The only thing that runs through my mind as I watch my teary-eyed wife lying in the sterile hospital bed is that I'm about to become a father. The pain in my left hand as the bones were crunched to a million pieces was in the back of my mind as my right hand shakily held the camera, concentrated on Pam and occasionally making a detour towards the doctor delivering our baby girl. Fatherhood is something I had always planned for myself, but the right girl had always been taken. And when she was available, I wasn't. And while that period of my life was definitely an FML time, this right now was most definitely an OMG.
I had been spending too much time with Kelley lately.
I noticed the pain in my hand subside a bit, but not a moment later it was back again, more immense this time as Pam let out a wail of agony. I didn't dare complain about the fact that I was sure my hand was broken. Pam had waited so long to go to the hospital that it was too late for an epidural by the time we had arrived, so her pain was undoubtedly excruciating, much more uncomfortable than my possibly fractured hand. I whispered in her ear reassuringly that she was doing amazing, how proud of her I was, that our baby girl would be here soon.
Her little whimper broke my heart into as many pieces as I was sure my hand was in. "Soon? She's been coming for two freaking days, I just want her out!" I smiled; there was the typical Pam. Another contraction hit her and I saw her face contort again and her hand was back to crushing mine. "Oh God, it hurts, Jim!" she murmured, breathing heavily when the push was over.
"You're doing fantastic, sweetheart," I told her, kissing her forehead gently.
A couple of big pushes later I heard the doctor exclaim over Pam's weeps, "Here comes the head. She's almost here Pam, just two more pushes and you can hold your baby."
I can't miss this, I thought to myself. Pam had given me strict instructions that if I insisted on the camera (which I did) then it couldn't go any further south than her face. But I couldn't resist; this was the birth of my first child, and Pam I'm sure didn't care at this point. She just wanted the baby out. Eagerly I peeked over the sheet and watched in complete amazement. The whole thing was so…bizarre. The baby's head was definitely there, so close to entering our world and leaving the comfort of Pam's womb. I looked back at my wife in utter joy. "One more, Pam, I can see her, she's right there!" Pam nodded hurriedly and with her face scrunched in concentration she pushed, her screams echoing through the white sterile room as with cries of her own our beautiful baby girl was born.
Now, I'm not normally an emotional guy. My feminine side is virtually nonexistent having grown up with two older brothers that were less than tolerant with any kind of "girly" emotions. But a man can't help but get teary eyed the first time he sees his baby in this world. God, she was beautiful, from the patch of curly brown hair at the top of her head down to the tips of her tiny toes. I can't remember smiling this much in my life, and I looked down at Pam. She was sweaty and tired, her hair pulled messily at the top of her head and face virtually free of any makeup, but she was one of the two most gorgeous things in the world to me. She sent a weak smile in return to mine and I smoothed my hand over her head gently, murmuring a quiet "I love you" and then redirecting my attention to the video camera and capturing the doctors and nurses cut the umbilical cord, clean her up, weigh and measure her, and then finally wrap her up in a blanket and hand her to Pam.
"Jim," she whispered, wrapping her arms just so in order to support the baby. She took her eyes off the baby momentarily to look at me with tears in her eyes. "Oh Jim, she's…she's so – "
"Perfect?" I supplied, wiping away a stray tear tenderly with my thumb and smiling at her gently. I stared at my new daughter in awe. I hadn't even held her yet and I already knew I would do anything for her, just as I would do anything for Pam. But the craziest thing was that this little being that we, Pam and I, had created, was just that; Pam and I. Half her, half me. It was growing impossible to wrap my mind around the fact that I had created a life with Pam, that both of us would shine in her. I loved that thought as much as I love her.
"Yeah. Perfect."
We were both broken out of our reveries while we were staring at our daughter by the voice of the neonatal nurse. "Is there a name for this beautiful little girl we have?"
Pam and I looked at each other with identical little grins on our faces. "Something unique, I think," Pam reminded. We still hadn't officially decided, still torn between a few choices. "Yet still classic."
"Cecelia," I decided. It had been my favorite name for a girl from the start, and even though it wasn't one of our final choices to decide between, I had to throw it out there. "Cecelia Marie."
I saw the light in Pam's eyes grow brighter with excitement, like giving her a full name made everything more official. "We could call her Cece," she realized, gazing back down at the baby. "Cece Halpert."
It hit me then and there that this baby was mine, with my name at the end of hers. My daughter, Cecelia Marie Halpert.
Wow.
The nurse smiled. "Well hello Miss Cecelia Marie Halpert," she said. "Mr. Halpert, I can send in visitors if you like right now."
I looked at Pam and she shook her head, and I immediately understood that to mean she wanted more time alone with Cece. Turning to the nurse, I replied, "No, that's okay. I'll just go tell them myself. I think we want a little more alone time with her."
The nurse nodded understandingly. "Just turn left out of this room and the waiting room is through the doors at the end of the hall."
I nodded, elated, and gave Pam a quick kiss to the lips and little Cece a gentle one to her forehead. "I love you two. Be back in a minute."
As I neared the doors at the end of the hall, not even my obnoxious coworkers and even more obnoxious boss could bring me down. I had a daughter, and she was perfect in every way, and Pam was okay, and everything right now was great. And when I finally reached the room full of people from the office and Pam's and my parents, looking into their teary eyes, and exclaiming news of Cece and Pam, the only thing running through my mind is that I just became a father.
