TITLE: Novelty
PROMPT: N/A
PAIRINGS: Edward/Bella, Jacob/Bella, and possibly eventually Jacob/Leah, because they're my OtP. :)
VERSE: Book; somewhat AU
AUTHOR NOTES: A different spin on Edward's feelings for Bella, and the relationships that both form and dissolve because of it. If you have any suggestions or questions, there's a little review button with which you can ask! ;)
POV - EDWARD
A novelty. Something unusual; exciting and new. Since being turned, nothing had truly sparked my interest. Even my music - I've been told I'm genius - holds only minor enthusiasm for me. Mostly it is for Esme's benefit that I play. For her love of music. I know how she worries about me; my fingers dancing across the pale keys - skin nearly as white - gives her some peace of mind.
I would know; I've seen it.
But ultimately, it wasn't a passion or a true interest. It didn't matter to me. Alice perhaps, in some ways, understood the most - and in some ways the least. She could relate to me, the strangeness of what I was, because she shared that strangeness, too. Freaks among freaks, we would say. And just as I knew what people thought before they spoke, she knew what would happen before it had happened. There was little surprise in either of our lives - should we choose to call such existence life - and the dullness that was the result was something we shared.
Or would have shared, were it not for Jasper.
He is my brother, my family, and the most important thing in Alice's life. For that, I love him and accept his presence.
But I can't help the occasional blame I place with him. I feel as though I have been robbed of the gift that Alice would have presented. Understanding and connection. Truly, she provides neither to the capacity that I need. Because her life is not empty as mine is. Jasper ensures that the monotony that her gift would make of life is not without benefit.
He makes her happy.
And I will never question as to whether it is true happiness or merely the byproduct of his own unique gift. I would never do that to Alice.
Thus, I am truly alone.
But now, there is this oddity. This new, strange and beautiful creature that tugs at my heart and makes promises, like the ones Alice whispered of before I'd even met her. Yes, novelty. Novelty in a world I already know everything of is something terribly precious.
Bella.
What would I do to keep this novelty? Can I keep it? Because the fact still remains: I will be forever; Bella, due to the very thing that attracts me so to her, will not. But perhaps it is enough. Perhaps one lifetime with her will tide me over for the rest of my unnatural eternity.
I haven't the bravery to ask.
...
POV - BELLA
I love him. He is everything to me. When I am with him, I do not notice the cold - of my skin, of Forks, of him. When I am with him, I do not notice the monotony and uneventfulness of my life. When I am with him, I notice only him, and it is enough.
Until it isn't.
Because I know there is an inequality between us. A gap from where he stands and where I fall. The only way to truly be with him, now and forever, is to make "forever" more than a word. I would have to cross a line to another side, one that there is no returning from. I have to be like him. I have to be as beautiful and perfect as he is to be worthy of his love. It's the only way.
I'm willing to make that sacrifice - it hardly seems a sacrifice to make at all. For eternal love, what sacrifice is too much?
I am willing. I am ready.
He is not. He fears for my life, for my humanity. He cares deeply enough for me that he would rather spend his ages with me as I grow old and wrinkled, when I look like his grandmother instead of his girlfriend.
He is selfless and I ask too much of him, though I've already received more than I deserve. I ask him to be a monster in order to make me one, so that we can be together.
Yes, he is selfless and I ask too much.
...
POV - EDWARD
Her desire to be with me, unfathomable in some ways, for she understands what I truly am, will be our downfall. Though I am not precognative as Alice is, I can see this much at least. Had she the sense, the self-preservation of normal humans, perhaps it wouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately, she does not. Again, novelty, unfathomable, but ultimately distructive. Because the moment she makes that dire decision - to be with me, forever - her novelty will fade and in three short days, disappear entirely.
She feels that to be with me she must be more than human; I know that the only way I can be with her is if she remains new and unkown.
To be with the other we will destory ourselves.
Has Alice seen that in her incomplete, imperfect, ever-changing visions? I think not, for I have not seen the pieces floating like unfitting puzzles in her head. No, she doesn't understand this. None of them do.
I love Bella, but with her mortal death, it will in essence become a chore that I must eternally keep up. For the sake of Bella and my family.\
Which is why I can never allow Bella to change for me. Her life is too precious.
...
POV - JACOB
In many ways, I am simple. Just Jake, because Jake is all I have ever needed to be. It has always been enough. Today I have learned that sometimes being me isn't enough. I have to be more, to be better, to change - for her. The problem is, I don't know how.
For what purpose do I change? For love, I answer, for love. But it hardly seems enough. Lately, nothing seems enough.
A/N - There we go. First chapter done - think of it as a prologue. Let me know what you think. :)