Alex had so many questions and so many emotions going on right now. She knew it was impossible for someone to explode because of an overload of emotions but tonight she felt like she just might be the first. She decided that it was best to leave the questions for another day and just focus on the one emotion she was sure about. Being happy. Truly happy for the first time in her life. Maggie had said she liked her and then kissed her. That was the kiss she had wanted when she kissed her weeks ago. There was passion behind this kiss and also a sense of longing. The kiss was fierce yet also gentle. Something Alex had never experienced before and she didn't want it to end. But with everything that Maggie had said when Alex had kissed her in the bar that night she had to make sure she wasn't losing her mind. So she pulled away even though everything in her told her not to.
"So your saying you like me. That's what I got"
Maggie nodded "Of course. You're not going to go crazy on me now are you?"
Alex smiled "probably" gazing adoringly at Maggie she went in for another kiss.
She still had so many questions. She managed to get a few of them answered in that short exchange confirming that Maggie did in fact like her. She had probably said no to Alex the first time because she was afraid. Afraid of what? Alex didn't know. But that didn't matter right now what mattered was Maggie.
Alex wanted this to continue but Maggie had brought pizza and beer. And what better way to get to know someone than over pizza and beer. She took Maggie's hand and lead her over to the breakfast bar. After handing Maggie the plates Alex leaned against the sink and just looked at Maggie. When Maggie went to hand her a plate she caught Alex staring at her with a look of adoration on her face. But Maggie being the good detective she is also noticed her eyes were scrunched slightly. Maggie just grinned that only happened when she was trying to figure something out. In this case Maggie.
"What is it Danvers?"
"Nothing. I was just thinking."
"Alex I've known you long enough to know that you're trying to work something out."
"How could you tell?" Alex asked with a slightly amused expression.
"Your eyes. They scrunch up in the corners slightly when you're working out a problem or trying to figure out a piece of a puzzle."
Alex could only smile. Maggie definitely hadn't given her the whole truth when she turned her down the first time. She still wasn't sure if now was the best time for these questions. She had just gotten 'the girl' and didn't want to make things uncomfortable so soon.
"Alex you can ask me anything and I will do my best to give you an answer."
"You sure?"
"Yes. I know you must have some questions especially considering everything I told you after you kissed me. Then I show up here and tell you something different."
"Why did you push me away the first time? By your declaration earlier you must have felt something then, but something scared you enough to let me go."
Maggie took a bite out of her pizza trying to find the exact words she wanted. She took a sip of her beer and said, "You're right I was scared. Of what exactly. I don't know. My first thought when you kissed me was how nice that was. I was so surprised at how forward you had been. That's when I went into defensive mode. Like I always do. So I said the things I did in that moment to protect myself. After you walked away I questioned why I did that. I told myself that it was ultimately to protect you. I would hurt you potentially beyond repair. But that wasn't it either. The past few weeks I had been trying to figure out what to say to you to maybe give us a shot. But I always came up with nothing. Then came the attack on L Corp tonight. Maybe I over exaggerated the dying thing but it did make think. While you were patching me up and thanked me for helping you come to terms with the fact that you were gay. It was when you said 'When you first suggested that I was gay, I denied it. And then I thought it was just about you. How could I not like you but you know deep down I still wasn't comfortable that that was my new normal. But it is my new normal and I'm happy that it is, because I finally get me. And now I realize that it wasn't about you but it's about me living my life.' I finally knew why I turned you away. You scared me. You had this confidence that I had never seen on someone before. I will also admit that knowing you had that much confidence having just come out, that if I had let you and I happen you would bring up many things from my past that I wasn't ready to face. I didn't know what to do with those feeling so I just let you go. That was a huge mistake."
Alex didn't know what to do with that information exactly. She was glad that Maggie had opened up to her but didn't know where exactly to go from there. She wasn't going to run away that she knew. She also knew that Maggie had some emotional baggage but being scared of what Alex could do to her sent up more than a few red flags.
"Maggie. Maybe your right. Maybe at that particular time it wouldn't have been the best idea for us to start dating. The universe works in mysterious ways." Alex set down her beer and walked around to sit on the stool next to Maggie. Taking a moment to gather her thoughts she took a deep breath and turned so she was facing Maggie. "I do know this. You have no need to be scared of me. I'm not going to push you into talking about your past if you aren't ready for it. And about me being confident it is mostly an act. Chalk it up to my DEO training but I was terrified about kissing you that night. When you turned me down it crushed me. I still haven't completely gotten over it. Part of me still doesn't fully trust you where my heart is concerned but I do know that when you kissed me tonight my life finally felt as if it was starting to come together. I had been right that you liked me but you were what was getting in the way of us. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. Are you?"
Maggie knew there was more to Alex Danvers than she could even begin to comprehend. This relationship still scared her. She suspected that was because Alex genuinely cared for her. Which none of her previous girlfriends had. "I am. But there is something you should know. And maybe you already do but I just need you to promise that you'll bear with me when it comes to sharing my emotions and parts of myself. I've been hurt by so many people that I have loved or just simply cared about and somewhere along the way I have built up a wall. I want you to be the one that finally tears down that wall but I can't guarantee that it will be easy."
Alex pushed a strand of Maggie's hair behind her ear and went in for another kiss. Not a passionate kiss but one that said I accept you for who you are and I'm not going anywhere kind of kiss. She pulled away and Maggie looked to finally be content. Knowing that Alex wouldn't run away when things got tough. "I think we have had enough serious talk for one night what do you say we finish this pizza over a movie?" Alex asked
"I would like nothing more than that."
Alex grabbed the pizza box and set it on the coffee table. Maggie picked out the movie. Some cheesy romantic comedy. After they had both eaten their fill of pizza Alex had stretched out on the whole couch. Not even realizing what she was doing Maggie laid down with Alex. Her head resting on Alex's chest her left arm looping around her waist and her right hand resting on Alex's shoulder. Alex couldn't remember ever felling this happy, this content. And somewhere toward the end of the movie Alex and Maggie fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.
Maggie was the first one to wake the next morning. She was confused at first not entirely sure where she was. Then she noticed the body beneath her. She smiled at the sleeping Alex Danvers. She looked like an angel when she slept. All traces of the serious DEO agent disappeared and the look of utter peacefulness took over her face. That made sense. In their line of work they dealt with some pretty intense, often times gruesome things. If the case wasn't bad enough to bring into your dreams, sleep would be the only time you would get to be carefree. She didn't have the heart to wake her so she just laid there listening to Alex breathing and thinking back on the conversation they had last night. She had heard everything Alex had said regarding her. They had known each other for 2 months and Alex knew so much about her, without asking to many questions. Everything Alex had learned was just from observing the detective. It was true that Maggie had done the same but she hadn't gleaned nearly as much info. She was a detective she was supposed to 'detect things'. She knew that if she was going to make things work with Alex she would have to open up. Revealing parts of her past that terrified her. But that didn't have to happen for a while. Just talk about the usual first date kind of things that she still doesn't know about you. Suddenly she was aware of a hand
running through her hair.
"Whatcha thinking about Sawyer?"
Maggie turned her head to look at Alex, "Us and our future. I want to take things slow Alex. You do mean a lot to me and I don't want to screw this up. Because let's face it I will be the one that does."
"Maggie…"
"No Alex its true. Why do you think my ex dumped me 'I'm hard headed, insensitive, obsessed with work and also borderline sociopathic' There was some truth to that and I was serious last night when I said a relationship with you scares me. Because of what I do to people."
"Maggie I don't think your ex had everything right. You're not insensitive or sociopathic at all. You just don't' know how to feel your emotions. Or at the very least show them. I didn't know your ex but something tells me that she was more of the insensitive one for not noticing that wall you had put up. Sounds like she was just dating you for your looks."
At that last statement Maggie had to chuckle. The more time she spent with Alex the more she realized how foolish she had been. "There may be some truth in that. But I also want to take things slow because this is a whole new world for you. And judging by the fact that you just defended my honor to a woman that doesn't even matter anymore you must care about me a lot."
"I do Maggie and I want nothing more than to make you happy. Now where do you want to go for breakfast. I'm afraid I've got nothing as far as food is concerned."
"There is a great little bakery 2 blocks south that not only has exceptional baked goods but equally as exceptional coffee."
"That's good because the coffee is the most important part. Let me get some real clothes on and we can head out."
Maggie watched her walk to her bedroom and was struck again by how beautiful she was. With the conversations that had happened in the last 12 hours she knew she didn't have to worry about Alex. Maggie just had to get over herself and let Alex in.