DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns it all.
A/N: This is an AU New Moon story that picks up at the very end of the scene where they are confronted by Aro, Marcus and Caius. Edward may be very weepy and emotional in this chapter, but he's been holding back since he left Bella and needs to get it all off his chest. Give him a few moments to be Edward and then we'll move on. You know how dramatic he can be. : )
EPOV
My wildest dreams and my worst nightmares had all come true on the same day. Before me stood Bella. I never thought I'd see her again, but here she was. Full of life. Her heart pumping blood, her cheeks full of blush. Of course, there were some subtle differences. Her hair was longer. And the not so subtle. She was alarmingly thinner than the last time I saw her. Her eyes were nowhere near as bright and dark shadows seemed to have taken up permanent residence under them. Yes, certainly different from the last time I saw her when I…
I breathed in an unsteady breath. I had to look away from her face. The memory was just too much. The last time I had seen Bella was the day that I had delivered my most convincing performance in the entirety of my very long life. The day I had broken Bella's heart by telling her that I didn't want her. Her heart may have been broken, but mine had been shattered. It was for her own good. It was to protect her from the dangers of my world. The world that did nothing but bring her harm. Everyday, a new danger would threaten her life. I couldn't be the one responsible for extinguishing her light, her soul. Perhaps I had been a coward. Well then, there is nothing I would rather be if it meant this human girl, the girl I loved, would live a long, happy life.
It occurred to me now that she was no longer a girl. She had flown halfway around the world to save me from killing myself. Would a girl have the courage and fortitude to do that knowing that she herself was on a suicide mission? Only a woman would do that. The woman I love. A mission that led her to where we were now: the lair of the most dangerous creatures on earth, the Volturi. My stupidity knows no bounds.
Now I stood in what was for all intents and purposes, the Volturi throne room watching as Alice silently passed along her vision of Bella's future as an immortal to Aro. I trespassed in Alice's mind as she envisioned herself and Bella with matching pale, stone skin and sparkling golden eyes. This future would never come to pass. I would not allow it. However, this vision appeased Aro and we were led out into the lobby, but not before Aro delivered one last chilling warning to make this vision come to pass.
"My dear children, I know you will follow through. You would never want to disappoint your father now would you? And remember, a father's loving eye will always be watching over you." He finished with a smile.
On our way to the lobby, we passed the nightly Volturi snack being herded into their chambers. An assortment of tourists were unknowingly about to give their lives all in the name of the Volturi version of afternoon tea. No, I did not want this for Bella and neither did she judging by the look on her face. Perhaps she was finally seeing the light.
We were ensconced in the sumptuously designed lobby. There was no natural light, but the room was airy and modern while still retaining a regal quality to it. The walls were painted a rich golden brown. The box-like feeling of the room was offset by a multitude of mirrors giving the space far more depth. No matter how lovely, the screams of those being murdered tainted everything with bloodshed.
On the far side of the room, Gianna the receptionist, was seated behind a concierge desk. The Volturi's love and commitment to keeping up appearances was extended to Gianna's human presence. Gianna looked like she was wearing an outfit straight from the latest Armani collection. This was confirmed a moment later in Alice's mind as she catalogued the looks from the last Emporio Armani runway show. Far more fashion forward than the wool cloak Aro had suggested I put on.
Alice and I had taken seats together on one of the plush couches in the main sitting area. Bella had followed, but had chosen a seat on a couch some ways away. She was staring unseeingly at the ground. Her body was still and my heightened senses could make out the slight, but strained movement of her chest as she breathed in and out. Eventually, she wrapped her arms around her body as if to shield herself from some unknown hurt. And then there was the look on her face. It could have been despair at the prospect of a vampire future with me. Perhaps sadness at the idea of leaving her family and most likely happy future. She had no idea that I did not intend to infect her with my poisonous desires despite what had been promised to Aro. Bella was under the impression that she had no other choice than eternal damnation. I must put a stop to this right away. Something told me that this may be the very last opportunity I would ever have to speak to her before she fled, repulsed by the very sight of me.
I slowly rose up from my seat and made my way over to Bella. She was now perched on the edge of the cushion with her hands on her knees. I was unsure if I should sit down next to her or if I should continue to stand. I compromised and knelt down before to her. She didn't move to look at me or even acknowledge my presence in the slightest. Instead, she continued to focus on the floor. Finally, I spoke.
"Bella?" She didn't answer. "Bella, please…"
"Don't worry, Edward. I'm not holding you to anything."
"What?"
"Exactly what I said. I'm not going to hold you to the promise of changing me."
"Bella, that's not what I was going to say at all." But I couldn't help but be a little relieved that she had some sense knocked into her. Finally, she looked at me. Even though she was looking directly at me, her eyes seemed miles away.
"I think you've said plenty to me. In fact, enough to last a lifetime. Now, don't worry about changing me into a vampire. I know now that you don't want to be stuck with me and I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do."
She seemed calm, but her next words flared with anger.
"After all, why would you want me, a mere distraction, darkening eternity for you? Don't worry, even if it does come down to a directive from the Volturi to change me, I won't follow you around like some lovesick puppy. I'll go my own way."
Then here eyes narrowed and bored into me.
"Believe me, it will be as if I'd never existed."
My own words had come back not only to haunt me, but to shatter me. But more distressful was the impact that these words had had on Bella. My Bella had been kind, loving, trusting, sweet…nothing like this shadow of the girl who remained. The light in her eyes, once so very bright had succumbed to despair.
"I've gone on with my human life and I intend to continue to do so. I'll just keep quiet about all I know. That way, they'll never have reason to bother with me and we can both pretend that this never happened. Any of it."
She looked away and concentrated on some point on the other side of the room. I had fought so hard to make sure that Bella never became cold and hard on the outside that I never considered the possibility that her insides would turn to stone, icy to the touch.
Yes, I had a talent for killing things, causing them to wither and die. I took her hands in mine and she recoiled pulling them away.
"Please, Edward, don't." Her voice pleading barely above a whisper. Her eyes slowly closed.
"Bella, please, you have to understand. I did this because I love you." Her eyes snapped back to my face.
"Really, Edward? You love me? Because you have a strange way of showing it. I guess I was so busy trying to put myself back together from the worst pain I have ever known that I couldn't feel the love that so obviously motivated your actions."
"I did not want to damn you to this life!" I said that just a little too loud. Gianna was now staring at us no doubt trying to glean information for her employers. "I wanted you to have a chance at happiness. A chance at a family. I didn't want you to suffer the way we all have. I wanted what was best for you."
"What was best for me was you. But not anymore. I see that now. And it has nothing to do with you being a vampire or mythical creatures or immortality. It's about you not believing in me or trusting me."
Tears were forming in her eyes, but she fought to keep them from falling. She sniffed and looked up at the ceiling as though some sort of respite from these emotions would appear there.
"And just maybe it's true that I wasn't good enough for you as you so kindly pointed out. Maybe I'm not smart enough or pretty enough or sophisticated enough. Perhaps I'm not worldly enough or dress well enough or polished enough."
"Bella, that's not true! You are perfect in every way."
"Funny how I don't believe you. And you know what the worst part is? You made me doubt myself. Hate myself even. What was it about me that drove you away? Do you know how many sleepless nights I stayed up trying to figure out what I had done or not done to make you leave?"
I did know. The circles and shadows under her eyes were the result of more than an overseas trip to Italy.
"And then through some roundabout…fucked up…"
That was new.
"…way, you think I'm dead and you feel guilty about it so you run off to Italy to kill yourself and me being the…the dumb girl races off after you. And for what? Some guy, some boy who doesn't love me back and can't stand to be in my presence?"
I shook my head as if that would take back her words.
"That's not true! Please believe me! I love you so much, Bella! I would do anything for you! Please!" My voice cracked as I pleaded with her. Finally, she fixed her eyes upon me.
"Edward, I gave you my heart and you threw it out like garbage. There is nothing left to say. No argument that you could possibly make to change anything. I just want to go home."
I laid my head down on her lap.
"Bella, no…please believe that I love you. Please."
"You love me? Then take me home."
She was so cold and bitter and I was deserving of every harsh, unkind word she said. I picked myself up and nodded. I returned to my seat next to Alice.
A few minutes later, Alec entered the lobby to dismiss us, but not before outlining in his mind all the ways he wanted to violate Bella. From body to blood, he had obviously given this some thought.
I growled at him while he just grinned. Alice put her hand on my shoulder and warned me mentally to calm down. Quickly, I shepherded Alice and Bella into the elevator. Bella looked down at the floor while the elevator descended. Alice looked from Bella to me and back to Bella again. I raised my eyebrows and she answered me mentally.
Nothing right now, but there's a lot we need to discuss. By the way, while you two were talking, I booked tickets home.
I nodded ever so slightly and steeled myself for what was to come. By the tenor of Alice's mind, it was not good. I suspected that my life was about to end all over again, but only this time I would still be here to suffer through it.
The elevator arrived on the ground floor and we quickly exited the main entrance. Alice took the lead and we followed her through the crowds celebrating St. Marcus Day. Festival-goers dressed as vampires with plastic fangs. An insult. However, an insult would imply that the offended party conducted themselves with a shred of dignity. There was nothing dignified about me though.
Alice stopped by a portcullis on the fringes of the crowd and closed her eyes.
"You two wait here. I'll get a car."
She flitted off leaving me alone with Bella. She was staring off into the crowd. Somehow, she managed to look numb yet determined at the same time. She was silent until Alice pulled up in a non-descript blue sedan. I opened the door to the backseat for Bella. She quickly got in and grabbed the door from my grasp slamming it shut. The message couldn't have been clearer. I walked around the car and got into the front passenger side door. I couldn't help myself from stealing a quick glance at her in the rear view mirror. Her eyes met mine and she quickly looked away. Yes, this most definitely would be the longest trip of my life.
Alice took off at lightening speed hugging the curves of the ancient winding roads. For a moment, I wished I were human because there would be a greater chance of me dying if Alice wrecked the car as unlikely as that might be.
Soon, we saw a sign for Aeroporto di Firenze, the Florence airport. Alice pulled into the longterm parking area. Ever the planner, Alice dictated that I should stay in the car with Bella while she procured some clothes for me. I was still shirtless, wearing the dark wool cloak that was the Volturi uniform. Just as Alice was about to exit the car, Bella opened her door and leapt out.
"Alice, I'll go with you!"
Alice hesitated for a moment, but then nodded her head. She looked at me and mouthed, "Sorry!" Yes, I could see how the idea of spending time alone with me would be horrific for Bella. About fifteen minutes later, I heard them approaching.
Seriously, Edward, I know you're upset and all, but you look like a little boy pouting because he didn't get his way.
I rolled my eyes at her. I knew she had heard everything Bella had said to me earlier.
I'm sorry. I know this is difficult.
I gave her a brief nod. They opened the doors of the car and took their seats. Alice tossed a bag into the back seat.
"Here ya go! Now our flight to Rome leaves in ninety minutes. Get dressed and then we'll check in. Oh! Our flight to Atlanta leaves shortly after we land, so we need to make a run for it. Then we have a one hour layover before boarding a plane to Seattle.
I opened the bag and fished out a clean pair of black pants and a light blue button down shirt. With both Alice and Bella looking ahead to give me privacy, I put on the new pants and shirt. I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt and tossed the old pants and cloak into the bag.
"Okay, let's go."
We all exited the car and I disposed of the bag in a nearby trashcan. We made our way to the terminal and I could tell that Bella was so exhausted that she was about to drop. Somehow, I didn't think she or her stubbornness would take too kindly to me pointing this out. Due tour first class tickets, we were quickly whisked through the check-in and security lines. Soon, we were settled into the first class lounge. Alice and I sat down on a couch while Bella disappeared into the ladies room.
Alice sifted through the newspapers and magazines on the coffee table in front of us.
"Want something to read for the plane?" I shook my head.
"Alice?"
"Yes?"
"Just how bad is it?"
"Let's just focus on her being safe and alive for now."
"You're cruel."
"Am I? I guess I learned from the best." She said as she narrowed her eyes into slits. "Don't look at me like that, Edward! I told you from day one that I thought what you were doing to Bella was beyond cruel. I told you she would suffer. What you need to know…well, it's not pretty. But you are my brother and I love you and I will help you through it. Now, here she comes."
Bella walked towards us in new clothes. Well, sweatpants and a University of Washington sweatshirt. Her hair was back in a ponytail and she looked like she had splashed some water on her face. Even in this situation, she was still so beautiful. She had definitely lost weight and her overall demeanor was one of skittishness. Yet, her beauty had only grown in my eyes because of the courage she had shown to undertake a potentially fatal task. My love for her filled this room and beyond. There were no words to describe it, no image to depict it. I had been taken to the mountaintop by her love. And now…now…I realized that indeed it was a long way down. I couldn't even begin to imagine the road ahead. Was there even a possibility of a road back to her that I would be allowed to take?
Soon, it was time to board the plane. The seating in first class was two by two. Bella grabbed Alice by the arm and pulled her into two of the seats taking the window seat for herself. I sat across the aisle next to Alice.
Don't worry, Edward. You and I will have a chance to talk on the way to Seattle. I could only get two seats together. She'll take the other single seat.
We landed in Rome and ran to catch the connecting flight to Atlanta. Bella downed Coca-Cola all the way to the States. She was intent on staying awake and keeping her wits about her. I would give anything to sleep right now since it would afford me the possibility of believing that this had all been part of some horrific dream that I would be able to wake up from.
As predicted by Alice, Bella sat apart from us on the way to Seattle. Once settled in after take-off, I turned to Alice, anxious to hear what had transpired in Bella's life since we'd been gone. She had masterfully blocked me the entire trip.
"Alice…please?"
She nodded.
"Okay, Edward, but you have to promise no to freak out or do anything stupid. You must promise me."
"I promise."
"I'm serious, Edward. You're not going to like what you're going to hear."
I took a deep breath. "I know."
"Well, according to Charlie, when you…we left, Bella was practically comatose. Didn't speak, didn't eat although I'm sure you can see that for yourself. Couldn't sleep, woke up every night from what can only be described as night terrors. She was screaming for you in her sleep. She never went out. Lost touch with all her friends. People in general, really. She was a zombie, complete and utterly numb.
Again, I was reminded of just how horrible of a creature I am. Against my better judgment, even though I knew all along it was wrong, I involved her in my wickedness. I ruined her. In a way, I had already made her one of us. She had become one of the walking dead. Such a delicate soul. I had practically grabbed her by the neck and plunged her under black water until she was flailing. Little by little, her body had quieted and now this shell of a person was what remained. Such was the price for loving one such as Edward Cullen.
"The only thing that shocked her out of it was being threatened with being sent to Florida to live with Renee. She changed quickly after that. Still not the same, but better."
Alice stopped. It was almost as if she were afraid to go on. As if she wasn't quite sure how to put things so I wouldn't plan another trip back to Italy. Surely, the Volturi would not be so kind this time.
"Just tell me, Alice, whatever it is, just tell me."
"There's no easy way to say this to make it less hurtful. Edward…there's someone else."
I closed my eyes willing those words to go unspoken. I know I had brought this upon myself. I know that. I know I have no reason to feel sorry for myself, but that doesn't mean that this will make it hurt any less. The once chance that I've had at love, I've squandered. I meant for so many things to happen, so many good things for Bella. I had hoped in time she would forget about me. Even though I knew that it would be crushing, I didn't anticipate that I would have to be around to see it. But hearing that Bella had moved on and loved another, well, I would rather go through the change into a vampire a million times over. This pain was staggering.
Alice lightly brushed the hair out of my eyes and stroked it back. It was the first, well human contact I'd had in months. Even though I was dying inside, it felt good to have some semblance of closeness with someone. It's just too bad that it was all too reminiscent of what Bella used to do.
During the summer after our junior year, when for the first time in a long time, I was carefree, Bella and I would go to the meadow to talk or to read or just to get away. We would lie on the ground completely relaxed. It was the most perfect and happiest time of my life. On one such occasion, we were both reading and she was lying next to me. She put her book down and turned to look up at me. I looked over at her and she was just staring at me. For me, her eyes held a million things unsaid, but most notably warmth, contentment and love, the most precious of all. There in that meadow with the most beautiful of beauties, I had found my home. It was that feeling that I had hoped would sustain me after leaving Bella.
"Open your eyes."
I slowly opened my eyes to look at my sister.
"His name is Matthew Rogen. He moved to Forks a few months ago from Port Angeles. He's a senior too. He brought Bella back to life. Charlie loves this kid. In fact, they spend time with each other without Bella sometimes. They get along famously. He really loves Matthew."
"Please don't rub it in, Alice. I realize the position I've put us all in doesn't exactly endear me to others, but please don't be downright cruel. I'm already dreading what Jasper has in store for me for involving you in this."
She smirked at me. The little pixie, that evil pixie actually smirked at me.
"Edward, I'm telling you all of this because it is important to know your enemy. You will need to know if this you're going to fight back."
I smirked right back.
"She hates me. After all this, do you really think Bella will ever want anything to do with me ever again?"
"Yes." There it was. Quick and deliberate.
"People don't run off on a suicide mission to Italy to rescue someone they hate. She was ready to go alone to stop you! That is not the action of someone motivated by hate, but by love."
"Yes, well it certainly doesn't feel like love to me."
"Edward, she's hurt and confused. And quite honestly, I don't entirely believe this little cliff diving incident was entirely just a little fun had by Bella and a few of her wolf friends."
"Wolves? What?"
"Oh yeah, I guess I forgot about that part. Remember Jacob Black and the Quileutes? Turns out they're werewolves."
I threw my head in my hands. Could this get any worse?
"They're who you have to thank for saving Bella from drowning and from Victoria. They also saved her from Laurent. He's dead by the way. Anyway, the wolves pulled Bella from the water. Victoria was about to attack Bella. In fact, she's still out there plotting revenge against you."
I should never have tempted fate by asking if this could get worse.
"So, big brother, you have your work cut out for you. I hope you are ready to fight because you have to fight and eliminate Victoria first. Then more importantly, you have to fight for Bella. So no feeling sorry for yourself or retreating into depression. That girl loves you and would walk through fire for you. Do not doubt that. You will get her back."
"Do you really think so, Alice? Have you seen it?"
"I haven't seen anything yet. And by the way, something about the wolves affects my visions. Don't get me started on how frustrating that is. But, Edward, look at me."
I turned my gaze directly into her determined eyes.
"I don't need my visions to tell me what I already know. She loves you. You broke her, but she loves you. She is your destiny and you will be together once more. Just have a little faith in me."
"Alice?"
"Yes?"
"In case I've never told you, I love you."
Her beautiful, sweet face broke out into a smile.
"I love you more." With quite a wallop, she threw her arms around me. "And I'll help you every step of the way."
Alice's support and faith in me gave me hope. I looked back at Bella sleeping (she had finally succumbed) and wished I could hold her in my arms. Now was not the time though. Soon, I hope. It was a wild hope at best.
Morning had broken and not long afterwards, we landed in Seattle. Jasper, Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us by the gate. Jasper and Alice ran to each other, not embracing, but staring into each other's eyes.
Thank you for bringing her back to me, Edward. I'm sorry for causing all of this.
I just nodded while Esme attacked me with a hug.
"Don't ever do that again!" She whispered, her voice thick with emotion.
"Sorry, Mom. It will never happen again." She pulled away and searched my eyes as if looking for the truth.
"Promise?"
"I promise." I looked over to see Carlisle draw an exhausted Bella into a hug. How I envied him. He pulled away from her and took her face in his hands.
"Thank you, Bella, thank you."
"It was nothing really."
"It was everything. Now let's get you home." He put his arm around her waist and towed her through the airport. He through a quick glance in my direction.
Good to have you home, son. We'll talk at the house. Thank you for bringing my daughter home. Both of them.
He was far more optimistic than I was at this point. We all made our way down to the parking garage. Esme had joined Carlisle to steady Bella who was barely conscious. She smiled at her and stroked her hair. We reached the Mercedes. I stopped in my tracks glaring at Satan aka Rosalie. A few paces away, she and Emmett were standing by Rosalie's BMW. Emmett came forward and patted Bella on the head.
"Hey kiddo. Good to see you again. Let's go home."
"No." I spat out. Esme came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder.
"Let her make amends. Jasper and Alice will ride with us."
I exhaled sharply. "Fine." I couldn't say no to my mother.
Emmett was helping Bella into the back seat and I slid in after her. Rosalie got into the front passenger seat and Emmett took the wheel.
"Edward?" Rosalie squeaked out.
"Not now, Rose." I growled.
"Bella?"
"Yes, Rosalie?"
"I'm so, so sorry. Please accept my apology. I know there's nothing I can say to make it better or change what happened, but I am truly sorry."
"Then that's all that matters." Bella was fading fast and her words were garbled.
"Thank you, Bella. That is more than I deserve."
"I'll say." I muttered under my breath and I noticed Rosalie's shoulders shuddering.
I only hoped Bella would forgive me so easily.
Bella fell asleep moments later as we sped towards Forks. The darkness and mist foretold of an uncertain future. And an angry police chief awaiting the return of his only child. Soon, we were pulling into the Swan driveway.
Ed, you want back up?
"No, I just want to get this over with." I would throttle him later for calling me Ed.
The front door flew open and an irate Charlie bounded out. He was followed by a quite handsome teenaged boy. He was about my height, medium build, blonde and sizing me up as I exited the car with Bella in my arms. I surmised that this was indeed Matthew Rogen.
So this is the famous Edward Cullen.
No fooling this one. What powers of deduction this boy had. Yet, his thoughts were somewhat guarded. I filed that away. And then Charlie's anger ripped through my own thoughts.
"You son of a bitch! How dare you show your face here!"
That woke Bella up immediately.
"Dad?"
"Bella, you get inside this instant!"
"Please, Chief Swan, let me just get her inside. She's exhausted."
"No! Give her to Matthew! Before I arrest you and throw your ass in jail!"
I took a last look at Bella before handing her over to Matthew.
"Matt?" She was so groggy and disoriented.
"C'mon on, Bella, let's get you upstairs to bed."
He went inside the house taking my life with him. Charlie fixed upon me after watching the exchange.
"You…don't ever fucking come around here again! EVER! You've been nothing but trouble since Bella met you. You are not to speak to her let alone breathe the same air! Do you understand?"
"Yes, sir."
"I will be watching your every move. YOU. STAY. AWAY. FROM. MY. DAUGHTER. I don't care if you are a Cullen. You may have everyone else fooled that you're this perfect, straight A student, but you are nothing but a worthless bastard as far as I'm concerned. You've caused her nothing but heartache and suffering. She has a new boyfriend now. Someone worthy of her. Now get off my property and don't ever come back!
I nodded and got back into the car as he watched. Emmett pulled out of the driveway and took off down the street.
"You gonna be okay, Edward?"
"No."
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. I hope you enjoyed it. Constructive criticism is appreciated.