[[Written for the May-July prompt ("Emotions run wild") of the Groskettes club on Deviantart. This is more of a humorous fic than a romantic one, which is shame cause I really like Bloom/Hannah.
Spoilers: For Azran Legacy, but just regarding Bloom, Targent and maybe Inspector Grosky? Oh, and Unwound Future. The description is even kinda spoiler-y. Sorry.
Set: After AL and the episode "Bloom at Large". ]]
Groskettes vs. Laytonites
Detective Bloom didn't want to be here.
He would much prefer being back in prison or having his head on Targent's chopping black. According to his sources, Targent had improved since the 'honourable' Swift took over, but Bloom's choice to join the British intelligence services was unforgivable. Bloom had been branded a traitor. Well, a bigger traitor than he'd been before. Now he had to be constantly on guard, as did his colleague...
They made the most the most unlikely duo: he an ex-Targent mole, she a refined fashionista with uncontrollable passions. She was raucous, disordered, airheaded, obsessive, petty... (The list went on.) Yet, she also possessed a burning determination to follow tasks through to the bitter end. For this Bloom had to admire her, reconsidering his initial plans to abandon her and their newly formed detective agency.
But then Hannah had made him attend this... this debate, as she'd called it. The term 'debate' suggested a formal discussion between two opposing sides...
"INSPECTOR GROSKY IS THE REAL HERO!"
"PROFESSOR LAYTON WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST!"
"SHUT UP, CHEST LICKER-!"
...This was not a debate.
Admirers of Inspector Grosky and Professor Layton screamed at each other from opposite ends of the room. Much to Bloom's horror, Hannah had decided their office would be the perfect meeting place for her 'Groskettes' fan club, which had grown in membership since Grosky had gotten promoted. Today Hannah had invited the 'Laytonites'— a slightly larger group consisting mostly of girls from the professor's archaeology class— to settle once and for all who was the true champion.
To say emotions were running wild was an understatement. Bloom face palmed as Hannah adjusted a microphone on her desk-made-podium.
"Order! Order! We do not use language such as that," Hannah shot a glare at the Laytonite who had thrown the 'Chest Licker' insult. "I now invite to the stand the Laytonites' president, Rosetta Stone to share her praise for Professor Layton."
A glamorous ginger haired woman stood up and snatched the microphone. She started pouring her heart out about 'Professor L', regaling how he'd solved so many mysteries, saved countless people, towns and the entire world.
"Inspector Grosky helped Layton a lot during those cases," one Groskette pointed out.
"But most of the time he just screws up," Rosetta argued. "He should butt out and leave all the crime solving to Professor L."
"Oh really? I thought the professor was too busy getting distracted by puzzles to care—!"
Rosetta retorted, "You're just jealous 'cause he's, like, way smarter than Inspector Idiot—"
"If he's so smart, what makes you think Layton would fall for a dumb bimbo like you?"
Ouch. Bloom barely suppressed a wince as Rosetta leapt at the offender, screeching like a pterodactyl. The Laytonites struggled to compose their rabid president.
"Miss Stone, that's enough—!" Hannah's protests went ignored when the fan clubs broke out into scuffles.
Through the commotion, a girl wearing a blue jacket, brown shorts and blue knee length socks snuck up to the podium. "E-excuse me!"
The Groskettes and the Laytonites turned to the stranger in confusion. Hannah said, "I've never seen you before, so are you a Laytonite...?"
The girl in blue shook her head. "I'm neither Groskette nor Laytonite. Please can we just take a moment to talk about how perfect Clive Dove is?"
She even had Bloom's contemplation now. "The terrorist who tried to level London...?"
Beaming, she nodded eagerly. "I know he was insane and evil for a while, but he really has got a good heart, and he's quite handsome, and I feel that if he just had someone to love him—"
"I think you're in the wrong office, sweetie," Hannah interrupted. "There's a Clive vs. Randall meeting just down the hall..."
"But don't you think that Clivey is just a poor, tortured soul—?"
"GET OUT!" The Groskettes and the Laytonites yelled together. The Clive fangirl burst into tears and scurried away.
A Grosky-lover muttered, "Talk about obsessed."
"I know, right?" Rosetta agreed.
The fan clubs immediately continued feuding over Grosky and Layton.
"Order," Hannah tried to raise her voice. "Order everyone!"
Wielding a razor, one Laytonite declared, "We should hunt down Inspector Grosky and shave his chest hair!"
"OH HELL NO!" Hannah shouted. All dignity abandoned, she also dived into the fray.
They were completely out of control. Bloom had had enough.
Suddenly, there was a high pitched sound from the microphone. The fans stopped fighting to cover their ears.
"Like, what the hell?" Rosetta growled when they all saw Bloom holding the microphone. "Are you trying to deafen us or something?"
Hannah snapped, "Yeah! What the hell, Bloom?"
"Silence, all of you," Bloom commanded; his quiet confidence and decorum captured the entire room's attention. "I equally despise Professor Layton and Inspector Grosky, but I can clearly see they are both skilled investigators in their own right. Layton possesses keen intelligence, yet he lacks Grosky's strength—"
"Don't forget Grosky's abs of steel!"
Bloom rolled his eyes. "Thank you, Hannah... My point is your squabbling is a waste of time, effort and oxygen. You should all just shake hands and respect each other's opinions."
A Laytonite cocked his head to side as if he'd never heard of such a concept. "Res-pect?"
"Yes, respect. Meeting adjourned. Now clear out of my office, the lot of you."
Grudgingly, the Groskettes and the Laytonites muttered half-hearted apologises to each other and filed out of the office. The fan clubs had come to a truce– at least for the time being. Though, surely it wouldn't be long before they resumed squabbling over a trivial something. Like whether Layton had more style than Grosky, or who was more athletic, or who had better shaped buttocks...
Hannah fixed her hat (That Rosetta girl had nearly dented it!) and sighed to Bloom, "I apologise, I never imagined things would get so out of hand..." She shuddered. "It's lucky we didn't get on to the subject of shipping."
"I don't even want to know what that is," Bloom replied apathetically as he sat at his desk, sorting through paperwork. "Hopefully in future you won't hold your deranged fan club meetings here."
"It's a shame— you would make a great orator for the Groskettes..." Hannah clasped her hands under her chin. "Did you really mean what you said about Grosky's strength?"
"No."