Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. I am afraid to go to sleep. If I closed my eyes, I would have the same nightmare of emptiness, which I had every night. I still wonder what would have happened if I didn't turn my back on the cliff when I wanted to jump. Would I be in the same place as I am now or would I be in a better, happier place? But right now, anything seemed better and happier than this. Jacob and his pack were outside right now trying to protect me from Victoria. What would have happened if I hadn't gone to the ballroom? Maybe the tracker would still be following us. Maybe I'd be dead. But both of those options sound better than what I've done in the past few months. Maybe if I hadn't agreed to go to the baseball game all those months ago, Edward would still be with me, and Victoria wouldn't be hunting me. Just the mere thought of Edward still being with me burns the hole in my chest even bigger, if that's even possible.

I had never noticed before, but now that I think about it, Charlie has a really loud snore. But that might just be me sobbing. Nighttime was the only time that I could really let myself let go. I could think more clearly without everyone around me feeling sympathy.

I was disturbed from my thoughts when I heard a small noise from my window. It's either Victoria finally getting her revenge or it's Jake who has come to give me an update. It doesn't matter who it is. If it's Victoria, I would be somehow grateful. She could kill me and relieve me of this pain. If it was Jake, I could at least get reassurance that I hadn't lost everything when I broke down.

I laid my head down on my pillow and closed my eyes waiting for the blackness and nightmares take me over again. I heard the knock again, this time, a little quieter and more impatient. Maybe Victoria would get more pleasure in killing me in my sleep.

This nightmare was a bit different from my other ones. I felt really cold this time. I was walking beside Jake. We walked deeper and deeper into the woods, until I realized where we were. I had been here before, just few agonizing moths ago. I looked to Jacob beside me, he smiled, and I returned it as much as I could manage. I continued to walk forward. The forest didn't seem to change. As much as I walked, it seemed to be on a continuous loop in distance. I started walking toward the house, but the house just seemed to get farther away. I took a quick glance to my side, but Jacob wasn't there. I looked back at the house and started running towards it. As much as I ran, the house just kept getting further away and I started screaming.

"Bella." I heard a soft, velvety voice whisper in concern. This has got to be the worst nightmare I've had. His voice just seemed too real. "Bella, wake up." I heard the voice say again. I screamed even more. Why couldn't I just wake up from this nightmare?

"Bella, Bella!" I heard my dad call to me as he shook me up. My eyes opened and I saw the concerned look on his face. I could tell why. I had never screamed so much from my nightmares.

"I'm fine. Just had another nightmare. Good night," I reassured my dad. He gave me one more concerned look and I could tell that he didn't buy what I had just told him, I don't think I believed it either. I closed my eyes and waited for another nightmare to shake me awake once again.

I felt the same rush of coldness reach me as I re-entered my nightmare. I wasn't in the same place as before, it was a more dense part of the forest. Some place that seems familiar but I can't put my finger on. Something about this place makes me want to curl up on the hard, cold ground and cry about what I have lost.

I did a full 360o turn looking for Jacob. He wasn't anywhere I looked. That instantly made me feel even worse. I looked to a break in the trees in which I can see rays of sunlight. I started to walk towards the sunlight. The sunlight didn't seem to be getting any further away so I decided that this was a good sign. I continue my walk towards the light and when I got close enough, I could hardly make out a more than perfect human figure. I walked even closer and saw the amazing face of my angel. I started to run towards him. To just feel his arms wrap around me would exceed anything that I had ever hoped of feeling again. I guess that after all these months of bad dreams, a good dream was long over due.

I pushed myself even faster. I couldn't hold back. But the more I ran, the farther away he got. I couldn't stop though, knowing that my only reason for staying alive was right there. I kept pushing myself forward until I was completely engulfed my darkness. I screamed.

"Bella, please wake up," a velvety voice pleaded in my ear. This nightmare is even worse than the first one. This seems so real. The soft, smoothness of his voice. The way light puffs of air would blow down on my neck when he used to whisper in my ear. Why did I have to live through all this torment?

"Bella, please," I heard it plead again. "Bella, I'm begging you. Wake up," the voice begged. I couldn't take it anymore. I let out the most terrifying scream that even I was startled.

I sat bolt upright, trying to catch my breath. The door to my room opened and Charlie cam rushing in, gun in hand. I think I would have laughed at that if I wasn't recovering from the worst nightmare I had ever had.

"Are you okay?" Charlie asked, panting. I don't know what Charlie expected to find in my room that would drawn him to bring in the gun.

"Yeah, another bad dream. Sorry," I apologized.

"Bella, this isn't normal. I know that He was your first love in all, but even I'm not so naive to know that it takes this long to recover from a bad breakup. Don't girls normally just sit on their couch for a week, watching soap operas and drowning themselves in ice cream?" Charlie asked as he was just starting to calm down.

"I guess. If you'd like, I can go downstairs now, find myself a bucket of ice cream and sulk," I suggested.

"Maybe you should consider going to your mom's again. I'm not saying that I want you to get out, I'm just saying that you staying here, where He was, isn't helping you."

"Night dad," I told him, not wanting to discuss this issue any further. As I laid my head down once again, I felt the tears stream from my face. Maybe I should go to Renée for just a little while.

I didn't want to go back to my nightmares. Maybe if I just stayed awake a tiny bit longer… But I couldn't do it, my heavy eyelids won the fight and I was pulled under once again. I was just floating in darkness, nothing else. I thought I was actually going to be able to get some rest in tonight. I felt calming to have nothing around me, making me scream my self awake and scare Charlie even more.

It was then that I realized that my dream couldn't be a good thing. Not once in almost five months have I had been relaxed while I slept. I shot upright and felt a major head rush. I was heavily panting.

"Are you alright?" I heard a velvety voice say. So this is my nightmare. After the last two, I felt no use to fight this one and just let it happen.

I turned around and saw Edward lying on my bed, just beside where I was just lying moments ago. His perfectly smooth face. His amazing bronze hair. His golden eyes. Why did my nightmares has to be so vivid?

If this is all a dream after all, I might as well enjoy it. I crawled over to him on my bed so that I was facing him and I put my lips right onto his.

I could tell that he was shocked at first but then he put his hands on either side of my face and pulled me closer. Another reason why I know this is a dream; Edward would have never been so careless with me. This would have put his self control to the ultimate test.

I decided to enjoy the moment even more my putting all I had into the kiss. Edward seemed to sense this and did the same.

"I love you," Edward whispered when I took a breath. I pulled myself off of him immediately and got up from the bed. I was still facing him and he was confused.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. "Go away," I demanded. I don't know how much more of this I could take. Once he told me he love me, it was too much. I knew that my dream was getting way out of hand and I had to end it before I woke up screaming.

"Bella," He pleaded.

"Go away!" I said again. "I can't do this."

"Please."

"Just, go," I said. My eyes still closed, I rose my arm and pointed in the direction of the window.

"If it was something I did," Edward started. He didn't finish as I felt tears streaming down my face. I could tell that he knew I wasn't joking.

I didn't want Edward to leave, but I knew that if I got to caught up in something that wasn't real, I would just find emptiness again. My dreams were getting more and more vivid.

And at that, the blackness swallowed me once again.