Edward or Jacob, natural mortal enemies. She is in love with them both and she has to choose between them. It's a dilemma she has to live with. Now she had finally found a solution.
She wants both of them.
But, what do Edward and Jacob want? Would Bella get what she wants? Story set after ECLIPSE, not including the epilogue.
First smutty story, please be nice. And review…
While I sat crossed legged on the huge bed in Edward's room, our room, looking the third finger of my left hand; which was rested on top of my lap; my mind wandered through some of the events that had take place on my existence. I had to admit that my life had been much easier two and a half years ago, when I was alone; living with my mother and her new husband, under the pleasant and familiar heat of Phoenix.
After I moved to Forks with my dad, under the constant cover of clouds and surrounded by the evergreen forest; all that I known, all that I cared about, all what I believe in… everything in my world was turned upside down.
But the easy way is not always the most satisfactory one, is it? Sometimes is necessary to walk a through a hard way to get to one want.
Ever since Edward showed up in my life, I had been the happiest person in the world; even though our relationship was most of the time strained in some way, he being a vampire and me being a human.
Edward was everything I could ever ask, much more than that. He was the personification of perfection; even though he had his flaws. But those flaws made him, unbelievably, even more perfect than he already was. If than was humanly possible… But well, he was not human after all.
After that horrible accident in my 18th birthday and after Edward and his family decide to leave Forks in behave of my own safety; I felt as if I had drawn in a sea of hopeless, a sea of despair. I felt as if I was never going to be the same.
And how right I was then.
Those months after Edward's departure, was my darkest time. But eventually the sun came out, my sun came out.
Jacob.
He radiated brightness; he was the one who give me light in that dark time of mine, the one who pulled me out of the sea of hopeless. He was all I had for a long time, I loved him. Nevertheless, his feelings for me were way too different of mines for him; his feelings went beyond from a mere friendship. Yet, there were times when I pondered if I could be happy with him, not if he could make me happy; of that, there was no doubt. It was me the one who had obstacles to reach happiness; it was me who was broken beyond repair… The question was: Was I willing to be fixed by someone else besides the one that had broken me?
The trip to Italy, after Alice's vision, cleared up that question. No. I was not willing to be fixed by someone else besides Edward. After that visit to The Volturis, and after I had experienced in my own flesh what it was like to live with the absence of Edward; it was quite clear that my life without him was not life at all.
Edward and his family's return had created an abysmal distance between Jacob and me in some way. I knew it was mostly because deep inside Jacob had the hope that someday I would come to my senses and finally accept him as more than just a friend. That hope of his was, if not destroyed, at least diminished when Edward was back in my life. I missed Jacob day and night; I missed his company, his laugh, his face, and our careless afternoons in his garage… I missed my friend.
It had been three weeks since the new born's battle. Three weeks since I had realized that I loved Jacob as more than a friend, since I realized what he always knew; that I was indeed in love with him. Three weeks since the last time I saw him, lying on his bed all injured. Three weeks since I made my choice and agreed to marry Edward; because I was sure that that was the right thing to do. And I do not regret that decision. I really don't.
Then, why I'm not happy about it?
I knew that I had the answer. I knew it was because Jacob had become an essential part of my life. I had become as dependent of his presence, as I was dependent of Edward's presence. I knew my life could not continue in the right way if Jacob wasn't in it. But I also knew I wouldn't be able to have him in my life as just a friend anymore, not after I discovered my real feelings for him. Edward knew that as well and even though he would never say a thing about it, I knew he was nervous and afraid that I might be having second though about him. The reality was that I wasn't having second thoughts about him or the wedding. I wasn't having any kind of second thought. Well… maybe about one thing.
I was absolutely positive that I could not undergo to live without Edward, not again. And the reason I wasn't completely happy with the wedding, was because it would determine the end of my friendship with Jacob, the end of any kind of relationship with him. And it was not the wedding per se, it was what would happen after the wedding. My transformation.
So, my decision was made after hours and hours of thought. I knew that Edward as well as Jacob would be pleased with it. Jake would be ecstatic and Edward… well, he would be ecstatic as well.
Because if they had something in common, was that all they ever wanted was for me to choose not to be transformed, to choose that my heart kept beating, to choose life…
I had moved to the Cullen house a week ago, in persistence of Alice. She claimed that the wedding's plans would be way easier if we were under the same roof. Charlie had taken both news, the wedding and my moving, like it was expected; his reaction was near of a heart attack, but he said he had saw it coming, so he was not as aggravated after he came out of the shock.
Firstly, the wedding date was due to august 13th; for I was not going to wait to turn nineteen to be transformed. However, after I informed Edward of my decision of stay human; he convince me that there was no rush for the wedding, and it would give Alice more time to plan it. Now it was said, it let me with another problem apart from Jacob.
Edward was still determined to wait until the after the wedding to have sex, even after what he said on our meadow; that we would do things my way. But I couldn't complaint; we were doing things in my way… that day in the meadow he was willing to do it and I had convinced him to wait after we were married, contradicting myself. But now, with the wedding months away, I wasn't sure I could carry out with the promise I made.
Two cold arms wrapping around my waist drifted me away of my thoughts and bringing me back to the present. Edward settled his chin where my left shoulder and my neck met. My heart went wild with his touch, as it did every time with just the mere knowledge of his presence near me.
"I should be used by now… but it is still utterly frustrating not to know what is going through your head. It drives me crazy" he whispered the last part in my ear in his velvety voice, washing all the space around us with the scent of his breath and sending shivers down my spine. My heart skipped a beat and it took everything I had inside of me, just to find my voice.
"Well, I guess you will have to learn how to live frustrated" I said with my voice cracking.
"You know, that is not the only frustration I have. Maybe you could help me with one" he nuzzled the crook of my neck.
Kissing his way from the left side of it, passing the back of my neck and finally reaching the right side of it. I tilted my head to a side to grant him more space. I gasped when his cold tongue made contact with the heated skin of my neck, then it moved upward to the spot behind my ear. I couldn't help but moan when he nibbled my earlobe at the time that one of his hands slid underneath the blouse I was wearing and grazed the side of my waist.
I was overtaken by his actions; the most far we have got in our physical relationship was kissing. And there were rare occasions when the kiss got too carried away. But this was the first time that his tongue make contact with any part of my body, and I mean any; even my lips. Which were craving to taste him in all his glory.
I knew this was difficult for him; he had to go step by step. Probing to see how far he could go under control. I wanted to make this as easy as possible for him. I turned around slowly in his embrace, not wanting to startle him.
Now we were both kneeled on the bed in front of each other. One of his hands was still under my blouse, now in my lower back, while the other was resting in my waist. I reached a glance to his perfect face. The fine line of his jaw, the smooth and stony lips I had grown to know so much, his gold smoldering and piercing eyes…
He lifted the hand that was on my waist to cup my face on it, and leaned in to kiss me. The kiss was gentle at first, our lips moving softly; he slowly picked up the pace, making the kiss more urgent. My hands went to the back of his neck as he licked my upper lip, silently asking for entrance, elating a moan from me in response. I was stunned that he would go this far, this was so completely new to me, to both of us.
My mouth opened on its own accord as his cool breath mingled with mine. Tentatively and slowly, his tongue reached into my mouth, searching the unknown and unexplored area. After what seemed an eternity of becoming acquainted with my mouth, his tongue finally met mine, touching for the first time. As soon as they met, a current of electricity shot through me, and I could tell that he felt it too.
He broke the kiss much too soon for me and laid my back softly on the pillows. He was hovering on top of me now, resting his weight on his elbows and forearms, one at each side of me, so he wouldn't crush me. His mouth kissed my cheeks moving to the side of my neck where he, more confident now, slid his tongue, placing wet kisses all around it. My breathing was coming erratically now and I felt as if my heart was about to burst out of my chest at any time.
"I… I've ch-changed m-my mind" I stuttered between pants
"What do you mean you've change your mind?" Edward asked while he moved to the other side of my neck.
"I… I told you, you would be the first to know" I said trying to control my breathing. I took his face in both my hands and lifted it so I could see his eyes "I don't want to wait. I want to do it. Now" I said, surprised of the confidence with which I managed to say it.