Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the plot.

Summary: LJ (Fluff, drama) When their world is so shaky, where the vague presence of Voldemort lurks in every corner, James decides that he and Lily should see Lily's family again, before it's too late. Post-Hogwarts. R&R?

Drama/Romance

The light keeps shining in the dark, and darkness has never put it out.

- John 1:5-6

"Lily?" James murmured, his head on her lap as her fingers lightly caressed his hair. He wasn't sure how to best phrase his question, because her answer had been the same every time he had asked, and this time he wanted a different one.

She stayed quiet, so he assumed that she was listening.

"Do you ever think back to our wedding?" he asked. There - a nice, general question to get her reminiscent and happy, in a good state of mind.

Lily smiled, her eyes shining with a distant memory that seemed ages ago. James was as striking as she had ever seen him, and it was very small, but very appropriate due to the climate; it was all gloom, panic, and frightening disappearances. But although the vague presence of Voldemort was like a rain cloud, following them wherever they went, the wedding had been nothing less than magnificent.

"Of course I do," she told him softly, "I still remember Sirius trying to charm the witch that was really Alice in disguise; Frank just about murdered him," she laughed.

James grinned but didn't say anything else. A powerful feeling of nostalgia was settling in. The house that was provided with every protection that the Order could cast was starting to feel like a thin film of magic was pressing on them - not unlike the air in a sticky, humid greenhouse. Still, being around Lily was what he called home.

He lifted his head from Lily's lap and used his elbows to support his weight as he looked up at his wife. Though it was no fault of his own, her once youthful, glowing face was marred with dread of what lay ahead, and what had happened. Her innocence had long since been eroded, but her soulful green eyes were still lit with raw determination, and he felt so in love with her again, her as a person, that he puckered his lips for a kiss. She cheerfully obliged.

He knew he must ask her to give up her childhood and he hated himself for it, but it was for the best.

After all, they were in the midst of a battlefield.

"I still don't feel right," he mumbled, re-arranging himself so that he was propped up against the pillow next to Lily.

"Me neither," Lily said, reaching for his hand.

He held it tightly to his heart and asked her, "What don't you feel right about?" He searched her eyes, fearful that she had misunderstood him.

"This," she said, looking around the room, and seemingly the whole world around her. When she was around the Hogwarts grounds with James, the world was so vast, so limitless, and they felt extraordinary together. Now, the world felt painfully narrow, with only one obstacle headed their way, headed everyone's way.

"Don't get me wrong," Lily said quickly, squeezing his hand. "This is what I want to do. If I could ever be a part of something that would make someone's life brighter, then this is what I'd do," she said fiercely, then softened. "But I can't help but feeling that this shouldn't have happened."

"I know exactly what you mean," James said quietly. He sat still for a minute, his mind swimming in with empty words. "What I meant though, was that I still don't feel right about not getting your father's blessing to marry you." This was only half the truth.

He heard her groan.

"Not this again, James. I'm not - I refuse to let them in now, where everything is so shaky," Lily said, her lips trembling.

"They're your parents, but they don't have to know everything. Lily, look at me. If anything happens and you can't see any of them again - your sister, your mum and dad - how will you feel knowing that they have no idea if you're okay? At least leave them with the knowledge that you're married, well, and happy," he said sincerely.

"No," Lily said shortly. "I can't, I won't. Too much can go wrong. This is where we are now, we're here." She tilted her chin upwards, an outward sign of her defiance.

"We are," James said, sighing. "But I'm saying this as a son that regrets not saying goodbye to his parents, Lily. I really think you ought to - I know you'll regret it, and I don't know if I'll be able to look at you if you do. There will come a time where you have to cut all connections with your family, Lily, but this is not the time. Keep them in your life as long as you can, Lils. They're your family."

Lily shook her head, looking somber. "I'm sorry, but I won't put them in danger. If there's one thing I'll regret though, it's the fact that Petunia and I never had a civil conversation since I first left Hogwarts. But I hope she's happy now, with Vernon," she said thoughtfully.

"You can go back," James insisted.

But Lily would have none of it.

"No, James! I can't! Don't you see?" Lily cried out, turning to glower at him with tearful eyes. "If I go back, who's to say I will be able to leave? I won't be able to, I know it! I won't tempt myself; I'll only make everything worse!"

James heart tightened, and he put an arm around her shoulder comfortingly. "You're the strongest person I know. If you go back, you will be able to leave because you love them too much to stay. I know you, Lily, you always end up doing the right thing," he told her softly, kissing her temple.

"You haven't convinced me," Lily said thickly. She dug her head into his shoulder. "That would be so cruel, seeing them after a year, only to leave them in the dust," she whispered.

"You will not leave them in the dust; you will leave them safe, hopefully, and happy. You will go," James said confidently. He didn't think he could bear it if she didn't tie up the loose ends in her own life.

"Shut up," he heard her vaguely mumble.

"I always wanted to meet your parents, anyway. The people who bloody created you, the most wonderful person ever," James said lightly, changing tactics swiftly.

"Rubbish," Lily said, amused, lifting her head to look up at him.

"Whatever you say." He gave her a peck on the cheek.

"I am a little bit frightened of meeting your dad, though," James said, a nervous tinge to his forced casual tone. "And your mum too, as a matter of fact, if she has a temper like yours," he said teasingly.

Lily punched him on the stomach, and James winced with a chuckle.

"My mother is the kindest, most down-to-earth woman I have ever known," Lily assured her husband. James didn't look convinced.

"Sirius told me the same thing about his, back in second year. Then I went over one time to say hello. Needless to say, he was calling the dragon a lizard," James said flatly. Lily cracked a smile and patted his arm comfortingly.

"Honestly, you'd have nothing to worry about. And my father, well, he's a lot like you. Brave, loyal, kind -" she started admiringly.

"Fiercely protective of you?" James interjected with a knowing smirk.

"All parents are," Lily said. This was only one dimension of Arnold Evans. He was Roman Catholic, more...conservative than her mother, and he would shout bloody murder if he found out she got married this young. One of the reasons she didn't want to go was because she didn't want James to face her father's wrath.

An awkward silence followed suit and James hoped he was making progress with the always headstrong Lily Potter.

"I think I'm going to have a nap," Lily yawned. She hoped he would forget this parent business when she woke up.

"Sleep, love," James told her absentmindedly. He ran his free hand over his jaw and concluded that he needed a shave.

"Kiss?" Lily mumbled tiredly.

"You need to ask?" James said. He kissed her shortly. Lily's lips lingered on his for an extra second, and he kissed her again, a little longer the second time. When Lily bit his bottom lip, he swooped in and captured her lips hungrily, and he made their kisses tight and hot, for everything that went wrong, and for every second of anything else that could go right.

Lily breathlessly clung to his frame and refused to let him up for air. This was a passion that was yet untapped, for shortly after their marriage there was always such tension in the air, but this was one of the few nights that left them to each other and each other only.

James was pleasantly surprised to find that his wife was quite alert, and ready for more than what was advisable. She made it clear that she was willing to give up what she had for eighteen years.

He didn't protest because he knew that in times like these he had to make the most of every opportunity. It was with this thought that he managed to flip her over so that she was beneath him. Her face a fierce shade of scarlet, and her passion emitted from her open mouth and vigilant irises.

He was breathing hard, and he dived into her mouth again, relentless in his pursuit of that Lily that so electrified his senses; the Lily that had mercilessly been forced to fade because of this bloody war, the bloody Order - damn it all, he thought heatedly. All that mattered was that in the same second he thought that thought, in the very second the thought entered his mind, Lily slipped her legs between his own and he ceased thinking with his head, and started thinking with his pants.

And they began carving out their message to Voldemort, which quite simply said: Fuck You, Voldemort. We Love.

---

"You know James, I'm not feeling very comfortable with you giving me money," Remus said off-handedly, stirring his tea nonverbally with his finger. His shabby sleeve almost got in the cup, and he rolled it up to his elbow.

"I knew you would say that," James said chirpily. He could not help but smile at almost everything in sight today. Yesterday's event felt like a ray of sunshine in the midst of storm clouds; an oasis in an otherwise barren, dry desert.

The werewolf took a sip of his tea, and said afterwards, "I'm not doing too well finding a job, but when I get one, I expect you to cut your finances immediately."

"You don't have to get a job, Moony," James told him.

"I need to be out there, keep an eye out, I can't stay inside doing nothing," Remus protested. When James glared at him, Remus quickly said, "It's different for you and Lily. Voldemort already has two strikes against you. It won't be long before they'll be openly targeting you."

"And you don't think they won't know that you're one of my best friends?" James asked him dubiously.

"I'll worry about that when the day comes. I've already come up with a proper defense," Moony countered shortly, his words leaving no room for argument.

James snorted. "Anything you come up with can be easily verified by any Hogwarts kid that went to school with us. They could testify our friendship, Moony." Remus took another sip, and accidently tipped some over onto the old table. He muttered, "Evanesco," and turned back to his best friend.

"We weren't that popular, James - oh, hi, Lily," he added suddenly as Lily walked into the kitchen with one of James's shirts. "You're doing well?" he said, looking at the red head who was pleased to see him. She nodded happily and went over to give him a light hug, and she gave James a kiss on the cheek to spare Remus some unnecessary early-morning snogging.

"And Remus? You're wrong," Lily said with a small grin. She was in a teasing-mood, a floating mood, after last night's affair. She had felt powerful, last night, like she was defying everything Voldemort was attempting to build – a world without love, possibilities and wonder.

"You guys were incredibly popular. I bet I could still find a handful of fifth years who claimed to have stolen your boxers," she informed a violently flushed Remus.

"That was purely a rumor," he said, drinking the last of his herbal tea. He wiped his mouth and stood up. "I'm going to go find a decent job; I'll come back in the afternoon. See you, stay safe." He hugged them both and placed the portable cup in his scruffy coat; then he went outside the protection to Disapparate.

"He won't stop 'til he finds one," James said irritably.

"Wouldn't you hate relying on someone else's money?" Lily asked, coming over to sit on his lap.

"It's not like we'll run out, though," James said. "I have enough gold to last a few generations, at least."

"That's not the point."

James shrugged then glanced at Lily.

"Oi, don't get too comfortable, love, I have to go see Dirk in a few," James said, but he still wrapped his arms around her. "See if I can find me some Death Eaters; try to separate the Imperiused and the independent thinkers…"

"Wait – why didn't Dumbledore let me in on this?" Lily asked.

"Dunno. It won't be because you aren't capable. Trust me," James said chuckling.

"I didn't sign up to stay here all day," Lily huffed.

"I know. But you don't have to stay here all day…"

"Did Dumbledore say anything?" she asked eagerly, her face brightening.

"No, but we can go see Mr. and Mrs. Evans, and Petty," he replied tentatively, looking everywhere but her eyes. He didn't see her face drop.

"You'd think the sex like we had last night would rattle your brains and make you forget," she grumbled disappointedly.

James's jaw fell in a mock-horrified O, but surely enough his eyes glazed over as he recalled the previous night. "You only did it with me to make me forget? Lily, I never would have pegged you as -"

"As what," she retorted testily.

"My wonderful, sexy, passionate wife?"

Lily laughed out loud. "You're insufferable. And I'm not going."

"We'll talk about this when I get back," James said sourly, lifting Lily from his lap. "I'll be back before you know it. Hell, you might not even miss me," he said tenderly. He grabbed both her hands with his own and gazed at her worried face. He kissed her forehead gently and then her mouth. These were chaste, innocent kisses that could very well be their last, though they dared not voice it aloud; they'd rather soak in each sweet moment and guard the only precious optimism they had left.

"See you later, Lily," James whispered and walked out their door and crack! He Disapparated.

"Bye, James."

She wouldn't admit it, or show it outright, but being without James made her feel cold. The day could be sunny, the fireplace warm and roaring, but it never filled the void inside of her. She hugged her middle and walked to the den, where there was a loud, crackling fire. She kept her wand with her at all times, a necessary precaution.

Then she quickly walked back to the kitchen; she pointed her wand at the door, whispering, "Colloportus." She didn't need to do this, but it made her feel just a little bit safer.

She looked around, and decided that she needed something to do, something to keep her busy, so she went to the sink and looked at the mess. She brandished her wand and the plates floated neatly into the sink.

"Scourgify."

She waved her wand and muttered "Evanseco," to vanish small puddles of water and coffee. Everything could be done manually, but she felt better knowing her wand was being put to use, as if using it would get it all nice and ready and warm in case anything happened. Her fear subsiding a little bit as her mind shifting to everyday problems, she picked up a plate and glared at a stubborn piece of dirt.

"Psst!"

Lily jumped and the plate fell to the floor with a loud crash; her heart thudded madly. She fingered her wand, and held on to it tightly. Any sudden movements and she would be ready. She checked the windows, and surveyed the room around her. The nasty feeling of dread tingled her spine again, and she desperately wanted her husband with her - now.

"Lily, it's me, Alice!" a voice hissed.

Lily tried to think with an open mind, but all she could think about was the fact that she could trust nobody, so she called out loudly, "Alice?"

"The fire!"

She whirled around, hefting her wand, and saw Alice's distinctly round face in the fire, but still she could not feel the sense of security that a best friend should feel.

"What year did we meet…Alice?" Lily squeaked. Standard security question; she's been told many times to ask a question, and she never found it necessary – but there was Alice's head in her fireplace – and she still hasn't answered, she thought hysterically.

"Oh, get off it, Lily - you've known me for -" Lily held out her wand at arm's length.

"What year, Alice!" Lily cried hoarsely. When Alice didn't speak, and was about to open her mouth, Lily shouted, "Reducto!" at the fireplace and watched it explode. Debris fell around her, and she flew to the door, thinking wildly of Death Eaters standing behind it, so close to her – so close!' "Deprimo!" she shouted at the door and hollered, "Impervius!" to shield her from the shards of wood. That should blast away any Death Eaters on her trail! But was that Alice? Was it? It was Alice – it could have been anyone else – why didn't she answer me?

She Disapparated on the spot when she got outside not even caring that she had blown the den out, and forcing herself to think of where she knew James had gone, she turned on the spot. She had been told the destination of the house by Marlene, the Secret Keeper, so she thought about Third Lane, Thumps, and she arrived there, a little dizzily. Out of breath, heart wildly beating underneath in her chest, she pushed the door open forcefully.

"James!" she cried, all kinds of horrors blossoming in her heart. "James!" she cried, fresh tears falling on the already drying trails on her cheeks.

"Lily?" she heard his voice call out hysterically, and she was about to jump into his opened arms before she saw Dirk aim his wand at her.

"Who are you?" he boomed. As an Auror, he had varying degrees of handling Dark wizards and witches. He was short, stocky and had bright blue eyes with spiky blond hair.

"Don't shout at my wife, Dirk," James growled. It was becoming hard to restrain himself from knocking him out when his wife looked so distraught. "Put your wand down!"

"James, she could be anyone -" Dirk said. James whipped out his wand so fast it was a blur.

"Dirk, you fool! Marlene gave her the Secret!" he vaguely heard Sirius bellow at an embarrassed Dirk, who lowered his wand sheepishly.

As soon as his wand stopped pointing at her heart Lily lunged at her husband and cried, mostly out of relief, and the aftershock of the mess she left behind.

"James," she gasped while he stroked her hair absentmindedly, "Alice - the house - Death Eater!" she panted, sobbing. She couldn't fathom how the person knew where she was - they needed a new hideout.

"Death Eater?" he asked incredulously, looking at Dirk and Sirius, who were palpably alarmed.

"I b-blasted the fireplace - s-she didn't know when we - f-first met and I panicked!" she cried tearfully.

"Shh," James said soothingly. "An imposter came to our house via Floo?'

"N-no, fireplace, her h-head," she said, calming down a little, James's rhythmic stroking settling her.

"And she didn't know the answer you asked her?" Sirius asked sharply.

Lily nodded numbly.

"This is really disturbing," Sirius said grimly. "James, where's Frank and Alice?"

"Alice is an Auror; she's got a whole team of Ministry workers at her command!" James said. "Honey, are you sure -"

"I don't fucking know, James! I panicked! She didn't answer my question - she could have killed me if she knew or saw anything and alerted other Death Eaters! I don't know!" she shouted, a frantic quiver in her voice.

"I'm going to go check what happened," Sirius said, standing up, furious. "Dirk, instead of sitting there, why don't you go to the Ministry and check out Longbottom?"

"I have a lot of things on my mind, Sirius, and I'd appreciate you not barking at me. We're all heavily stressed as it is," Dirk snapped.

"We could have a Death Eater on our trail and you're telling me -"

"Okay, so Lily saw someone who might, or might not be impersonating Alice -"

"She didn't answer my question!" Lily hissed angrily, prying herself from James's arms.

"- And that's lovely, Lily, but it's highly unlikely that a Death Eater could have gotten to Alice Longbottom."

"I'm going, I don't have to listen to this," Sirius snarled.

"Wait just a moment, Sirius," Dirk said hotly. "Let's say this Alice impersonator was a traitor, how could she have hurt Lily from the fireplace?"

James was about to retort, livid, before Lily stomped up to Dirk. "ARE YOU AN AUROR, OR WHAT? Who the bloody hell cares what she could've done? HOW DID THEY GET ALICE TO GO TO MY FIREPLACE! IS SHE IMPERIOUSED, OR DID THEY GET A HOLD OF HER HAIR AND USE POLYJUICE POTION? THINK OUSTIDE THE BOX YOU USELESS PIECE OF -"

"Lily!" James interjected. Lily rounded on him, and shouted wildly, "I don't want him to sit there doing nothing!"

"Don't worry, Lily, we'll get to the bottom of this. It'll be nice to get a ministry insider – I wonder where I can find such a person," Sirius said sardonically, contempt heavy as bricks in his tone.

Dirk looked weary. "If you wish, I'll attend to Mrs. Longbottom," he sighed.

"Are you bloody sure you're an Auror? I want to see your credentials," Lily barked. James gave her a look that said to relax.

"Give her a Calming Draught, James; I think I have a couple of fresh phials in the cupboard." Casting one last look of disdain at Lily and ignoring the fierce look James gave him;, Dirk marched to the front door and pulled it open. Sirius joined him at the threshold, scowling as they walked out together, immersed in heated whispers. A moment later, James and Lily heard a crack.

James then turned to Lily, who had looked very much about to explode again, but was now surprisingly, was on the verge of breaking down. She went into his arms again.

"Oh my God, James, I was so scared," she whispered. "I thought I wouldn't see you again and maybe I am acting like a fool but -"

"No, no," James said, glad she stopped crying but pained at the fact that he left her alone when all this happened. "You did absolutely the right thing," he murmured. "Who knows who you can trust?"

"I know," Lily sniffed, "but I can't help wondering so many things. And you know what? Just in case something like this happens again and I don't make it," (here James held her so tightly she could hardly breathe until she loosened him up a little. "Hypothetically," she whispered), "I want to see them. And quick."

"Are you sure?" James asked her, to make sure this wasn't the product of pure adrenaline and rash behavior due to the scare.

"Yes. As a matter of fact, let's go now," she said determinedly with a small hiccup, looking him in the eyes.

"No," James said sharply, which shocked Lily. "Not now."

"You were the one who said -"

"I know, but what would Sirius and Dirk think when they come back?" James challenged.

"They'd think we were fully capable of taking care of ourselves, right after they notice the note we left explaining where we were, because we aren't thick enough to leave without writing one," she said slowly, pulling back and crossing her arms.

There was an awkward silence.

"Err, right," James said. Maybe it was just the heat of what happened – the fact was, he didn't want to put her in any more danger, not if he could help it. But a small part of him wanted to go out and see them for their sake.

Lily ruffled his hair lovingly and conjured a piece of parchment. Lily gave him a look. Knowing there was no way to deny her at the present time, especially with her mind so set on going (and aware that now that he had made his potion, he had to drink it as well), he took out his wand.

"Sirius – and- Dirk," James mumbled, writing the note with his wand, "Going – to –Lily's – parent's house – for – business – to – be taken care – of – be back - around – afternoon – Tell Remus – James," he finished with a flourish.

"Would it kill you to conjure a quill?" Lily said in disbelief. "It would've taken you about half a minute less."

"But then I'd have to summon ink," James said as if it was obvious.

Lily rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm to drag him to the door.

"A bit clingy are we," James joked, but Lily turned to glower at him.

"I'm sorry, dear husband, if I want some security after I was nearly killed," she said scathingly. She still couldn't make the image of Alice's face out of her mind or her frightened bursts of spontaneity afterwards.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said sincerely. He bit back a reply saying that technically Alice couldn't have harmed her, and so he followed her to the door. Then he stopped abruptly.

"James, let's go – what's wrong?" she asked him worriedly when he paled.

"We can't go there!" he blurted out. He shook his head violently and pulled her back into the small house.

"What's with you now?" Lily asked exasperatedly.

"Snape lives there!" he said with the air of someone just realizing an obvious fact. "Or he used to – but they're bound to - I mean Snape would have told them that you, and -"

"Dear Merlin," Lily grumbled. Then she tapped her foot impatiently. "Don't you think the Order realized that? They knew it since fifth year! The place has been enchanted with Merlin knows what, and they're perfectly protected."

"Well, I'm sorry, but we can't just go barging in there like it's nobody's business," James snapped.

"I'm their daughter…they just don't know you're my husband," Lily said airily. "For someone who wanted to take me off and see my family, did you have any idea – bloody hell, I know more about what's going on in Spinner's End than you do and if I hadn't had that epiphany I never would have gone!"

"How do you know I'm not just yanking your wand?"

Lily set her jaw so firmly she was afraid it would shatter. "And why would you?"

"For trying to make me forget about asking you to go to your parent's house," he said smugly.

"You're so bloody complicated, and a right prick," she muttered, again grabbing his hand and marching to the door. She opened it roughly and was barely out when she closed her eyes and crack!

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