Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter.

Wow, I haven't written a Harry Potter fanfiction in forever! But when I heard about this, I couldn't resist.

Enjoy at your own risk! :)

George smoothed out the map on the bed. "This thing is awesome," he said in awe. "I can't believe how lucky we were to get this."

"Luck had nothing to do with it," chortled Fred. "It was our cunning that got us this map, that's what."

They gazed at the Marauders' Map reverently. Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs must've been wonderful, wonderful men to create something like this. It had taken them weeks to figure out, but now that they had figured out the password, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good" they figured they were set for life. Nothing could dampen their hearts after making this life-changing discovery.

That was, until they discovered something very strange going on in their brother's dormitory.

"Hey, Fred?" asked George, spotting something on the map he was certain he would never see.

"Yeah?"

"I think...I think I'm going to need some mind soap or I'll end up crying into my pillow tonight."

Fred peered at the map, kicking his legs back and forth in the four-poster bed. They were supposed to be asleep, but George had snuck over to his bed and they were examining the map together.

"Why? Is Dumbledore taking a crap again?"

"No...look at Percy."

"What, is Percy taking a dump?"

"No...he's..." George couldn't bring himself to say it.

Fred smirked. "Is he wanging his doodle?"

"No...maybe...I don't know..." George, for the first time in his young life, was speechless. Fred located Percy's dorm on the map, and his mouth fell open.

"What? Why...Why's Percy in bed with someone named Peter?"

"Is there a student named Peter Pettigrew here?"

"What the hell?" whispered Fred. "Maybe they're reading comic books or something."

"But look, everyone else is in bed."

"Except Oliver Wood."

"Yeah," conceded Fred. "But he's never in bed."

"Seriously, what could he possibly be doing in the dugout this early?"

"Maybe he's wanging his doodle?" suggested Fred.

They considered it for a moment.

"Probably." agreed George.

"Who's Peter Pettigrew?"

"Is Percy gay?"

"Maybe they're friends?"

"Maybe he's got some hobo living under his bed, and Percy doesn't even know. Percy is kind of dim." proposed George.

"Percy can't be gay, right? Even if he is, he's a prude. I doubt he even knows what sex is." The two eleven year olds considered themselves experts on the subject.

"Can thirteen year olds have sex? Is it physically possible?" asked George seriously.

Fred shrugged. "Dunno. The bigger question is, can Percy? 'Cause I sorta thought that he was incapable. Virgin forever, ya'know."

"Yeah...totally."

They stared at the parchment, until George summed up what they were feeling in two simple sentences.

"Seriously, who the hell is Peter Pettigrew? And why in the name of Merlin's hairy balls would he want to bed Percy?"

They eventually got to sleep that night, hoping that the map had messed up or that they had suddenly became partially blind. But no- Percy was in the same bed with Peter Pettigrew every single night for two years. Fred and George decided that Dumbledore had run out of beds and decided to hit two birds with one stone by punishing Peter Pettigrew by making him sleep in the same bed as Percy. Whatever Peter Pettigrew had done to deserve that kind of punishment it must had been awful.

They never mentioned it to Percy and put it out of their minds. That was, until Ron started going to Hogwarts in their third year. The first sign of oddness had occured when they saw that Percy was not sleeping with Peter, but their elation and surprise turned to dread when they checked on their baby brother Ronny to find him sleeping with Peter instead! He was only eleven years old, damn it! Fred and George were older and wiser now, and decided to check up on their brother, sneaking to the first years' dorms one night. But there was nothing unusual- Ron was snoring and rolling around with only Scabbers to keep him company. They even checked under the bed just to make sure to disprove the hobo theory.

Finding nothing wrong, they concluded that Peter Pettigrew must be an invisible ghost that had taken a liking to certain members of the Weasley family. It was better than the alternative, that Ron had inherited Percy's secret lover.

They didn't mention it to Ron, hoping to keep it out of sight and out of mind. Ron and Percy never seemed emotionally abused or abnormally homoerotic, so Fred and George tried to ignore it, although they did make many a joke on both of their brothers' expenses. Hey, if they were going to share lovers, bad jokes were the least of their concern.

As for eleven year old Ron even being able to have sex, they tried not to think about it too hard. After two years Peter Pettigrew was only at Ron's side at random intervals, and they began to relax. Maybe this fiend's grip on their brothers was loosening. Then they gave the map to Harry, and they no longer thought about it much. Ron could handle his own damn love affair.

Fred and George Weasley would never forget the name Peter Pettigrew, that was for sure.

Think about it.

Reviews are love! :)