I thought we were in love. I thought we would overcome all our challenges. I thought it didn't matter that we belonged to different worlds.
I thought he would choose me over his life there.
But I was wrong. I was so very wrong.
Was he just fooling me? Were all the 'I love you' s and 'you are the most important thing in my life' s all lies?
No, no he wouldn't do that. …Right?
I don't know anymore. I feel like the past 5 months have been a lie. Every kiss, every hug, every hour spent playing soccer, eating watermelons and watching the sunset. It all feels unreal.
As if I was playing a character in a show. And if I was, I have to say I played it damn well. The rare girlish blushes, frequent bouts of anger and competitiveness- I did it all flawlessly. And he too played his part beautifully.
I must have been acting in a fairytale story- the most unrealistic and naïve kinds.
Now I have to move on. He has chosen responsibilities over me.
Now I want to try to forget. He has stolen five precious months of my life. There is no way for me to get them back, but I can sure as hell try my best to make up for that lost time.
I'll show him that I don't need him.
Naturally I always question myself. Should I have foreseen this?
Could there be someone else?
No, Toushiro would never do that to me. Would he?
Is Momo really just a sister figure to him? How well did I really know Hitsugaya Toushiro? Who did I spend five months of my short human life in love with?
Am I being ignorant and refusing to accept the big picture? I guess I am.
Because he would never do things without thinking them through first, I think. But, does that mean I was thought through too? And finally after five months he decided our relationship had become too much of a hassle?
I had known from the beginning that the relationship would not be an easy one. I guess I was lost in my girlish dreams of the forbidden romance. Between a Human and a Shinigami. Maybe something like that cannot exist.
Was I wrong in thinking that we could be something for real?