Bastion were there too..."
I sit up. Where am I? A small holding cell or something. Metal painted cream...it's cold. Really cold.
"So I ran up to the brothers and asked them if they'd done anything with Chazz. Well, I had to shout over the noise of the helicopter..."
"So you believe Jagger and Slade may have harmed Charles?"
"I think so. The way they were yelling at him earlier...they hurt him, I know they did. And I bet it isn't the first time they've done it either."
Those voices...it's Jaden. And two people I don't recognise. He's being interviewed? For a job? No, wait...this is a police station. I'm in a prison cell.
"What happened after that?"
"Well, then Chazz appeared, only he looked...different."
"Different?" A female voice.
"He was all roughed up for a start, his hair was messy and one of his cheeks was all red - plus his eyes were all puffy, like he'd been crying..." The sound of someone shifting uncomfortably in their seat. "But there was something else too...his eyes looked - I dunno, wild somehow. I can't really describe it."
Crying? I wasn't crying! I don't cry, dammit! I walk up to the door and strain to hear the voices coming down the corridor.
"So Sy asked him if he'd been crying and he went 'never!' like, really loud. Then he just started laughing."
"Do you know why?"
"..." He's either nodding or shaking his head, probably the latter. "But he was laughing sort of...manically for a few minutes, and then he suddenly stopped, like he was thinking about something. Then he turned around and looked at Jagger..."
Hm, so they're talking about me? It's rude to talk about someone behind their back, you know. Although I don't actually have my back to them...
"So he was silent for about a minute, and I asked him what was wrong, and then he...he..." Another uncomfortable shuffle. "He just screamed and jumped onto Jagger, then started hitting him and saying he hated him. Slade ran over and pulled him off, then Chazz tried to scratch him or something."
"Didn't anyone try and help him?"
"Well it just happened so fast...I tried to step in, although I didn't really know what to do, but Sy pulled me back because he was scared I'd get hurt, I guess."
When did this actually happen? I can't recall...it's there, but it all seems so blurry...I try to grab the memory in front of me. It slips through my fingers like grains of sand.
"And suddenly he...well, he bit him. Slade, that is. When he pulled away there was - there was red all over his mouth and-" Jaden's voice gets higher and hoarser. I can almost picture him trembling in his seat, gripping the table with his knuckles going white. Poor guy...wait a second, don't I hate him?
"It's alright, take your time."
Deep, calming breaths. "He started laughing again, really loud, hysterical. Then he lunged for Jagger. I thought - I thought he was gonna kill him..." A shaky sigh. "Then security turned up and hauled him away, but he was still screaming and fighting until they injected him with something. Then he went all still and quiet."
"...Alright. Thank you for your co-operation, Mr Yuki, that's all we'll require from you."
"So I can go home now?"
"That would be wise, yes. We'll be offering counseling to everyone who witnessed the attack, of course, but until then I'd advise you get some rest."
"Okay...goodbye."
Footsteps lead in one direction, getting fainter until they're non-existent. But then there's more footsteps, two people, and they're heading towards me. I settle myself on the cold painted bench as the door opens and the room is flooded with light.
"Ah, Mr Princeton, you're awake." Speaks the woman-shaped silhouette against the frame of white light. "We'll need to interview you on events concerning your brothers, Jagger and Slade."
"I know." I whisper, tying and untying my shoelaces repetitively. The shadows in the doorway glance at each other.
"If you'd like to come with us, Mr Princeton..."
I finish with my shoes and get up to follow them to the interview room. The chair is still warm from where Jaden sat in it. I can see imprints of moisture where he gripped the arms. He must've been nervous. Or maybe just warm.
"You've been arrested on charges of attempted murder of both your older brothers, Slade and Jagger Princeton." The male begins. Attempted murder, you say? That means they're not dead...I'll have to try harder next time. "There's no point in denying it; we have plenty of witnesses. What we want to know is why."
"Why not?" I answer, noticing a tape recorder on the table next to the woman and watching the reels spin slowly. So they're recording this... "They came after me because I lost...so I came after them as well. It's only fair."
"You think your actions were fair? You think biting into someone's neck and drawing blood is fair?"
They make me sound like a vampire. I laugh. I suppose I look enough like one, don't I? My skin is pale enough to pass for dead after all.
The man and woman glance at each other. "We fail to see what is so amusing, Mr Princeton."
"Nothing." I say briskly. It's my joke. They can't have it. "And yes, my actions were fair. It was in self-defense."
"Witnesses say the attack was unprovoked."
"'Witnesses' haven't spent 15 years with my brothers." I point out. "They hit me. They've done it before and doubtless they'd do it again. I was just taking the necessary measures to prevent that from occurring."
"I'm afraid there isn't sufficient evidence to support your claims, Mr Princeton."
"You've seen the bruises." I tug down the high collar of my jumper to reveal the now-fading purple bruise on my collarbone.
"We've seen some bruises. Not enough to be the result of a beating, as you claim." The female tells me. "There is neither solid evidence nor any witnesses to the alleged abuse-"
"Of course there isn't." I interrupt her. "You think Jagger would be stupid enough to leave heavy bruising? Or hit me in front of other people?" I pause. "Except Slade. He hits me in front of him."
"Mr Slade Princeton is in the hospital, thanks to you. Not a very good idea to attack your only witness."
"He would have denied it anyway." I shrug. "He's in the hospital, you say? Oh good. I hope he dies."
"You'd want your brother to die?"
"Haven't we been over this?" I raise an eyebrow. "Slade deserves everything he gets. So does Jagger. Is he in the hospital as well?"
"If they are hitting you, why haven't you told anyone about it before?" The male asks, ignoring my question. I sigh and lean back.
"Because, genius, just like you, they wouldn't believe me. Jagger and Slade can lie their way out of any situation, or use other methods should that fail." I tap my nose. Not entirely sure why. "Money buys you privacy, or it buys you a few grunts to follow through with threats, if necessary. No mess, no fuss, no risk of getting caught. But their hands are no cleaner than mine."
"Do you have any proof of these claims?"
"Obviously not, they're more careful than that. But I haven't told anyone what they do to me, so no-one's been put at risk." I smile at the both of them, those two silhouettes. "Of course, I've just told you two, haven't I? I would be careful from now on if I were you. You never know what's lurking around the corner."
My lips are sealed; I say no more. After unsuccessfully trying to get me to answer a few more questions, the pair give up and announce an end to the interview. I'm led back to my cell, the door is shut and locked, and then there's only silence.
She sells seashells by the seashore. The shells she shells - I mean, sells - are surely sheashells - wait, seashells. So if she sells shells on the seashore, I'm sure see shells shesore shells- no, hold on, it's...dammit.
"So what are we going to do with him?"
Okay, let's try this again: she sells seashells- hold on, they're talking about me again.
"There isn't much point in taking him to court, since he already confessed...we just need to decide his sentence."
"Should he go to jail, though?"
"He tried to murder his two brothers in cold blood. Where else would he go?"
"But what if it wasn't in cold blood? Supposing his brothers beat him up-"
"Don't tell me you actually believe his stories." My eyes narrow at that. Stories, are they? See, this is why I never told anyone before - because this is exactly what they'd say. They wouldn't believe me. No-one believes me. "Sure, he has a few bruises and cuts, but nothing to suggest-"
"But supposing they did beat him up." The female voice interrupts. "What if it did something to him? As in, mentally?"
"You think he wasn't in his normal state of mind when he attacked his brothers?"
"I'm certain. All the witnesses confirm Charles was acting as his normal self before his brief disappearance. Then when he came back...well, you don't just attack someone for no reason. There was obviously something wrong."
Wrong? There's nothing wrong with me! Although, how do you define 'wrong'? 'Not right', I suppose, but what it 'right'? Right is the opposite of left...although right and left aren't definite terms. I mean, if you face one way, left and right are certain directions. But if you face the opposite way, so do they. So which one could be called 'right' and 'left'?
Hm...I sound like Bastion.
"So what do you think caused the...mental disturbance?"
"I'm not sure about his claims of abuse, but even so I'd like to investigate the older brothers further...but I've heard some mental illness can blur the line between reality and hallucination, even so far as to create false memories..."
Wait, wait, wait. Wait. What?
"...Which could explain his claims about his brothers, and thus his actions against him. It's a complicated matter, but we shouldn't rule it out as a possibility."
"Some medical tests may be in order...but supposing he does have mental illness...then what? We can't just let him off without charges..."
"Well I was thinking...what about Pandora?"
Pandora? Who is she? What's going on?
"Pandora?" A low whistle of disbelief. "That's just...you sure about that?"
"It's for the most serious cases, and I would call this pretty serious. I think it's the best place to rehabilitate him."
Wait...Pandora is a place? What sort of place? 'Rehabilitate'...some sort of detention centre?
"According to Duel Academy security, he was struggling to escape so hard he almost snapped his arms in half, and he had to be sedated with twice the normal dosage..." A hushed whisper. "If he can do that...well, he'll need to be under maximum security. And Pandora is inescapable."
"Hn, I guess you're right. We'll run some tests, and if they're conclusive...we'll send him off to Pandora."
The footsteps lead away, voices fading along with them. I slowly make my way back to the small bench in my cell and land on it with a thud. So they're sending me away...to prison or to this 'Pandora'. But what is it exactly? Some sort of fortress? A medical place? A rest home?
I shiver suddenly, the cold seeping through my jacket and poisoning my skin, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. 'Pandora'...whatever it is, it's bad news.
(Winces) It wasn't that OOC, was it? Okay, so it was. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but I can't seem to improve it, and I'm impatient to get on with the story. The next chapter will be more interesting, I promise! Oh and also, I know the police thing wasn't strictly correct...Chazz probably should have been taken to court, and in the original version he was, but it didn't read that well on paper, so I skipped it.
So, aside from the OOC-ness and overuse of italics, was it any good? Please let me know in a review - constructive criticism is gratefully accepted, and I'll take into account any suggestions to improve my writing, the chapter or the story itself. Feed the writer confidence! She really needs it!