It's hard to miss people when your brain is fogged by alcohol and drugs. And that's what they had been doing, blurring out the memories of Toki with partying.
Oh, no, no, we don't miss people
Oh, we can hardly tell that they're gone
Maybe the others had an easier time of it, but Skwisgaar couldn't stand to be sober. If she felt the veil slipping, it was right back to the drugs- before this, she hadn't been one for the harder stuff, but lately she had taken a liking to meth. It was better than the other drugs- on it, she couldn't remember her own name, much less that Toki had been taken by that fucker and was most likely suffering greatly.
It worked best in combination, though. Enough meth, the right amount of booze, and a whore, and it was easy to convince herself that Toki was not only okay, but just down the hallway, working on her dumb model airplanes and shoving sugar free candy in her mouth. Not just okay, but- happy. She could convince herself Toki was happy.
But it didn't last long at all. Too many reminders of what had happened. The remaining members of the band travelled practically everywhere, and every night was a different spot laden with drugs and booze and groupies. Skwisgaar wasn't even keeping track of where they were anymore, she just allowed herself to be herded back on to the Dethkopter at the end of each night and sleep off the exhaustion before landing and starting again.
But no matter where they were, they couldn't escape the news. Every source of media that they passed was plastered in Toki. Reporters hounded them with the bright flashes of cameras and the repeated question "where is Toki?" no matter how many times "no comment!" was shouted back at them.
There were easier times, though. Charles, informing them that record sales had boomed in the days since Toki's disappearance. Pickles, telling her about a hallucinogenic-induced dream where the drummer had shot wolves with Palin, managed to get a weak smile out of the lead guitarist. Natalie shitting in a bag and giving it to one of the GMILFs leaving the Dethkopter had actually gotten a snort out of her.
And the groupie, from the small selection that been travelling with the band, the one with the curly hair and the freckles, who had the same unfailing happiness as her missing bandmate, and would let the guitarist lay in her lap and put up with the unbearable crankiness that overtook Skwisgaar the more sober she was, and was still there in the morning- she helped. Not in any way that really mattered (it wasn't like she could bring back Toki- and that was all that would really help) but she made it easier to forget, for a few hours. Skwisgaar appreciated it.
Oh, no, no, we don't miss people
Oh, we hardly notice that they're gone
Skwisgaar was very sober. And very unhappy. They had been ripped straight from Cancun and the booze and illegal drugs and shoved right into the hands of Klokateers, who took the filthy clothes off them, cleaned their skin and hair, and shoved them into clean attire, deaf to the screamed abuse from the band members. Every one of them was suffering withdrawal from alcohol and whatever drug they had taken to for escape. It was cool on the pedestal, but the band was sweaty and shaking- and angry.
Ishnifus stood before them. He had been silent for the past few moments, allowing them to get their bearings, but the beard parted and he began speaking.
"Ladies, I must speak to you on behalf of the Church of the Black Klok. My words will never be as weighty as they are right now. This is a challenge for you."
You must be heroes.
Natalie had sent their answer to Charles and Ishnifus- a unanimous no.
Skwisgaar may have not been the smartest, but even she knew that they couldn't be heroes- they were fucking idiots. Incredibly musically talented idiots, but what did that matter when they couldn't save their own bandmate?
She knew it had been their fault. Her fault. The band as a whole had never treated Toki particularly well, but she had been the cruelest by far. If they had been kinder (if she hadn't been so mean) Toki would have never gone to the stupid fucking camp to find friends- never would have come to trust Magnus, whose name brought a grimace to the guitarist's face- never would have been kidnapped. And stabbed. Possibly dead. The thought of Toki dead made her eyes sting, an unfamiliar, wholly uncomfortable feeling.
The news didn't help at all. With the upcoming concert, there had hardly been any news that wasn't about Toki's disappearance. She hadn't been seen in public- of course she hadn't, she was probably locked up in some horrible place somewhere- and to the fans, that could mean anything.
And they had to play this concert. Without Toki. Another unfamiliar thing. Over the years, the two guitarists had done everything from glaring at to arguing with to flat out fighting onstage- but they had always been up there together. They had to be, who else would they ever be with?
Until now she had managed to fill the hollow feeling with partying and sex, but that had all been taken from her, and with the blinding stage lights right in her face and her guitar back in her hands after weeks of being replaced with bottles and needles, she was faced head on with the harsh feeling of being incomplete.
Natalie seemed to be doing fine, though, her growl echoing through the venue, the spotlight on her making sure the others were shrouded, and the hologram being set up wasn't seen.
"It's good to be here tonight! Lemme hear ya!"
The crowd shrieked their usual- the names of each member, the pleas for marriage and for some truly strange fetishes to be fulfilled- she had never understood the "Explode Me" thing. Natalie's arm extended to her left, where the spotlight shone on the hologram, a Klokateer right by the controls. Though she knew it was entirely fake, the sight of her bandmate eased Skwisgaar.
"And on rhythm guitar, Miss Toki Wartooth!"
It happened too fast- the Klokateer fell into the controls- the hologram morphed and scratched before disappearing, words she didn't bother to read replacing the fake guitarist- the fans cheers and begging replaced by booing and a rising chant of "We want Toki back!"- yeah, well she fucking wanted Toki back too, and look at how that was going.
Skwisgaar hardly even noticed the venue practically coming down around them, the Gears surrounding them as per usual with shows as dangerous as this, then another unfamiliar thing that Natalie had noticed before them.
"Oh my god, they're leaving the show." She was shocked, they were all shocked- Skwisgaar hadn't experienced anybody leaving a show since Fuckface Academy, when even her guitar wasn't enough to make up for the pure shit that was the rest of the band.
"We don't want our fans to go!" Pickles had to practically jump to see the fans leaving over the shoulders of the Klokateers. Natalie shoved through them with a grim look on her face. The microphone was raised to her mouth again, she practically shook the walls.
People of the world, I want you to know- Toki! We're coming to save you!
We are running out of time. You've trained and you've been primed.
Charles didn't lie- they had trained, and trained hard. Skwisgaar especially, had thrown herself into training, pushing her body to and beyond her own limits. It hadn't been easy in the slightest, but it had its rewards- before training, her sleep had been worthless, loaded with nightmares and fitful. Now she slept like a rock, completely still and dreamless.
Skwisgaar felt strong now. She had always thought her worth was tied to her skill, that without her guitar, she was another regular jackoff, and with Toki's kidnapping, with her guitar being replaced by drugs and whores, the feeling of worthlessness had only gotten worse. But now, with the training and the gifts from Charles and the fat man in the wheelchair, things out of spy movies, and her faith in herself restored- now she felt like a god. She felt able to save Toki.
The rest blurred together. Ishnifus's speech to them about the Doomstar, the fat man's anger at them for their refusal of that word (everyone kept repeating sister no matter how many times they were corrected with bandmate), none of it mattered, until Charles stood in front of them in the cold that stung even the bones of the Swede.
His words, however, stung worse. Their manager was abandoning them when they needed him most- hadn't he learned what happened when he left them to take care of themselves? His final words to them, especially (you will have been the greatest work I've ever done in my entire life), felt more like Natalie had punched her in the chest than a goodbye. She didn't like the feeling- when had they stopped the not caring thing? She was beginning to miss that. Caring meant hurting, apparently.
But the robot disappeared, and they were led onto the Dethkopter, headed for who knows where. They still had to find Toki, or all the training would have been a waste. The band surrounded the monitor table, joined yet again by Ishnifus, who was urging them to figure out the clue, there had to be one. Magnus's face flashed across the table, and Skwisgaar felt her own face twist in disgust at the sight. She wasn't alone, though. None of them looked happy to see him.
It became obvious soon enough, though. Odin bless Pickles and her reasoning abilities. The news was like another hit to the chest, knocking the wind right out of the guitarist. That was their clue, the venue for Toki's first gig-
The Depths of Humanity.
Being faced with their old haunt was, in a word, appalling. Skwisgaar had for the most part forgotten about the filth they used to roll around in, and to have to go in there again was the least appealing idea she'd heard in years. But it was for Toki.
Ishnifus's warning wasn't necessary. They knew well how awful this place was- what they weren't expecting, however, was to be faced with even more from their past. Their old manager- old groupies- even her old guitar teacher.
But her focus was on Toki, even as the people they had left behind came at them, demanding repayment. She nudged Pickle, voice raised an octave in stress despite her attempt to not let the people from the past hear them. "We needs to finds a clue, I'll look if you do too-" but she caught something out of the corner of her eye- maybe she was just grasping for straws in her desperation to get the fuck out of here, but as she neared it, the air went out of her again. She lifted her shaking hand (they had never shaken before, another terrible new feeling) and snatched the paper from the wall.
"I think I know where she is."
The band rehearsal space certainly looked worse for wear. Had it been this bad when they had used it? Back then, it had been a step forward, an actual rehearsal space rather than a garage or a storage unit. Another perk of signing with the record, but moving in there had practically been like a milestone.
Now it looked like another unpleasant memory they had to return to for the sake of saving Toki- and while Skwisgaar would have done much worse for the younger guitarist, she was not enjoying this. At least this would be the last of it. No more disgusting bars or broken down warehouses, no more having to see him, no more having the word sister shoved at them. They could just get Toki and get home and go back to normal, right?
Ishnifus had rejoined them, and for the time being, they stared at the old building. Eventually, Natalie said aloud what they had all been thinking.
"Abigail and Toki… They might behind these walls."
"It must be you that rescues them, but I can help you through this door." Ishnifus responded, ever hopeful.
"At times like this I wonders, should we bes a one guitar band?" Skwisgaar allowed herself to speak, having kept her own feelings quiet for the most part. It hurt to think, but it made sense. If Toki had never joined Dethklok, Magnus would have had no way to hurt them. They wouldn't have had to fight for their bandmate- she wouldn't be hurt. As instable as her captors were, Skwisgaar knew there was a very low chance that she had been safe.
"I shtill think you're crazy fools- a schetup is at hand." Murderface hissed, separated from the band with her arms crossed.
"And I think we're in for the fight of our lives." Pickles muttered.
"Is it all worth it? One of us could die." Natalie questioned. Skwisgaar had a brief, terrible thought (it would be worth it) but she shook it away as they entered the building. There was nothing worth losing any of the band members. She'd never tell any of them that, but it was true.
They didn't get anywhere before being surrounded by what looked like zombies, but that couldn't be right- zombies were lifeless. These people were breathing harshly, blind rage written all over them, but they parted, and for a second she thought they were going to let the band go-
Until she saw the hulking monster in the mask, coming towards them at a pace that only added on to their fear. She could feel it; it was practically tangible, even Natalie was scared. The mutual feeling from the four band members was clear: we're fucked.
"Run, I order you!" Ishnifus broke though the surrounding mass, stronger than they had ever seen him. "I'll create a distraction so you can break through- don't look back, whatever you do!"
Natalie practically shoved them out of the way and into the stairwell. There was a light coming down, the same unnatural blue as the star the Church had been so obsessed with. The frontwoman didn't follow them at first, until Pickles shouted down- "Natalie, come on!" and she turned to them, looking more horrified than Skwisgaar had ever seen her. The blue light turned red, and she understood what had happened.
They emptied onto the roof, hearts pounding in their chests from both what they had seen and running up several flights of stairs. It took a moment for them to gather themselves, finally somewhat calming. The only way to completely relax in this hellhole was to be dead.
"My god. They killed him." Natalie muttered. It was stating the obvious, but hearing it from their leader cemented the fact in their brains. Skwisgaar had been silently hoping that when they left, the old man would be there with them, as he had been up until now. Apparently, they couldn't complete their task without losing people.
Murderface turned away from them, as she always was, out of hatred or insecurity or whatever, Skwisgaar didn't know- but Natalie pulled her back. A somewhat familiar feeling rose up in her (it was rare, only occurring during those rare concerts where everything was right, back when they had signed the contract, when they first brought Toki into the band), one that could only be described as strength in numbers. They were something- band or family or team- but what mattered was that they were together. But they were missing someone. And as they turned toward the door that would lead back into the building, the message was clear.
Let's do what we came here to do.
Skwisgaar was right behind Natalie, would have outrun her if the frontwoman hadn't been taking out the obstacles that kept them from their goal with ease. Every step brought her closer to Toki, and although it may have just been the adrenaline, with every step she felt- more. More whole. More strong. More alive.
The sight of Toki, however, nearly brought her to her knees. There was no fighting the harsh waves of disgust at the state of the other guitarist, clearly abused, possibly dead-
But she kept moving toward her sister, and the second Pickles and Natalie got Toki down, she was in Skwisgaar's arms, held maybe a little too tight considering her emaciated state, but the older couldn't help it. She had her sister back, and there was nothing that could separate them again. Abigail was brought down, and so Toki was moved to the other arm so Skwisgaar could support their producer.
The moment of joy was brief, ended by the red light cast in by the Doomstar interrupted by a massive shadow. The noise produced from what was obviously the metal-faced monster would have sent the band into a panic before, but now, they simply stood, tall and close together.
"You took my brother from me."
Natalie stepped forward, facing the monster.
Well we'd rather burn in Hell then let you take ours.
Everything after that was a blur. She remembered the monster dying, but leaving no body. Magnus's body was found later. None of them wanted to see it. She remembered escaping the wretched building, the people who had trapped them before simply separating as they left. Getting onto the Dethkopter, making sure Toki was taken care of, and finally picking up her guitar. It was like a religious experience. They had all been rebirthed.
And now they played, on a stage high above the humans who once again screamed for them. Played on pedestals, like gods. It felt right, as if they were whole again. A band, yes, the greatest one the world had ever seen- but also a family. Sisters. Gods, together above all.
Skwisgaar looked to Toki, and grinned.